sorry this is a bit long... my 12 yo son is borderline ADD and non medicated. He has had issues with impulse stealing ie candy bar etc at stores. We know this and watch for it. In his thinking he wanted it so he got it. well 2 weeks or so ago he started talking about a DS game thing his friend was going to give him. We of course thought that strange since they cost a bit. So we told him to tell the other kid to have his parents get ahold of us and let us know it was ok before we'd approve it. Nope didn't happen at all. A week ago was payday so i ended up having money in my purse. well I puut my purse by my bed at night. The next morning i went to pay bills and i was missing $300. yep that's correct $300 My oldest gets himself up for school and gets to the busstop on time. He comes in and says he's leaving when it's time to leave. Well the next day after my money was missing he came home with the DS. We took it away from him until we could talk to the parents. 1 week went by and no call so hubby talked to school who talked to the other kid. Other kid said that my oldest paid him for it. The school told us what the other kid said so hubby talked to our oldest who still denied stealing. UGH. Mom is soooooo frustrated it is not good. His biological dad is spending basically life in prison for stealing so this scares me sooo much to the point i don't know what to do except pray and hope that we can find answers. Any ideas would be appreciated and of course lots of prayers.
I am equipped to advise you on this sitatuion. However, you will have my prayers that God will impart the wisdom necesary to help you son.
I am so sorry this is happening. I don't have any experience in this area so I only can offer you my prayers and a big cyber hug. Praying things get better.
I think first of all he's not allowed to do ANYTHING until you get to the bottom of this. Then, I'd INSIST on talking with the other boy or his parents to find out HOW your son got the DS. How much exactly did your son pay for it? Then I'd quiz your son as to exactly WHERE he got the money. And regardless, the DS needs to be GONE. I understand ADHD, but he's old enough to know right from wrong. He needs to take responsibility for his stealing, and not blame it on ADHD. I know it's a really tough call, and unfortunately, no matter WHAT you do, you're going to feel that it isn't "right". Hang in there. He needs you to be tough for him.
Excellent points, Jackie. ADHD cannot always take the blame for his actions or he will never learn how to take responsiblity for himself. Allowing him to use it as an excuse won't help him it will most likely end up harming him. After all, a judge won't care that is ADHD.
I wonder.. does your son know he is ADHD? MAybe he knew you'd place the blame on that. Just a thought. My son is ADD, unmedicated and he has no clue he is ADD. I think he'd use it as his excuse to get away with things like not finishing his school work or chores, so he doesnt know. I suggest ways to help him focus, soft music to listen too while doing school, chewing gum or bouncing on a yoga ball etc. I think having a disorder or what not could possibly give my son the idea to use it for his benefit... you know what I mean. Maybe not stealing, but just "in general" it could give him the idea to use it as his excuse when he misbehaves. We talk alot about manners when we do our bible study. He knows certain things are not tolerated stealing is one of them. Granted he's only 7 so who knows if this will eventually be an issue. I hope you get this figured out. I havent had to deal with anything as big as stealing. At our store if a kid steals something often time they bring them back into the store so my dh has a talk with them. I think it works, the scare factor and the embarrassment of admitting your mistake.
the beginning of adolescence probably isn't helping matters We also have a 12 year old son, who in recent months has been testing the waters with lying among other undesirable behaviors. I'm not sure how you feel about counselors or psychologists, but we feel blessed to have a great mental health counselor that we make appointments with on an as needed basis. I believe in the power of prayer, but I also believe in people who are experts in what makes people tick, and in family dynamics. If there is a professional counselor you trust, it can be great to get parenting tips from someone who is outside of the situation. I know it has helped us implement parenting skills that we will need to get through these times. We are beginning those crazy teenage years very soon. I believe it is a good idea to get a handle on things sooner than later. I'm sure some kids sail through adolescence without a problem, but so far, we have needed a little tutoring in our family!!
I am so sorry this happened to you. Were you able to talk to the other child's parents? I hope you can get your money back. I will be praying for you all. Beth
we aren't able to talk to the other parents at all. The school did call them and told them what was going on and gave them our phone number since we said to give it to them. But they haven't called at all. My 12 yo finally admitted that he took all $300 and that's what he paid the other kid. Now the other kid won't talk to my son at all but oh well. We've tried counselors before but i guess they just weren't a good match. I did make a few calls yesterday and got him in to see a counselor on Wed. The counselor is from a town 1 1/2 hours away but comes to our town on wednesdays for the veteren's needs. Well since my hubby did his 4 yrs in the army we qualify to see this counselor for no cost. That in itself is a blessing since the other one i talked to is $100/hour. My 12 yo doesn't know that he's ADD at all. so that's not really a factor in the why he's doing things like this. I did get to talk with my uncle who is a corrections officer that works with troubled teens/boot camp type thing. and his suggestion was counseling for now but if that doesn't work then my uncle would take him for a couple weeks and work with him unofficially. That would be sending my kiddo 2 states away to montana but if necessary we'll do it. For now we shall see how counseling goes. I really want to find out what in the world is going through this kid's mind so that i can understand it. right now he's grounded to his room except for his 2 chores: garbage and kitchen. Hubby insists that he write a 1-3 paragraph essay about different character traits and such each night on top of his other homework. Character traits like honesty and things like knowing right from wrong. That's hubby thing whenever kid does something wrong hubby wants him to write about it. I don't think it helps it's just busy work.
Jackie has great advice and great questions. This isn't something that is okay because he has ADD. THis is a serious thing. $300??? This is big. I don't know what to tell you to do but I know something should be done. This is a trust, respect, honesty, and moral issue all rolled into one and on top of that what he did was not only underhanded but illegal even though it was you he stole from. I have a step son and if he did that I'd call the cops on his butt and have them scare the crap outta him.
Well I would encourage you to seriously add to the chore list. He should be calling up everyone you know and neighbors and asking for odd jobs. He should also have alot more chores at your house to work off this $300. And the DS should be going to someone else, he should NOT be able to touch it. As I am sure you already took it away. Can you try to sell it? But this doesnt get rid of the character trait issue that is going on. That I will have to think about... I will ask dh He works with teenagers with this sorta problem on a daily basis. Jill
We went through a couple of counselors before we found one that really helped us - mostly with behavioral issues. The first psychologist we went to felt that putting him in school was the answer to his problems! He had know our family for about 5 minutes when making this statement. NEXT! Unfortunately for some, if you pass the college courses, they give you the degree! You don't have to get straight A's, you just need to pass! So I would encourage you to keep looking until you find the right one. Counseling has helped our family a great deal.
Tomorrow is the day we get to see the counselor. I've heard only good things about him so we'll see. He's not allowed to have the ds at all. i'm hoping to sell it and the games I just have to wait for the weekend so hubby has the time to take it to the game store and see what we can get. Hubby added another chore for him to do and that's stacking firewood from the woodpile to a stack by my front door everyday. It's cold as can be here so that in itself is not fun. I so appreciate all the suggestions and comments. That's helping me out a lot to get through this without blowing my top.
Praying things get better, real soon. Sometimes you just need to vent a little and get advise from somenone on the outside looking in for a new perspective. (((( ))))
well we saw the counselor. He's real nice and very experienced with working with troubled kids. So far my oldest liked him for the most part. Only time my kiddo wasn't too thrilled was when we actually talked about why we were there and the problems we'd been having. When the topic was my kiddo's interests it was good other than that only answer my kid gave was I don't know. But i figure it will take time to actually get to the root of the issue.
