Ok I don't post often, I mainly lurk. My 4yo DS will be 5 in July. I was just recently diaognosed with Hypothyroidism. I haven't been myself for at least 6 months so I haven't done much with my boys (other one is almost 3) I have been just too tired. Anyways, Sam is now in soccer. He however, gets upset because he thinks people are going to kick him. I told my friend this she thinks he is lacking in language skills? He has always been very sensitive, but he is also very smart! People at soccer have put their 4 year olds through soccer camp. I just dont believe in that type of thing, because I want my 4 year old to have fun! Anyways, my friend who said that he was lacking in social skills is a special ed teacher who taught for the public school systems. Now she has a different job but she suggested I have Sam tested through the school system and possibly put him in preschool for 'social skills' What do you all think of this? Is it so wrong my child is very verbal about his feelings? Is it ok that he gets his feelings hurt? I feel like he usually only gets very upset and cries when someone doesn't explain whats going on next (transistions) and for me I would cry too. SO again give me your opinions.
I know some kids are more sensitive. I also know that girls tend to mature faster at those ages. So, that being said, my instinct would be, maybe, not to have him in soccer if it causes him any problems, and I would NOT put him in preschool! I hold the opinion that the socialization at young ages like this isn't neccesarily all that positive. Lots of people say we homeschoolers should send our kids to ps for better "socialization skills". I think we can do things with our kids that will help them learn REAL socialization skills (going grocery shopping, getting a hair cut, saying their own order at McDonald's, spending time with other children and adults in a non-competetive environment.... Your ds will come around in his time. He's learning as time goes on. You see how things affect him, so only you can make those choices of what's best for him, but I gaave my opinion anyway! :lol:
Marylyn's two girls are mildly autistic. She might be a good one to discuss special needs preschool with. I know it was a good experience for her girls. The younger is still in, the older is now being homeschooled. I hear what you're saying about soccer! We are blessed in that our local rec center has a great preschool soccer program. They do a GREAT job trying to keep it low-key and fun. Occasionally you'll have a crazy parent, but that's very rare in this program.
My son played soccer for a few years and never "had fun" because the other kids would get sooo competitive. He was in PS at the time - and had the same issues. I found that doing various stuff at the local rec center (like swimming - it's an individual sport! but in a group setting) worked wonders for him. Now he has his "moments" but he's a kid He socializes just fine - LOL and sometimes talks your head off!!
My oldest ds ( he was diagnosed on the Autism spectrum at 5. SID, and ADD) Anyways he went to public school and was always more sensitive than other children his age, no big deal. We tried him in soccer for 1 1/2 yrs until I told dh "NO more". Noah didnt like soccer, heck he doesnt like sports at all. He's still sensitive and that just him, and you know what? That's ok, he is who he is. I might have to say Noah is way more confident in who he is now that he is homeschooled. Homeschoolers are always getting a bad rap when it comes to socialization. Socialization is a myth.
I'm always a little wary of advice from people in the system. Sometimes they tend to think things that are perfectly natural are strange simply because they're used to the strangeness of schooled kids and haven't seen how kids naturally develop without the handicap of school. I know the growth in breastfed babies can be seen as a problem by some doctors because they use growth charts made from data that's based mostly on the growth rates of formula fed babies. Sort of the same thing. If my tone is a little snarky can I blame John Holt? I'm reading How Children Fail at the moment.
I've got a pretty sensitive DS as well. He didn't like soccer at that age either for the exact same reason...although now at 5 1/2 he does. He went to a Christian preschool and a Dept of Defense Pre-K program and is now homeschooled (we moved and began). I know that sending all my kids to preschool and their DoD school didn't hurt them but I also know that academically my oldest would be much further ahead at home (their gifted program was limited). Anyway, I don't regret sending them to their previous school (Daddy was deployed ALOT) but I'm also glad to be hsing them now and especially my son for K. He's doing SO MUCH better at home than he would have in the same K program my girls went too (if we still lived there). For social things, he plays church league soccer, takes swimming lessons, we attend a small hs co-op at church, AWANA, and sunday school/worship. Plus we have local hs park days, etc. He gets plenty of interaction with kids his own age and of all ages. All this to say, that if you feel your son needs more "play time" with other kids than he gets hsing...then look into other options (which could include a preschool, park day or a co-op). If he already gets lots on interaction, then I'd probably address any developmental concerns with a pediatrican (or developmental pediatrician) rather than someone in the school system. If the doc thinks there is a problem, then look at the options, kwim? There are lots of great folks who work in the schools but they aren't all great and I'd rather trust a medical doctor you chose than some random person at a school that you don't know.
I just think 'gee hes only 4' and hes now finally starting to show his 'butt' side if you know what I mean by backtalking :cry: But I guess thats part of growing up. I honestly thing he is very social. Him and his brother are best friends and they go to church and there are library programs. I am just leary of him getting tested within the public school system. Thanks for easing some of my fears. I think kids are very literal at this age too. Here is another example of his actions: At church they had an easter egg hunt a few weeks ago and placed all the eggs they found in bags...the teacher was rushing them out the door at the end of church that she handed Sam a brown bag and he had a white one...well he remembered he had a white one and had a crying meltdown right there. I guess he is just very literal, knows what he wants and I should embrace his smartness
No I wouldn't put him a preschool, because of what person said. I am your ds gets more of that S word then others do. Have you thought maybe the sport isn't for him? there are alot of other things out there for him to try.
There is nothing wrong with that. It might just be his way of showing what he wants right now. He knew he had a white bag not the brown one and wanted it. I can't blame him. I see nothing wrong with it .
If his socialization issues have to do with austism spectrum connections, it's a totally different thing than "playing with others." It's about not being able to handle situations that he isn't comfortable with. It's about freaking out and REFUSING to go onto the soccer field because of a FEAR of being kicked. (Maybe not specifically, but these are the types of extreme reactions I've noticed in my own children.) Marylyn has been a huge help to me. She sent me to THIS site and helped me to recognize symptoms in my own children (3 boys). I recommend reading up and, if you see your child in any of these categories, THEN think about having an evaluation and some sorts of therapy. My own 4yo would take several instances to make it understood that he is scared that the kids will kick him; it's just very difficult to understand him, though he has "more words" than he did at this same time last year. If your friend has experience working with children on the spectrum, she may see things you may not. But if she means that he's a weaner and needs to "deal" with kids who are playing a rough sport, ignore her. ****hugs****
Sounds perfectly normal to me. My kids would all have done the same thing at that age.....they were all smart enough to remember what color, etc they had and want "their" bag...not just "any" bag.
Great points DaLynn. Another HS Spot mom who might have some words of wisdom is Kim (missinseattle). Her DD has sensory integration disorder....although I think she's completed her OT.
Children are not cookies all cut from the same cutter. I don't listen to advice from random people who have seen my kids once or twice for a couple minutes. You live with your children all the time and know them! Do you think there is something wrong with your son? If you don't then there probably isn't! Trust yourself. BTW, congrats on your diagnosis. It's not fun to be sick but it is nice to know you're not crazy and something is wrong. I'm hypo too so if you ever have any questions or want to chat let me know! Amy
I didn't have time to read all the posts but here it my take: My kids never went to preschool and they have developed very well and are very social.
I didn't read all the responses, but I am glad you came here for advice instead of listening to a "School brain." Your friend might have good intentions, but she is trained about school, all of her expertise and experience is based around school, so the only answers and ideas she has (for what she perceives to be a problem) revolve around school. Nothing is wrong with a 4 yr old being articulate about his feelings; and it doesn't indicate a lack of social skills to fear being kicked in soccer; that's totally reasonable. The likeliness of being kicked in soccer is very very high. Some kids play in spite of it and others don't. Listen to your boy and your heart, not your school friend
I would change sports. Soccer doesn't sound right for him. And I definitely wouldn't put him in Preschool. I would look for quieter, less interactivite activities for him to be involved in. Chess club maybe? That's a sport too.
