My oldest is 10 -- and has no friends. We live in the boonies with few children as neighbors. The children that do live around here are constantly in trouble & defiant with no discipline or supervision from adults ~~~ we've had to call the sheriff's dept out on them a couple of times ~~~ not my idea of good playmates. We've tried the local support groups ~~ haven't turned out well. The only one that was halfway working for us went south when my son was ganged up on and told he was going to Hell. This was a secular group, btw. I've since started my own group ~~~ but participation (which amounts to meeting at a park twice a month) is almost zero so far. We used to do the YMCA PE class --- but we're no longer members of the YMCA & it was going about as well as the support groups anyways. We've tried sports leagues, but that's more of a structured thing of listening to the coach than really getting to know each other. He's met friendly kids there, but they never really got to the "friend" stage & once the season's over --- we never see them again. He's met kids at other events ~~ like the living history thing I signed him up for last week ~~ that he gets along with well.... but nobody lives near us, so really 'making friends' isn't working out too well. He isn't interested in things like 4-H or Boy Scouts & I haven't found any other kinds of "clubs" around here. He has one cousin about his age -- but he, too, is a BIG trouble-maker. Even with that, we've tried several times to get them together (they seem to like some of the same things), but it isn't happening. The cousin's parents/grandparents always have something else going on & say "we'll get together next week" --- been hearing that for over a year now. It's not like he's all alone --- he has 2 brothers & a sister --- but I know it's not the same. Anyone else have this problem? Any suggestions?
I don't have much to offer. My suggestion would have been scouts. My son loves all the projects.. but I'm not fond of the boys he is in with. Hopefully they grow up someday..lol. We too live in the middle of nowhere. There are 2 kids that live at the bottom of our driveway (we live on a 400 acre farm). They are cousins, and Garrett wants to try to befriend them, but they are very spoiled kids and often make sure they get Garrett into trouble. The mother likes to tattle too.. which drives me nuts. I have put my foot down to him even asking to go there because the last time he was down she was calling me to tell me that he wanted her kids to play when they had to leave... and he asked twice if they could play instead of just once. :roll:
We have almost the same issue. Three moves in 3 years plus being bounced back and forth between mom and dad haven't left my DSD with many opportunities to make friends. Her mom wasn't interested in having her meet kids and Grandma and Grandpa (where dad and DSD lived) liked her being at home with them and playing with their kids. Dad was busy working. So her number of friends equaled ZERO when her and I met. I really had to take it upon myself to help her make friends. We signed her up for activities (her first activities ever) and then I would go up to the moms of the kids she seemed to like and start talking to them. It was hard to go up to strangers, but I did it. From there I would arrange playdates or outings and invite them along. I had to be really friendly and outgoing and sometimes persistent but it worked! I realized if I left it up to her, nothing would happen. Maybe you could try the sporting events again and talk to the moms. Invite them to the zoo or something, or ask if you could take their son and yours out for ice cream. Sometimes it's just up to the mom's!
I agree with Freespirit...some of my kids' closest pals are from situations where I took the initiative to get to know the moms better. It's not always comfortable to do so, and it doesn't always work out. But, we try. (I'm not saying that you're not trying...sounds like you are with the sports parents, etc.) I guess what I mean is, don't give up on those activities that bring you closer to others. However, I will say that I'd encourage my child with the fact that he has siblings to hang out with, and some kids don't have that. I know as you said, it's not the same thing, but it does help. I was painfully shy as a little girl, and had a mom with social anxiety issues. I don't remember having any real friends until eighth grade, and I went to PS. Having my sisters made all the difference in the world, and now they are still two of my closest friends. Having siblings, he has already had to learn how to get along and be a friend, so I really doubt that the issue is with him. It's probably just a matter of time til you all find someone that you click with. I don't know your religious beliefs, but I would also pray for God to send some friends your son's way. Hugs!
Sometimes kids have already formed their cliques and they don't allow other kids to join in as adults do the same to other adults. Sorry your ds is having this problem. Around here the kids have their ps cliques and my kids never fit in. The only way my ds' would fit in is to change and act like little gangsta's. They aren't willing to do that so sometimes being alone isn't all that bad.
Well if it were me I wouldn't care if he wasn't interested in Boy Scouts or 4H, I'd just make him go and call it school. Kids have to have some friends. I mean my son hates it when I say its time for 4H, but once he gets there he sees his friends and forgets that he wanted to stay home. Plus, I think he's actualy excited about the fair this week and showing off his projects, even though he's complained about it all year. Sometimes kids need to do stuff because WE know they'll be better off for it.
Yes! Although, lately we've been able to connect with some families at church. My son is the caboose. He's 11 and his sisters are 24 and 28. We see them often and he enjoys hanging out with their husbands, but it's not the same. 2 of his best friends moved out of state recently. His cousin is never available. The biggest problem with getting together with the few friends he has is distance. They live 30 min. away and with gas prices, we tend to limit how many trips we make. We try to get a few sleepovers in each month to help with driving. However, I would recommend finding friends at church. Chances are good that you all will be of like mind and you'll see each other weekly.
I had a pagan friend (Native-Canadian) who joined a local "inclusive" group only to eventually get told her ideas on spirituality weren't welcome (she was asked to present some info to the kids on First Nations people) and get the evil eye for not being Christian. Some groups label themselves as secular or inclusive but in fact are far from it. About your son, would he be interested in penpals? Maybe in online forums where he could talk with homeschooled kids?
My son is in a similar thing and we are joining every 4-H group this year except beef I think so he can go there more. My daughter has a friend a couple years older (11 to her almost 9) but they get along great. It's a tough age for him I think - especially since I don't allow a lot of the stuff other moms tend to ignore (watching certain movies etc). I am hoping church will open some doors in that area as well. It's funny - my husband tells me he would like to see them go to PS for the social aspect - but at the same time in 2 years he never wanted his friends to come home or they weren't allowed back here because of the way they acted and spoke (I'm sorry I'm not going to tolerate some kid telling me off in any way shape or form). So I personally think he's seeing MORE kids this way. I wish I could tell you it will all work out - but I am feeling your pain and COMPLETELY understand it!!
