I agree with this 100%. Your family's love for you will help them endure whatever they need to in order to help and protect you and your children.
Autumn, I just want to lend my support and say I agree with everyone else. Our situation isn't that bad but my dh does like to drink. It is a point of tension for us. I watched alchol eat up my dad as well. He is slowly improving now but still can't go with out it. Lots of love and prayer. Please, please do what you need to in order to protect those dc and yourself.
I am SOoooo sorry you are having to go through this. I've never been where you are and can only imagine how this must be for you. I really do agree that you need to get out. This is not healthy for your children. Don't stay in a bad situation for them. It's not doing them any good. Prayers are going up for you and your family. ((hugs))
Praying for you. I don't have any new advice, I agree with what's already been said. I also agree that if I knew someone in my family was dealing with this type of situation I'd do anything I could to help them. I understand you worrying about putting them in a bad situation but I expect all they will be concerned with is trying to help you.
Hey everyone, Don't have a lot of time. He's passed out on the couch (again), but I wanted to stop by and say hi and that we're alright. It didn't get violent tonight (thank God) but it was weird. He tried to talk to me but he was drunk already. I had to wait until after work which he worked until 8...hmmm...coincidence knowing that I wanted to talk to him??? My ds and I were talking and he calmly asked me "so are we going to go to that place again (the shelter) until daddy stops drinking the bad stuff?" it broke my heart. I said we might are you okay with that and he said that he wanted to be with daddy...well all of us together (he clarified) but he understood. I explained that it was better for all of us. That it might even help daddy not drink the bad stuff anymore. I'm going to try to talk to dh again tomorrow. I'm going to tell him it's his choice he can go or we'll go. Since I told him this morning that I was serious and another drop was the last straw. I would hate for us to have to leave but I will if I have to. But anyway...said I was making this short...but it's not. I'llkeep you all posted and thanks so much for your support!
I thought about you alot last night, and was hoping that you had an easy night. You have told him one more drink and that is it.. now you have to stick to that.. I dont' care if you have to get into your car and drive up here to PA to get away, you HAVE to leave.. or get him to (ha yeah that will happen) the very second you know he is drinking. I would have a bag packed for you and the kids before he gets home today. I know this is hard, but honey.. what you are living is harder, I promise. Stay strong, and stand your ground! ((hugs))
Well, we had THE TALK this morning. He tried to do the promises which I calmly said that we've been there and done that for years now and I didn't believe him. He was trying to make me feel bad, guilt trip and such. But I held firm. He said that he'd send his mom for his clothes and that i'd never see him again (which I don't ask, I don't expect him to not be a part of his kids lives...just not while drinking). Anyway, I think he kept expecting me to do my typical 'Don't say that honey, just don't drink' but I don't believe that it would change...not for more than a month or two anyway. We'll see how it goes this eve. I'm sure he'll rally mom to 'help me see the light' but I'll just have to lay it out to her of why and what he's done. But anyway, it's 10am and we started our morning meeting but had to stop so dh and i could talk and then he left for work...so I have to get us back to school. yall please pray for me. Pray that God will keep me strong and that it'll be smooth, he'll just go stay with his mom and get his own place and it wont be difficult on us. I think staying here will be easier for the kids.
You did the right thing by holding firm! I have heard that "Oh you'll never see me again" crap from my ex when we split up. Big old guilt trip is what he was trying to do. Stay strong!
(((hugs))) If he has any hope of helping himself it's going to be because you put your foot down and let him feel the consequences of his actions. I'm sure he doesn't feel this way but he's privilidged to have a wife that knows her boundaries. If he keeps to his end this would be best for the kids. It might still be good to make some alternate plans and I still think you have to let the family know what's going on but holy cow Autumn, you've done amazing things in just a day! Keep us updated. We'll be here every step of the way for you!
Well, I wanted to share how everything is going. Today we had our first real, deep conversation in a long time. I won't get into the details of everything we discussed but it was good to actually talk for once. He said that he needed to quit for his health (as well as all of us of course) because he can feel that it's killing him. I (getting ready for tomatoes) agreed to give him one final chance. This sounds like one of the times when he'll quit at least for 6 months...if he does this time then that'll at least be 6 more months of us together as a family. But if he doesn't I'll hold true to what I said. One more drop and we're out the door, he knows that we're serious and I won't wait for him to leave, we'll do it. But at least it's a step. He doesn't hurt me anymore (for over 2 years) when he's sober, so that part isn't bad. But like I said, even if it is short term, then at least it'll be a time of sobriety that we can have as a family. If he's not serious, then at least I gave it our last final chance. Thanks again for your support and prayers. Maybe the prayers have affected him. Maybe God has let him see his problems and be ready to make a change. Please keep us in your prayers and I'll keep you posted on how it goes....tomorrow I could be eating my words and fussing about having to leave..but I'm optimistic (that's my downfall I suppose). Thanks again ladies, I feel like you all truly care and that I can come to you with anything and I hope you know that you can do the same! <<<<<<Hugs>>>>>>
Autmn I wont be throwing any tomatoes here girl. Anybody would want to try to keep the family together. Like you said even if it is for only 6 months well then the kids had 6 more months with both their parents. I pray though that it won't be for only 6 months. I pray that this will be a life changing event for him and that your family will be able to stay intact and you and your dh can rebuild the relationship.
Autumn, I'm glad he is willing to work on his drinking problem, but it is obvious that he isn't able to conquer this by himself. If he were, he wouldn't keep relapsing over and over again. I hope that you both will seek counseling and that he will find the help he needs to get and keep him sober. Best wishes to you with this, you'll be in my prayers!
Autumn, has he laid out the steps he's going to take like see a family counselor, go to AA etc.? I think you're well within your rights to stay and give him this chance, just make sure he has a plan you can hold him too.
Last night was great. It was so nice to have my dh back again. And he wasn't grouchy and crude (as he usually is even when not drinking), he was his normal old self again. I don't know if it will be short lived or not. We actually sat together on the couch and watched a movie. We talked out what we wanted to work on (on both sides, mine mostly included more housework...lol...we have a whole nother post on this in the hs'ing section; and spending more family time because of my college work). But we're even talking about getting healthier, eating better, exercising more, doing more OUTDOORS family stuff. I hope it'll all work out. If we can stay sober that would be the greatest thing. If we can do all of the healthy additions too, that would be super! I think he is honestly afraid of dying now (which, as much as he was drinking each night of hard core liquor, you can imagine what a toll it was taking on his body). I just pray that it will stick. I'm going to do all I can to help him from my end. But anyway, gotta go start school. Thanks so much for your prayers!!!
I hope this is the beginning of a long happy road for you all. I'm sure it will be bumpy to some extent, but hoping that it doesn't get to where it was before. Please just remember the promise you made to him and yourself.. one more drop and you are gone.. even if he has a good streak, one drop and you DO have to go, or this will be a cycle that repeats forever, because he will know you are full of empty promises/threats.
