So tired of replacing things (vent)

I am so tired of replacing things. We have to get dd a new bed. We had to throw out her mattress because it was disgusting. We had tried keeping plastic sheets on it until we could afford a new one, but she kept shredding the sheets. so, we tossed it. Then we bought her an nice air mattress, figuring that would work until we could afford a new mattress. She popped it within a week. So, now we need to get her a new bed. We also need to replace ds's bed frame, because of the kids. It was one of those ones with drawers under it to store stuff. We just had to buy a new A/C. We have central A/C, but it doesn't do any good upstairs. So, we bought a window unit last year for the upstairs hallway. Well, you can't do much with it without the remote, and the kids got hold of the remote & tossed it in the garbage (on garbage day, and told us about it after garbage got picked up). I tried contacting the company to see if we could get another remote, but they haven't contacted me back. Since it was 90 upstairs, we decided we couldn't wait any longer & bought a new A/C. We have to replace out furnace, because it's really old & has holes. So, the pilot gets blown out constantly. The other day, we got a letter from the library telling us that dd has a fine of almost $300 on her card, because she drew all over a bunch of books & they had to replace them (she's 10, she should know better). So, now we get to pay that, too. She'll be doing extra chores for a while to earn the money to pay us back for that.
Dd broke her desk, so we have to figure out how to fix it. They've peeled paint in almost every room of the house (I'm so glad I spent over a month painting before we moved in). They've made holes in their bedroom walls around the vent covers, which no longer stay by themselves. We have to keep locks on their closet, our bedroom, the fridge, freezer, pantry, and the school cabinet (which also holds all computer paper & notebooks), so they have to ask before getting anything, because they kept stealing stuff. They are quite possibly the most destructive children ever.
Monday, I started thinking about all of the things we've already replaced or have to replace & how much money is being wasted on replacing this stuff. The furnace isn't their fault, but pretty much all the rest of it is. Then yesterday, I got the chance to get a new dining room set (which we need), including a bakers rack, plus a really nice set of porcelain enamled cast iron cookware for more than $600 less than it would usually cost (all of it is brand new). I really want to get this stuff, but before we can we have to take care of a lot of the stuff around here that the kids have destroyed. I'm just tired of everything that I want being put on the back burner so we can replace stuff that the kids have ruined. It wouldn't be a big deal if they destroyed their toys. Then, we wouldn't replace them & would just let them live with the consequences. But, they keep destroying big important stuff, stuff that has to be replaced or fixed.
They both have combination type ADHD, so neither one has any impulse control. Plus, dd has ODD. I know this stuff comes with the territory, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Sorry, I'm just very frustrated right now, and really, really needed to vent. Thanks for listening (well, reading).

 

meant to be helpful but not taken that way

 

Yes we have monster kids here too......... called I didn't do it and it wasn't me!!

the kids had nice dressers, but used the drawers as ladders, so they broke. (several of them)

ohhhh and thats not even the begining........

 

Yeah, they really aren't allowed to get much of anything without permission (or one of us getting it for them). Like I said, we have locks on just about everything. Most of their toys are in their closet, which is locked. So, they can't get them to play with unless we agree. Then, they have to be put away before anything else is pulled out. I also need to lock the Arts & Crafts room now, too. Yesterday, I found a pair of my scissors & a stack of construction paper in their desks. We're thinking of just turning the handle around on that door (it's a really nice door & I don't want to ruin it with more locks). Library books are now kept where they can't get them & they can only use them if I get them for them & while they are in sight of either dh or me.
As for the library fine, they won't let her work it off there. So, she's going to work it off here. She'll be assigned extra chores like mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, scrubbing floors, etc to earn extra allowance. Until she's paid us back every cent, all of her allowance will go to us. I'm also going to see if anyone else in my family has extra chores that she can do to earn money. I figure maybe if she has to work hard to earn the money, and then has to hand it over to us, it might get through to her.
She's been sleeping on blankets on the floor for a few months (since she pooped the air mattress), but I want to get her a bed before it gets cold. Their bedrooms are upstairs. The upstairs is converted attic space and poorly insulated. We're working on reinsulating (a long process due to the hours my dh is working), but even then the floors will still be really cold. I don't want her sleeping on a cold hard floor (we had to tear the carpet out upstairs when we moved in) in winter. So, we're getting her a bed.
Her therapist thinks that most of this bad behavior is because she's jealous of her little brother & because she needs more structured socialization with her peers. I don't completely buy into that, but we're going to get her into something like martial arts. I've been thinking about getting her into martial arts anyway, because it will help with self-control & self-discipline. I've heard it's really good for kids with ADHD. So, we're going to give it a shot. I figure it fits what the therapist wants, plus has other advantages.

 

We've already had to get rid of 3 or 4 dressers. That's why their dressers are in the closet where they can't get to them now.
My kids keep telling me that it's ghosts or people breaking in that do everything around here. My ds still sticks by the story that someone broke in to steal the remote to the A/C.

 

You sure do have it together- I respect all of the extra effort you have to put in to raise your children. I hope this will teach her what she needs to know to become a responsible adult.

 

well we aren't all blessed with that child rearing handbook you must have, when my kids were born they just handed us the bill.


sorry for the sarcasim, I just feel that if we come here to "VENT" not to be critisized, If your children are just that well behaved, maybe you should write a book.

 

wow sounds like they are a handful. Sounds like you are doing everything you can. Maybe stomp on the rules a little harder and stonger.

For the bed check craigslist or freecycle or something don't buy anything new if they are going to ruin it for you. Maybe tell them if they can be nice to this for this long then we will up grade it.

Sounds to me like they need more chores or something to keep there little smart minds busy. Sound like you have some smart little ones and theres not enough for them to do.

 

I didn't mean that at all. I meant very sincerely that I respect all she has done and has to do. Her days sound laong and hard and I was trying to express that I truly appreciated it.

 

loreal: I'm sorry I took your words wrong, But I really could relate for my DH and I had just been going over all the things we had (or have to) replace because the kids aren't as careful with things because they don't have to pay for them......... and trust me I've given every lecture I can think of to try to teach responsibility.......... its just a frustraiting matter. Sometimes I feel like a failure of a mother because I can't get through to them about how important it is to take care of "stuff"------ yet I know they aren't "bad" children, just magnified a bit since we have 4 all so close in age.

 

You came to the right place to vent, most of us have been there at one time or another.

You're a great mom, give yourself a break.

I don't have any words of wisdom, just a big {{{{ }}}}

 

I think responsibility comes with maturity. Sounds like you have great kids!

It always feels different when you buy something yourself than if your parents buy it for you.

You aren't a failure!

 

I'm not sure I'd look into martial arts for dd. I'd find a group thing where she can run off a bunch of energy and meet other kids at the same time. I believe I read such advice when my son was diagnosed with ADD back in the day.

 

My cousin was 'ADD' and took karate.
Around here I have Mr. Nobody.

 

My sister has a special needs child who has a lot of energy that needs corraled.

He is in a martial arts day camp program this summer. He is getting a lot of positive behaviour training as a part of that. He now says yes sir, and yes mam as habit as well as other good manners because it is part of the program and he cannot do the fun stuff without it. He is getting alot of male leadership which is great at his age.

Marial arts done properly is a great way to learn personal discipline while releasing stress, and burning up energy.


I am confused on one thing I read above. You have kids who you cannot trust with scissors and construciton paper but you let them mow the lawn? :shock::?:

It seems that you have alot of trouble with the kids. I would ask the therapist if you could sort of hit the reset button and reapproach the whole thing from the start. Perhaps you all could pinpiont some family dynamics that need ajusted, or ways to adjust the environment, or who knows something that could make things better.

I will be praying that you will have the Wisdom of God poured out upon you, and that His Strength, Comfort and Joy will fill you and yours.

 

My thinking with karate is, there's so much discipline and it's expected almost on the spot. My Jeannie is in karate, but my Kevin, at that age, wouldn't have made it through the second class. I'm just running my chops based on what I went through with my son, and hate to see another kid suffer like he did. I hope karate is the answer to your problems.

 

Thank you. They are both really smart, which is part of the problem. My ds has always had great problem solving abilities, which makes it difficult to keep him out of things sometimes. I just wish dd would focus her intelligence more on school & less on things she shouldn't be doing. We have tons of stuff for them to do. They've each got their own bookcase full of books (plus the 5 large bookcases in the living room & dining room), we've got lots of arts & crafts stuff, toys, games, puzzles, etc. The only problem is that they get bored with things so quickly. They'll ask if they can draw, then after 10 min get tired of drawing on paper & start drawing on walls instead.

 

Thank you very much. Sometimes it's hard for me to see that I'm doing a good job & need to have it pointed out. It's just hard to see the good things I do as a mom when I seem to make so many mistakes.

 

I know what you mean about feeling like a failure as a mom. My dh & I just had a talk about that last night. I was looking over some of dd's schoolwork & getting really frustrated with the amny mistakes in her work that were due to simply not trying. I was starting to question if I was doing her any good by homeschooling. When you spend all day trying to do what you think is best for your kids and they spend the day fighting you on everything & destroying half your house, it's easy to feel like you're failing them somewhere. I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job with them though. Sometimes we all just need a little encouragement and maybe some help looking at it from a different perspective so we can see all the good we are doing for them. That's one of the things I love about this place. You're all so good at making me feel better & being supportive & encouraging.