So, my brother came to see me this weekend and he told me some things about my kids that have me concerned. He said that my kids are socially VERY young and sheltered and he thinks it will be detrimental to them in the future. That being said, he was homeschooled from 7th to 12th grade and he realized after he went to college how backwards he was. He said was shy and didn't know how to act in social situations. He said he knows that if he went to at least high school he could have been more "normal". HE regrets being homeschooled. Now, my concerns are that he is right. My oldest does act young for his age, but I am not so sure that is a homeschool problem because he has always been that way. Also, when he did go to school he fit right in with kids his age. I have other kids that are more mature for their age. It's just who they are. My other concern is that my kids are sheltered, maybe too much. It's not that I am purposely trying to shelter them, it's that we don't belong to any co-ops or group or anything because the closest ones to us are 20 miles from here and that will cost a lot of money in gas to get them to the groups 3 times a week. It is also a problem because where we live the high population of a certain religion, (which we are not), are not friendly or nice to those who don't "belong". So.....to sum it up....we live in a place where we can't belong to groups because of the distance and the prejudice, my kids have no friends in the neighborhood because of our current religion status (meaning we aren't "one of them"), My kids hang out with family in the area and when we are out and about they can hold a conversation with ANY ONE. So, am I worried about nothing? Or should I put them in school so they can "socialize"? I am really REALLY torn, and my brother is right that my kids are very young scoially.
No. You should not worry. I'm sorry, but because our culture ages a child long before they are emotionally ready for it, doesn't mean that those of us who let our children age and mature more naturally make them backwards or socially inept. You are raising an adult. Not a child. Someday, your child will need to be a kind, compassionate and responsible adult. You won't get that by putting them in a room with their peers to "socialize" them. Oh, yeah, they'll know how to stand in a line, raise their hand, and tow the party line. What you're doing is teaching them to think for themselves, questions the "world" and live according to their faith. I'm sorry your brother's experience makes him feel "backward" but him projecting his own issues on you and your family is wrong. Thinking of you!!!! Be encouraged. YOU are doing the right thing for your family.
Thanks Krista. I did appreciate my brothers perspective and I know he gave it out of love and concern. I will say that I have thought about all the issues he raised, but I am sure that every parent that home schools never feels fully adequate and always second guesses themselves at times. I do have a better grasp on homeschooling than my mom did too. She didn't realize that my brother had to take certain required classes to graduate and he didn't know any better either. Needless to say he is 23 with no high school diploma, BUT he is only 2 classes away from an associates degree. As for my perception of him, I never thought he was socially inept. He was always having friends over and having weekend gaming parties, etc. I don't think he is fully correct in how he thinks he is. I have never thought he was weird or un-socialized, in fact I always thought the opposite of that. It was just a bit worrisome to me that I have worried about all the issues he raised and he noticed things plus we don't get a lot of socialization that we got 6 months ago due to our change in religion. It really is sad that we were kicked out of our groups because of our beliefs. I have tried to find a different group that is non-denominational or secular, but I can't find any in this area. We are looking at moving but need to fix up the house a bit and finish a few projects before we list it so it might not be until spring. I just always hope that I am not screwing up my kids. I know they are kind and sensitive and loving....but as my brother pointed out....that won't make them "fit in" with a lot of people. I know I am not trying to make them "fit in". In fact if that was my goal I would just send them to school. I just want to make sure they aren't "those weird home school kids". KWIM?
Agreeing with kbabe all the way. Looking at the ages of your kids in your signature I would not worry about maturity at this point. They have plenty of time still to grow up. I personally would say you are doing a good job if the "world" thinks they are sheltered. I would certainly not entertain the thought of public school with socialization as my goal. I don't know your religious preference but I can tell you it sounds to me like the devil is playing games with your mind in an effort to win those kids. You keep up the good work mama!
That. You know, my 10 year old likes to watch Hanna Montana. However, unlike most 10 year olds today he has never seen Miley naked, he has no clue about the MTV performance or the Wrecking Ball video. He also doesn't know who Lady Gaga is. If that makes him immature, then so be it, I'm totally good with that.
Agreeing with the others here! My 8 y/o came home from a sleepover bawling because the kids were all calling another kid "Captain Underpants". He thought that was a dirty word and wouldn't join in. I showed him (online) that it's a book series, which infuriated him even more, because he doesn't think kids should be reading garbage like that (and neither do I). So maybe we're both backwards? In the other kids' defense, though, they were calling this other kid "Captain Underpants" because he was dancing in his underwear while the boys were all changing into pj's. :lol: Let your kids be young. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who grew up way too fast ... even though my parents tried to hold me back. PS just does that to a kid!
I am glad I am not the only one that thinks that sheltering kids from the stuff that goes on today is bad. My dh and I talked, he doesn't want them in school. I don't want them in school, but they do need some type of classes or something. Keeping them home all day every day isn't healthy for them or me. So, since I can enroll them in classes at the local schools I am going to go look into having them take art, or pe, or possibly keyboarding or programming for my oldest. I don't have to enroll them and they can just take the classes. It will give them a bit of socializing but only for around 3-4 hours a week in a public school setting. Besides, my kids would do better to take subjects I am a bit lax in. *sigh* I just get worried at times that I might ruin my kids. I have been thinking about what my brother said and analyzing it over and over in my head. I have come to the this conclusion: He is 23, single, no kids. He has no idea what is going on the public schools currently including common core. He was giving his perspective from his experiences, BUT there is no real way to tell whether or not he would have come out of public school different than he currently is. In fact I attended the high school he would have gone to and it was horrible. My sister and other brother also attended it and they said it was horrible. Maybe he is just seeing the whole "grass is greener" thing. He did say that my mom told him he could go to school if he wanted to but he didn't know what school was really like so he kept choosing to stay home. The more I think about it the more I realize he is probably upset with himself for not choosing to go to school but he is blaming my mom. I am sure some fault falls to her as there is never one side to a story. ETA: One of the things he pointed out about my oldest is that it isn't "normal" for a 13 yo to have a huge interest in lego's and lego movies....He said my 13 yo should be more interested in girls and stuff like that. :roll:
HE is not raising your kids. YOU and your husband are! And I ditto everything the others said, especially Krista! There are immature kids in public school, private school, and homeschool. There are way fewer kids growing up too fast in homeschool (if their parents are really homeschooling), but I'm sure there are some, as well as tons in public and private school. "Immaturity" was one of the reasons I took my DS out of public school after 4th grade! When he was 15, his best friend was 12 and they liked playing with little cars and legos, and I was just fine with that. Once he was a legal adult, THEN he could grow up (and he did). He "fit in" just fine with friends of his own choice, and still does. If it's any comfort to you, when my DS was 23, he had the same attitude as your brother, regretted being homeschooled, felt like he'd "missed out" on something -- but once his son hit first grade and the ridiculousness of PS, suddenly Grandma's School was THE way to go for his son! One thing about it, adults who meet other adults realize and accept that adults come from different backgrounds and experiences, and that's okay. Kids don't, and are like chickens in a barnyard who will pounce on a "difference" and peck "the weak one" to death -- because they don't realize yet that differences are good. It can be a good thing for your kids to have limited amounts of time with public schoolers, as you say it being in classes you feel are not as easily doable for you at home. If they make friends, good. If they don't, they'll deal with the disappointment.
I didn't read everything yet, so I may have more to add or I may be repeating others but here are my first thoughts. First, I think we force kids to grow up too fast anymore, it really makes me sad. I like that my almost 9yo, 3rd grader still believes whole heartedly in Santa, the Toothfairy, and the Easter Bunny. Will she, or any of my kids be mature enough to go to college... I hope so, but if not then we will do some online college for a few years until she/they is/are ready to go out to the big world. Second, I know it's predominately that specific religion around you, but maybe there is are some Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts in your area that you may be able to fit into. Scouting has done wonders for all of my kids and even for hubby and I who are getting to go through it all with them. We choose to be very hands on with it and it makes it all so rewarding and helps the kids see how others behave and act. It has also opened our eyes to the fact that even though we think our kids don't behave all that well... they behave much better than their peers. Lastly, maybe your brother is just socially awkward. Some people just are.
Ummmm my almost 15yo still plays with Legos and is obsessed with video games.... he couldn't care less about girls... and he is in PS.
Oh brother! Literally. For one...I went through public school....all the way from K through 12th. I'm not a social person. I can talk to people (and you said your kids do when out in public)...but I don't necessarily seek out social situations. I'm more of a loner. Some people just are, whether they are public schooled or homeschooled. Your kids are still young. Your oldest is only 13. Who cares if he likes Legos. There are adults that do. We don't belong to any co-ops either. What I think is great is that your kids have *each other* to socialize with. My youngest is quite a bit younger than her siblings. So, in a lot of ways...she's more on her own. I'd love it if she had siblings close in age to socialize with.
My 13 and 15 yr old boys both love to play with legos and neither one is interested in girls yet. My oldest was in PS until half way thru 7th grade.
"He was giving his perspective from his experiences, BUT there is no real way to tell whether or not he would have come out of public school different than he currently is." Exactly! Some PS kids are shy and awkward and it's just their personality. But Heaven forbid a homeschool kid be shy and awkward, it's because you homeschooled them! The thing with homeschooled kids is without the peer pressure they are free to like what they like. How does that make them immature? Because they aren't getting pregnant at 14 they are immature? Because they are aren't 'into' the opposite sex at 13 they are immature? Because they aren't into what typical PS kids are into they are immature? Maybe they are just thinking for themselves, which is a mark of maturity if you ask me.... I think our society has a skewed view of 'maturity' because your kids isn't into the opposite sex as a tween and and still like to play with Legos as a tween, doesn't make them immature. The teenagers who have no respect for others, no work ethic, no sympathy for others, THAT is immaturity. Graduating high school and having no idea how to cook a meal, wash your clothes and clean your house and maintain your home and car, THAT is immaturity! Having no concept of how to make and stick to a monthly budget, THAT is immaturity. Being overly sexualized, slef-centered and striving to 'fit in' doesn't make one mature! *steps down off soapbox* :roll:
Well, I just think kids aren't as mature. And apparently I'm not the only one since they changed 'adolescence' to go to age 25 now. 100 years ago there were not "teenagers" There were children and adults. "Teenagers" were regarded as young gentlemen and young ladies that were being prepared for adulthood. Now you get to be an aimless, useless, sex crazed teenager until your 25 (or 40)...ridiculous!
My dad used to tell me how back in HIS day (he was born in 1912), boys wore short pants until they were 21. At 21 they became men, and got their first pair of long pants. (Actually, it varied because some adopted long pants when they first got a "real" job, whenever that was, whenever you were done with school and moved out of mom's and dad's home, or whenever your dad said you could. Some guys' first pair of long pants was an army uniform.) After that, they didn't play like children anymore, but up until then, they could be seen playing marbles or spinning tops or whatever and it was considered normal. (Baseball did not qualify as a kid's game; it was for everyone.) Anyway, it was like a rite of passage, getting your first pair of long pants. Rite of passage is something our culture lacks. For a while, it was graduation from high school that marked the transition, but that's not doing it anymore. Kids keep being kids through college and into the workforce (if they can find jobs). It's sad, really, that there's no clearly marked boundary or threshold of expectations or ceremony or something to prepare for, pass through, and after which you become and are considered an adult.
socialization Your dc is still very young. I think I sheltered my 2 oldest too much. THey homeschooled all the way through and both tell me they think they didn't get out enough and felt very stupid at times. This was because they didn't hear all of the trashy lingo that goes on in our society so when they did hear it, they didn't know what it meant and felt embarrassed. My ds in particular struggled with this (maybe its a cool, guy thing) but he got a job after he finished homeschool high school. That gave him an education in trashiness and he was the brunt of many jokes. I have no idea how to solve this dilemma. I certainly not teaching my kids that garbage. My next 2 oldest are going to private school (and picking some of that up--but still feeling embarrassed) but the reason for going is because they were lonely homeschooling (we are very rural and isolated) and because of other family stresses. So, I think as they get older, we need to talk to them more about the nonsense that goes on in the world.
I'd like to hire you to be my personal spokesperson every time I feel the need to defend homeschooling to my family. So well put!!!
Ok I was homeschooled and PS. I was also raised with a very conservative religion. (still am! lol) However, growing up I didn't know it was conservative. In fact I really didn't realize that till I was around 30 years old! lol haha However, that being said, it was not a burdensome religion to me-IE I didn't feel like it was a burden to follow the principals that our religion feels God wants us to follow. But, then around 30 I did a professional class with Richard Simmons and when I got certified with him, he did this little write up on me and said I was a conservative Christian...I was a bit taken aback...and had to think on that one! lol haha Any way....that's all besides the point. I did somethings as a immature snot that I regret. BUT, by and large, I was public schooled (only HS 1 year). And while a few of those years I tried to fit in....most the time, I did NOT want to have things to do with boys. It wasn't that I didn't like them-oh yeah I noticed them! But, in my religion we don't date till we are ready to marry, so why fixate on them? So when I got into those "older" ages, like 13, I sometimes had to play with my "friends" younger siblings. My friends were too boy crazy! Heck I am not joking when some of my friends even got married at 14 and 15! I was NOT going to do that, and further more that was NOT what my religion encouraged at all! But, some kids, because of the whole sex thing, kind of talked their parents into letting them get married, (all are divorced now!). Any way, I didn't even want to get married at like 18 or 21...again interested, but I wanted to live some life before giving myself completely to some one else. So I choose to hang out with younger kids, even when I married my husband at 25 years old, my best friends at the time-one was 14 and the other 82! lol The ones my age, seen men like hungry wolves on a three legged cat! I wasn't that kind of woman! lol haha Ok big point is, when I was in the 13-high school ages, I mainly hung out with my friends little sisters, and yup we played dolls, and video games, and well child stuff, watched cartoons, and G films and the like, and we had fun. Who cares? When I grew up I got along fine with adults, I will say my husband is younger then me...but still I get along with people of all ages. Just because I didn't want to act like a sex crazed teen, did not make me immature. In fact, I feel it made me more mature, I knew what I wanted when I wanted it. And in that line, I've only been married one time. Where a lot of my sex obsessed peers are on their second and third marriages now.... sad to say.
