Need lots of help for a 3rd birthday....lots of problems

So first let me say that DD's 3rd birthday is January 27th. I know there are 6 months to go but I've started to plan. My first problem is with my family. My father comes from a family of 5 siblings + a foster family with 5 siblings. My mother is an only child but my grandmother is one of five siblings.

So how do I have a birthday party for a 3 year old who has no friends and lots and lots of family members? I can't invite one with out the others.

My mom has told me it is a stupid idea but I would rather guests to bring a donation of a book or board game for children's hospital instead of gifts or even bring nothing at all. Our daughter has enough and even though my mother knows this she still told me "Well I'll be bringing her gifts." Which I responded, "she will open it after the party then and she doesn't need more then one." I figure my parents will give her 1 gift and we will giving her 1 gift. Since her bday is only a month after xmas and she has gift overload. :evil:

We've choosen a theme it is based on an Anime my daughter loves My neighbor totoro. We've changed it from Sesame Street theme.

We were just going to do cupcakes, finger foods, and pizza from little ceasars, juice, water, tea (sweetened and un) My mom went "uhn I guess" :evil:

So how do I throw a party for 60+ people (6 kids)?
How do I address the issue of no presents?
How do I address the issue of my mother?


Oh yeah and there is going to be some totes sitting outside the door for the donations so that way their isn't a table of goodies for my daughter to gawk at. Sorry for the rant but I don't know what to do....

 

well I have two dd's who birthdays are in Dec. what we did when the girls were younger is always had a birthday party with everyone we invited alot of adults always got a big subway sandwich and cake, had Santa every year come and the kids play.
everyone brought a gift to give to the needy, if they really wanted to give the girls a gift they could but they didn't have too. We always ended up with a box of gift the girls gave to the needy it was so much fun and they never missed the present because we always had something for Santa to give to them and they were happy with that. They never knew for years that the other people were suppose to give them gifts they thought, they were suppose to give to the needy...
Tell your mother I am sure she knows you are traveling and have no room for everything what about a saving bonds or if she wants to give a gift let her... so what. On the invites just write.. this year since we are planning on traveling we don't need all the gifts we decide if everyone could please bring a book for a local hosiptal or something on that line, when the party is over my dd and I will take all the books to the place we choose to dontation them too. thanks alot hope to see you there.

 

It's not a gift my mother wants to give her it is several gifts 6+. My daughter doesn't need that many. My mother knows we are going to be traveling and she keeps buying stuff. It's so bad that we are full in the home and her house is full, living room and a bedroom. We did a yard sale and my mom was ticked that we were selling some infant things that my daughter had grown out of within her first 6 months of life. She constantly complains our house is too cluttered but when we started doing yard sales and making money towards our trip she got mad and started bring more and more stuff over, or sending home stuff with our daughter. It's getting bad.

We figure that if people want to personally contact us about giving a gift then that is fine we can set aside a time after the party for the gift giving and special time between that family member and our daughter.

My mother wants to be the best of the best. Our daughters 2nd was upstaged by my parents. They didn't listen to what we have requested and bought her her first tricycle. Then later after the party as if they didn't upstage us enough they came back with a toddler bed and cars bedding set, this was after we had already got her a toddler bed. And of course our daughter wants the cars one instead of the basic wood one we bought, so we sold the one we bought. It's on going and I understand that they are grandparents who love to spoil but they are constantly doing her firsts without us.

So I'm trying really hard to not have my mother take over the party and outstage everyone including the birthday girl.

 

I would suggest not pushing the gift issue with your mom. Sometimes grandma's just wanna spoil them ya know? I say let the gramma spoil her with a few gifts whether she needs them or not and let everyone else bring a gift to donate. By the way I think that is an awesome idea! On the other issues though I wouldn't let your mom run things. It isnt her party to run. Stick to your guns and run this party how you and your dh want to do it and like water on a ducks back let all the negative just roll right off. But I would give in on the gifts from gramma issue. That is just me.

 

I cannot let my mom spoil her like this. No good has ever come from spoiling a child. Besides we are planning on leaving June 1st that means that those gifts will most likely be gone by then. I don't want to have to listen to my daughter whine about something she hasn't played with in 3 months when I go to get rid of it.

Not to mention less then a month earlier she will be getting the 20+ gifts that my mom has already purchased. Plus what we will be getting her which isn't much because she doesn't need that much.

 

Oh wait! You are going to be rving??? Is that right? Did I read that in another thread or am I crazy? If that is the case then please forget anything I said! lol! That would just be another reason not to get a bunch of "stuff". Where in the world would you put it right? Sorry!

 

I used to get so extremely frustrated with the gift issue also. I had to do some real soul searching.

First, I had to decide what was more important, a stupid gift or a relationship with, in my case, my in- laws. I decided that allowing a power struggle over the gifts was MY making the gifts have way too much importance rather then accepting them graciously and choosing what to do with them or past gifts on my own time. Lots of places could use donations of nice toys not just the ones that have already been well used. Perhaps you could try to move the gift giving part along so that you don't have to unwrap all the packaging and are able to donate unopened gifts.


I always wanted to raise my children perfectly (or at least to the best of my ability) and like you I was very very worried about spoiling them. I now understand that a child has a sin nature, they don't need to be spoiled to exhibit it. Blessing a child with gifts is not spoiling them. Allowing them to get away with things and not checking heart attitudes is. If we teach them that people are more important then things we will bless them in all their future relationships. If we teach them to be grateful in a little or a lot then we are preparing them for being grateful for the lavishness of God's love.

I understand the not needing or wanting a bunch of stuff. I remember receiving tons of gifts for my son including a huge exercise ball when I only had a small one bedroom 500 square foot apartment. :roll: I was slightly annoyed. LOL But life goes on and the ball is gone. SHHHHHH

One idea is to ask if the gifts could be kept at her house for when you visit with the exception of something small that would keep her busy in the R.V. Another option is to wait until the party is over. Ask your daughter what she wants in the R.V. with her and don't even bother to put everything away. Ask her what she would like to bless another little child with who might not have such wonderfully giving grandparents.

 

I also donate tons of things my kids have gotten but don't need. We take them to the local women and children's shelter. They house about 60 women and children and also run two resale shops with the proceeds going to finance the shelter. Just a thought.

 

I think it is wrong to give a child a gift then make them give it up. Not to mention the power struggle with my child when the time comes to give it up. My mother who herself had a child should understand this. She does keep the gifts at her house. That is why my daughters things are taking over the living room and a bedroom. My daughter spend one night there a week.

For xmas last year my dad hunted down and shelled out 60 bucks for the new elmo doll. You remember how cute it was? Well my daughter loved it in the store my dad bought it and it has been sitting since she has played with it maybe three times.

I did tell my mother that she could open the gifts after the party when she was having one on one time with her. She was not happy with that, she wants people to see how much she loves her through gift giving. That is not a good enough reason for me. Not to mention if I allowed gift giving there would be a grand total of 54 gifts. That is uncalled for. I want my mother to learn that all Sophie needs is love not toys out the bum.

We are giving a donation to a charity but they will not be wrapped, just left in a tote by the front door for guests to drop them in. The next day we will drop them off at childrens hospital.

frogger: I know it is just a gift but my mother doesn't live with her 24/7 so she has no idea what is like to have to listen to her whine and cry because we have to weed out her toys. So instead of listening to my daughter cry because over a toy she never played with I prefer that the gift quantity be kept small and the money be put toward doantions or college funds.

Not to mention we are moving into an RV next year so our 857 sq ft house will be down to about 200-300sq ft. We have no need for all that extra stuff.

 

I haven't read everything so maybe this has been said or won't work! My mom also likes to spend a lot of money on gifts when we don't need the stuff. I've started to ask her to get memberships to places- the zoo, local museums, etc. It is something we want and will use a LOT but we just don't have the extra money for it. She will get a membership and then something small for the child to open. It makes both of us happy!

 

well to me it sounds like our mother is trying to make up for something. What I don't know.
But, if you all are going to RV what I would do is let her spoil your dd and when it came time to leave let dd pick some toys out and donate the others.
I know we been there and done it and it's not as bad as you think, you dd will understand yes she might be upset at first but if you make a big deal out of it and say look all the other kids in the world who don't have money will now have this toy to play with thanks to you.
My dd's were so proud they could help others they wanted to give up everything after that, we had to say hay no we have room for that you will need it.
I think you need to pick your battles and be strong and say hay this is the way it's going to be..

 

Kris when we donate Grace's older toys I always explain to her that there are some kids that don't have these things. Most recently it was Polly Pockets. She has a ton of them and I told her some little girls don't have any Pollys and they would love to get some and how nice it is to share and help others. So it can be a learning experience at the same time. I still personally don't see anything wrong with a grandparent wanting to buy gifts for the grandchild though. I think if i was a grandma I would be hurt to be told I couldn't buy my grandchild things.

 

Oh Tiffany, that is what I said if the Grandma wants to buy let her buy then donate toys later.....yes there is nothing wrong with Grandparents wanting to buy...

 

Is there a reason why you feel you need to have a party at all? Usually at these younger ages, the party seems to be more about the parents than the child, who isn't apt to really appreciate the effort, let alone remember it years from now.

We used to do big birthday parties and have now opted out. We choose instead to do something special together as a family. We choose some 'bigger' family activities and let the child decide where we go, what we do, what we eat.

 

You can always write this on the invitation:

In lieu of gifts, please make a donation to blah-blah-blablah!.

 

I want to do a big party because we will be leaving and for the first year + will not be seeing any family what so ever. It is mainly just a gathering with a donation. Yes it happens to be our DD's bday and she probably wont remember it but it is still a good idea to see everyone and spend some quality time as a family.

I never said there is anything wrong with my mother buying a gift or two but she is down right spoiling her. My DD expects a gift every week now because my mother buys her a gift every week. This is uncalled for. Last week was a doll and a stuffed crab. The week before that it was a dvd, which DD doesn't like to watch and crys at. So my problem is why can't she just give the gift of her time and love? That is all I got growing up by my parents and grandparents.

MY big irk is that my mother doesn't respect our rules at all. Bedtime is at 7, DD stays up till 10. I say we are going to buy the first tricycle, they do and she still can't ride it because she is too short so it sits in the house. We wanted to to take her on her first "trip" my parents try to sweet talk us to taking her out of state. Since they've started summer matinees at the local movie theater I've had to remind them weekly that we want to take her to her first movie, which my mom says "Oh if you insist you need to but I think it would be better with us." I don't care my child my 13 hour labor my decision.

My mom is the type to be "supportive" to your face then do everything to make it not work for you. She has the attitude that she will not let us take her on our trip. That we are not providing a stable life for her because she wont be in a public school where she can monitor DD. She's even thrown in "what would children services think about this situation?"

I try to include her, I've try to ingnore her, nothing works, it is a lose lose situation because my mom has mental issues and I know this so she gets kind of wonky sometimes. But this is rediculous, I don't know what she is trying to prove but my daughter is not the way to do it.

 

well I might be reading this wrong if I am I am sorry and please feel free to correct me if I did.
But, it sounds to me like your mother is trying to raise your dd as her own.
Maybe it's time for dh to step in and talk to MIL nicely about how he wants his dd to be rasied.
Because it doesn't seem to help when you talk to her.
I think its great she is wanting to give your dd gift but hay not everything.
Don't tell her everything either. Just do it then tell her.

 

This is not MIL this is MY mother.

 

have you ever just thought of having a half birthday...... winter babies never get to have an outside party much anyway........ solves half your problem........don't make so many plans........ people like to do gifts for birthdays....... if you decide to do a "donation party" do an animal shelter..... can't confuse those 2 things!

 

I generally do not do parties. At 3 yrs old, none of my children had a party. I feel the same way about the present thing. So, we did a party with just us. We would go places or do things and have cake and so on. We would go visit the grandparents on the birthday, but it would not be made in to a huge, invite a million people type thing. This might be your solution. I would not even want to pay for cake for that many people.