So tired of replacing things (vent)

Thanks for your concern. I've had concerns about how well she'll do with the discipline. I'm trying to find a place that will allow a few free sessions or at least let us watch a few classes, so she'll get a better idea of what will be expected her. Then, if she still wants to do it, we'll sign her up & see how she does. If she's really not enjoying it or is having too difficult a time with the discipline, we'll take her out & try something else for a while.

 

Thank you all for the kind words & encouragement. I really needed it this week. We've had so much going on & I'm really struggling lately. I love knowing that I can come here & chat with all you wonderful ladies. I enjoy reading all the great advice, differing opions, encouraging words, etc.
You really are a great group of people. Thank you.

 

MAn you sound like you have a rough time! I am glad I only have (so far) one kid with ADHD, and he is good as long as he takes his pills. When he is off them, well, that's another story...

Are your kids on meds? I know they don't work for all ADHD kids but for my son they have worked wonders and made him A LOT happier and given him better self esteem too.

 

The night Jeannie started karate, there were two boys who just could not listen to the instructor. The youngest, maybe 5 or 6, kept running to mom. The older one, maybe 7, couldn't stay on track. The instructor spent the 45 minute class trying to redirect these two boys. At the end of class, he asked the mom if she'd consider reenrolling them next year. He explained that there would be so much they'd be missing, just because he was the only instructor and there was only 45 minutes. The littlest one kept speaking out, too, and that kept the teacher from even giving complete instructions all evening.
I hope it all works out for you, though.

 

We were allowed a trial class, but only one. Surely, you can find a studio that will allow your child try it before you commit.

My kids' karate teacher would sit kids out if they wouldn't listen. The second time a child was called out, they were out of the class for the day. She demanded respect for her and the other children.

 

Hi! I don't actually know you as I am new here, but I wanted to share and actually mention something that caught my attention. First of all, I have a son who was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4. He was kicked out of two daycares before he was 3 and went through many more where I chose to pull him out as things started to get bad. In Kindergarten, he stabbed another child in the head with his pencil...not because he is terrible, but because he has no impulse control...not forethought it seems. He is almost 9 now, and as he has gotten older, things have gotten better...to some degree. In other ways, I have seen things get a bit worse...only in a more mature manner. For instance, his Nintendo DS now lives with this father in MD. Why? Because TWICE I caught my son playing it when he was grounded from it. The first time, he wrote 100 sentences, was spanked, and watched no TV for a week! The second time, I just sent the DS away. I won't tolerate blatent and utter disrespect from him. I guess I forgot to mention, my son is also very smart. As a matter of fact, in PS, he was in the process of getting into the "gifted" program before we pulled him out of school. I know this does mean a hill of beans in PS because every kid has a label there BUT it does validate what I have known all along. He is ridiculously smart - and at the same time ridiculously inmature for his age. It is called asynchronous development and is pretty typical with "gifted" kids (I put that in quotes because I really detest the term and am not sure what else to call it!) Then you through in some good old ADHD and OMG - what a firestorm you have! As you well know it sounds! My younger son is NOT adhd. He is completely pleasant and "normal"...until he gets around his brother. His brother teaches him these sneaky little things and shows him how to disobey and not get caught. Sometimes he even gets my younger to do HIS dirty work! Which irritates me to no end.

For us here, it is not so much destruction as it is SCREAMING. My adhd child does so much SCREAMING. His natural voice volume is about 10 decibels above what is normal for the rest of us. We have had his hearing checked, all that good stuff and what it apparently boils down to is that he just talks LOUD. Sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room with a pillow over my head to get away from the screaming. It is a constant "ds CALM DOWN. BE QUIET. TALK SOFTLY."

Now, for the one thing that struck me hard when I read through your posts... your daughter sounds like she is creating her own outlet. It seems, from what you said about the paper, that it comforts her in some way...to write on it, to draw on it, to fold it, to rip it. Even if what she is writing is nonsense and scribbles, even if it is folded into planes, it is her outlet. I hope you can see that. It may seem like nothing to you...or worse, a waste, but to her, it is freedom. If you do nothing else, I would allow her all the papershe wants! Give her crayons, pencils, whatever she can have. Tell her that the first time she uses one of them to mark on something other than her paper, she will lose that thing ans stick to your guns about it. Just as a test - see if her having all these resources encourages her to do more with the outlet she has found or stop caring since now it is not a "challenge" nor is it a "breaking of the rules." I am hoping I am right and it is her outlet...and not just her fun way to defy you.

My heart goes out to you momma. *hugs*

 

My oldest is on meds, and believe it or not, this behavior is a huge improvement for her. The problems are 1) there is no med for ODD, just therapy and 2) she refuses to put effort into anything she does. My ds isn't on meds because I won't put him on them at this young of an age (4y.o.).

 

That's kind of what I'm afraid will happen with Joslyn. I'm concerned that she'll be disrespectful to the instructor & talk the whole time. Hoepfully, that won't be the case.

 

Your ds sounds a lot like my dd.
We do provide plenty of paper for her to use as she likes. The problem we were having, though, was that instead of telling us that she was out or almost out, she'd just take paper that wasn't hers to take. That's why the paper we need for the computer & the notebooks for school are locked up. I have no problem with her using paper that we buy for her, but when she's using her school notebooks and all of our computer paper to draw or write on or make paper planes from, it causes us to get behind on important things that need to be done, because I have to wait until my dh gets off work to have him pick up more paper on his way home. I have my own internet business and have run out of printer paper in the middle of printing important business records, like my monthly sales tax filing or monthly income report, because my dd took all but 2 sheets of paper & drew or wrote all over them. My problem with the construction paper incident was more with the fact that they had gotten my scissors. I can go buy more construction paper, but I can't buy my ds a new fingertip when he cuts his off because he was using sharp scissors instead of the (dull) safety scissors we have for him. I was more upset with the fact that she got my scissors out without asking, and then left them where her little brother could get them. Then, she tried to tell me that she had nothing to do with it at all & it was all ds (even though he can't reach where the scissors are in the arts & crafts room). She does have access to plenty of paper, though, including her own journal & a notebook for her to write her poems & stories in. She also knows that if she's running low on paper or is out, all she has to do is ask & I'll get her more. I just don't appreciate her stealing it instead of asking.

 

My hope for you is that the teacher will be kind, and take into account the issues invloved. Some karate teachers I've met were pretty bigheaded, but hopefully yours isn't.

 

I also wanted to suggest Craigslist or the yahoo freecycle group that you could join for your area and post what you are looking for. I'm sure you've already tried this, but my friend with an ADHD son had to eliminate quite a few foods and it's made a huge difference.

Hugs
Kristine

 

I totally understand about not wanting your 4 y o on meds yet. Your girl sounds a lot like our son and it was only through concerted efforts from both me and hubby (and the fact that we only had one kid) that turned him around. Loads of reasoning with him, days and days spent in his room. He still steals and lies, sometimes, and then it is automatically a day in bed. He doesn't pick the paint anymore after having it drilled into his head what problems this causes mom and dad. Also, after being unmedicated for 7 years of his life, he had bad self esteem which made him think he was a bad person (there were other huge issues in there as well) and that we would only love him if he was good. We had to repeatedly tell him that we would always love him but we might not always be proud of his actions.

It takes a loooong time to get through to a kid like that. But it is so rewarding when you do. My personal opinion is to be sceptical of karate (hey, it is violence after all) and spend some more one on one time reasoning with the kid instead. It seems to have worked for us, at least, though I fear puberty which is coming up quickly.

Good luck to you.