I don't even know where to begin. So much has come up in the past week I could write a book. I've felt him becoming more disconnected the past few months but I wrote it off to stress at work and being anxious waiting for orders to our next station. Well he started talking a couple days before Christmas. First it was about me needing to find myself again. That I've lost my sense of self- I really have. My world revolves around dd and him and there is no time for me. Then he brought up his past- he had a horrible childhood. And he was facing those things again and how he's been there before and not faced them. Then Christmas Eve he tells me he's been living a lie the past 10 years we've known each other- been married for almost 9. Says he came into this marriage at a different emotional standpoint than I did. He did it because he thought it was what he was supposed to not because it's what God wanted him to do. So of course that totally caught me off guard. He says a lot of the things he's written, said and done in the past 9 years were because it's what I wanted, not what God wanted. And he's lived his whole life that way. He says he needs to deal with this and he can't turn back this time. I totally get that, and I totally support him in doing this. But he says he doesn't know if he can be who he needs to be for dd and I on an emotional level. He said he loves me, but doesn't know if he can be in love with me because he doesn't think he ever was. WHAT? Anyhow, he's been praying a lot, turned things over to God- which is why all this came up. He's never turned everything over to God. Just did what he thought was supposed to be done. So he's talking to our pastor right now- been there for almost 3 hours. I'm so scared I'm going to lose him. He said he had a dream that I was married to someone else and dd was older. That scares me. And I told him maybe the dream meant that we were still married and maybe that someone else was the changed him. And of course he said the guy didn't look anything like him. So there ya have it. If you could just keep both of us in your prayers. I'm trying so hard to just let go and let God work. But I'm so afraid God is going to tell him that he shouldn't be here. The things dh has been saying, I try not to read into them too much, but it really makes me think that.
I will be praying. I believe that when we say "I do" that person becomes the person for us. I also believe that when both husband and wife put faith in God, He can make any marriage grow- in love, in companionship, and spiritually. I don't believe God will tell your dh to leave. Marriage is sacred to God. My prayer is that your dh will give everything to God and see that through Him your marriage can and will work. Praying for your pastor to have the right words to guide your dh back to God, you, and your dd. ((((HUGS))))
Kim, I am brokenhearted for you. I am praying a hedge of protection around your husband's mind, will, and emotions; wisdom for the pastor; and comfort and peace for you. On the positive side, it sounds like he is seeking the Lord. Like Pam said, when we marry, our spouse becomes the "right" person for us; so if he's truly tuned in to the Lord, he will come to see this truth. Your husband sounds like he's in a fragile place right now. He may need you to appear strong, so I think you did a good thing by bringing your fears to this forum where you'll get a lot of support.
Praying here, too. Like the others have said, when you both said "I do", your marriage became God's will for you both. Love is not always a warm, gushy feeling, but a total commitment you make to one another. If he has truly turned himself over to God...he will learn that his marriage to you and your family IS the only truth (not a lie) for both of you. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. But I pray that in the end you will both be stronger and happier together than ever before. Lot so hugs coming your way....
Heres a big Cyber hug Kim from all of us.. you might need a few before this is all done. I agree with what all the ladies say. God would never tell him to you leave you. Hang in there girl.. we are here for you and support you. I hope and pray the pastor leads him in the right direction. Maybe you both should go together and talk to the Pastor later on. Take care of yourself too. we are here for you when you need to talk.
Oh girl!! I am SO sorry!! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God is good, all the time and is always taking care of us. Keep us posted...we'll keep praying!!
I like what Leslie said, and it's true: your husband is believing a lie right now. When he recognizes that for what it is, he'll be able to say, "Yes! I did love you all along, and you are the right one for me, but my emotions were confused." So, try to recognize it for what it is: a lie. And just don't start believing it yourself. I'll share something from a dark time in my own life when the route our children were taking brought guilt upon myself, regrets, even wondering if my own beloved and I were "right" for each other. At the deepst point of my despair, I told him that I wished we had never married and other horrible things. Months later, after much healing, I asked him how he had remained strong during that time, and he said, "You had reasons for feeling that way, and I understood your reasons; but I knew you didn't really mean it." 'Said all that to say that we're praying for healing to come soon and that he will come back to knowing and believing the truth.
Oh Kim. I am so sorry this is happening. I also second what the ladies have shared. God is not the author of confusion. Satan IS! God will NEVER tell your husband to leave you. So please take this stand NOW against the enemy and place those thoughts behind you. Marriage is a covenant under God. It is HOLY. I pray for your husband to seek wisdom and guidance in the Lord because what you have shared is not of the Lord. I hope this didn't sound harsh. I just do not like to see people deceived by the enemy. I am also praising God because your husband sought help with your pastor. I too am praying for words of wisdom for your pastor. I will continue to keep you and your family in prayer. Patty
I agree with this and what the other ladies have said 100%!!! I will pray that your dh sees the lie, and knows that God is the author of love and marriage, not of confusion! I pray that he will not use this lie as some "excuse"! Please stay strong through this! God loves you and DOES want this marriage to be strong! HUGE and LOVING HUGS to you!!!
Oh, Kim! I am so sorry to hear that this is going on. I was just thinking of you this morning. You will definitely be in my prayers.
He thinks he doesn't love you anymore AFTER you get pregnant?? And what about your daughter? Find yourself?? I'm sorry you have to deal with such immaturity out of him. My half sister's husband pulled this same stunt as he was being sent to Korea, and it ended up he did something very selfish. I hope the pastor helps your husband straighten up and grow up.
C.S. Lewis said it best in Mere Christianity: "Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling... Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from "being in love" — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God... "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."
