I just registered last night and have read nearly all the posts containing the word "frustrated" or "crazy", so that should tell you where I'm at! lol I searched out a forum like this because I am so down about my decision to homeschool and I feel like a complete failure who has probably screwed my kids up. They were doing well in school, and our local school isn't bad. I just wanted to teach them science and history from a Christian perspective, and I wanted to be more involved in their whole learning process. Also, we were concerned about how much faster kids are growing up, and the influence of friends who think they can "go out" with the opposite sex in 4th grade! Not to mention the caddy social games in late elementary school. I started homeschooling my dd9 and ds11(4th and 5th gd.) last fall. Lately, everything starting with getting them up in the morning is a battle. They won't stay in bed and go to sleep at night, and getting them up is a bigger battle. Once we get going on our work, the peaceful moments where they are both doing well, listening, working quietly, etc. are few and far between. It seems that if one is on task, the other is goofing off or picking a fight with the other. That's another issue...their fighting is driving me up the wall. I have considered some changes we need to make like having a more consistent daily schedule (my lack of self discipline and drive at this point), more field trips and classes out of the house, but now, I am dragging myself to the table and I don't know if I have the wherewithal to drag them too. To top it all off, I am raising a 9 month old grandbaby. I feel like a terrible example since I have let their disobedience and lack of cooperation completely reduce me to a teeth gritting, nearly in tears mess instead of the strong yet loving and nurturing mother I want to be. It seems that a very negative dynamic has taken over and apart from prayer, I am unsure how to turn it around. I hated to post this because I didn't see any other comments from anyone this frustrated other than the one with a 3 year old, and mine are old enough to know better. I guess we have to take the risk of being judged harshly if we want to get the help we need. My feelings are sore and on my sleeve today, so give me some grace, but give me some honest suggestions on how to get out of this slump please. One day, I want to be the one giving encouragement.
You remind me of myself and I currently only have a 12 yr old I'm hsing! I have a 21 yr old dd, 20 yr old ds and almost 18 yr old dd already out the house but the older two still bicker like they are under the age of 10! I have a 26 mo old dgd and 11 mo old dgd that I keep most of the week for my oldest dd and it gets very interesting around here! I just pulled my dd back out of ps in Jan so it's been hard getting into the flow of things. Yesterday she slept until almost 11 and was finishing her work at 5 pm and that is not what I want it to be like BUT I'm trying to back off a little from what I feel should be a normal day. She has gained 10 lbs in the past month (she is a skinnie-minnie) which is good and I know she needs the sleep but I'm a person who would rather get the school day done early so I warned her that the next few weeks will be done differently. I don't have the babies 24/7 so that makes it harder in keeping them on a schedule so we tend to work around them. As far as the slump goes, I think part of it is the time of year as I'm fighting a funk myself. Believe me, noone here will be judgemental and I honestly don't know what I would have done without the support of the gals here!
Wow. It's REALLY helpful just to know I am not alone. I guess I need to give myself permission to back up, take a deep breath and relax on the idea of the "ideal" day for the moment. I have heard from several hs moms that sometimes it takes more than the first year to get in the swing of it, so I am trying to give it some time. It just seems that EVERYTHING is going wrong at once and it's hard to figure out what to address first. I'm just not one to quit easily, in spite of my temptation to load them into the suburban and promptly deliver them to our nice little elementary school down the street.
Oh... how frustrating! You know... I have found myself in similar ruts wondering how I ever got into a rut like that! Yikes!!! What I have found works is if I simply changed EVERYTHING. Change how I react... change how we get up. Change what we eat. Change were we are even. Take a small trip or something. Start doing constant field trips to get them and you out of the slump. Start doing school in bed. Just shake up the house and see what works for you. I know that sounds weird and it may not work at all for you, but it works really well for us if I let myself get a little crazy once in a while. The kids love it and they forget to bicker when they don't really know what in the world their crazy mom is up to this time! lol... If you are "mission minded" you may even want to do a missions week where you go and volunteer somewhere with them, or something similar... who knows what you can come up with, but find something that fits for you and your kids. Do it different! Don't forget why you have them at home! You will be fine! You just slipped into that infernal rut in the road, but you gotta climb out! You can do it!!! Glad to see you here!
You are def not alone. Just take it easy and know not everyting is perfect. Welcome to the boards too:
Welcome! I don't have any experience in that area so I don't have any words of wisdom though I will pray for your situation.
I know it can be tough!!! You have to train your kids into the new routine. Children are children; they'll push like crazy to see if you "really" mean it or if they can get away with the crap. Try to be consistent. Having a general schedule (ie: regular bed time, getting up time, routine) can help. I think you also need to recruit your husband's help. Not knowing his work schedule or anything, he can probably still help when it comes to getting the kids in bed at night. I'd make a STRICT bedtime. We also allow the kids to read in their rooms for a half hour after they are ready for bed. Find fun things for them to do after lessons. These cannot be done until ALL lessons are finished. If they give you grief, calmly tell them that it's OK, they don't have to do it now. They are welcome to sit in their room instead. And, since they are chosing to spend their school time as free time sitting in their room, they will be spending their free time (or TV time, etc.) as school time later this evening when Daddy's home. (And again, you will have Daddy's authority to back you up and make sure things get done!) Are you taking Mommy Time? That really helps you with not "losing it". My children go to their rooms daily for a half-hour of Silent Reading. I set the timer, and they DO NOT come out unless they see flames shooting out of their wall (lol). Take that time to sit down with a cup of tea. Read. Relax. DO NOT do housework or school work, or get dinner ready. It is YOUR TIME!!! If the kids don't co-operate, tell them you will add another 5 mnutes AFTER the timer goes off. They catch on fairly quicly. STICK TO IT!!!
I'm praying for your situation, too. I like the idea of changing things around. Give yourself some grace, too... You've only been doing this for a few months, your children are testing your boundaries, and that's especially hard when you're just starting out and aren't sure exactly where the boundaries are yourself. Forget the "ideal" school day. It doesn't exist. That doesn't mean you need to settle for constant bickering though, either. Have you looked into different methods of homeschooling? Different people learn best in different ways, and maybe the way you are trying right now is not the right one for your family. There are many many options out there, and I know it gets overwhelming. Here are a few resources that helped us out immensely when we were starting: Mary Pride's Complete Guide to Getting Started in Homeschooling is great. It goes through all of the different learning styles, the major homeschooling methods, and which methods match which styles the best. We found this VERY helpful. We checked it out of the library (if they don't have it, look under The Big Book of Home Learning, Volume 1, which was its previous title), but you can also buy it on Amazon or from her website: http://www.home-school.com/ Once you've figured out what style fits you best, look for Cathy Duffy's 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum. We checked it out of the library, too, and then later found it at Half Price Books. Cathy Duffy has a website, too: http://cathyduffyreviews.com/ I hope that helps! I'm very glad you posted... You'll find a lot of grace here, because a lot of us have been right where you are. Hang in there. It's worth it and it gets better. Really.
I have to agree with Jackie, get the dh involved as much as you can, can he wake them up in the morning before he leaves. Get them on a set bed time and up time every morning. I have a 15 and 13 year old and we have always started school at 8. My dh gets the girls up before he leaves and that gives them time to lay around or what ever till 8 if they want to sleep they take a rest in the afternoon or bed early. Just do whats best for your family. But children do need things set in stone. Any way welcome aboard.
You are definitely NOT the only one!!!! We're in our first full year (started last March). My kids are 5,7,and 9. They all like to stay up late and sleep late. We have adapted our start time a bit because I'm not a morning person myself...so we typically start at 10am. We used to start at 9am and I'm hoping to shift back to that but either way, we go until the work is done. My kids bicker on and off (mostly my 5 and 9 yr old). And is hard for all of them to be "on task" at the same time....3 totally different personalities. We have our good days and bad days. Yesterday we had a great field trip day....today was not as good:roll: I don't know that I have any words of wisdom that others haven't mentioned but I wanted to let you know that you have NOT done your kids a disservice by schooling at home. They would still bicker whether they were at ps or not....that's just siblings. Hang in there!!!! And Welcome!!! Rhonda C.
Hi! Welcome aboard! All these ladies have given good advice! Remember too, that you do NOT have to "School at home"! You are homeschooling, so set a schedule and find curriculum that works for you and your children, NOT one that the local ps is using or someone else told you is THE curriculum to use! You have to know your kids learning styles (they usually aren't the same, of course, that'd make it too easy! ), so Google learning styles and see what you can find out. Then try to find curriculum that works well with that kind of style. It takes some time to get into homeschooling. At first it's overwhelming, just like any new thing you try! But you'll get it, and if you stay firm, they'll get it too. They may be confused about what's expected, and sense that you are too. Take the upper hand, and at least PRETEND you know what you're doing! Also, you are DEFINITELY NOT harming your children or ruining them for life!!! There are adjustments to get through in anything you do, and rough times for other things as well. If this is something you feel strongly about then stick to your guns. Sometimes you have to grit your teeth and move forward---BUT, there WILL be times that you will be AMAZED at what you all accomplish, and THAT will make it totally worth it! Remember, as well, as to the homeschooling, not doing school at home, you can set up your schedule however you wish. There are MANY different schedules represented by the ladies here! Some get up at 6 and start school early and are done early. Some go to bed late and get up late and start school at 10 or 11 or in the afternoon. Some have husbands whose schedule has them working nights, so they school at night. See what the peak hours of alertness are for your kids and work with that for now. If they do best going to bed later, and you do too, then maybe say, okay, we'll go to bed at 11pm. And we'll sleep until 9. We'll start schoolwork at 11am....etc. You do NOT have to keep the same schedule as ps does! In fact my dd sometimes still has her pj's robe and slippers on and watches the bus go by, and says how glad she is that she doesn't have to be up and dressed and out there in the cold waiting for the bus! My ds14 lays half on the couch and half on the floor, or walks around while he's doing his schoolwork. He often has to say things out loud to "get it", so I let him. Allow your kids to be themselves and learn at their optimum times and in ways that suit them. Things will go better that way. All that said, we ALL have bad days (weeks, months!!!). But overall, homeschooling can be WONDERFUL, and for me, has millions of advantages over ps!!! This is our 10th year now, but I remember feeling the way you're feeling when I first started! Hang in there! Your kids will progress and do fine! They will! Ask any more questions any time! I'll be praying for you!
I'll be praying for you. I'm new at this myself so I'm not much for words of wisdom, but one thing I know about is bickering kids. Oh, do I know about that! If my two boys 5 and 7 worked half as much as they pick at each other they would both be nuclear physicists by now. One thing that really helped me in the last few months is to separate them during school time. Not all the way across the house, but maybe one working on handwriting at the kitchen table and the other doing math problems at the coffee table in the living room. That way they cannot see or touch one another but I can see them both and keep both on task a little better. Also, I know from experience that having a baby around sure makes it harder on you. Even when they have a fairly reliable schedule, when they are so small it just makes tons of work for you... Welcome to the boards and let us know when we can help! Jennifer
Yep, we do the same thing around here. My DS is usually at the table for math and handwriting. DD9 is usually on the living room couch and DD 7 divides her time between the dining rm table, living room floor, and her room (sometimes my room). DS and I do his Hooked on Phonics in another room from the girls too....sometimes his room, sometimes mine, sometimes the sunroom. Divide and conquer!! Obviously we are all in the same room for some subjects but for many, it is easier to keep them on task and for Mommy to rotate.....although I feel like a ping pong ball sometimes :lol: Rhonda C.
I'm hsing 9yo daughter, 6 yo son, and I have a 6 month old too. I was having problems with whining and complaining and general bad attitudes. Things are better now, because (after pulling some hair out, aging a few years, discussing it with my husband, searching for ideas and trying many out) we are now successfully using a reward chart. Sticker charts were always a pain for me to manage, but it was necessary. I print out a chart each week that lists all of the subjects we cover (except the fun ones about which they never complain). Under each subject, I have "Good Attitude", "No Complaining", and "Stayed Focus". They get to place a sticker on the chart for each criteria met for each subject, each day. Because they have so many chances to earn stickers, I am very strict. Even the slightest groan about school deprives them of their "No Complaining" sticker. (They like their curriculum, they would just complain about being taken away from play to do school.) The "Good Attitude" is broad, but I basically use that one to encourage them to try their best -- whining, "I can't" or not trying looses the "Good Attitude" sticker. For "Stay Focus", I just tell my kids that if they need a drink or if they need to use the bathroom, the time to do it is before or after a specific lesson. An assignment that should have taken 15 minutes to complete was taking an hour, because of all of their potty runs, snack breaks and drink breaks. So, they get the "Stay Focused" sticker if they stick to a task and get it done without hopping up and down and without getting distracted by some other activity like doodling on the edges of the paper. Once they each accumulate 100 stickers (that is possible to do in five days), we take a day off and go to the park, meet up with a friend, go bowling, go swimming for half of it; the other half, I catch up on chores while they have free time or we go to the library. That means that we basically do five on, one off routine. Therefore, we may school a little later in the year than others, but even with taking that day off, we still get much more done than when I was trying to do five days of week with no incentive. Incentive charts are great, because they can be altered to address your specific issues, but it doesn't work for everyone. That is just one idea. I had to weed through many before finding one that works. That is what is great about homeschooling; you can keep experimenting until you find what is right for your children. (PS: You know those childbirth classes lots of people take to help you through delivery. Well, those breathing techniques were useless in labor for me, but they have been helpful for the years after birth. When the kids are really trying me, I take a "deep cleansing breath", exhale, breath in, breath oooouuut. And then when I do the "puff, puff, puff" breathing, they know I'm at the end of my rope and they'd better straighten up because a primordial scream is not far behind!)
Jsut a thought, when I want my kids to be adjusted to early rising for school days I wake them up way earlier than I want them up, like an hour early, then allow them that time to wake up , I do this a couple of days, and they are ready to fall asleep at bed time too! Right now we have adjusted to the opposite end as we have a few things going on lately that keep us up later, so I had to force my youngest to go back to bed so he would be rested enough ! Lol, what a switch let me tell you! The thing we have to remember is that sometimes we just have to make adjustments and it works!
Oh, Valerie. You should have been at my house today. My 7 yr old just plain would not do her work, except for two things. I gave up and just let her quit for the day. As for bickering- I also have a 21 yr old son. These two go at it so you'd think I have 2 -7 yr olds. He actually locked her out of her own bedroom today. Don't ask me why... I'm like TeacherMom- I call my Jeannie one hour before I want her downstairs, and then I still give her half an hour to settle in once she comes down.
