It has finally happened to me. First of all, I do not have a big support group from my family when it comes to homeschooling. My mom and sister are my biggest fans and think I am a great teacher. My in-laws think different eventhough I taught ps for 6 yrs they still have reservations about hs....socialization, ya know. Well, we are now going into our 3rd year of homeschooling and I guess they still are questioning why we are doing this to our kids. The other day I was visiting my mil and started talking a little bit about us starting back school this week. I really don't talk much about it anymore because they simply tune me out about it. But, it is very hard for me to control my excitement at the beginning of a school year. Anyway, here I go talking about school. My mil just listened (if that) and said not a word. Then, she changes the subject and starts talking about something else. This happened a few times until I got the hint. It bothers me because my dh and I have been together since high school (21 years) and she always claims to love me like a dd. Would she treat her own dd like this? I don't think so. She babies and pampers her dd and her boys and supports whatever they do in life. So, there is my story. I guess I just expected more after two full years of homeschooling. Suppose I was wrong.
Big Hug!!!!! Sounds like one of those cases where no matter what, you are wrong and later when they come around they will be the ones that had the idea for you to homeschool all along. (ugh!)
Has your husband talked to her about the way she treats you on this subject? Whenever I have a problem with my MIL, I make my husband talk to her. Not that I can't, but I hate making rifts in the family, even though they are family. But for me, it's just different when it's not my blood. I'd do the same for my husband if he had a problem with someone in my family. I can talk to my MIL about things and I can tell her if I'm upset about something small, but when it comes to big issues, I let my husband let her know. I think she would have a different reaction if it came from me rather than her own son. And reactions make all the difference. Sorry to hear about how sad you are. Just remember, they are your children, not theirs!
Missy~ You have all of us here- supporting you! We know you're doing a great job with Avery & Preston, and that you're the best possible teacher for them! Don't worry about your MIL- you know in your heart that you are doing what is best for your kids- and you can do that with or without her support. Just stand your ground! We're all here for you!
So sorry!! How disappointing it is when people can't support us in our exciting endeavors!! I'm so sorry that you MIL isn't supportive. It's easy to say "don't worry about it" but it's harder to do just that! Hang in there and keep your chin up. Remember that you're doing all of this for your kids and you're giving the VERY BEST.......You (and your time). Remember, if it were easy--everyone would do it! Prayers & Hugs- Carol
Missy, You have lots of hugs from the south. I know what you are going through it's hard but remember these are your children and you are doing what is best for them. Keep the chin high :lol:
Thanks for all the uplifting messages. I know this is what is best for us for now and that's all that matters. I just wish I had my family to share my life with. I am glad that I have you all here. I have considered asking dh to mention it but he certainly wouldn't take it on his own to say something. I may tell him to try to speak to her about it. I don't think she's intentionally trying to hurt me but she is anyway. :cry:
Poor thing....Missy hang in there! You know what they tell us about *Socialable Sue's*, which you sound so much like one :wink: They say they make the BEST FRIEND a person could ever want or have! They are the type of person who cares about the *relationship* more than anything. As students, they get crushed easily with words. They care more about pleasing and being approved by their parents, than the curriculum or work. And as teachers they really know how to read people and well .......relationships continue to be very significant with them. I am blest to have one in my life. She is one of my best friends who has an *only*child. She is a Socialable Sue. WONDERFUL, dear and priceless friend she is. She *knows* how I'm feeling and what I am trying to say before I do sometimes. I wouldn't trade her for anything. She ALWAYS has the right thing to say at the RIGHT time. At the same time, she really cares about what people, especially her mother and mil think about her homeschooling. I ONLY wished I knew how she felt. I care about my family relationships, but the truth of it is it doesn't bother me one bit :? if they did/or did not approve. I am too mcuh more of a *blow out your nose* person :lol: I can't tell you how many times, she comforts me and I according to her *make her bold*...Its still hard for her though if her mil says something. She is affected for awhile no matter how much I comfort her. She is a GREAT homeschooling mom and teacher. I think your mil knows what sort of daughter you are and thats why it bothers her. I think if she didn't care she wouldn't act that way. I truly believe that. At the same time, you have to recognize that maybe because ya'll do have the relationship for so long, she knows which *buttons* to push because of your tender feelings. The simple truth of it is, our *trophies* (our children) develop bit by bit over a time period. Stand your ground girl, wipe your tears and let her see you do that, that you have feelings. I personally have enjoyed all your posts about educating young ones, so full of insight. Hang in there, and BIG HUG from me!
Tina TX I agree with you with. Shelia, Tina has helped me alot too. My family is total against me homeschooling my children too. It's so sad we have no contact with my family since I started homeschooling and it's been very very hard on all of us. Hang in there remember you have all of us here. Thats what keeps me going everyday is this group of ladies who have been so wonderful to me.
LOL. Missy, my MIL and my husband's grandmother both told me straight up I'm not intelligent enough to h.s. Jeannie. My MIL said 'Well, kindergarten isn't too hard. Maybe you could do THAT, but you better come up with something else for those older grades.' Silly Karen! She's the one who lets her 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend have privacy in the daughter's bedroom........ As for my husband's grandmother, she said Jeanne needs to be around other kids, not locked here in the house with me all the time. I can see her point about being around other kids, but I didn't like the underlying tone that I don't know what I'm doing.
family issues Most everyone has someone who thinks our kids need to be in ps. Isn't it funny? God did give them to you to raise. I hate that your MIL feels that way but just prove her wrong. That is what I plan to do with folks like that. My kids are mine to raise. Good luck. Your are a great teacher. :lol: :lol: :wink:
Sending cyber hugs to you! With the exception of my sister who also homeschools, there is no family support here either. She & I are each other's main support. Our parents (especially Mom) come down on her pretty hard sometimes with their comments. I don't have much contact with them, so she gets the guilt laid on for both of us. My in-laws are like yours, they totally ignore that we homeschool. While they don't actually say anything, you feel their disapproval. The hardest part of the year is when we go to dh's family reunion each summer. Almost all of his aunts, uncles, and cousins were/are teachers, some of them college professors. It is like going to an interrogation! I just try to keep in mind that the world is a far different place today than when they were all in school. For that matter, it's a far cry from even when I was in school! I feel like most of the negativity comes from just not understanding what hsing is or why we do it. Granted, they don't really want to understand & that's what can hurt. You know what is best for your own children and you're doing it. Just keep on keeping on!
I understand, my mil doesn't understand either. She and my fil taught school for over 30 years. My dh teaches school and I taught school. With all the ps teachers in the family she jsut can't understand why we hs. Its a choice that we made because our ds has ld's and a muscle problem, and they don't offer what he needs in the local ps. Our dd was not going to the middle school where there are known drug dealers, convicted felons, and other thugs, not just boys either more of them are girls. A teacher friend worked at the middle school last year, she left this year. Said she hasn't ever seen so many kids with records. She taught 6th grade. But back to the topic. My mom has somewhat come around to the idea of us hsing. She now asks if she can pick up any supplies that we may need. My dad loves the idea he thinks that its great. He can plan a fishing trip or a hunting trip with my ds or dd. He also likes to take trips during the fall to watch the trees change color, and he can take them along without worring about them missing school, because they can take it with them. My mom doesn't worry about the social thing as much now. This will be our 3rd year of hsing. Just keep up the good work and befor long they will come around. If not then just don't worry about them. You know that you did the right thing.
When my family started homeschooling none of our relatives approved 100%. This led to isolation by our cousins and random tests from our aunts and uncles. My parents also received more than one talking to by my grandparents. But my parents stood firm even through all that resistance. With time my siblings and I learned how to spout out random facts at family gatherings so as to discourage random quizzes (That worked really well B.T.W.) and as we grew we realized that if our cousins didn't want to befriend us as homeschoolers they weren't worth a relationship investment. (That proved all too true later.) Now that it's all said and done, we enjoy a more fulfilling relationship with our relatives because they see that we were right and they feel badly for ever doubting my parents. Our former toughest critics are now our strongest allies. So I say from personal experience that you should hang in there. It will all pay off in the end. And if they still don’t like you when you’re done, it is doubtful that it would have helped to sacrifice homeschooling anyway.
I won't repeat what everyone has said so well! Just wanted to let you know I'm in your corner, Missy! "The proof is in the pudding", as they say. The results of your labor will be all the evidence your relatives will need. Unfortunately, this will take time. You would think that homeschooling would be "mainstream" by now! Ah, well... Blessings,
Thanks for the messages. It's funny. It happened again yesterday with another family member of dh. This time it was his 20yo neice (the dd of a teacher). She drilled me almost the whole visit. Then, my SIL started with my dd about what math she was learning. I think I'm now just fed up. Leave us alone, ya know. If you are truly curious and would like to learn more then ask away....if you are looking for a fight then i don't want any. What is in people that makes them want to debate anything and everything. Accept that we hs and move on...
I never know whether to laugh or cry when folks (for us it's friends, not family) try to tell you how to live your life. What gives? I would never dream of telling folks they should have another baby, they shouldn't hs, etc. We didn't have children for over ten years, and it never ceased to amaze me how incredibly tackless friends and acquaintances could be. Now it's "your son needs a sibling". Excuse me? I've finally started telling them, "He has one in Heaven." That pretty much stops the converstion! Blessings,
just stay positive in your home schooling and you will prove to them that you can do it. When your daughter starts doing things that kids in public school wouldn't they will see. They still might not admit that you are doing the right thing, but privatly they will be bragging about her to thier friends. If you want your daughter to be around other kids her age, just look into things like gymnastics, or something she would be interested in, daisy scouts, look at a park and recreation catalouge if your city has one. I belong to a home school group that gets together at a park once a week so they can play together. If you don't have one, start one. When I first started home school, I was not confident at all. But the more I got into it, and the more I learned about it, the more confident I got, If your husband, and other family members are behind you, you will do just fine. If you want to know more about my home school support group let me know.
