My mom called yesterday to find out how to watch movies via Netflix on my sister's Wii. She was trying to put something on for my niece and nephew. I explained, and she said she'd call if she couldn't figure it out. I joked that my nephew could probably just do it for her. At which point she informed me that my sister has expressly forbidden the twins from touching the television in ANY capacity, to the point that she scratched off the labels for the buttons and covers them when she turns it off/on, changes the channel, or changes the volume. When I asked my mom why my sister would do such a thing, she said the twins are "just too young" to know how to work the TV. They're 7. I keep hearing this 'rationale' from other parents, too. My friend won't let her 9 year-old son choose his own clothing, or even help her choose, because he's "just too young" to pick. My cousin won't let her 6 year-old get water from the fridge dispenser. I asked if she was afraid of a water mess. Nope. Apparently, 6 is "just too young" to get one's own water. I could go on an on with examples. Am I the crazy one? If my boys are capable of doing something, I tend to let them (within reason, of course). I guess I never thought to enable helplessness due to arbitrary age. I don't see a reason to force them to rely on me for everything. Am I wrong? Please set me straight here because I really can't wrap my mind around this and am having a crisis of confidence.
Wow, I completely agree with YOU on this and your *theory* (If they are capable & it's within reason). Obviously these people received a different parenting manual than we did. lol
I was more like your sister and cousin with my second one, more am I sorry. He depended on me for everything and got very lazy. He is growing out of this and I grew out of it before my last two came along, thank the Lord. I let them doing anything they think they can. I totally agree with you Amie.
I'm with you Amie! If my boys are capable, I let them do it. If they need a little help to do it, I help.
Wow. Indepedence and being able to rely on one's own abilities is a necessity in life. I think if they can then they aren't too young. My seven year old can read and use the satellite. However he knows too that if he chooses a show that is what I call 'grown up tv' then likely I will switch the station. He has no interest in anything right now other then cartoons and learning shows so it's ok with me. And my daughter is too young since she can't read at five. However she knows how to turn it on. And I let her because I set it to their stations when I shut it off. I encourage more independence and they grow confidence out of knowing how to do things for themselves. No one wants to feel like a baby forever!
Um, I think I'm a mixed bag here. (FWIW, my kids are 7, 5, and 3, birthdays in 2-3 months) My kids choose their own clothes each morning. It's only within the last year - while I have a 7-almost-8yo, his younger brothers would dump ALL clothes out of all the drawers. So, they've been kept locked until the youngest outgrew the charm of that particular activity. But now, even the 3yo chooses his clothes and dresses himself. Only sometimes on Sundays before church, DH & I have to make "editorial corrections" to their choices. Otherwise, they choose it, they wear it. My children do NOT get to choose what to watch on TV. They can make requests, but DH or I have to okay it. The 7yo can work the remotes, but has only been allowed to this year. I simply don't believe children have the perspective to make healthy choices about what to watch on TV (including commercials), or how much time to spend watching TV. Or what's worth walking away for. The kids can run the game consoles independently, quite effective, but mayn't without permission. Same with computers. The only one that worries me is that our kids don't really know how to use a phone. Honestly, there's not much reason for kids their age to talk on the phone. Friends? I'd much rather they play in person. They have one distant grandparent with whom they speak weekly, but they pass the phone around and don't dial or hang up (at least, not on purpose). This worries me - we have actually practiced how to use a phone, how to dial 911 (on a giant paper phone I made), WHEN to dial 911... OTOH...my children know how to cross a street (not so much the 3yo). They know where the nearest neighbors are to go to for help. If there were a terrible situation and somehow no neighbors at all were home, I am confident they could walk to the library or post office, where someone is always there during business hours. My kids pick up ALL their toys. Period. I know neighbors and friends who don't do that. When I have commented a bad day will take my kids over an hour to pick up their toys, I've had friends say, drop them off here so you can get it done faster. Um, NO. THEIR toys. THEY pick them up. My kids know that if *I* have to pick them up, it will be the last time ever. I am too busy meeting *my* responsibilities to meet *theirs* also. And...my kids have been helping themselves to water from the fridge door since they could reach it. That's why I keep the cups in a low cupboard. Perhaps, it all comes down to what each child/household is "old enough" for.
For the record, while all three of my 'older' boys (8, 6, & 4) are fluent in the use of the television and Netflix (through the Wii), they are absolutely not in control of what or how much time they spend doing so. If it's TV time, they each get one turn to choose a show. Whoever's turn it is gets control of the remote (or Wiimote, as the case may be). The only TV they have access to is in the living room. BUT... if they need to turn it down or up, they can. They can turn it on, off, change the channel, etc. They also know to ask if they want to watch something they've never seen before.
Uh just a footnote here as well. Both of my kids watch only one to three shows a week. I encourage active play before tv anyway.
There must be limits........ but there are cases where you have people going to the extream....... come on......whats next, not showing the kids how to properly use the shower knobs to take a shower or the dishwasher or washing machine at some point??
when something electronic goes wrong I always call for my 11 yo son first! I do not even know what remote control does the blue ray player
I'm all for letting them try things themselves. If they can do it, I don't have to! With my dd6, I let her where pretty much whatever around the house, but I give her a couple of choices if we're going out--her idea of matching isn't so good. My kids (even dd6) know more about operating the TV/Wii than I do. I'm not a tTV watcher, so I don't bother to figure it out.
My kids are all very VERY independent...sometimes so much so that we butt heads. All my kids can do the following, except my 19 month old: - get water out of the fridge door - fix pb&j sandwiches - pick out their own clothes (I try to make sure they match if we are going out, but really in the long run I don't care what they wear as long as it is clean) - shower themselves (sometimes my girls needs a little help getting the conditioner out) - my older 2 can make grilled cheese sandwiches and soup on the stove - follow simple recipies - do all dish parts (clear table, unload, load, wipe down table and counter, sweep and mop) We don't have a kids tv anymore since the bulb burnt out, so they haven't really watched anything for about 6 months unless we have a family movie night in my dh's office, BUT all the kids know how to work the remotes, turn the tv on and off etc. Even my 19month old can turn the tv on and off. I am all for letting my kids learn how to do everything they can because they more they can do, the less I have to do and with 5 kids and being pregnant I don't have the time or the energy to do everything!
Some people really take the "they're too young" thing to the extreme. My husband's cousin is a year older than our oldest daughter. Her parents were still wiping her after she went to the bathroom when she was 9. I was horrified, lol. We feel like it's our responsibility to teach our children how to do as much as possible. Whenever there's something we need to do around the house that the kids haven't done before, we get them to help out or do it, so they'll know how to do these things as adults. Our kids have replaced the kitchen faucet, put together a lawnmower, bookcases, and coffee tables, helped me take apart a couch and chair to reupholster, painted walls and helped plant our vegetable garden. They also have done pretty much every household chore imaginable at one time or another. We want them to be self-sufficient... especially since they are girls. These skills are just as important if not more important than any homeschool subject we might teach them. I do think that sometimes you really just don't realize how much your children are capable of doing. For example, with our oldest daughter... I never bought her crayons or anything to draw with until she was about 3. It never occurred to me that she might be interested in drawing at an earlier age. I was shocked when our 1 1/2 year old wanted to draw like her big sister. 1mom04... I'm so jealous you got a parenting manual! Mine must have gotten lost in the mail. It would have made things SOOOO much easier LOL
Ok, so I was talking with another friend about this last night, and she informed me that, in her assessment, the only reason I 'let' my children do so much for themselves is because I'm too lazy to do it myself. *sigh* She said parents are supposed to take care of our children and when we force our children to take care of themselves, we're shirking our responsibility. She said, "There is no Earthly reason why a four-year-old needs to pick out his own clothes. Other than that mom just doesn't feel like doing it for him."
WHAT? To me that is crazy. My 4.5 yo doesn't like me to pick out his clothes except on Sunday. I better stop right there before I say something I shouldn't. What did you say to her?
It was online so I didn't have to really respond. I made excuses based on my boys not liking it when I do everything for them. To which she responded that her kids don't like wearing coats, but she makes them anyhow. I didn't know what to say. I was already feeling out of sorts about this, like I said in the OP, so it just made me feel even guiltier for being a crappy/lazy parent.
At our house, it's always been more of a "just try to stop them"! My kids, and now my dgs, always took on whatever they thought they were big enough to do. As it is right now, I don't like that the 5yo dgs thinks he can pillage around in the refrigerator for whatever he wants, "air conditioning the whole house" with the refrigerator door hanging open! But he's big enough to "go put this" where ever it needs to be put, do all his own toileting (has been for quite a while!) and bathing/shampooing (we run his water, just for safety), choosing his own clothes (although we guide choices for church) and footwear to wear for the day (not what to buy at the store, yet), and to get out and pick up his own toys and books. At our house, he's not allowed yet to mess with the computer or tv/dvd/dvr, although he can turn them off when we're done. I strongly suspect his daddy doesn't let him mess with theirs at their house, either.
I agree. A parent who does every thing for a child - things that child is completely capable of doing him/herself does that child a disservice. IMNHO, it's the parent who does everything for a child who does a disservice, not a parent who encourages self-reliance.
ok...I'll make you feel better Amie....my 2 oldest more often than not, get the 2 yr old out of the crib in the morning and change his diaper before I am even out of bed. Am I a lazy parent? Read the Little House books and see how much Mary and Laura did in their early childhood. You will no longer feel guilty.
I don't believe allowing my children to do for themselves qualifies me as a lazy parent in any way. I personally feel that by allowing them to do waht they are capable of doing allows them to learn to be independent, which is ultimately on of our goals as mothers...we have to do our job so well that we aren't needed anymore I have had children in daycare who's parents did everything for them and let me tell you, those are the children that make childcare difficult. It got to the point that when we had one of those children in the daycare we would count the child as two because it was the only way to even out the workload.
