I need to talk.....and some encouragement!

Hi all....It has been awhile since I have really posted anything. I hope you won't hold that against me!! lol But I am having alot of stress and frustration I need to get out.

I apologize ahead of time if this ends up being long.

As some of you know, we put our kids back in ps last year. It really has been a good thing for us personally, as the kids have really done well and I was able to go back to work to help out financially. My one problem is with our ds. It is the same old problem we have had for years with him. No motivation/interest in school/learning. Very absentminded and forgetful. He only cares about his video games (which we have made RADICAL changes with) or anything NOT related to school/responsibility! UGH! He is a VERY capable child and could easily have straight A's if he cared even a little. But his grades are VERY inconsistant. A one day, D or F the next. It is this way ALL THE TIME. We finally met with the school counselor last year, as well as most of his teachers to see if there is a behavioral problem, or something.....anything! But no....they all said he is a good kid and just needs to be more disciplined in his work. The school couselor helped him organize his folders and locker to try and help him. She also checked in with him frequently to remind him/encourage him.

So...this year we are dealing with the same thing. He has all B's and C's.....but individual assignments are all over the grading scale. Nothing seems to motivate this kid....NOTHING! We have tried everything, short of spanking him....I just can't bring myself to do that and I won't.

Well...a couple of weeks ago, we met with our church small group to end up telling them about our frustration. Another couple there had the EXACT same situation with their son. HALLELUIA, someone know what we are talking about!!! They recommended that we have Zach tested.....a psychological and educational diagnostic test. They said it was the best thing they ever did. It showed that their ds was EXTREMELY bright and just needed to find the right "fit" for him and that he would...probably in college. Well..guess what...he is in college now and is the most responsible, straight A kid. He is going for Engineering and is in a dorm with other kids in the same field!!!

So, I have filled out all the paperwork for the testing and mailed it out yesterday. I notified the school of what we are doing to hopefully get their help/support. I am so thankful for a school that has, so far, been great! Both kids are in the middle school now, so it is a little different since we are dealing with many different teachers/personalities, but overall, it has been good.

So...what do you all think? Am I doing the right thing?

Let me add this....the actuall "grades" is not our primary issue. It is that we cannot seem to get him to be responsible for his work and even things at home. It is like he just doesn't think at all sometimes. But we notice it alot through his grades....does that make sense?

 

Oh Leslie, first of all welcome Home girl, we missed you. don't be a stranger girl.

Second of all, I know right where you are coming from I have one just like that.She gets that from her father. My dh used to be the same way he was tested too, and is very smart I mean so smart it scares me sometime. KWIM


glad the school is working with you. Where did you get your test? Years ago when my dh went they took him to a place and tested him there. Told his parents there was nothing wrong he was very smart and spoiled. Another long story there.

 

My oldest is the very same way. He doesn't care about anything in life except his video games and legos. I work so hard to make things fun and interesting and he doesn't want to put any effort into anything. He is very very smart. Before first grade he tested at a 5th grade reading level and can (when I can convince him to) work 3 -4 grades ahead in math. But he just has no interest in anything except playing this or that. If he is given a writing assignment he will scribble down a few words, not even close to a sentence and be done with it.

I don't know what to do with him. I just keep hoping that some day something clicks and he realizes he will get farther in life if he works at it.

 

I am glad to know that others deal with the same issues.

I don't know, maybe I am just being impatient and dwelling on it more than I need to??

 

I was that kid in school, smart but no motivation. The reason was I was BORED. The teachers moved too slow. I'd finish my work way ahead of the other kids and then I'd goof off and get in trouble. I'd slack off on my work, not interested because it wasn't challenging. And I'd not pay attention in class because I was bored, but then I'd miss something important.

The solution would have been to move me to a more challenging class but back then you were either gifted across the board or not. I was gifted in every area but math, so they wouldn't put me in the gifted program.

I'll bet video games are challenging to your son. I liked sports that were challenging. I still am the type of person who slacks in the ordinary stuff but rises to the challenge. I flourished in college where I could go at my own pace and take challenging classes at any time.

Your son just needs the proper challenge and motivation. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. He probably needs the bar set HIGHER.

 

Never. Once you've joined the gang you're in for life!

YES!!!

Honestly, when I was reading your post all I was thinking was, "He sounds just like I was when I was in school." I'm ADD and your description could have been me. I wasn't hyper but I had a horrible time with focus, organization and concentration (except on things like reading and video games where I would hyper-focus!).

That may not be his problem but getting him those tests could point to some difficulty that's masking as lack of motivation or point to his strengths so you can work on those.

 

Testing will certanly at least give you some direction of where to go and what to do. I agree that your ds is probably not challenged enough. (((HUGS)))

 

Honestly, when I was reading your post all I was thinking was, "He sounds just like I was when I was in school." I'm ADD and your description could have been me. I wasn't hyper but I had a horrible time with focus, organization and concentration (except on things like reading and video games where I would hyper-focus!).




Wow, you sound like my 13 yr old!! She can get into her websites or video games with no problem but forget it when it comes to school work! She jokes about her little "idiosyncracies" (hopefully I didn't butcher that word!) that occasionally make me wonder about mild OCD mixed in with some ADD. We are starting school at 1 pm this year to try to make it easier on her end. I'd rather be done by then!

Leslie - I was just wondering about you a few days ago! I remember you talking about your son a few years ago and always thought he sounded so much like my youngest. Let us know how things go because I would love some suggestions!

 

Leslie, sounds like Elijah. He loves to sit with his video games and play them, but school, forget it. It is getting better this year and I do see a change in him. I hope it won't take as long as college, but I'll wait if I have too.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. I'm not sure of the answer,but once you get your results, let me know what they suggest.

 

I also think you are doing the right thing.

I think kids don't always see the value in education over the long haul so some have a hard time putting a ton of effort into it. Also, some are not challenged enough so they get bored and end up not preforming very well.

 

When Kevin had all his problems at school, I asked someone why he could sit and play a video game for two hours, watch a movie for two hours, completely engrossed in either one. While I don't remember the whole explanation, it was a thing of with movies or video games, there's nothing they have to commit to memory, nothing they 'have' to know. It was also the moving along of the story, as opposed to having to focus on one thing in a 30-45 minute class. I hope that makes sense.
I also mentioned to this person- one of the thousand we had to meet with over those years- a video I watched with Kevin about ADD. While a man spoke onscreen about how a child with ADD might feel, in the background there was nonstop clips of different actions- people dancing, graphics, etc. The person said that if it only showed the man speaking, an ADD child couldn't sit through it. The movement in the background, with its constant changing, helped the child to keep watching and understand. The video was so irritating to me that I nonchalantly went to make supper to get away from it, but Kevin was attentive the whole way through.

 

That is so interesting, Becky. Zach is always kicking his leg, tapping his pencil, wanting the TV on while working. I have always wondered if that helps him concentrate. another thing he does is stand and leans over his desk to work. Most teachers don't go for that, but somehow, when he sits, he loses focus much easier.

Thank you, to all of you, for your input. I am feeling better all ready and am anxious to get this testing underway.

Kris...you asked where I got this test. I don't have it. It will be given to him over a 2 day period at Ball State University. I don't know yet when he will be taking it as I just mailed the forms back yesterday. Hopefully soon, though!

 

Well, a tv show will go from one thing to the next very quickly. I never would have picked up on such a thing if they hadn't told me, but it does make sense if you think about it. Even now, I'll notice him watching a show while he does something else.

 

I used to doodle. Of course it meant I couldn't take notes in class when I got to higher grades and so I'd suffer when it came time to study and I had nothing to study from, but without the doodling my mind was gone and I couldn't focus. A bit of a catch-22.

Ritalin was a huge help. Exercise and a proper diet, a godo filling breakfast in particular, help too. Even now if I want to listen to a lecture I have to be cleaning, playing solitaire or walking in order to have it make sense.

 

We're waiting to see if our insurance will approve testing for one of our kiddos. They may want the school district to do it since state law requires that they offer services to every child but we're hoping they won't deny it because we won't go thru the school system here and will have to fork out the $.

Don't expect a ADD type diagnosis but we're trying to identify/verify if she has dysgraphia (or other related challenge).

Hope your son's testing gives you definitive info!!

Rhonda

 

I think you are doing the right thing. good luck

 

I was the same way, but they didn't use ritalin that I know of when I was young. They didn't make the ADHD designation either.

But, dawninns, I'm glad you wrote that, it's the same way I am! Someone told me they thought I was rude for knitting during a meeting. I told her that I hear what's being said better. It wasn't that I wasn't listening, it was that I WANTED to hear and remember what was said, so I HAD to do something to keep my hands busy. I don't think she understood at all, but I'm glad to hear other people say that!

My ds14, oops, today is his b-day, he's 15 now, is that way. I've let him walk around while doing schoolwork, and stand while writing things. Sometimes he says things out loud to hear what he's learning. That's all stuff that you can't do at most schools, so I'm glad we have homeschooled him!

Leslie, I agree that you're doing the right thing. Here's my diagnosis as to why you are concerned, and whether you should be or not: Because you're the mom, and yes you should! Okay, there it is. You can send the fee in the mail, or I accept Paypal! :lol:

Hope this gets worked out and you can figure out what to do!

BTW, sorry we never got around to sending your dd something! We'll work on that!

Good to "hear" from you, we miss you when you're not here. I'm praying for you and your family, and right now, especially for your ds and that you find ways to work with him that will help him do better!

 

That goes for me, too!

Also, I remember in the first grade reading entire stories then trying to sit still while classmates struggled to sound out words on the first pages. I once tilted the little chair I was sitting on at the table backward and fell off. Instead of scolding me, from that day on, the perceptive teacher started letting me read books at my own pace. Not all teachers gave me challenges, and not all classes could accommodate tailoring to individual needs, so I did tune out of the boring, the irrelevant, and stuff I didn't care about.

My mother filled in the gaps, though! Boy! Did she fill in the gaps! She kept us so busy at home, in 4-H, and church utilizing our energies that time became a precious commodity. I owe 99% of every skill I have to her wisdom and stamina in keeping us kids motivated, busy, and working on projects like home improvement and furniture refinishing, gardening, animal husbandry, culinary arts, public speaking, etc.

You are right, Leslie, that grades aren't what you're looking at as an end in themselves, but they do indicate something interesting. 'Could be lack of motivation. 'Could be boredom. 'Could be ADD. Add this thought to the excellent words of wisdom these other gals have given you: God is preparing your son for service in His Kingdom, and it is your exquisite joy and challenge to help him discover what his calling in life might be and to help him prepare for that. Blessings to you on the journey!

 

Wow....thank you PH....talk about getting perspective!! lol I appreciate your response as well as Deena's and everyones.

I definitely feel more relaxed since getting this off my chest. It is kind of like I had to give myself permission to "back off" a little to get some perspective. I definitely feel this testing is the best thing we can do right now for our ds.

Thanks to all of you!!

 

You're very welcome for my little part. It's SO GOOD to hear from you again!