Does anyone else have "strong willed" children?

Do your kiddos behave better for others?

Do any of you have it where your children behave just fine for everyone else except their Mothers? Just curious.

I know my kids are good kids. They are bright and loving but just plain ol' stubborn and strong willed (self willed). The post earlier about training and shaping the spirit without breaking it, is what I must remind myself when we're having a battle of the wills.

My lovely dd7 that I was venting about earlier - one of her grandmothers couldn't believe that she had emotional outbursts and behaved in such a way that merited her being "in trouble" so much of the time. DD7 was having a meltdown once when Grandma stopped by unannounced and Grandma was enlightened as to how her little angel :angel: could behave at times.

.........oh the joys of parenting..............I wouldn't trade it for the world!! :love:

 

This is a partial list of 7yr old normal development that they gave me at the ped. office when I took my son in for his check-up. It's a long list so I'm only going to put the ones that made me go THANK GOD, he's not weird and I'm not a failure as a mother.... it's just normal 7 yr old behavior. (Which doesn't mean I'm not still working on him, I just have learned to relax.)

* may blame others for own mistakes
* takes it upon self to enforce rules and tattles on other children perceived to be misbehaving
* tends to be quite critical
* wants to be first, best, perfect, correct in everything
* becomes discouraged easily
* can be argumentative and bossy
* resists adult guidance at times

 

How do you send a virtual hug? HUGS!!! This was reassuring to me that all will be well.

 

LOL!!! I know.... when I read it the first time it was such a relief! It helps so much to know that this is a normal phase and he will outgrow it.

 

:lol: I don't mean to laugh Katie, but doesn't that kind of prove your point? LOL

I really can't give much advice on the homeschooling part, as we don't, but I can say that I feel for you. Tanner is very stubborn, and Aiden is next in line on the stubborn train. I have two kids that are somehow SUPER great for everyone else (teachers, babysitters, family members, Sunday school teachers, etc.), but let their strong willed streaks come out on us. That is one reason I sent Tanner to school, for now at least. His K teacher praised us about him left and right. When I asked about his attitude she looked at me like I had horns on my head.:?

I think naturally, kids are always going to push a parents buttons more than anyone elses. I was told that when a child is good for everyone else but you, you are doing something right. :lol: Actually, I'd rather have it that way than the other way around. I can see the hurdle that may come along when homeschooling though, and I'm sure it's very frustrating. (((HUG)))

 

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

My oldest will be turning 7 next month and that discribes him so well!

Of course when he was little I thought he was extremely strong willed. Then I found out that he was just preparing me for his little brother (who just turned four), who is so much more strong willed than anyone else in the family, and that is saying alot

 

Can that apply to an almost 6 year old as well? :lol:

 

Jen~ LOL It's okay to laugh.:lol: I laugh about it now too. My kids get their stubborn streak from their dad, they witness his stubbornness when he digs his heals in the ground when I remind him about something needing to be done.

I correct my kids if their stubbornness shows any disrespect and such.

 

That is a great chart!

 

All three of our babes are quite independant and strong willed. They get it from their mother...wait a minute...that's me! We have to give them options for almost everything, from outfits right down to forms of discipline...
I am always stunned and really dismayed on the rare occasions that they have chosen a spank...yuck! I have even tried to talk them out of it!
Trish

 

I have not read all the posts but I wanted to say I have a several strong willed kids. My OS (graduated from Highschool) is ADHD and very strong willed. My youngest is also ADHD and very strong willed. My other sons 16yr old and the 15yr old are pretty strong willed themselves. I just thought it was a thing with boys and that all of them were strong willed like mine are.

What I do if they are not in a teachable mood? Well, thats where I pick my battles. If its not very important then I give a little slack. If it is important then I just stand firm and stand my ground and force the issue. I have found that taking away his Nintendo DS tends to make him in a very teachable mood.

 

Both my kids have ADHD, my oldest has ODD, my youngest might have Sensory Processing Disorder, and they both take after me in the stubborn department. What I do about it depends on the situation. If dd doesn't want to do school or a specific subject (Math), and there's no reason (she just doesn't want to do it), then she has no choice. She'll sit at the table until she's done. If she spends all day doing schoolwork & doesn't get het chores done or time to play, that's her problem. If there's a reason; something set her off, she's hungry, too fidgity to concentrate, etc., then we fix what's causing it first & then get to work.
My ds has been a fighter since before he was born. He decided he didn't want to stay in the full 9 months & came out 12 weeks early. He fought the whole 2 months he was NICU. He was stubborn about crawling, walking, eating, pretty much everything. When he was little & I tried to read to him, he would pull the book out of my hand & throw it across the room, because he didn't want to hear a story. He was at least 18 months old before I could read to him. He refused to fall when learning to walk & held onto furniture until he was sure he could walk without falling. Even then, he walked close enough to furniture that he could catch himself if he started to fall. He was determined not to fall, and he never did. We even had a child psychologist tell us that he was too self-directed. That stubbornness has not faded at all. Luckily, he's only 4 & I'm not pushing school at this point. I ask him a few times a day if he wants to do school. If he does, then we do it until he's ready to stop. If he doesn't, I wait and ask again later (and usually find something fun & educational for him to do in the meantime).
They both still attempt to be stubborn when it comes to dicipline, but they know that dh & I are much more stubborn than they are. They'll fight us on any consequence we give, but they always lose & have to deal with the consequence. Even though they know they're going to lose, they keep fighting in hopes that one day we'll slip & let them off.
My dd is so stubborn that she's lost everything (no TV, no computer, no spending the night anywhere, no playing with friends, no playing with her toys, even lost access to her bookcase) and still continued to fight. I hope this is something they grow out of, but considering how stubborn I still am, I doubt it. So, I'm trying to teach them when it's ok to be stubborn & when you need to just do what your told, even if you don't want to. Hopefully that works.

 

all letters aside I want you all to know that in the times that we live in there will be many children who come against parents and parents against thier kids.. it is written in a good book about it many times.
So don't worry but work to get things in control on the parental end as peacefully but firmly as you can.
I have found that if I keep things in my kids lives organised and fun at the same time it helps them to have better attitudes and me to not be so stressed that they get bounced around.
With one child when we get off plan the child goes off the deep end with wildness, another will shut down and become mute practically while the other will do something completely different and try to rectify the situation.
Each child has thier own coping mechanisms and we just have to realise, and I say realise because it has to start with us.. we ARE the parents and they ARE children, no matter what age and respect must be there in order to direct that strong will in the right direction.
We need to set bounndaries. We need to keep to our word and set a good example of doing what is right ( in my life that is what is right in God's eyes) then no matter what letter they have on thier diagnoses they will become stable adults.
I have watched many children grow up with changing lables and as they mature through life they change into mild mannered respectable adults that just blow you away with kindness and gentleness and self control!
It can happen, don't loose hope!

 

I always try to keep on our schedule. My kids react horribly when our schedule is thrown off. My dd's behavior is always worse when she's been at someone elses house for the day or over night, because she didn't have to stick to her schedule. They both know that disrepect is not allowed. Stubborn is one thing, but when it becomes disrespectful, there are consequences.
They are good kids, and I accept their stubbornness as part of who they are. I know they'll always be stubborn. With any luck, my teaching will stick & they'll know when to dig in their heels & stand their ground and when to back down. I just hope they don't take their cues from my mom. She never backs down & is always convinced that she's right (even when you show her proof that she's not). Hopefully, they learn from me instead.