Oh Lord! Having a 15 year old boy in the home is proving to be quite a challenge these days (and I can honestly say Praise the Lord, it isn't a 15 year old girl). We had made a dating rule several years ago now that there is NO dating before the age of 16. I don't know how or why I came up with that age, but I did and I won't budge on it. Well, our 15 year old has kicked on it sevewral times and has managed to sneak around that rule (one night claiming to go to the movies with a group of friends - I found out that same night that he didn't go with who he said he was going with but his "girl friend"). Last week, he was out four nights - said he was going one place and ended up at another place... we went to get him one night and there sits his newest "girl friend". He goes through girl friends like he goes through undergarments - changing them often! He has no respect for curfews, wants to come and goes when he pleases and then gets madder than a wet hen when we try to rope him back in. Any suggestions??? (Becky, I'm assuming you may have been down this similar road before with Kevin and look forward to your insight too)
Hello Brenda, we have a 15 year old son and we have also have 16 as an age limit when to start dating. He also knows that we as his parents can up that if he loses trust with us. Our biggest thing is we do not want to be lied to. I have big issues with lying. When he does something to loose our trust, I make it a big deal. I explain if I can't trust him to be responsible than he won't be able to go out, use the computer, etc. You get my point. It takes awhile to earn trust back, we remind him when he gets upset why he lose that privilege. At the same time I do let him do little things after awhile, hoping he may realize how important trust is and wants to earn it back. I will pray for your family. Kellie
I agree with what Kellie said! It's tough! I'd pray a lot too! I have a 16 yo who, ptl hasn't gotten into that. He's not a social misfit at all, but he's just not allowed to go with groups unless an adult I know, including dh and/or me, go along. I will pray for your ds, and hope things straighten out for him!
well Brenda, I have a dd who is almost 15 and we have some tough rules she has to 82 before she can date, then a really close friend of ours was over the other night they always call him Papa and he told them they can date when they are 82 and marry at 105 they both said boy we are going to be home along time... good luck Brenda I don't know what to tell you mine aren't to social yet, but I am sure that time is coming.
Oh man, I'm going to have to deal with this twice, so I'm going to pretend I don't hear this...LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!! LOL! Lots of prayers Brenda, and hugs.
I have a 16 year old step son whose mother has lost her 3 kids with 3 different dads to CPS, who has got his 15 year old girlfriend pregnant, who is a compulsive liar and theif and who has been to the police station and the court room so many times I can't count. He does not live with us and if he did I am positive my girls would be royaly screwed up by now. I can't even tell you how many times his dad has tried to help him and how many things he has done for him only to get stabbed in the back. I feel your pain.
I don't even want to think about Elijah turning 15, I want to take just one day at a time. Today he has been working with Dh. He has pulled weeds, shoveled gravel (for the driveway), planted mums for me and now is helping dh patch the sidewalk with cement. He has been sooooooo good today. After lunch he wrote me a not with a smiley face with THANK YOU wrote on it. Brenda, praying for you and your family. I know teen years are hard, I already raised two, by myself and it was a lot of work.
Brenda I am sorry and sending some prayers for insight. I do have a 15 yr old boy, but thank God havent had any issues like this yet with him. I also have a 14 yr old Dd, now that will be another story I can just tell!! LOL
So how is Tracy handling the lying? I've been told that around the age 12, moms have to back off of discipline and allow Dad to deal with it. I know Tracy's been having health problems, and that makes it more difficult. But the boys need their dad to take charge. He is not only lying, but being disrespectful and rebellious. That's something that will only get worse, unless it's dealt with strongly. (Been there with my two dss'!)
Hi all I am new to these boards. I can so relate to what you are going through. My sd is 15. She had been going to ps up until this past Feb. We also have the rule no dating till you are 16 (in her case it is now probably 18. She was allowed to talk to boys on the phone, go out in supervised groups or even have boys over to the house. Well she decided she could not wait and had this "boyfriend" at school. She never mentioned him to us nor did he call our house. He even gave her a cell phone behind our back(which she was not allowed to have for this very reason) and they were text messaging behind our backs and trying to plan on having sex. Well when dh found this out he pulled her out of school and we started homeschooling (she always knew this was a possibility if her grades did not improve or the company she kept). After talking to one of the counslors at her old school who happens to go to our church she said keep her out of the school. That is how bad this group of kids that she hung out with at school (she only saw them at school). I wish I could give you a great solution but I think you just need to vigilant about knowing where he is going and with whom. Do not be afraid to check up on him. If he is going to lie then he needs to deal with the consequence which is less trust from his parents. I think kids need to realize that this type of behavior is not accpetable and has consequence that will impact what they can or can not do. Sometimes we just need to protect them from themselves. Even though ther are no pat solutions at least we are not alone.
Oh gosh... Tracy is actually keeping himself together through all of this - how is far beyond my comprehension. He did the same thing tonight - I drove him to a friend's house and told him I would pick him up.... but I didn't tell him what time. We went to get him and he wasn't there - he was with his friend supposed to be going to another friend's house to get some stuff (hockey gear) and when we found them, they weren't where they were supposed to be. Christian got in the car and that was that... his friend (who was supposed to be going to pick up his gear turned around and went back home - caught them in a lie). Christian's best friend is sexually active which troubles me but what can I do. Christian has limited access to MSN from home but goes to Josh's home to go online (I accidentally found him online when I was logged in from here - his name was still logged on so when I went online his MSN popped up - until he went online from there and it kicked me off - so it became a game of cat and mouse until I logged off his name). He frequently leaves the house to go outside for 5-10 minute walks... Tracy is worried that Christian has access to drugs but we cant prove anything. I'm just sick about this all. How would I know if he was? What do I look for? I do know that he is moody as all get out these past couple days... And so for now, the only definate plan is thay Christian has lost any and all priveleges until he can prove to us that he can be trusted. Dating is still a non issue here. No way no how - he may be lucky to date by the time he's 90! His most recent girlfriend just broke up with him (but that's a whole other story - that I don't even understand). Anyway, rough roads ahead...
I have a 14 yo dd, that I have been having problems with, off and on since she was 12. I found out that she had bypassed my parental controls on the computer and set up a myspace account from her friend's house; that she had gone to a friend's house on the way home from school and met a boy there; she has crushes on boys and writes diary entries and love notes....don't know if she passed them out to boys in public school or not....I had to ban her from the telephone for a bit; when she comes to visit (she lives with her dad now) she doesn't get internet access unless I am sitting next to her; I read all her incomeing and outgoing email; when she was grounded I would drive her to school and pick her up. She was in MAJOR TROUBLE for a year! Even now, when she comes to visit, telephone with me in the room, no computer, can't even go next door unless she visits with the girls outside because they have an older teenage brother that I found love notes to just over the last Christmas break. I have to play hardball with this child. It is extremely stressful.
Prayer Need Ladies, this has become a serious prayer request. Christian was mad at us last night and now he has left the house - we're not sure if it was last night after we went to bed or today... either way I have no idea where he is
Oh man, I hope you find him soon. I have a 15 dd and she is one of a kind. She is a homebody. She doesn't like to talk on the phone, or even email. She much rather read or mess with her horse. She likes boys but doesn't have one that she really likes. She hasn't ever tried to sneak out, and can't because of the sticker bushes under her window. She doesn't give us and attitude, her reason is a wonderful one, "Because I have Jesus in my heart". The only problem we have with her is that she is very slow with her chores.
Brenda I have alread been praying and wll cont. I fear one day I will have this problem with Devin. I hope we can keep it under control but we have rebounded before and I know as he gets older it will get harder. My son has lots of respect for me but his father is a completely different story. I just don't know what to do about it. Please keep us posted, when you can. Hopefully he has already been found and you are just busy dealing with it. LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS!!!
Amy - my step son's name is Deven.[/QUOTE] COOL! just spelled differnt, people always want to spell my sons name Devon. drives me nutes its not Dev on its Dev in. I don't get it. If it was Devon I'd say Devon. Brenda, we are here if you need to talk. glad you found him. still praying
Brenda, I found this thread late. You should have pmd me. You give Christian way, way more freedom than I'd give Kevin. I wouldn't let Kevin go to someone's house, but they could come here. You have the upper hand in that case, because you know where they are and what they're doing. Him lying would not fly. There would have to be strong consequences for that, because how can you ever know if he's telling the truth in the future?? My hard time here is Dean doesn't step in like he should. His mom allowed him ginormous freedom as a teen, so he sees nothing wrong with the things I fight with Kevin over right now. The biggest advice I can give is to not let Christian pick up on any worries you have or any giving in on your part. He'll sense your weakness and push it. You need to come up with a plan for him to pay for the rules he's broken, and make him earn back your trust. And stand firm!
BTW, Brenda, I am not above logging into Kevin's MSN and yahoo accounts to see what he's up to. He lives in my house, like your child lives with you. You must keep ahead of what's going on. If I were you, I'd also trail him quietly on those frequent 'walks'. He;s a minor, you're the adult, you have to know what he's up to.
