with the chores, kids etc. i realized i am doing EVERYTHING. my husband doesnt help w/ putting kids to bed, he works late, and when he is home he isnt really with us emotionally. i am trying to be a lovely wife, but i keep having the "pray away" the resentment. am i wrong to hope for more involvment from daddy?
Your not wrong to hope for more involvment. In fact it is something you should talk about with him. The scripture sets the commandments first of all for a husband to love his wife, It also sets the principle that man should support his family. Not only in their physical needs but also spiritualy and emotionaly. Of course this isnt one sided the wife has many duties as well. But I believe that is the husbands duty as the bible lays it out.
nah, I think it's normal. The best way dh helps me is by playing with the kids. When he comes home and I have a long day, I don't bother asking him to make dinner or change diapers (heaven forbid) I have him take the kids so I can clean and do chores. I get tired of nagging him, so sometimes I give him a choice (these three things need to be done before bed, which one do you want) and he'll do one. but no, you aren't alone. elissa
I think most of us are in your same shoes when it comes to this. I know dh works hard to support us so I can stay home and homeschool the kids, so I don't ask much. I did, however, work a deal one day. I asked him to choose one room (any room he wanted) and that would be entirely his responsibility. He had to vacuum, dust, pick up, etc. that one room -- which took one room off of my to-do list. It worked well! It's not an equal/balanced approach, but it does help me some (more than nothing) and it makes him feel like he's doing his part as well. (Note: once he did that for awhile, he appreciated all the work I do in the other rooms and has helped out in other rooms as well).
I don't think you're crazy. I do have to admit that my hubby does help with quite a bit and I am probably a little spoiled as far as most husbands go. I cook dinner so he does the dishes, and he frequently helps with laundry and vaccuming. However, I will say that I do the majority of things around the house and with our son. But I think it feels that way because I am home all week. I am also the person who does most of the 'fixing' of the house stuff, unless it's technical stuff like electricity or plumbing or heavy lilfting (I'm such a wimp). The only problem I face is that I sometimes get taken for granted and I don't feel as appreciated as I would like. But I think that's normal after you've been married for awhile and seem to go into a 'robotic' mode because things get so routine. I usually tell him that little things help out way more than the big things. Like putting dishes away in the morning before he goes to work and taking the trash out on his way out the door help out way more than fixing our leaky faucet. Those little things help me prepare for my day easier and it's those little things that I don't have to worry about before my preschool kids arrive in the morning. I have enough to prepare for in the mornings. The only thing you can do is talk to him. Tell him you mean business and that you're seriously burnt out. I know that's how I feel sometimes, just burnt out!
No, you're not alone. I always do everything in the house except make the money. My husband works very hard to support us. He works extra hard so I can stay home. Right now he is in Iraq and has been for almost 2 years. I understand that he is doing this for us and I appreciate it. I am able to stay home with my son because of his hard work. I do not ask him to do anything around the house when he is home. Which is once every 4 mos. In fact, I try to make it a fun time when he is home. He is finally coming home for good at the end of this month Lord willing. Yes, there are times when I am overwhelmed with all the responsibilities (usually around PMS time ;-) ). So I pray and that gives me the strength to keep going. Once my sister asked me if I ever get tired, she says it seems that I have constant energy, I told her that tired is my normal state so nobody notices the difference LOL. When I'm down I count my blessings and that usually picks me up. Even before my dh went to Iraq he was hardly ever home. I am hoping that will change when he comes back this time. He does tell me how much he appreciates my support of him. Charlie
Nope, you're definitely not alone. To be fair, he's only home on weekends. We've also always had sort of an agreement that I'll do the housework, but he's responsible for the yardwork. The kids get to pitch in with both. :-D As far as hsing is concerned, he is supportive but not involved. He doesn't have a clue about what we do each day, what the boys are studying, none of it. Things do improve a lot when your kids reach the age to be a help. I am blessed with two terrific sons who basically did all the housework over the summer while I was battling back problems. Hang in there! :-D
I have to say it is nice to hear that I am not alone! I love my husband but I do all the work around the house. Right down to plumbing, fixing leaking roofing fixing the washer you name it. I like doing the work but I dont like when he sits around and will ask me to get him a drink when I am in the middle of repairing the A/C unit in the house! I am glad God gave me a lot of love for him. LOL
Hi. We must be so very careful: it is so easy for "hoping" for better to become a grudge over the present situation! Sometimes our prayers for deliverance are more of a "poor me" session, where we ask God to take what we meanwhile desperately cling to. I have been there too many times. But there is hope! Here are a couple verses that have helped me tremendously... Colossians 3:22-24 "...not with eyeservice as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ." Ephesians 6:5-8 has a similar message. Focus on what your husband does do! Does he earn money to support the family? Put gas in the car? Hug you and the children? Trust you with the education of your precious children? Surely there is something. Then rather than doing your part because he does his (or because you wish he would), do your part because God loves you! Bring him a glass of water because you're thankful there is water to bring. Rub his shoulders because you know how nice it would feel. Put a love note in his lunch because you're happy he has stuck with you so long. Fix his lunch because if you were away from home all day, you'd like some of that yummy bread, too. :wink: And because you're thankful he is willing to go to work for his family. Smile because God smiled at you today! Did you notice? I hope this encourages you.
I just thought I'd also mention, here are a couple websites where you can buy some really inspirational messages about family relationships (and more)! Plus, there is a newsletter to read online. Check them out! www.empoweredlivingministries.org http://restoration-international.org
N4Life, Your post was so uplifting! My husband is really a good help around the house, whenever he is home (not that often). But since he works a lot to support our family, I also end up doing the majority of everything - down to building fences and bookshelves to increase our storage area. It is easy to forget about our everyday blessings and take them for granted. THANK YOU!
I think everyone feels this at times even the husband too. I know mine sometimes tells me when we talk about stuff like this that he gets tired too. He gets tired of getting up and going to work to provide but does it because he wants us to have things and be taken care of. I sure don't like getting up at 5 am and working 12 hour days. Most days never seeing day light. Oh well nobody told us life would be easy. Life is what you make of it.
I must be from another planet, because I honestly don't see why it can't be 50/50. It makes me think of the cartoon where the dad says he's going to bed and he does. The mom says she's going to bed, but on the way she does like 100 things before her head hits the pillow.
I'm with you Becky. Troy and I do things pretty 50/50 actually. I think it's about mutual respect for each other personally. We do things for each other out of appreciation and respect. No relationship should be one sided. Even our relationship with God isn't one sided if you think about it.
Just for clarification ;-) I do believe the husband has a responsibility before God, too! We both should give our all--100%!!! But I also believe it's the Holy Spirit's job to change him--not mine. The more I push, the more he resists! "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peacably with all men." --Romans 12:18 "...in honour preferring one another" --Romans 12:10 Cuts across the flesh, yes :? ... Yields the peace that passes understanding, too!
