This sounds like my son. Going out with him is a nightmare. Yesterday we were out and I took the trolly (shoping cart) instead of dh and that set him off. :x I know he has issues, such as low muscle tone, speach delay. He just had a screening for autism/aspergers which came back negative. Half the time I can't even figure out what trigered his screaming. We went to a hs park day last week, how embarising! he did nothing but cry, scream and carry on. I am very firm with him but I am sure others think he is spoiled rotten. What did your son have? Did he just outgrow it? Most the time I just stay home with him to avoid embarisment. :cry:
I was just thinking that. I am a mom of 5 and to do what darby said would mean that I would be spending alot of time with the misbehaving child and ignore the other behaved children. By giving extra attention (even if it is working on extra chores together) send the wrong message to the behaved children (if you want special attention misbehave).
Jo, I mentioned that often tantrums are a result of communication problems. That may be partly responsible for your son's behavior. Have you considered teaching him sign language? The studies show that learning to sign helps improve a hearing child's ORAL language (!!!) Does he get therapy for his delay? If so, you might want to ask his therapist about it.
Something I would suggest, if you can fit it in, is to record what your son has eaten before the fit started. I learned the hard way that my ds cannot handle red food dye. I had an allergist tell me that the red and yellow food dyes can really affect a child's behavior. My sis found out that one of the flavors of the air head candies makes my nephew way out of whack!
Thank you Ladies for not taking my stated opinion as a personal attack, it was sooooo not one! I do want to clarify a few things that might have been misunderstood though 1. A time out in my opinion is completely different than sending a child to their room. A time out is having a child sit or stand away from others, hopefully in a quiet manner a a consequence for their behavior. I completely and 100% agree with time outs What I don't agree with is the banishment to another room for the time out. 2. I am in no way suggesting that anyone ignore siblings while they are covertly keeping an eye on a tantruming child! Yes, the first few times of trying to keep order in a room while a child is screaming can be difficult but if you plan ahead for it, your other children can be occupied quite effectively by color sheets etc. that they can do until the fit ends. As soon as the fit ends, the sheets go away... the idea is to keep the other children entertained without the need to yell over the hollering of the misbehaving child. You are also providing the child who is throwing the tantrum the ability to see that he/she is missing out on something "fun" because he/she is busy throwing the fit. (Of course, I'm assuming that you are doing fun things at other times too) Getting no attention from the other children (not even a peek) or from the parent usually ends the fits by the 3rd attempt. This of course was just the experiences that I have seen for myself. All children are different and will respond differently as has been pointed out. 3. IF you are a parent who is very active in dealing with a child who has been banned to their room, then I was not talking to you when I said that I felt it was a "cop out". I am talking about the parents who send their kids to the other room so they don't have to deal with the screaming child and then expect the child to actually learn how to handle themselves and their troubles by memorizing a set of "right answers". I adamantly feel that no child should be sent away to deal with their frustration on their own but that is only my opinion. I have no problems agreeing to disagree, it doesn't make me "like" anyone here any less/more. Every parent has their own methods and I was just offering my thoughts and another style for those who have been doing the bedroom timeout thing for awhile and maybe it isn't working for them. I didn't intend anyone to feel as if I was jumping down their throat personally! I do apologize if the typed words came across that way. I do however, feel that people should be allowed to say what they really think, not what is going to be the common consensus as long as it is done without malicious intent. I hope this forum encourages diverse opinions as I enjoy knowing what people really think about things. I participate on boards because it offers me the opportunity to get a different perspective... if I wanted one that always agreed with me, I'd stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself :lol: I am not shy and tend to be a bit more forward than most but, I would never intentionally hurt another person. I hope I can be forgiven by those who obviously took my post as a personal attack.
I didn't take any of your comments as a personal attack because my way of raising my kids have apparently been successful so someone's opinion is just that, their opinion. :love: As far as sending kids to their room. Some parents send kids to their rooms so they, the parent can also have a cool off period, which I think is good. I wish my parents would have taken the time to "cool off" rather than hit in anger. I've have never spanked my kids or sent them to their room to cool off, but I know parents who have and that can be a good thing. No offense taken.
I appreciate your thoughts Darby! I think it's good when we can all share our opinions! I think some of us just wanted to clarify our meaning, and now you have clarified your meaning, so all is well in the Homeschool Spot World as far as I'm concerned!
Don't worry about it, I don't think anyone took it wrong! I don't think anyone felt attacked or upset. Feel free to disagree all you want; it's boring when everyone thinks the same thing!!!
This is why I love this place so much. We can share opinions, ideas, techniques or whatever and agree to disagree sometimes. One board I am on, which is not about home schooling or children, can't disagree about anything without a big uproar. I mostly just read on it for some information I need. I feel at home here with you guys. Beth
I didn't feel attacked either I just stated that I wasn't sure how that would work for my family. I also misunderstood a bit of what you wrote the first time. I am glad you jumped in on this discussion though. It gave me something to think about.
mtnest...thanks for your opinion. I have sent my kids to their rooms before, however not so I did not have to deal with it. So, no offense here. I rarely use that punishment anymore. I try to use time outs in the same room...in my mind it holds the child more accountable to stoping the tantrum. I also think tantrums stopped quicker if the child was not removed. That may just be my kid...who knows. I just know that when I used to send my ds to his room for crying the crying seemed to increase and he became more upset. With my oldest, sending her to her room seemed to do the trick. My youngest seems to get more upset and gets more out of control if she is left alone. I think being left alone adds to SOME children's problems. Not only are they out of control anyway but then they are left alone and it freaks them out. I don't know...maybe that is just my kids. Like I said, with my oldest it worked better than keeping her in the same room.
Ava, I think you're right in that there's no hard and fast rules (other than CONSISTENCY and LOVE!!!) that works with every child. What is "best" for one might be the worst thing possible for another, even in the same family.
