Maybe I'm being overly-sensitive, but lately it seems that people (mainly relatives and very close friends) are "quizzing" my kids or making comments about their abilities--or should I say INabilities. When my DD, 2nd grade, stumbled over some words that were a bit sloppily written by her 10 year old friend, my brother said, "You can't read those words!?!" All the while I know he's thinking "Huh, homeschool's not working so well". Then, a friend who's like a brother is always quizzing the kids and asking them stuff that's above their grade level (he has no kids so he has no clue what is learned when). I can't help but feel he's trying to pick apart our HSing. I usually end up interjecting with a "we haven't covered that yet" but it makes me angry that I have to justify myself even this much. Do any of you experience this and what do you say or do?
We had a bit of this when we first started, but it does seem to get better (at least with family and at least with us) over time. My ds didn't mind showing what he did know, but my older dd is the quiet type who will talk non stop to her dad and I, but for a long time really wouldn't talk to anyone else. She clammed up when others quizzed her, and we just said she is shy, and that pretty much got people to drop it. There are a lot of ways to deal with this (some funny, like start quizzing them back, asking when they became certified teachers (if they are not); some mean "Could you be more rude?") but it really depends on if it is a stranger or family and the situation itself. Can it be offset by a joking manner? Or would something more direct work? Good luck!
I used to try to interject but you know what? My kids are well educated. . .and talkative. I've found that if I keep my mouth shut they do a good job of answering would be doubters themselves. BUT if they were uncomfortable--I would totally interject and I'd either say that I don't like it when people quiz my kids or I'd ask my child something I knew they could answer to counter act. Once I just kind of stared at the adult and asked why they were asking, pointing out that it is not normal to quiz children that aren't yours. But my son in particular, has such a huge knowledge base in science that it doesn't bother him if he doesn't know something and he has humiliated (unintentionally) enough adults by answering in vocabulary that they are either unfamiliar with or a fact that they just didn't know that people who know us well, know better than to ask my kids questions lest they be embarassed.
I try to see it from their side and I think even those who are in favor of homeschooling still have difficulty with not getting feed back that is relevant to them. It is not likely you say that your child got a "B" on his spelling test or that the teacher told you that your child is quite advanced in math. For instance, my daughter's grandparents are hearing all the great things their friend's grandchildren are doing at school and with their school work, but what do they get to say about their own grandchild? My grandchild is homeschooled? It just kind deflates one's balloon, doesn't it? I send family members a sampling of my daughter's lesson work and even progress notes periodically, not because I feel I must but as a courtesy to them. I think much of this can be headed off with family simply by doing little things like this. Just a thought....
At first my parents weren't sure about it but once they saw how happy DD7 was, they were fine with it. They love telling people that their grandkids don't go to traditional school. Besides when we visit, they like to teach her things. I gave my dad a to do list for when we come visit. He will be teaching her simple machines, hands on, out in his garage with the tag alongs, DS3 and DD2 My mom will be taking all of them to the nursing home where she works. My dad taught her the basic multiplication and was so happy that HE taught her and no one else.
The only people I've had an issue with doing that is my parents- mainly my dad. Dd read them a book over the phone last week- it was a 4th grade chapter book and more difficult for her so she stumbled a little bit. She got of the phone and dad says "she needs to work on her reading!" Of course I told him "umm dad, she's in 1st grade, and that was a 4th grade book. It's a chapter book SHE Picked out" He didn't say anything. I ignore it most of the time. I do feel like I'm under the microscope though, mainly with my parents lol.
Thankfully nobody has ever questioned my children like that. I think I would be mad if anyone did. I do get negative comments from a neighbor but that has pretty much stopped and they never tried to quiz them.
My SIL did make a comment last week. Her Dd5 also just started K in ps. She made a smart remark about how Ems is already passing Eli in school. The funniest part is that based on his birthday, he would not have been allowed to start school this year anyhow (he's 19 days too young *rolls eyes*). So really, any K work he's doing would put him "ahead" of his ps peers since those peers haven't even started yet. So I just said "you do realize that according to the district he's too young for any of this work? I guess that means he's pretty bright for his age." And I walked away. But this SIL is not exactly my best friend, so I could care less about what sort of snobbery will come out of her mouth.
I do find that time can help. My sil too made some remark when my ds was 4 about how her ds who was in all day pk every day knew so much more letters and could write her name. We decided not to teach ds to read yet--he just wasn't interested and was doing so well with the math and science. Now, her ds is struggling to read and mine is ahead and doing twice as much. I have contemplating pointing out that my ds picked up twice as much in half the time but only in my dream world where I'm always right and we have house maids. ;-)
My parents and my in-laws are very pleased with us homeschooling! They see that our kids are doing very well. They are happy to say "My grandkids are homeschooled---and you should see what they can do!" It's not a balloon deflator for them at all! They KNOW my kids can match up to the other kids! They're not going to go out of their ways to brag, but if someone were to say something negative about homeschooling, both dh's and my parents would step up to the plate to defend it, based on how well their grandchildren are doing! And that includes my sister's youngest dd. She started homeschooling in her junior year of highschool, and finished highschool in one year, with good grades! My neice is 17 now and is almost ready to be engaged. She has two jobs right now, trying to have a good amount is savings, and a good job before she gets married (probably in the summer of '09). Anyway, from what my family has seen of homeschooling, it has worked out great! So they actually encourage others that consider it!
Hs My entire family use to be so against HS'ing, until they seen MJ ( my 9 year olds ) report for the EOG testing.. He was legally in 3rd grade and made 5th and 6th grade everything, except Reading which was at 12th grade level.. Now they praise us ... My Mom now brags to people my daughter is a smart cookie she teaches my grandbabies at home and there grades are... and she goes on bragging, but oh my word , a few years back ... This would;ve never came out of her mouth LOL ..
I had to deal with this a lot from my brother... Him and his family moved in with us in sept of 2004. We had only been hsing for a short while. My brother would sit there and quiz my kiddo about things that weren't even at my kiddo's age level. ooh it would really make me mad. I kept telling my brother that we didn't cover that subject yet. What he was quizing was about 2 yrs ahead of where my kiddo was. (my brother and his wife did not work and expected me to entertain them. Their 2 kiddo's were in ps) What got to me the most was that my brother would run to town and while there call my hubby and tell hubby that i wasn't teaching my kiddo at all but watching tv all day long. hubby then started doing the same thing my brother was doing and quiz my kiddo. finally had a nice talk with hubby and showed him exactly what we were studying and what i expected from kiddo and so hubby stuck up for me against my brother and told him to back off. long story short.... it made my brother mad that he was out of line and so he became abusive to me and my oldest kiddo while my hubby was at work which ended up with me calling 911 and having my borther arrested for assault. (the charges got erased from his record because of a stupid plea where if he stayed out of trouble for 1 yr the charge would be erased) ok enough of a rant there... another good thing to say is that "We are working towards the standards set by the curriculum we are using."
Thankfully, my family and in-laws don't say anything derogatory about our HS(at least where I can hear them anyway) but they do tend to ignore any positive thing that I tell them about HSing. So far we have a compromise where neither side talks about it. I know my kids are doing great, and they know they are doing great. To me, that is all that matters!
We haven't had any negative comments thus far. Everyone we tell is happy that we're going the hs route. I was a little unsure what mil would think, but turns out she's all for it too! I think it's the first thing I haven't done wrong in her eyes.
We for the most part don't encounter much flack. HS'ing is very common here. It is pretty much felt that if you cannot do private, you homeschool if possible. I am not saying that homeschoolers are those who cannot afford private schools at all, just that the schools are so bad around here that many folks seek an alternative of some sort. There are private schools springing up overnight and the ones that have been here for some time are expanding like mad. With someany kids in private schools hs'ing has become just part of the mix so to speak.
Hi I know what you mean. I don't have much advice seeing as I've been going through a similar thing. I guess you could tell them how you feel about them quizzing your kids. I have a close friend and family that have been questioning me on what I'm teaching. They are well meaning because they care about my child, but they don't realize that it puts pressure on me and my son. My mother is a public school teacher, who now works one on one with homebound students. She just asks what types of things my son is learning. She will either ask him or me. If it's my son, sometimes he'll just say," Nothing!". That isn't exactly true. Sometimes he doesn't realize when he's learning something. My friend, I think, was just curious about how much time I was spending on reading with my son mainly because she is a librarian at our local public library. I have a feeling I'm going to have a difficult time getting my brother-in-law, father-in-law and fil's girlfriend to understand why I'm homeschooling my son. Last week I told them that we were homeschooling and there was this big gasp and stunned/shocked look. They were speechless. My father-in-law's girlfriend, who is a year younger than I am, has always tried to give me parenting advice. She probably means well, but it's quite annoying. Anyway, I guess I either need to tell people how they are making me feel by questioning me or my son or I just need to ignore it. Good Luck, Becca
I had this happen this past week... Called my mom - it was her birthday. Did the small talk and told her about the kids who were over here (extra 4 during the phone call). And her 1st response was "What happened to schooling them?" I sighed and just said they would be fine and catch up in a day or so it was no big deal and I could hear the "uh huh" on the other end of the phone. I had to say a quick good-bye and leave it at that. My husband just laughed and since he isn't a big fan of my mothers anyway told me I should have told her we aren't doing any schooling at all... that we gave up and decided not to work or do anything anymore.
