I have been debating on writing this. But I know I can come here and you guys will pray for me and my family. I'm really lost on what to do. Most of you know the issues with my ds. But I don't know if I have shared with you guys that my dh is an alcoholic. He has agreed that he will quit drinking but has not been able to. He will not seek help either. But we all agree taht the alcohol is not helping our family. We have had two problems this past week with our son and both times my dh has had way to much to drink. and when he is drink he is not able to stay calm which doesn't help control our son. I am beside myself and don't know what to do anymore. I am to the point if things do not get better I am thinking of leaving my dh. I hate to say this but I don't know what else to do. Right now I need to think of my ds first and he is getting to a point that all it takes it one beer in my dh hand and my ds get very uptite. Its like he is waiting for the bomb to drop. My dh get very unreasonable when he is drinking. No physical abuse but there has been some emotional abuse, which I know can be even worse then physical. I do have a place to go if I decide to leave, but it means quiting my job and lossing my house and so on! It is with my parent possible with their neighbor that really needs someone to live with her. (health issues) My parents say they are behind me in what ever I do. They will not make the choose for me but want me to know my options. I know leaving my dh will be very hard on my ds. All he wants is a daddy and a happy family. I'm just know that we can nolonger have this with the alcohol in the house. I have gotten to the point where I keep all our money on me. Because I don't want my hubby taking it and buying beer, which he will do. I have told my dh that I will be leaving if he choose alochol over us. I have fought this battle for too long and can't do it anymore!!! I know doesn't my family sound so messed up!!! We spent friday night with my mom and dad and my ds called his dad 4 times the next morning. I am so sick over the things that are happening to my family. I don't know what to do anymore. My dh was an interveiw tomorrow for a job so hopefully he will be back to work soon. Which I hope will build up his self esteeme because I know he is very down on himself right now. It is a 3rd shift job so he will not be able to drink before work. I could go on and on about this because my mind is just racing trying to figure out what to do. I'm am so lost, I keep durning to the Lord and asking for help! I do not know what else to do. I hope I have not made a mistake letting a secert out of my closet! But I do not know what else to do but ask for prayer from you guys again!!
It took great courage to share your troubles. You have my full support in whatever you decide; and my prayers as well. I cannot tell you what to do except to offer a bit of wisdom from personal advice. Although my dh has never been an alcoholic, he was extremely emotionally abusive for a long time. It is way more damaging than physical - my kids are still healing. I finally took the brave step of physically leaving until he had gone through counseling and was truly ready to be the husband I knew he could be. I did counseling as well. It took nearly two years, but he did seek help and we are a family again. No, our life still isn't perfect, but I no longer fear for my children or myself. So there's my family secret to help with yours. Please make sure you and your son are safe no matter what!
I will be praying for you. I think it's good that you just took it off your chest. I can imagine how hard it is. We can't do much, but Jesus can do anything and everything. Keep praying for your family and ask Jesus for wisdom in this situation, and then just do what you feel God wants you to do.
Oh, Amy, I don't know what to say other than I will be praying for you and your family. I wish I was better with words in times like this, but sometimes, I just am not. I am sending you lots of hugs, though. I think it is a great thing for you to share with us about this very difficult situation. One thing I think of is that now that the "darkness" has been revealed, the "light" can shine through.
Leslie said what I was thinking. I have no great words of wisdom either. But I want you to know that we support you here, and are praying sincerely for help and guidance for you, and that dh will come to his senses and see that he really could lose you! There are HUGE and very hard decisions for you all to make! Know that we are here for you, and praying for you, and that things work out for the best, whatever that may be! (((((HUGS!))))) :love:
I am so sorry for what you are going through, and my prayers go out to you. I pray everything works out for you. You are fortunate to have such wonderful, supportive parents. BeckyB
AmyU, yes, it is very hard on a child, but he is old enough to understand.. I grew up with a father who drank alot and he beat my mother bad, left lots of brusie and was very verbal to all of us.. mostly mom, it was very hard for me grewing up and I am still paying for it.. Believe me in the best interest of your son it would be to get out of there, I am sure he has heard enough... it will take alot to get him use to not having dad around. but he will understand and you will see a totally different young man, also maybe it will wake dh up some... AmyU, there I let my secert out now you aren't alone.. I think it's the best thing you can do is let it out.. hang in there girl we are here for you and your family... sometimes just leaving for awhile I mean more then over night he might wake up. Keep us posted and remember no matter what you do we are here for you and your family
So far no alcohol today, and they are having so much fun. Racing their rc cars in back yard most of the day. I just wish my hubby could see how nice it is without the alcohol. He can't buy any because I have all the money on me. I hate doing this but I know it is the best thing. He says he wants to quit he knows he has a problem and it interfers with our lives. He has quit in the past (8 months) but started back. I hope he knows and understands I am done if he cont. I know it is a long hard road but one he needs to take for his family!! And thanks guys I knew I could count on you guys to be there for me!! I don't know why I was so scared I guess just ashamed to be living such a screwed up life!!
Well, we're all human! A life without God is always screwed up (whether the person realizes it or not), so if he put God and family first, you guys would be in hugely better shape! I'll continue to pray!
I know my dh faith in God is not as great as mine. I wish it was. I know he believes but how great I am unsure!! I hope and pray that he can turn torward the Lord to help him through this. I know I have and I hear my son praying. When we left friday night my son ask Jesus to help us through this. Which made me smile because I know he believes and trust in the Lord!
What a precious and loving son you have. To have that kind of compassion for his daddy. I will pray for you and your situation and whatever your decision will be. We are all here for you. God is faithful!!!
Prayers here! Is it possible to do a temporary leave (aka separation without the legalities)? Maybe, take a two to four week leave of absense from work and stay with parents only that long... on the ultimatum that dh begin attending meetings or something? And the requirement for your staying would be his continuance - and compliance with the ins and outs of - attending. I've not been in the situation myself. I have a SIL who repeatedly leaves her husband, and when he apologizes, all's well and she goes back only to repeat the process a few months later. My MIL is in a bad situation with her alcoholic husband; I guess she's convinced that she can't live life without him. They've lost their home and they hardly ever have utilities on. We've BEGGED her to leave. Promised to provide for HER if she would (we'd never provide for HIM). She just refuses. If it's best to get out now, then get out now. Don't hang around in a situation that will never get better. If there's hope, keep praying. The Lord will reveal what the best decision is for you in His perfect timing. Thank you for having the courage to share! Prayer IS effective, and you now have several dozen women praying for you and your situation. Blessings.
Praying for you and your family. Kids are so awesome in faith. When they pray, there is no doubt Jesus won't follow through. I grew up with alcoholic dads so I know from a child's perspective what's it like. It took alot of courage to ask for prayer, you brought tears to my eyes. I'm sure alot of us here, has been through hard times in our marriage/lives asking for help is hard to do. I know for us the first several years of our marriage was hard. We had multiple issues but thankfully God brought us through and we are changed people. Praying for you.
Amy, I was out of town this weekend so I am just now catching up on posts. I am so sorry to hear this, but I hope you know that you can always come to us for prayers. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and I hope you all have a good day tomorrow.
I am glad today went well for you. You have my continued prayers. I wonder if it would work if you took video of him playing with the kids sober ... and then another of how he looks drunk. Maybe it will open his eyes. Good luck to you.
I don't think I could leave temporarly because if I leave I am sure we will loss it all. (our home and such). I am the sole provider right now. My dh has had on and off work this year and is currently looking again. There are not a lot of industral jobs in this area, factories are closing down and retail is taking over. My dh has an interveiw today at 10 but it is a temp job. With out a job he would not be able to keep our house so I would have nothing to come back to. So I fear I would have to leave for good. I still have hope that he can do this, if he wants it he will. I do have a place to go if I decide too but I am still praying this will work. I use to think I could not make it on my own but I believe I am past that now because I have been doing alot of it on my own. We do go to family conciling so I cont. to pray that this will help. I am still not sure what I will be doing it is all in dh hands now but I am ready to leave if need be.
Amy please don't take this as me telling you to leave your husband I just want you to know that you can make it on your own if that is what you decide! I thought the same thing when I was married to Samantha's father many years ago. I thought I could never do it alone. Not only did I do it but I did better. We were both better for it. I didn't have to be in a bad situation and Samantha didn't have to live with two parents who screamed and faught daily. I know you will make the decision you need to make and no matter what you are strong and we will be here for you.
