So Dh and I have been researching homeschooling for about 3 years now and have chosen this form of education for our children. Well, I had told my mom a long time ago and she is excited about it. As for other family we have just told them when they start asking questions about school for oldest. He will be preschool age this summer. Anyway fast forward to today. So apparently last night my dad had asked my mom if I had signed DS up for preschool yet and she told him, no "they are homeschooling". Well then today he gives me a call and even though he knows the answer, asks me if I was putting DS in school. I said "no we are homeschooling, we don't plan on sending them". Here is how he starts off his next comment. "Well there are two ways I think you will be harming your kids". As soon as it rolled out of his mouth I went into defensive mama bear mode. I told him that the decision has been made, that we have researched this and that it is not changing. He then proceeds to say that he does not think I have what it takes to teach them 8 hours a day. So then I said "When you have actually read about homeschooling, come back and we can have a conversation about it!" Anyway, I was so perturbed. This is not the first time we have disagreed, but the first time he has questioned my parenting. Once we talk again I will tell him that the topic is open for discussion, but not for debate. UGH, I hope that our next conversation about this is better.
I think you handled that very well. As for this statement I think that is an awesome way to approach the situation. (((hugs)))
Thanks! I hate arguing, but I hate it more when someone attacks our decision without any background knowledge about that particular subject. Thanks for the hugs.
You handled that perfectly. His "8 hour" comment shwoed how lignorant he was of the subject so I think you have every right to consider the topic closed until he informs himself.
Let your child's academic success speak for itself. My dad and stepmom were very skeptical of me homeschooling my kids. When my eldest had an informal evaluation last year and the evaluator said she was advanced for a 2nd grader...my stepmom smirked....but then when I told her if she were in the school system (because of her age and where her birthday falls) she would only have been in 1st grade, she was FLOORED and became a big proponent for homeschooling! LOL. (trying to convince my eldest sister to do it b/c her daughter is a mid level competitive gymnast - she happens to go to a gym that doesn't force homeschooling at her level - all the other gyms in the area DO force by the time a gymnast reaches her level). Anyway. My dad still finds a way to get a dig in here and there. A few months ago he gave me an article about how a homeschooler had trouble adapting to a regular school situation when ceasing homeschooling. Of course, the recommendation of the "experts" in the article was that the child should be allowed to return to homeschooling if that were an environment where he thrived! I do think it would be tough for an "unschooling" student to adhere to the structure and rigor of a public or private school! Once he starts seeing the success...he'll be more for it!
Dani, you handled it MUCH better than I would have! You did a great job NOT to get drawn into a pointless argument. I know it's YOUR dad, but this is one of the times your husband needs to take charge. Your dad needs to see that this is a JOINT decision, and the buck stops with DH, not with YOU. Any more arguments, continue not to rise to it, an refer him to your husband. Many times when the man of the house confronts the issue, others back off.
While I totally AGREE with you on this! (TOTALLY)...I think it can depend on the situation and where they fall on the whole "submission" and "role of a wife" issue... If this had been how we delt with it - my parents would think that my husband was FORCING me into it and not me CHOOSING to do it as well. I need for my parents (who have NO belief system, and basically my stepmom wears the pants in the family) to see that this is MY decision (just as is my decision to not work)...It happens to fit into submitting to my husband's desires. And I would do it even if I didn't agree, b/c that's how I understand the heirarchy. But...I digress.... When dealing with likeminded families...what you mentioned is exactly how I would deal with it though.
I think you handled the situation great. After almost 4 years of homeschooling ( my kids are 11 and 14) my mom is still wanting to know when I'm going to finally put them back in "real" school. I just shake my head and explain that they are in real school and thats where their going to stay.
I homeschooled my oldest for 4 years. Last year he went to middle school (his choice) Well long story short he hates it especially the preassure about the state testing. My mom in law all last year could talk about was how it was good for him to finally be in school. And now how good it will be for my daughter to start K this year. We haven't told mom in law yet that it won't happen and that I will be homeschooling both of them. UGH! I can just imagine what she'll say. Hubby is so supportive of homeschooling our kids and encourages me to do so. Our youngest is actually going to do another year of special ed preschool then we will see what learning environment will be better for him. Just remember that this is you and your husband's decision and it don't matter what grandparents think. You could try to talk to your dad and explain what you think but also listen to why he thinks the way he does. Sometimes it helps to have a discussion.
Well I agree with Krista it depends on which side is doing the complaining before the dh steps in. Because if it was her side like she said and the husband step in they would say she was brain wash by him. I think you did a great job standing up to your father. I have not talked to my family for a year now, because I homeschool my girls and they can't say anything nice about it to the girls or me and it was just to hard on us. Yes it was a tough choice but we have a wondeful year without them. I always have a new family and they are here on the spot. Thanks ladies.
No, I don't think that is what Krista is saying. I think there are still many times when the husband CAN step in and tell the in-laws how it is going to be. My parents, for example, wouldn't take it as him being overbearing. But I also recognize the wisdom in Krista's words that SOME parents would consider it as an inappropriate brainwashing type of thing.
It is always difficult to march to the beat of a different drum, but remember, God has given YOU and DH the right and responsibility to decide how and where your children will be educated. Try not to be too hard on those who don't understand. They've been brainwashed to believe that there is only one way to be educated. Valerie Bendt makes a great point in her book, How to Create Your Own Unit Study. She shows the definition of education in Webster's 1928 dictionary. It says that education is the teaching of a child in character, religion and academics. It states that it is the PARENTS job. The new dictionary cuts out religion and character and talks only of academics in an institutional setting. I see nothing in scripture about God mandating ps. Just be at peace about your choice. Explain to dear old dad that the schools are not the place he remembers. Then hand him a good book on homeschooling to read. Tell him that after he's read it, you'll answer his questions, but you are not entering into an argument over this. Tell him that he can have his opinion, but he can be silent about it if it's negative. That way the children won't accidentally hear him and worry that there is something wrong with what you are doing. I'll be praying for you!!
I think you handled it really well, too. In a few months, I'll be seeing my dad's brother and his family. My uncle is retired from public school teaching (and was a middle school principal for a few years), his wife is a PS teacher, and their oldest son is a high school teacher and gym coach! I haven't seen them since we started HSing so that's probably going to be an interesting gathering! I hope I handle things as well as you did. Thankfully my parents are supportive of our choice, and my dad's other brother says that if he had it to do all over again, he'd have homeschooled or had his son in a small private school. (He's only 19 and has already spent time in prison.) Anyway, hopefully your dad will begin educating himself about HS and his opinion will change. And as others have said, if not, the proof will be when your kids begin to blossom at home, as most of them do! Good luck!
I guess what I was saying is "consider your audience". I know in MY family, if MY husband spoke to MY parents about the disgreements they had with us homeschooling, they would have thought it was because HE was making me do it and not because I choose to do it MYSELF. Granted, our choice was mutual - but my husband has and still does to this day leave it up to me b/c I am the one with the day-to-day of it all! His preference is homeschooling, but if it's going to cause me to lose my mind, he said we'd find and alternative choice (Christian School) and he'd work 3 jobs to make it happen. I guess i was saying that in some cases the parents wouldn't take kindly to the husband (if not THEIR child) being the one defending. Did that make sense or is it too early on a Sunday for th inking? and typing apparently!
yep Krista it makes alot of sense. It depends on the parents and who should do the talking, don't want to think the dh is brainwashing you. That is what my family thought too, when dh would speak up about homeschooling that he had us all brain washed.
Makes perfect sense, Krista. That's how I took it originally. Even with my in-laws we found we had to be that way at first. My MIL is a rather controlling person, so she just assumed *I* was controlling her son, partly because *I* was more vocal. Eventually, something came up with the boys (his sons) that Carl sat down and talked with them and set them straight. But I've also learned to keep my mouth shut more with her and let Carl do the talking!
You ladies have covered most everything on this subject. I just wanted to put in my two cents worth. My MIL is the anti homeschool one in our family. I find it funny since my sil homeschooled until they found charter schools that they liked, and we are homeschooling the girls. Every phone call she has to make some comment about how the girls are missing out and when are we going to get testing done. (Wyo. doesn't require testing.) I usually just let her blow off the steam. I know that the girls are doing very well and educators who have spoken with them say they are all three very advanced. It boils down to you know your children best and can do what they need. One quote I have seen and love is this. " A ps student can graduate hs without knowing how to read. A homeschooler tries and tries until they find what it takes for their child to learn to read." That is not it exacltly but you get the gist. Stick to your guns. You know what is best for your family. My dh's response to " you don't let your kids go to school?" Is that no we don't want them abused, bullied and their self esteem distroyed. Among other things that happen at school. There are some good schools out there but teachers are to limited on what they can do with trouble makers. Sorry about the soap box speech.:wink:
