glamorous type moms, that have time, money and energy? i found myself envying another mom at church today, all her kids are in public school,she goes to a lady's bible study, she has a part time job for extra money to buy lovely outfits.she probably doesnt have weeds in her flower beds! this is such an ugly emotion, i have asked God to forgive me, for being jealous of the things i do not need like cute clothes, our extra money goes toward books for kids. do you ladies ever see yourself being jealous of the "other side" even though you know you do not want to stop hs,you know it is the best for your kids. do you ever get selfish like i did today? i am ready for the lectures! bring 'em on. i need to snap out of this GREEN mood......
:lol:...sorry, I had to laugh. I think we all go through a bit of that...and the even funnier thing is that we associate her possession with the fact that she doesn't homeschool. I'm here to tell ya, having a part-time job doesn't buy me cute clothes! :lol:...that's what my mom is for! (she gets sick of seeing me in the same outfits and will go mercy shopping behind my back). I need this wake-up call, too, so I'll just hang out and see what some wiser woman than I will post
Oh, please. I do this all the time. I wonder why everyone else seems to have more energy, more positive attitude. There's a single guy next door to us who has immaculate gardens full of zinnias, while our black eyed susans looked so horrible I told my husband to mow them over. I envy other moms who can get to the gym while I can't, or ones who use their free time to do things other than grocery shop, clean or other chores. I'm jealous that they get free time and I don't. Part of my problem is depression, and the other part is my husband, Fred Flintstone.
Fred Flintstone! LOL That's cute, Becky! Brooke is right- we all go through these times of envy. And, although it's not right, I believe it's fairly normal. I did hear someone once say (and I wish I could remember who, because I'm sure it was someone very wise) that just because those people "look" perfect to us on the outside, doesn't necessarily mean that they are. That lady at church, who appears to "have it all together" to you, may have some underlying issues that you don't know about. And, who knows?! Maybe she's envious of you and your life- maybe she'd like to be home with her kids every day and can't (for whatever reason), or maybe she doesn't have her husband's support in her decisions, or whatever.
settlers you said it for all of us. I know what you mean sounds like my childhood. The old saying is you never know what goes on behind close doors. That is so true.
Wow. That's all I can say. Makes me love my childhood, even! I have a cousin married to a man who grew up in what appeared to be the "perfect home". Nobody was allowed to even discuss problems...cuz, you know, you can't discuss it if it doesn't exhist???!!! Well, now he is in his forties and still can't communicate what he is thinking and feeling with his spouse (my cousin). Makes for a very difficult marriage to say the least.
settlers, I find it a little unnerving that siblings can go in completely different directions. My brother, too, chose a path for his life that I'll never be able to accept. He fell prey to the temptations from his peers and now lives week by week to support his and his wife's habits. It wouldn't be as upsetting if they didn't have a precious little boy in the middle of it - and they want more! I just pray that my children will choose the right path to follow. Jen
I think that about my Sil's. I don't blame homeschooling. I guess I just blame it not having enough time period. I look at them and their nice haircuts/color, their beautifully manicured nails and spotless homes and frown. I work hard to look decent and keep a clean house. It comes easy to them. If you hire housekeepers and babysitters then you can do a lot really. I just don't do that.
I feel jealous too at times. I mostly envy the other mother's free time to do as they please. But I am happy to be able to be with my children. I will have plenty of time for me after they are grown and have thier own families. I am sure that I will want all this back when that does happen. It is very true that you do not know what goes on behind those closed doors of other families. I too grew up in one of those families that hid their problems. We always had to put on that happy face for the world while our lives at home were a mess. I am happy to report though that all is well with my family now. My father has been sober for 13 years now and now owns his own business. I am very proud of him and I have forgiven him for the past. My mother has grown immensely and is no longer anyones floor mat. She is my hero and there is no one sweeter or more giving. And I am very happy that they both also support me in my choice to homeschool. Come to think of it, I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of anyone. I am truly blessed. I can deal with the financial problems, lack of new clothes, vacations every year and that much needed haircut. I wouldn't trade what I have for any of that.
Sometimes I look at glamorous moms and think it would be nice to have the material things. Everyone must feel like that sometimes. Most of the time I think of homeschooling as a gift. Kids stay young for such a short amount of time and life is short. I get to spend everyday with my kids helping them to be the best they can be so they can succeed at life. I don't miss all those hours they would be in school or I would be working. That is more important to me than material things.
Hello, I'm new here, but this post spoke to me. I was just telling my husband yesterday that I'd love to be able to work out and lose a little belly flab (I am not unhealthily overweight, just a little out of shape from having 3 kids) but I can't get to a gym. I can't go running. I can't really do much of anything with 3 kids home all day everyday. He works 2 jobs and attends college, so I can't complain, this is the life we wanted. But here lately, I've been a little bitter about other moms I see online who get to work out, get their hair done, buy new skinny clothes, get new makeup or their nails done, and we can't really afford these things, and even if we could, when am I supposed to go to the hair salon? It's not a fun feeling, because I'm not jealous that other moms have their kids gone all day. I'm just a little jealous that they take for granted what time they have. KWIM? I'm thankful for the opportunity to teach my children. Thankyou for the reminder that I should be less critical and jealous of others. I will spend more time appreciating the life I have, different as it may be, it's what I always wanted. I'll never forget the therapist I had when I was 20, laugh at me when I answered that I wanted to be a stay at home mom as a career. She said taht was fine but I needed to get off my butt and get a job. A year later I was married and pregnant with my first baby. I'll never forget that feeling of fulfillment, getting my wish.
I know I am knew but: I understand how you feel. I struggled for years to feel good about where I am in my life. I had my girls at a young age and am so much younger than other women who have kids my kids age. So, I am already feeling inadequate before I even see their perfect houses and families. I still struggle with the house thing. I just wish I could keep my house looking tidy. I know it could never be as decorated as some of those "perfect" people I know. I am learning to give up the clean house dream too. :lol: There are more important things right now! I think we all struggle with this in some places. We are all humans and the sin nature is definitely here. Big hugs....
Madrae, Good for you. I had my first son on my 20th birthday. (best present ever) People treated me like I was a young girl who had no idea what was best for my kids. I struggled with it for years. I tried to be perfect at everything to prove I was a good mother. After years I learned that I didn't have to prove anything to people. There are many things I am unsure of, but I know I am a good mom. I'm sure you are a great mom too!
Ladies I have felt the same way many times. But, like settlers says time goes by so fast and I wouldn't trade a moment without my dd's they are so special to us. I enjoy every mintue with them and watching them grow. Yea there are times I wish I had five minutes to go get my hair done and my nails. But, then I think what would I do if I got them done. Might feel alittle better but oh well. There will be time for that later on. Everyone sounds like they are doing a wonderful job with the children but there are days. Believe me.
This is very interesting because our pastor was preaching something like this this last week. He gave an example about how it seems perfect from the outside, but you never know what it's like until you're in their shoes. I feel like this a lot and always know I shouldn't and think of anything to make me feel better. And let me tell ya, I run my daycare out of my home so I technically have a full time job, plus my husbands job, and we still can't afford crud!!! Here's my example. A very good friend of mine and her husband bought a house not long after we bought ours. We paid about the same for our houses except they have one extra bedroom and a finished basement (although ours has a much bigger backyard ). They were able to get a nicer home because of the area they live in. In our city the houses are so much more expensive, but I wanted to stay close to my family. They moved about 20 minutes away (near Milwaukee-egads!). Our neighborhood is very quite and very safe. I feel safe walking around the block at midnight not having to worry about getting attacked by some psycho. Even though our house is small and cozier (2 bed. 1 bath), we feel it's a great place to have a child. Our neigboors are older and friendly Christian people as well. Our friends house was just broken into for the second time this last year. Their whole neighborhood is being vandalized. They have also had leaking problems with their plumbling among other things. My friend nanny's on the side while her husband works full time. They have oodles of money for extra things, but that money doesn't mean anything if you can't feel safe in your own home. We may not be able to order out veyr often, if at all, or buy myself some new clothes every season, but I like where we are in our lives. I trust God will take care of all of us and that we knows what we need. Does it mean I don't feel this way every now and then? No. I look at material objects all the time and wish I could have them and envy others who have better things than I do. But, I know much better things await us when we are called home. Besides, we can't take any of these things with us up there anyway.
i just love reading your posts, all of them are so heartfelt, i so appreciate your honesty and sharing your pain. i feel very blessed to hs. i am building character in our children, and they are close by me all day so i can "tend their weeds" a haircut and a new dress is only a quick pick me up, but the long term reward will be incredible to have great children! anxious to hear more on the this HOT topic!
Huck, Character building, well put. I tell people that building character in a child is like building a house, you have to start with a "solid foundation", that is where hs comes into play along with just raising our children to be good, honest and productive human beings that contribute to society.
Hey Huck. It's so interesting to read everybody's thoughts. I always tell all my newbies that this is where a support group is needed. We have unique feelings and problems. I know for me personally, maybe it's because I was older before I had my first child. I was 33. I had a lot of time for myself, then dh and I had eight years together before we had our first child. (Yes he is almost 11) and yes I'm old :0) and loving every minute of it!!! So I don't mind now not having the time, I enjoy my little guys tons. What I have learned is that *circumstances are temporary* at best, my youngest just turned 5 and WOWEEE. There are things that I can do that I never could attempt before. We can actually ALL for a hair cut and not worry about a stroller, unfurling ole glory (nursing..LOL) in public and then poopie diapers later. I get my nails done every other week, hair styled not just cut ) and even a few *in home* massages. And NO everything is not perfect in my life. Well my babyweight is still here and he is 5yo. LOL Yep having children older has other disadvantages but in the long run the interaction I have with my children and to see them blossoming into the people that we want is soooo worth it. I can't say that I would have said this when I first started homeschooling. My friend, who sold Mary Kay and our boys went to ps kindergarten always looked good, was thin and loved makeup/hair as much i did. HOWEVER, now 5 years later (she is just an acquaintance now because my friends end up being those that share my same Biblical viewpoint on family and children) I have a relationship with my son, and her 11 yo want to be around his friends and never her or the family. She is very sad right now, but she has allowed her personal time to take precedent over time with him. And its not that he is ps, its because a lot of moms want the *end product* (a mature,loving, happy, giving, considerate,spiritual person) but they don't want the work involved. It can't happen without payment. NO THANK YOU...any sacrifice I made of way in the way of appearance, sleep, weight, house messy is already paying me back. My 11 yo son is blossoming when he is around others. His feedback and the younger boys too is such a joy to see. He converses with adults like he has been doing it all his life. Boys his same age, he enjoys and young babies he is amazed at. When I get feeling down, I pull out the book called For the Children's Sake. Each time I read it, it bring tears to my eyes. She says we are only children once, we only have one time to do it right.
