We see the most wonderful Nurse Practitioner. She has never questioned my parenting choices, including my decision not to vaccinate, to cosleep, and other things that most doctors usually have fits about. And she genuinely cares for her patients. She's even called me from home to share information she thought I'd find useful! Well, she asked today about school. I said that since Elijah missed the cut off by 19 days, and since he was more than ready for school, we decided to homeschool (this was the first deciding factor, before we knew much about HSing). Then she went on and on about how, by holding him back to the districts age guidelines, he'd be the oldest in his class. That meant he'd be a leader in his class. Studies show that the older kids in each grade are the leaders of the social groups. Blah, blah, blah. And didn't I want him to be a leader? Blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry, but I can't grasp how being popular is a good reason to hold my child back academically and send him to public school! And to top it all off, now I'm doubting our NP for the first time in 5 years of a great working relationship. I know it's probably silly, but I somehow feel like I can't trust her anymore.
I would feel the same way. It is amazing how one thing, one instance can drastically change the way you view someone.
You know, I was just discussing almost this same issue with my dh last night. We have a wonderful NP. She is also very understanding about my decision to HS and not vaccinate. But I recently needed quick check ups for my kids and could not get in to see her and so we went to a little clinic down the road. The doc there was soooooo not happy with the way we did things. She asked were their vac. up to date and I told her no and why. She just looked at me like I was crazy. And then fussed at me some. She then started talking to my kids about starting school soon, when she found out we HS, you should have seen her face. I told dh that I was a tad worried she might call social services on me. I have heard that it has been done in the past over vac. and HS.
Amie, Since you have liked her up until this point, I think I would take this as an opportunity to educate her on homeschooling and homeschoolers. Not so much in words, but by the way your kids learn and grow. She may not have had a chance to get to know a homeschooling family in the past and now since you already know her and have a relationship with her, you could be the family that shows her there are other ways to educate children. If you had not said that she was wonderful and open to your parenting style I would say go somewhere else, but I wouldn't throw away a good NP over this one issue. If, however, she started making negative comments in front of the children I would go elsewhere. Best of luck to you whatever you decide. Beth
I agree Beth. It's just that something in the back of my brain suddenly flipped and now I trust her a tad less. I know it's silly. I am going to try to pray through it. I have no intention of finding a different doctor/NP. I guess I just never expected her, of all people, to react that way. I mean, she wasn't mean or outright disapproving, just not approving either. Sorry I'm so incoherent right now, I'm just a little flustered over this...lol.
Didn't she mention that it would be better for him, too, because he could be the best in sports?? How could she forget that one?:lol:
Amie, I think you're disappointed in her. It always takes a bit to recover after someone disappoints you like that, so it's very understandable how you feel! After awhile you'll be able to think it through better and come up with a plan on how to approach it in a positive way. You could arm yourself with statistics on how well homeschooled children do---because they have the one-on-one with their teacher, who is also their parent and loves and cares for them more than anyone else ever could! How can that be bad? And, for pete's sake, you can explain that Yes, homeschooled students ARE socialized and actually end up getting along better with ALL age groups than ps'd students do! They are not victimized by peer pressure and bullying and threats of death in your homeschool, which you feel is a rather positive aspect of homeschooling! :lol: Best wishes on this situation, hope it turns out in a positive way!
Maybe she was trying to be supportive? If you told her that you hs b/c you missed the cut off date, she mught assume that he will go to ps next year, and was pointing out advantages of that?! I know how frustrating it is when we don't get the support and understanding we were expecting, but I also know that what I say is not necessarily what people hear, and what I say is not even necessarily what I mean. KWIM?
I wouldn't worry about it. I am sure she is just offering her opinion as she always does. She opinion can still be valued even if you disagree. No said she is wrong....it is just the you see it differently or value things differently. I can understand it throwing you for a loop. I would have been thrown also. However, I would not jump to not trusting her. She just has a different opinion. It didn't sound like she was against homeschooling. Honestly, from what you said it sounded like you are schooling him at home ONLY because he missed the cut off. Ya know? So, maybe she was being supportive. My ped never gave his opinion one way or the other and I never asked. I really don't care what he thinks about my homeschooling. lol. I love this doctor also. He is the best! My kids LOVE going to the doctor just to see him. I trust him with my kid's health. However, I don't give a hoot what his opinion is on homeschooling. When I mentioned it he seemed neutral....but it wasn't the main point the conversation either. so, whatever. He is a "to each his own" kinda guy anyway.
Yea, she is offer her opinon like everyone else. I would take the time and educate her next time I was there.
Where my kids go, there's several peds in the practice. And guess what!!! One of them homeschools!!! So I think he has done a lot to educate his collegues about it.
I wouldnt worry about it either, and agree that this is a wonderful time to educate her on the joys of homeschooling. My doctor was surprised that I HSed, actually chuckled a bit too, told me that it took alot of strength to HS, then I laughed with her..if she only knew LOL
My daughter's dr put in his report -mom homeschooling for NOW but will likely want to return the child to ps. Excuse me? I didn't say that! I hate things put into reports that just are not factual!! How does he know that just from my statement that I pulled her from ps and am homeschooling now?
I am going to tell you a little secret that I wish someone had shared with me years ago: We are only hurt by our own expectations. We place expectations on other people and are hurt, disappointed, disillusioned, etc. not by what they have done or did not do, but by our own selves and our own expectations we place on others. In this case, you may have placed an expectation for the NP to accept homeschooling based on your past experience with her responses to your other "unconventional" choices, however you have just come to terms that she does not meet all those expectations that you have placed on her--And how could she really? She could not possibly know what they are as they are hidden inside you. I learn this philosophy because I have some very hurtful people in my family and I have learned that they are not the ones hurting me--In fact, most of it probably has been quite unintentional. I could say that they just really don't know me, but the more I tried to get close with them the more I expected back from them and the more hurt I got. I was tying myself into knots imprisoned by my expectations for other people to accept me. These days people rarely hurt me. They can really surprise me, but rarely hurt my feelings. It is not that I don't care about what they think, it is about realizing that I am the only one who can hurt myself because of my own expectation of that person. When I do get hurt, I look at myself first--what expectation had I placed on the other that allowed this to happen? Now I have emotional freedom to love people for who they are, not how I wish they would be or think they should be. I think you have a wonderful opportunity to teach her while you also learn to accept her for who she really is. I hope this helps.
Amie, I wouldn't let it bother you. I think that she may have just been looking to next year thinking you would start him in ps then. If that wasn't her intentions, then she will most likely come around to your ideas. We just switched to a dr, the only one in our small town that is not run by the big city hospital that we are stuck with. He is old fashioned.. and LOVED the fact that we homeschool!!! I was sooooo happy that he approved, the big city style hospital docs did not approve! They also would have called CPS on any parents not vaccinating (we vaccinate, but still).
Seeking...that is a wonderful point and so very true. My mother is famous for placing expectations and when they are not met giving you heck about it. UGH...I hate that. However, I know I do the same thing at times...guess we all do to an extent. As long as we keep that in mind maybe we can save ourselves some frustration and hurt. Thanks so much for the point. I will remember it worded that way.
You really dont have to defend your right to homeschool to her. I would really encourage you to focus on the reason you are there, which should be a medical reason. I am a nurse, but I take my kids to the Dr only to discuss medical problems, all social, developmental and parenting things are really non of their business. However, I do think medical professionals should discuss these issues if there is neglect going on. But if the children are obviously well cared for and the parents are attentive, then it is the parents rights to parent as they see fit. I am a nurse and know my kids Dr's from work. Iam not sure if they approve of my home schooling or not, but they do not say anything about it. I would encourage you to stay with her, and keep the discussions to health. In time you will win her over with actions, and she will be convinced forever.
