Growing up we had a rule in our house that I despised, it was: If my parent’s bedroom door was shut, we were not allowed to knock on it unless we needed to call 911. This rule was STRICTLY reinforced. I didn’t understand the rule and felt like I should have always been able to go to my parents. Now that I am grown up and have children of my own, I completely understand the rule, but do not have that rule in my house, but sometimes wish I did. So, what rules did you have growing up that you despised, but now understand them? Do you use them?
This isn't so much a 'rule' but... When I was growing up my mom would NEVER tell me what was for dinner. If I asked I got, "Food." I never could understand what the big deal was. Why was it so hard to just tell me what she was cooking? Well, I get it now. So if my boys ask what's for breakfast/lunch/dinner I answer, "You'll find out when it's on the plate in front of you!"
LOL, I had the whole "Food" thing too, growing up. I'd ask my mom or dad what would be for dinner and they would name some disgusting food like Kalamari on caviar, or tuna fish stew with rice and olives. lol. I answer my kids when they ask and if I hear complaining I just say, "You don't have to eat it." When I was a 16 my dad bought me a Razr phone for my birthday. They had just come out, and I desperately wanted the pink one. The rule when I got the phone was that when I was out and about, I had to CALL and tell them when I was leaving one area and where the next area was located. I thought I looked like such a dork always calling mom and dad to let them know that I was leaving WalMart and then going to the State Park, or I'm' leaving X's house, and taking Y to Z's house, and so on. So, I always thought I would text, it would be so much easier (and discreet). I got into serious trouble!!! Texts were cheaper, and easier, but mom and dad thought that it wasn't as safe as a phone call. I didn't get it then. I get it now. When my boys get older, a Text wont be sufficient either. I want to hear their voice on the phone. lol. Long way to go though for that rule!! lol
Rule: Having to wear a skirt to minor church activities. I fought that almost every time. Living in a fishbowl as a PK I know it would have reflected badly on them if I didn't dress like they wanted. I saw it as a meaningless because it wasn't about dressing nicely, but wearing one specific type of garment. Funny thing, they wouldn't have this rule now. My mother wears pants to church activities now. No, I don't have that rule. I rarely wear a dress or skirt to church either, but sometimes I will put my little girl in a dress.
The only rule I had growing up that I hated was that I had to do my morning chores BEFORE breakfast. I couldn't understand why I had to work first thing when I got up, it didn't take me that long to eat cereal. I still don't see what the importance was of that rule, and aside from giving the kitties food my boys are allowed to eat before they do their chores. Just as a note, I grew up on a goat farm so my morning chores included milking the goats, feeding and watering goats, dogs, and barn cats. I also had to change bedding for goats and dogs twice a week.
We had so many rules growing up, I couldn't possibly re-create them in my home! one of the ones I remember is that dinner time is sacred. No friends over, no tv, no missing family dinner time for any reason. I was actually forbidden from after school activities because it would interfere with dinner! My mom would unplug the phone so my friends couldn't call between 5:30 and 6:30. I actually thought this was in the Bible, it was so sacred in my family. Funny, later on researchers touted the family dinner as one of the most important ways to keep kids healthy and out of trouble! My mom was ahead of her time.
This is a big pet peeve of mine. I can't think or work well on an empty stomach. Your body needs fuel to accomplish these sorts of tasks, especially first thing in the morning. And anymore, I'm hearing more and more parents implement this rule. It's like they are holding the food for ransom: do your chores or you won't get to eat.
I didn't have any rules growing up. My parents were older and I was adopted and I really think to them it was too much trouble to parent me. Now that I have a family I am the total opposite. I could come into my parents room anytime of day or night. My kids can come in if the door is open but if it is closed they must knock and ask permission to enter. I left my plates on the table for my mom to clean, my children must clean up after themselves. When I go to my mothers house my kids clean the table and she can't believe it. She did nothing with me growing up. She slept all the time and couldn't be bothered.
Lets see...I'll go by the rules when I was a teenager, because quite frankly, I can't remember ALL the way back! Either that or we had no rules! LOL Eat all you dinner before you could have dessert...and we had dessert EVERY night. Sometimes dinner was really gross...but my stepmom would make sure dessert was EXTRA appealing those nights. LOL We do not follow that rule in our house - we do NOT have dessert every night. I have enough trouble getting dinner on the table!!! LOL
Me, too---but my mom made up crazy stuff, not normal rules-things like having to sign-in when you used the bathroom. Seriously, there was a sign-in sheet above the toilet. My twin and I ate together (my younger sis and parents ate together later), and we were not allowed to talk at the table or in the car or pretty much anywhere else my mom was. Nah... I'll never understand her rules, but it certainly gave me insight to the way I don't want to parent. I try to make sure rules serve a purpose-like making you a productive member of society.
Ok I just thought of one. We had to "clean out plates". Not wash them but eat everything on them. I do NOT enforce that rule here. I give the kids a normal portion of food and expect them to eat before they get anything for dessert but sometimes a person just isn't hungry and forcing them to eat it isn't right I don't think. My mother has a very unhealthy obsession with food and it is apparent to anyone who ever has a meal with her. I also don't make my kids eat things I know they don't like. I know for a fact that dd14 can't stand peas. Yes she has tried them but hates them to the point of gagging so I never make her eat them. My mother would make liver and onions and make us eat it and it was just nasty!
I know, it bothered me for YEARS! I don't do it to my boys, aside from feeding the kitties but that takes two seconds. Also I believe that this rule is largely responsible for the fact that I can not eat breakfast anymore, if I eat anything before 10 am it immediately comes right back up within 15 minutes. I refuse to do that to my children, so they get breakfast as soon as they are ready!
This is one thing I'm thankful my mother never did, her rule was simple if you didn't like what was served for supper then make your own! There were some nights that I didn't feel like eating what she made or didn't care for it. I ate leftovers or a sandwich on those nights. I do the same for my children now if you don't want to eat what I've cooked that is fine, but you will have to make your own meal and it can not be junk. Many nights they'll eat cereal or pb&j for supper and I'm ok with that. Actually I remember one night that hubby and the boys all had pb&j and I was the only one who ate what I cooked. I haven't made cabbage and noodles since...
The "Food" thing. I remember hearing Jacques Pepin's daughter say that was what she was told in their house. And, she was served WHATEVER he prepared, whether is was a fancy dinner for guests or a simple supper. He said that it was important to him and his wife that their daughter not develop notions that some food was better than others. In our house, we had to try a small sample (at least) of everything on the table, and eat it all. If we didn't...the plate went in the fridge and that's what we got for the next meal. And the next, until it was eaten. No microwaves then, and you only have "leftover" cereal once and you learn to choke whatever it is down. We don't do that in our house. You get what you get - we eat to live, not live to eat - but if they don't want it, that's okay. BUT - they don't get to eat something else. I figure, if they'll hungry they'll eat, and if they're not hungry enough to even eat a little, then they can make it to the next meal. At the next meal, they get served whatever the rest of us do. I really don't mind if they're not hungry and don't want to eat. But I'm not a restaurant, I don't take food orders.
AMEN! However, as someone else said, I don't intentionally make things I know my boys won't eat with no other options. And I don't force them to eat everything. But, like you, if you don't eat what I make, you don't eat. And if you leave anything on your plate, you don't get seconds of anything (so you can't just eat all your mac n cheese and get more and more without eating your meat and veggies). My mom used to make beans/peas nearly every night. I literally threw up while choking them down... every night. But I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I was finished. If I fell asleep at the table (which I did often), she'd keep waking me up. For as bad as this sounds, I was glad when I was about 9 and she got too ill to really even bother with dinner. She kept all sorts of stuff in the house that I could fix myself. And that's what I did until I moved out. Funny how now, though, as a grandparent, she got irritated with me for not allowing the boys to have more applesauce until they finished their carrots. :roll:
Family meal time is sacred in our home too. It's very important to my husband for everyone to sit at the table for supper and on weekends for all meals if possible. When I was a kid we all ate in front of the TV with trays. as for rules as a kid and now. hmm cant really think of any. I had it really easy since I was an only child. I didnt have to do much. My parents did all major cleanings on Saturday mornings. There were no outside activities until everything was done. Now we do cleaning everyday with a major cleaning in a zone and our weekends are cleaning free except for meals and other little clean ups.
My mom expected our chores to be done to perfection. If we didn't, she had us do them all over again. Now I am not talking about doing a sloppy job over again. I am talking about her wanting the house to look like it wasn't lived in. I promised I wouldn't do this with Ems. She has to do a good job. But if it isn't perfect, as long as it looks good, then great.
I wouldn't call this a rule, but with my mother if she asked you to do something and you didn't do it within twenty seconds she would do it herself. This really drove us crazy when we were growing up. She had no patience and sometimes we were doing something else and were just about finished. Even if you said can I do it in just a minute she would not wait. I am not talking about things that could not wait, but anything was that way. With my kids I try to be more patient. I still expect them to do what I ask them to do, but it does not have to be done instantly.
