I recently changed the name of my Blog title because I felt that it decribed my life and the direction it has taken in the last 7 months… I am reminded of this recent Christmas Eve when I sat at home watching an airing of the Potter’s House on a sermon “the God of the Night before" (The Long Night) about the night leading to Christ's birth and the long night that was in store for Mary and Joseph." The pastor goes on to say: your l-o-n-g night might last longer that you thought. It is not going to last 6 -8 hours but perhaps days, weeks or months! (I starting crying and lifting up my hands when I heard the words months). My Husband Timothy was in jail at the time and I was caring for our boys alone. The Pastor adds: YOU are in for a l-o-n-g night but know that God is not just a God that will pop in say Hello and leave; He is there for you for your l-o-n-g night. He will carry you; comfort you during your trials. Family and friends may pop in and out but the Lord is the God of the night before and will be there for you… Indeed, GOD has been with me during this trial of losing our baby. Spritually He is carrying me and holding me up. There times when I cry uncontrollably (when I am alone while my family sleeps). I am not alone though because Christ is with me. He feels my pain and knows how much I miss my little baby. I had bonded with this little baby. I talked to “her” as well as Timothy. We read books to the baby together. Timothy and I had planned to decorate the crib that had been Michael’s and Matthew’s before. All these plans, all these physical symptoms are gone… and all the while I feel like my body is betraying me with starting to go back to its pre-pregnancy status… I miss my baby inside me… Saturday morning (July 5th) I awoke. Normally, I got leg cramps throughout my pregnancy and that night I did not… the day after losing my baby…. I cried because it was another sign my body was moving on ahead of me… As a Christian, I know that someday we will be reunited and that my baby is in the arms of Christ. My baby is without pain, or saddness. She is with pure joy in Christ’s presence. I can accept that… sometimes “the flesh” doesn’t… I do have strong days. I am told often by people that they wish they had my strength in faith. I am not a strong person but it is Christ who is strong. It is He who strengthens me by His word and comforts me by his grace and mercy. God only knows why He called our little baby home. I cannot ask why.. I have to trust in the Lord. I believe His will prevailed and that my Faith in Him is a Victory for Christ. God is Faithful to us and He loves us even when we are in the deepest dispair of our lives. God has spoken to me by His word and I have learned that in difficult times that we can lean on the Lord and that we must not lean on our own understanding but in our Faith in Him. I thank you all for your continued prayers and I know that God has not finished with me yet... I'll be okay... I have God here in my heart and I am taking Baby steps each day towards moving forward in my life... sometimes I may take a few steps backward with my emotions but I am on a path towards Christ. I am taking the path He has set before me..
I love what your pastor said about a long night. I have never heard of that before...very interesting! Makes so much sense. I pray your long night ends very soon with a beautiful sOnrise that will guide you into joy and peace.
It was not my pastor, it was a program on TBN that aired a program called the Potter's house. That ministry is located in Dallas I believe. Timothy and I had been going through some problems off and on. To explain I would have to tell some background: We lost his Father to cancer not long ago. His Mother died when Timothy was four, she shot herself in the head in front of him. He has been affected by it ever since. He was bounced around between relatives and then was molested at age 7. Then, placed in a boys home unitl the age of 18. He has been in trouble with the law as a youth and then young adult. He had problems coping with the loss of his Dad and then his unemployment and we both have gone through alot with our oldest son Michael and all the surgeries he has had. In December, we argued and he was verbally abusive and then scared me when he pushed me and had his hands on my shoulders near my neck. This was not the first time and I had had enough and called the police while he was at work. He was arrested and remained in jail until late February. During his time in jail GOD dealt with him and he suffered many trials as did I. Out of his imprisionment came his Salvation and came my re-commitment to Christ. We both grew closer to the Lord and He is no longer the man he was. He still must face his punishment by the courts. He currently is taking anger managerment classes every Monday night. He is on house arrest and is limited on when he can go out (only to work, appts, and church) and he is on probation in addition to all the court fees and costs from the classes. We talked alot about it and after much prayer, asked God to work with us in healing our marriage and ourselves. Timothy knows that I feel I did the right thing in Decemeber and He understands why. Not all relationships and marriages can heal from this but we believe that GOD has healed ours and is helping us each day.
Sandra, you are just full of examples of how Chirst can work in a person's life. You are right, not every marriage could survive that and not every woman would even seek God's will and maintain her marriage. The Lord will surely bless you through all your trials. It is God's will that marriages stay together..so if you are working toward that end I am sure God will continue to heal your marriage. Amazing how God works! What a trial that ended in your dh's salvation and getting the help he finally needed and the love he finally needed from God and his wife.
Just wanted to share with you an e-mail that was an encouragement to me (and still is) when our family was going through a rough time. In the Old Testament book of Malachi 3:3 we read:'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.' This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study, and they wondered what this statement meant about the character of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an apptointment to watch him work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the refining of silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, on needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were the hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?' He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it.' If today, you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you, and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. I am praying for you and your family-you certainly have been through a lot of trials. Keep looking to God-He loves you, and is working His best in you and your family![/COLOR]
Thank you. ((hug)) Christina, Thank you for sharing that with me. I found it very moving. It reminded me of the encounter group sessions that my older sister went to several months ago. She has been a Christian for over 35 years and she has never closer to christ than now in her life. I am praying for an opportunity to go to an "encounter" this summer. My niece Jennifer (age 28) went to one and told me I need to go! After they attend an encounter, they attend a post encounter class for several weeks. I want to go to one!
Both of them were really moving. God can work if we will allow him to work. Sometimes we don't allow him to work. I am very guilty of that.
