I have 4 kids and after our last(almost 5yo) my husband and I decided that we should stop so I had my tubes tied.... I always thought that was the right decision but here lately I find myself wanting another child. I know I can't have one but I want another one. I have ALWAYS wanted to adopt. I've tried to get hubby to go through the foster to adopt program. He won't budge and I'm not going to push and I don't want him to know I feel like this. Two of my friends are going through the foster to adopt program. One of them is at the adopting phase the other is waiting for the father's rights to be terminated and then there is the 6 months waiting period after that. They go through a LOT with visits with parents and other stuff but I WANT to adopt a child. I can't shake this. Maybe I'm just being nutty but I've always felt like someone was missing.. Crazy huh??? Maybe this will pass. I hope so because I don't see hubby giving in and this is something I don't want to nag him about.
I am all set to foster-adopt now, but DH wants to wait another three years. I will be praying that either God fills that baby shaped hole in your heart by some other means or that He changes your husband's heart.
We adopted 4 of our foster children and several friends decided to foster or adopt after meeting our kids and being around them. Maybe visiting your friends who are fostering to adopt would help your husband get on board. I know one reason some people say they won't adopt foster children is because they are afraid they will get attached and then the kids will be moved back to birth families. I try to explain that the goal of foster care IS to put kids back with birth parents. It is very hard to see them go back sometimes, but that is the way foster care at it's best works. Not all kids will be able to go back home and when that happens they need a forever family. It is hard waiting for TPR, but I always considered it like labor pains. It hurt but it will eventually be over. Best of luck to you and all who are interested in adoption through foster care.
My sister felt the same way after she delivered #3 and had her tubes tied. She sort of felt pressured to have them tied due to some previous pregnancy complications and her OB, my mom, etc. Within a year, she knew that she wanted another baby. She just delivered #4 via in vitro. They decided to give it one try. If it worked, it was meant to be.....if not, it wasn't meant to be sort of thing. Fortunately, my sister is a nurse (although not working) and evidentally, you get a discount. Now that #4 is here, she says she's done :lol: If it wasn't so expensive, I bet she'd try again :lol: I don't think she's pondered adoption at this point with a newborn. I'm sure the ladies here will be able to offer some great advice. Just wanted you to know that you are definitely not the first momma to tie her tubes and then want more kiddos. I'm a personal example of a tubal who did it and am so glad but my sister is just the opposite. Rhonda
I'm starting to think we're doomed to want babies until we croak. I have had 3 miscarriages, my last pregancy w/ my son I lost his twin and had a tube removed WHILE still pregnant w/ the tadpole. My hubby is 40, between the 2 of us we've got 4...so mere months after son was born he had snippy snippy. I find myself reading incidents where women still got pregnant after their men got snipped just in case MAYBE. I've brought up adoption/foster, he just throws his head back and laughs. Are we doomed to baby wish forever?!!??? I love the idea of taking your hubby around the foster family...let him get the taste and desire you have. Good luck!!
FYI, there are adoption grants available to couples who might want to adopt through an agency. Perhaps DH would be more willing to go for a straight adoption than to foster/adopt. It's still a service, just not the same kind.
Even though I had a hysterectomy last summer due to severe prolapse, I still have dreams that God has healed my body, restored me to a "whole" state, and that I'm pregnant. Apparently, even without a uterus, baby fever can hit hard! Dd9 keeps asking us to adopt a little girl so she can have a sister. Don't ever see dh going along with that idea. He was done after number 2.
When I was teaching it worked out really well that my cousin had a job that she could watch the baby for me. She didn't charge me because she said I'm having such baby fever & this helps feed the need!!! It worked out well for both of us!!!
Actually, I'm DONE!!! That's why I got "fixed" rather than hubby because he's from a large family and would have had more but conceded that he was willing to have as many as I was willing to raise by myself (since as a career Army officer he's been gone more than he's been home their whole lives). Once our DS got here safe and sound....I was done. Since I was the one who didn't want to physically birth anymore kiddos (and because hubby was in Saudi Arabia), I had my tubes tied. And if something ever happened to me, he can still have more kiddos if he wanted. I have lots of friends (including my sister I mentioned above) though that have entire "teams" and its wonderful for their families. I'm just really enjoying the next stage of our kids lives. Mine are 10, 8 and almost 6. We don't have to worry about strollers, bottles, sippy cups, diapers, potty training, etc. I loved the baby stage but I'm loving this next stage as well. I have two Army friends that both adopted from Guatemala successfully. Cutest little boys. Rhonda
I volunteer to help in the nursery and the toddler room at co-op. This helps relieve the mom's for a while and reminds me why I'm so glad to be at the next stage. I love those little kids but after 2 hours, I'm ready for my big kids.:lol:
To me it's natural...."baby fever" I think it's natural to have "baby fever" on occasion? As a mother, whose heart doesn't melt when they see another precious baby when out grocery shopping or when a neighbor or friend has another one. I know mine does. I think sometimes how nice it would be to just hold another baby close and take in how they smell or the bonding that you feel if you are able to nurse your baby. But then I realize that I can't keep having babies forever. So, I remind myself of how each age and stage is special, and I watch them grow into the next age and stage and I enjoy and savor each one, always looking forward to what is coming next. Right now though, I can't wait to be past the potty training stage. We're getting there slow but sure. lol God also knows my mental limits and 3 children pushes that limit...lol :lol: I know with the whole homeschooling decision in our family. We spent years in prayer about it before we made a final decision. I needed to know it wasn't a passing whim of mine, but an actual calling or passion from God. Prayer is SO powerful. So, I'll be praying that you are filled with peace as you and dh make a decision regarding adopting.
I have a friend who said that Guatemala has just about shut its doors to adoptions. She said she had some friends in the process & aren't sure if they'll get their child. That would just be AWFUL!!
I talked to dh about it about 5 years ago and he said, no way, he is too old and he didn't want me to go through what I had to go through to have our boys. That conversation ended as quickly as it started. He dug his heels in the ground and the topic was over! His niece came to visit and he really enjoyed playing with her son, he always seems to hog her son from everyone. :lol: I used to think about it but don't any more. :cry:
I have to agree with Rhonda on this one. I am done. I watch neighbors babies for them when I can, but I have never got the blues yet. My baby just turned 3. I think if our life was a bit more settled maybe. My dh is the one around here who gets the baby bug. He told me if it was possible for him to have half of them we would have a dozen. I am just loving watching our girls grow. Every age and stage is amazing to me.
Yeah, my hubby said he wanted more but in reality he sometimes can't handle the 3 we have and they're all good kids...just 100% kid He's one of 6 himself. I think he's happy that we stopped at 3 although I know he would have liked 2 girls AND 2 boys (as if I could guarantee that :lol
That would be terrible. I know that the last friend who did it had to jump through some hoops at the last minute.
Actually I wanted a whole litter of kids, 10! My dh's family is huge and I just loved seeing his mom interact with her many kids. :love:
My DH desperately wants more children. I don't want any more babies. I like that we're finally at a place in our lives where we can do so much we wouldn't be able to do with an infant. So we've compromised: DH wants our children to always be the oldest (don't ask...:roll: ), so in about 2 more years we'll start fostering kids who are 2-4 years old. As our kids grow we'll expand that range to include older kids. We'll likely adopt a few along the way.
We made the decision not to have during my 4th pregnancy. DH had a vasectomy. It is a decsion we now regret. We'd both love to have another baby. I know that God can perform miracles, but I also know there are consequnces for our actions. I'd love it if He'd give me a miracle! Dh and I would be open to adoption. We'd have to get grants though. There is no way we could afford thousands of dollars in adoption fees. I've also heard that Guatemala has shut its doors to adoption. It was such a booming business that people were stealing babies to put up for adoption.
