My mom is a 2nd grade public school teacher. She's a very good teacher. She's been teaching for 28 years now. We were on the phone last night and she asked if we were going to homeschool after we transferred. Of course we are. Well then she started in about how dd isn't learning the things she should as for as social interaction and how to act in a classroom ect. She won't know what to do as she gets older if we do need to put her back in school. What will she do in a classroom of 28 kids and no one on one from the teacher. I simply said "she won't, because we don't plan on putting her back in a regular school". It really irks me that she can't support me for one freaking moment in my life. Dd is reading well above grade level- she reads encyclopedias and she's in 1st grade! She does math they wouldn't do in a public school classroom till 2nd grade, some of it 3rd. She's amazing and so smart. Well I finally let me frustrations with my mom out. Told her I didn't see the point of putting her back in a regular classroom when she's so far ahead academically and doing so well at home. Here's the shocker, she told me school isn't all about academics. She needs those social interaction skills to survive in college and in the real world. What? At least my dad is supportive but he won't tell her that LOL. He asked how dd was doing and said to tell her that grampa was proud of her and that I was doing a good job. My mom has never supported decisions I've made or things I've done in my life, just another one to add to the list.
((((huge hugs)))) How hard it must be for your heart...I am sorry you had to have it out. There are so many other ways to socailize and I wish that some would understand that... I was thinking this weekend how I want my children to mature...I thought I don't see that being encouraged if they were hanging out with children their own age for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week...nope I don't see that happening. You are doing a good thing and I am cheering for you! (((hugs again)))
Hugs Kim! You are doing the best thing in the world. It's sad you mom has her PS teacher blinders on and can't see it!
My answer to your mom would have sounded something like this. "Mom, you seem to take my homeschooling decision personally as if I am making a statement about your teaching skills or your profession. I am not. This decision is not an evaluation of you or any other teacher individually or of teachers as a group. It is a decision about how to raise and parent my child in todays global values climate, and with America's rapidly changing economy and culture. I am sure that you are a great positive influence on your students. They are lucky to have you in the classroom, I am sure your students are better able to cope with what they find at school because of this. That positive difference that you share with 25 kids, well I want that to be as you say one on one. In the mean time, I don't like what I see at the schools and have deciced that we have other options. My namehere is doing great academically and socially. Quite simply I do not want her to receive a least common denominator socialization by the ps school system and on that we may have to continue to disagree. You did not complain when I had a better than average Mom and home environment, so why do you have a problem with my kids having a better school environment."
Differences with Moms I feel for and with you! There were several subjects I could not talk about with my Mom. I finally had to give up and whenever the topics were brought up I changed the conversation. It seems it takes "other people" to educate our parents. Makes sense though. They "DID" at one time know more than we did (grin) and it must be hard to realize their kids are now adults. One thing I try to remember as I grow older is that while I learn many answers to questions - that doesn't mean I know it all - or that my answers will be welcome by all. Best to you and warm wishes Leslie in San Antonio Homeschooling Mom & Talkshow Host
Kim, you are doing a wonderful job and your little one is doing just as good. It's sad some people don't see it and get it.. Heres a big hug for you all. Remember we are here for you. I know what you are going through, my family wouldn't even talk to me because I will not put my children in ps.
vantage you are so wise and good with words. I wish I was that quick witted lol. My relationship with my mom is like a yoyo. Sometimes we talk and it's the most wonderful conversation in the world, and other times it totally just drags me down. Public school wasn't good enough for me and I WANTED to go to ps lol. I was in a christian school from K-12th grade. If we had the money we would go that route, but we do not and it's not worth it for me to go back to work. Really it isn't. I grew up without my mom being around because her career came before me. I will NOT put dd through that and nor will dh. Thank you all for the encouragement. I know we're doing fine and things are going really well for us. I know we'll be homeschooling for a long time. I don't know if that's till she graduates or just a few more years. But for now we fell lead to do this. I think she has this impression that as homeschoolers we just do whatever we feel like when we feel like and there is no structure or orginzation. I suppose there are some who can make it work that way, I however cannot. She's never had a positive outlook about me and my life so I suppose I shouldn't expect it now either LOL.
MissSeattle... I went to school for elem ed, subbed & taught for a year in a PS school. I'm not offended at all that you are homeschooling. I wish the PS schools had smaller class sizes to help the ones who really need it & to be closer to the kids. I just didn't think it was fair to have one kid that could read at 3rd grade level & one that could barely tell you the letters in their name. But with ed spending the way it is I just don't see small classrooms any time in the near future. Plus, we have to be so PC anymore that we can't put kids into groups... I mean when I was in school there was a top reading group, middle, lower. I think we all turned out just fine, but it just doesn't happen anymore!!! We are so worried about what the parents would do!!! Ok off my soap box!!! I think it's a decision for everyone to do what's BEST for your children. FYI I'm doing some basic HS this year with mine... GOOD LUCK!!!
I'm sorry your mom feels that way, Kim. I, like the others here, think you are doing the right thing. I am glad you have everyone here to support you and understand how you feel. I am also glad your dad is supportive. I never did understand the whole "socialization" argument. As soooo many people have pointed out, socialization is not optimal because a child is stuck in a stuffy room with 30 other children their own age all day. Some people will never open their minds enough to realize that. Please never lose sight of why you are doing this. Your daughter is thriving and that's because of you! One day or another, everyone who ever doubted your decision will realize that! I hope things get better soon.
I'm going through the same stuff with my family....although slowly theyre starting to see how much homeschooling is helping my boys. They are above their grade levels, etc. Now my oldest son Noah goes to Family school part time this year because I had a new baby and he was taking forever to get his school work done...this "school" has helped a ton. He's also an introvert so being in a class type setting is a good experience for him as well. Since its part time we still are doing our full homeschool schedule here at home as well. I'm giving him the option to go to class again next year or homeschool only....I hope he chooses homeschool only lol. I hope your mom comes around soon. Jackie
Kim, she's got legitimate concerns about your daughter fitting in at first. I worry about that for Jeannie. You might not be planning to put her in, but if circumstances get beyond your control, then what? I worry that even a private school with few kids per class would be a hard adjustment for Jeannie in the beginning. It's just something to think about.
We've homeschooled from the beginning, and my side of the family was basically against homeschooling. Basically I just had to tune them out and now my kids are in grades 10 and 7 and still homeschooling. I would not say they are "for" homeschooling, but they have definitely changed the way they feel about my homeschooling. I think they thought our kids would be abnormal, and our kids are pretty normal! When it comes to the social aspect, you know that there are dozens of activities that homeschoolers can be involved in where they will have interaction with kids their own age. What I LOVE about homeschooling is that the academics is completely separated from the social aspects. When it comes to "if they have to go back to school, they won't know how to cope in a classroom, or when they go to college"- I have friends who had to put their kids in ps this year for various reasons, who have homeschooled since the beginning also. Their oldest two are in 8th and 5th. My friend told me that other than the initial adjustment to being in a class and changing classes, her kids are doing well in school -academically and socially. I have other friends who have homeschooled and one of their daughters made the transition to college with not much difficulty. All that to say everyone has transitions -whether it is a public schooled child to getting on a bus, changing classes, being in a different school, going to college, living in a dorm setting, etc. I think that our kids can make the transitions to whatever they need to when the time comes! I also had to realize that we needed to do what we felt was best for us without family approval. It has helped that we live in FL and they live in PA, but those disapproval tones come through on the phone lines too. I just really had to find support through others and not worry about it and eventually "prove them wrong!"
I agree with Karen....My ds16 has been homeschooled since 2nd grade and is now going to a wonderful, Christian, Missions oriented school as a Junior in highschool. He's been homeschooled for 9 years---and has had no trouble coping and fitting in! He's getting all A's, it's his first year there and he was nominated for the Student Body President. Someone else won, but I thought it was cool he was even voted in! He was asked to be a tutor for Geometry, and he has many, many friends! Honestly, kids who are homeschooled, and receive various social experiences through sports or YMCA-type classes, church activities, etc., meet lots of different people, have many experiences, and usually do NOT have problems fitting in if they do go back to a classroom!
Kim I am sorry you have to deal with that! In a perfect world all our moms would be supportive and just wonderful people. Mine happens to be slightly dense, rather forgetful but very sweet. I'm not sure why people think you need to "learn" to sit in a classroom. It isn't a hard skill to master. I don't close my child up in a box and never let her have friends. Samantha makes friends more easily now than she ever did when she was in ps. It is a self esteem thing with her. Now that she doesn't feel beat down and stupid she is very social. Just today she went to a Halloween party at the library where she knew not one person and when we left there were a gaggle of little girls following her and saying goodbye see you next time. I'm sorry but I don't think any child needs to learn how to sit in a class or walk in a line. My kids can fit in no matter where they are because they know how to act in social situations and they have manners - unless they choose not to fit in with a particular group which isn't always a bad thing. Some kids they don't want to hang out with because they act like lunatics or have no respect for their parents or whatever! You have support here! I know it must be hard to get crap from your mom but try to trust in yourself and know you are giving your child the best possible education! Give her some social skills too and there is nothing to worry about!
I don't know if this helps, but I'll offer my experience. My oldest is fairly shy. When he was 4 I put him in a parents day out program thinking it would help. It didn't. It was almost Christmas break before he would play with the kids in a group, he played fine one on one but spent most of his time by himself. And he enjoyed it that way. Then after break it was the same way, he didn't warm back up until the year was almost over. He also wouldn't do much more than smile and nod to his teachers. The next year we started homeschooling. Through the year I saw him becoming more and more outgoing. When we go to the park he'll go right up and start playing with kids he's never met. At the library and the grocery store he'll talk to people we meet. He's still a little shy, but that's fine.... I am too. It seems to me he's gained more confidence from being in a comfortable, secure environment and being allowed to meet people and make friends at his own pace. He started karate this year. The first few lessons he did have a little trouble. He wasn't used to following instructions given to a whole group and he was a little unsure of himself. But within 2 weeks he was fitting in fine. If a 6 year old can adapt that easily, then I would think it would be even easier for an older child. Lisa
It's shifting goalposts. When a person realizes you've won a point in the debate they suddenly shift the focus of the debate. Tell her not to worry, that when the time comes for her to aquire those social skills you'll make sure you start pressuring her to smoke and drink and show her how to avoid eye contact with anyone older than her. She'll be all ready for college then!
you know I was thinking last night around 2 am in bed what Tiffany wrote on here why you need to learn in a classroom and that is so true. way before they had class rooms they learned at home and no one thought nothing of it... I don't know I am lost.. alot of famous people learned at home.
Yeah, ps is relatively new, before that it was a lot of homeschooling! So now why, all of a sudden, are parents so incompetent???!
You all make me think of so many things lol. I was in a classroom/daycare/preschool from the age of 2 on. I was so incredibly shy. I couldn't stand being in front of people, couldn't stand being in a crowd. I literally hated going to school just because I never felt like I fit in- not in a bad way so much that i felt horrible about myself, I just didn't like being around people. I was perfectly find by myself. You know what helped me become socially mature? Getting a JOB at 17 LOL. Working in a hospital full time with people at least 5 or more years older than me really helped me get past my shyness and turned me into a social butterfly. So obviously school didn't help ME in the social relm of things. Although I never got in trouble for not sitting still and not being quiet like dd did when she was in school. I was too shy to do either and didn't want to call attention to myself!
I totally agree with you that school doesn't have a lot to do with it. I once argued with someone who was against hs'ing because of the socialization issue (what else.. lol) that I knew many people who graduated from ps and were shy, and that a lot of it is just a person's unique personality. And anyways, as many people have mentioned, do we really want our children socializing with a lot of these kids anyway? I would much rather be able to choose whom my son is exposed to, as much as possible, until he is able to make wise decisions on his own.
