A little bit of history:My oldest son is 15, 9th grade, my youngest is 12, 6th grade. Over Christmas break I removed my children from the school they've gone to their whole lives due to bullying, teasing, physical bullying and taunting with my oldest son. I battled the school for 2 years, and nothing was done. So, this momma had had it, and I removed my children and transferred them to a school 30 miles away. Three weeks before the end of school, they lost their transfer to that school because my oldest had missed too many days. So, I pulled them out, with intentions to homeschool them. My oldest has seen a counselor since 5th grade, to help with his esteem and behavior issues. Although he never has really opened up, and it hasn't helped much, he just likes the counselor is why he has continued to go. So, after this past school year disaster our family physician recommended that DS see a psychiatrist....he did, she put him on Zoloft in June. Ok......that's not working either. He used to not be able to go into public places, he had a fear of being around alot of people.....social anxiety. He has gotten a little better with that. BUT.....he still has some issues with this. I'm positive that he wouldn't have had this issue had it not been for all the CR*P that he went' through at this ps!! Because this is something that has just surfaced in the past year. SO.....my DH wants the boys is ps(here ,where we live, the same school that I battled for 2 years!)..I don't. So, I agreed with DH that we would give it a try, if it worked, great....but if it didn't, that I was NOT going to battle the school this year, I would pull them and hs them. Today: School registration for my oldest one. Basically he had a panic attack, and we left registration before getting registered. He just gets frozen with fear. He apologized to me.....and of course I reassured him that I was not mad or upset. He said "I just can't help it". I felt so bad for him. As soon as the kids that bullied him came in, he was done, and wanted out of there. Can you blame him? I called dh and told him what happened, and he was a bit upset that it didn't go well. *shrug* What do I do? His therapist and counselor both jump all over ME because I'm not tough enough on him. I'm letting him "get by" with all this behavior. Ohhh contrar! I have handed down some stiff punishment, and consequences for his school refusal, and it has not changed his behavior one little bit! I work at the middle school/high school here...what a wierd situation to be in. And I was offered a job working in the evenings, making more money cleaning a bank. That was one of my biggest things, was the income. I thought we couldn't make it without my income. Well, God sent this job to me, because I didn't go looking for it, the lady came to my house asking me if I wanted to do this! Talk about God intervening. So I prayed about it, and this is where he is putting me! I don't have a clue where to start, I don't. I'm so stressed over this. Please help with some input, Please. Crystal in texas
OK, breathe...school refusal is good. It brings them home where you can control the environment & set about dealing with the issues in a Godly manner. One issue with bullying is the lack of conrol a bullied child feels so involve him in the HS decision process ~ subjects, curriculum, chores, work experience. If he wants to be home in preference to school staying home is dependent on him co~operating in the process, doing his work, staying on track etc. As your dh sees HS work the chances are he will come on board with you & see it as a positive thing. Pax.
Okay, here is my thought, first thought too so maybe its way out there.. check out SOS , highschools private high schools here use it as well as they have an academy thing, they have tutoring etc, I would check it out and show it to hubby and let him know that there is good, well tracked schooling out there, SOS is at AOP.com it has a demo you can watch right there. The program grades for you and everything so your teen can have his high school transcript ready and everything... we have kids at my church's private school who have finished with this graduated and are off to college this year... no problems! You can print the work or do it on the computer, there is no stress for you or your son cause you can set it to redo as many times as you need, we set it to three tries in lesson work, then the teacher can go in and reassign it if they still get it wrong, then they re read, re study and re take the lesson work, same with the tests and quizes. The transcript may help you weigh down the good side, the fact it grades will make home schooling less time consuming and both your boys could use it, they are both at a good level to work on thier own for the most part as well... just to get the idea in there, its not so hard to teach them but it is grading that takes time at those ages. with your sons problems I would highly recomend this for at least a year, tell hubby if it does not work after one complete year, if they dont get grades up etc that you will send them out again, maybe by then things will change all around and he will accept it or they will get healed of thier anxieties who knows, but go one year at a time.
I don't have any great advice but man do I feel for your boy. I have social phobia myself and I know for a fact it is not something that one can control. I am fine when I am with my DH or one of my kids but alone I don't do well. I tend to hide this from my kids because I don't want them effected by it. (I just happen to never be alone LOL) I too was bullied in PS. It is really a bunch of crap. Half the time they act like the victim is the bad guy. That such abuse should be handled with a stiff upper lip and one should just shrug it off. How and WHY should one have to be subjected to that! It is so not normal to even think like that. How do you punish someone for anxiety? I hope that God leads your heart to a happy place for you and your boys.
I've dealt with some of the same issues as your son ((hugs for him)) and it almost drove me to drop out of high school (it got to the point that I was simply not going and no punishment or consequence was going to change that...ended up going to an alternative high school for teen moms and dropouts). When it comes to issues like social anxiety and panic attacks, its not about behavior at all I think he would really benefit from homeschooling (man alive, I wish my parents had thought of it! lol). Just make sure to get him involved in social situations - gentle ones - so that he can work through those issues. Also point out to your husband that regardless of how good of a job the school does in educating, it won't do your son one bit of good if he doesn't feel safe and secure there. He needs his basic needs of security met before he can really focus on his education. I hope everything works out for the best!
I don't really know what to say except that I will pray for your family and especially your son! Your story makes me so sad for him and I am so sorry you are not getting the support you need from your husband. I can personally recommend what someone else said and that is AOA using SOS. My 13yo DD will start with them on Sept. 2nd. I have used SOS for 2 years for some subjects but have never used the academy. I feel I need the outside help because our relationship is not what it should be and I want to work on that and not be such a teacher this year! Also, my 8yo DS will start homeschooling this year and I need to give him more one on one time starting out. Check out aop.com and go to the academy for distance learning or homeschooling to use their curr. on your own. Best of luck to you and I will keep your family in my prayers. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for my children. They are the world to me. NO ONE WILL STOP ME FROM protecting, caring and loving them until the day I die!:love:
You may want to check out American Highschool. They are fully accredited and he will get a full highschool diploma. Some of his ps classes are probably transferable. They do have a great curriculum it is all corrispondence and he is pretty much responsible for all the work himself. You can help set the schedule and make sure he gets the work done. The staff are great about helping either over the phone, email or snail mail. Here is the link. http://www.americanschoolofcorr.com/ Good luck and way to go. I think you will see a great improvement in him just by being in a safe environment.
Welcome to the board. My story is somewhat similar, as bullying was the final straw that led us to begin homeschooling. Zach was in third grade at the time, and showing signs of clinical depression. It was awful. Everyone says he's a different child now, and it's true. He still isn't one to be the center of attention, but he has plenty of friends and has finally realized that the problem at school was the bullies...NOT him. He had started to internalize their viewpoint of him. I just thank God that we got him out when we did, before any more damage could be done to his spirit. We are starting fifth grade now, and we're HS'ing our younger son, too. My only regret about homeschooling is that we didn't choose to do it sooner. Thankfully, my husband has always been on board. If he'd had it his way, our kids would've never gone to school, period. It was me that was reluctant to get on board. I agree that once your husband sees the fruit of what you're doing, it will probably be a very good thing. Do you think he'll be open to the idea of giving it a year trial? What are his actual objections to homeschooling? Does he share specifics? Good luck!
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I will pray for you. Something that somebody mentioned reminded me of maslow's hierarchy of needs: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs You can show this to his therapist when he's encouraging you to be tougher on him. Remind him of where safety and security are stationed on the pyramid. If I had to study it in high school psych, you KNOW he's studied it.
Looks like people have shared lots of good resorces for you to get started with. Breath deep and take each challange seperatly as they come. Life can come at us pretty fast and furious sometimes. Pray and trust that hubby will give you the freedom and support you need to educate your boys . The Lord is an AMAZEING healer and restorer and even through all this he can bring about marvolous oppertunities for his glory and blessings. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new. Sometimes we need a freind to support us as we walk along.
I don't have any good advise, the other ladies have already given you a wealth of wisdom. All I can say is that it is important that you and your dh are in agreement with one another and on the same page. Blessings!
I was bullied a lot in ps because I was VERY shy and had a lot of social anxiety...I would rather take an F on an assignment that to give a book report. Now, I am VERY anti-social which I have had to overcome for the sake of my kids (I have purposefully waited for neighbors to go back in before I've went outside...not answered phone calls...tried to stay at home instead of visiting friends and family. etc). I don't want them to be like me, so I try to set a good example for them. In my humble opinion, you are making a good choice for your son. It has worked for others and there are hs groups out there that you can join where he can make new friends and blossom socially with a fresh start. If your hubby is not really all aboard yet, try explaining again and asking him for 1 year. If your son hasn't learned more, developed better and regained his confidence then go from there. If he would at least agree to one year, you have plenty of time to get your son on a fresh new track! God bless you and your family! I hope all works out for you! Keep us posted. ~Autumn
The next time your husband or son's counselor suggests that you just need to be harder on him, ask them this: If your coworker punched you repeatedly day after day without provocation, what would you do? If your neighbor verbally harassed you every time you stepped outside to do yard work, what would you do? In both of these situations, it's perfectly acceptable (and even expected) for you to file a police report. If a fellow church member book-checked your Bible every time you walked in the sanctuary door, don't you think the pastor would intervene? And if he didn't, would you stay at that church? SO WHY IN GOD'S GREEN EARTH ARE CHILDREN EXPECTED TO JUST ACCEPT THE SAME TREATMENT THAT ADULTS WOULD/SHOULD NEVER TOLERATE????
Its hard to be a parent of a child with anxiety. It hurts to see them hurt. My son is 13 and he has bipolar I mixed. He also has anxiety issues and many fears. Our last year has been rough. We started homeschooling when he was 9 and things went well til last year. But our whole would feel apart this last year. I questions alot of things I have done. Homeschooling being one. I think it has helped him academicly but socialy not. At times he does well and has a few friends but at other he does not leave the house. Its sad to see him this way. I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you are not alone and this is a great group that will support you 100%. Prayers and Hugs!
