Here is the thing. I have homeschool for many years and things went well for about the first 3.5 yrs. She got her first period shortly after turned 11, 1.5 yrs ago. Things really fell apart a couple months before that, so I am certain this is hormone-puberty type related. First, it started with constant complaining. Then it moved in to outright anger. I got her on vitamins (multi plus calcium plus fish oils) and have resolved the anger issues for the most part. But she still does this ditzy act and sometimes, she laughs when I call her on it and other times, she cries. Everyday, she has a list of what she is supposed to do. She barely gets through it. I generally do not have the time to neccesarily go through and check up on her every step of the way. Every single thing in her curriculum should be capable of being done on her own. She is a smart child. She takes the ITBS one year ahead and still scored 94th percentile on last years ITBS 7th grade tests. That would make her an 8th grade this year. On the other hand, she did used to be hearing impaired and has mild auditory processing disorder, but this should not cause this. I did take her in for learning disability testing that could be causing this, but in the end, I think it is just going to come down to her. I know she gets horrible PMS, but come on.... I am pregnant so I am too tired to fight with her constantly. The work is minimal. She does Wordly Wise and the Maps book from MCP. She also does Algebra. Every single thing otherwise has been dropped. She takes Cello twice a week and her instructor commented to me that DD does not seem to be practicing or making an effort. DD told her she had not been practicing. I knew for a fact she had been practicing. DD acted all embarrassed and started laughing. I reminded her of when I had to make her take her cello back to her room because she left it sitting out in the gameroom. She was all "oh yeah. It's Dads fault!!" She is big in to this thing now where she claims everything is about DNA and if she forgets something, it must be someones fault because she inherited their DNA. So I had to explain to the instructor the truth behind what she was saying. Meanwhile, I would like to add more subjects back in. We do not intend to do high school next year, but to be able to add in something. I feel she is doing way too little and spending way way way too much time laughing, crying, and making excuses. And since she has no friends really, grounding her won't make any difference. Here is what we have dropped this year so far.... WriteShop, History, Science, and Latin. We start our school year in June and we are only done with the first 5chapters out of 17 in the Algebra. I still own the history stuff. I did go out and purchase a new writing curriculum.. Format Writing. But constantly ridding of curricula is not the solution here. To give an idea to the science, I would assign her to read 2 pages for example. Then she was to come to me for the experiments. She literally would not read it. This would go on and on and on. In the end, after 4 months, we had to take to sending her to dh's office to sit until she completed reading and answering questions on 2 chapters worth. She had to do this around the clock pretty much, with the exception of meal times and sleep times. Help!
I have a 12 year old daughter who hit puberty three years ago, so I can definitely relate. Here are my thoughts: *Does your daughter exercise? My daughter's mood improves greatly when she's active. *Just how bad is her PMS? With my daughter, I've learned to just give her a break when it hits. Otherwise, we're battling the whole time. When it's over she's refreshed and ready to get back to work. *Does your curriculum match her learning style? *Is this just a rebellion? *Is this her way of asking for your attention? *Could there be an underlying disorder (like bipolar) that has worsened with the hormones?
I did find out she is on her period right now which might explain how things have been this week. Not to mention mixing that with my pregnant hormones. Our home is just a huge bundle of hormones right now.
Wow, I really feel for you. It could be she has too little to do, like you mentioned. Different things work for different kids, you could try upping the game for her and adding lots of expectations. It's amazing how the more you expect the more kids will respond. Also, if she has no friends she could be suffering from a lack of stimulation. Also, production is the basis of morale. If you don't DO anything, you don't have a final result and therefore your morale goes down even further. Like people who get depressed when they are out of a job. I know you must be tired being pregnant, but sometimes we have to "run" our 7-year old when she gets all blah and won't do anything. We break down the tasks and set a timer (a la flylady) and make her do 10 minutes of SOMETHING. It takes a lot of pushing but you know, 10 minutes later she has accomplished something and the next thing we get her to do is easier. Pretty soon she's in a good mood and ready to do more to help. We do make sure to praise what she has done and never make her feel like she should have done it all along (even if that is true). That just takes all the good feeling out of accomplishing something. You might want to see a nutritionist about her PMS. I agree with her getting in some form of exercise and social activity. Just don't let anyone put her on psych drugs. Doctors will try, but that will just make the problem worse. Good Luck!
And she is not getting enough exercise. But I have been hard pressed for things she likes. She loves swordsmanship, but it is only once a week. The fencing place she used to go to shut down and the next nearest one is an hour away. They do have homeschool classes 3 times a week (if you enroll, it includes all 3 classes) but it seems like too much to drive so far 3 times a week. There is not enough time to get home while she would be there, so I would have to just hang our with her younger brothers the entire time. We went through that back when she was in ice skating and after a semester, it seemed just oo unfair to make the small children sit quietly on the sidelines for 2-3 hrs multiple times a week. They would like to participate too, but are just too young so that would add to the torture. I had her do Tennis in the spring and then stopped with the summer as it is too hot here. We swam a fair amount over the summer. But with the hurricane this fall and all the bad weather, tennis lessons were repeatedly called off through Sept. Weather is fine now, but we had not planned to do it in November anyway because we figured it would be getting to cold. I don't even think they offer it in the winter months anyway. We live in Texas, but live in a town that while it is a suburb, by location is quite isolated. It has built up a lot recently in traffic and houses and such, but not in places to do things. The tennis lessons have only been offered here this past year. Public schools do not allow homeschoolers to participate in anything and we don't have much for other homeschoolers so there just is not a lot. Maybe I just need to do the work and time and drive her to a different town for something. She is very mopey about stuff like this so it has to be a class format. Just asking her to go out and ride her bike tends to get us no where.
My suggestion? Go for a walk. This will help all of you on all fronts - your little ones will burn energy, you will get somewhat rejuvinated, and your daughter will be helped as well. If your high school has a track, that is great; if there is a park nearbye that has a trail or path around it, even better. When I had 3 little ones (no teenager, thank goodness) in a 36' motorhome and was 9 mos pregnant, I had them at the playground while I walked v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w-l-y around it. This really helped my mood, and tired them out faster. It also helped me deal with them better. Keep in mind that now we are headed into winter, ie more darkness, ie stastically a period of greater depression, sadness, moodiness, etc. Hormonal problems will be magnified. Getting out into the sun on a regular basis will help that as well. If she is craving stimulation, you could see if there is another teen girlfriend she could walk with, "far away" from Mom. (The nice thing about a track; they can have distance, you can keep an eye out.) Good luck! SG
I agree that exercise is great for them during that time, as well a lighter work load. The first day is the worst for my 12 year old dd. My sister gave her Midol for Teens and it worked wonders. She only uses it on the first day if necessary.
We actually do a certain amount of walking. Most days, we walk around the neighborhood and over to the park and such. We also got season passes to 6 flags and go there frequently. I just figured she needed a more organized planned thing. I am going to try the suggestions. Thanks everyone!
I've heard that Magnesium supplement is good for balancing mood swings. Ask hewr doctor if it's the right thing for her. My dds are only 7 and 8 and I am not looking forward to through that.
I noticed that you said that your dd has pms real bad, does she also have bad cramping during the cycle. I did even at a young age as you describe. It would preoccupy my mind. Being in great pain,was not condusive to studying. If I knew IT was coming I would think about it the day before. Later it got so bad I had to be taken home from school because I would have vomiting and dry heaves and instestinal cramping/diarreah then the sweats adn chills then I would pass out from the pain. THen came a drug called Ruffin now known as the OTC Ibuprofen. I took this at like 400 mg 4 times a day several days before I was to start and it only took away half of the symptoms. And made me very groggy and inattentive during that time. Later came a drug that we now call Allieve. Naproxen Sodium. What a life changer. I could just take 2 of these as the onset and one later that day and it would get me through. I did not have to fear leaving school or work and running for cover, hoping to get back home before it was too bad. I still had great pain and chills and sweats some, but could stay at work and not vomit etc. The vomiting and intestinal cramping were reactions to the extreme pain. When I was pregnant with my 2 dd's I was at about 6.5 centemeters before my contractions exceeded my previous normal menstral pain. Never did feel those braxton hicks things everyone talked about, could see them at times but never fealt one. I share this because I am not sure my mother realized the degree of discomfort I had until later on when I was almost out of high school. Just knowing that this was coming in the next day or two is enough to keep you out of it and innattentive before menses even begins.
I had a lot of the same problems as Vantage - and I never TOLD my mother how bad it was. I would just stay home from school and cramp in bed. My Dr actually put me on birth control at age 16 to control it. I DON'T recommend that to anyone - but for them it was an answer back then. Because once the pain started (and it usually snuck up on me) I would have an instant gag reflex and no medicine was going down. Maybe talk with her and see if maybe a day or 2 for PMS may be worth it. Hey I still take a day or 2 off because of it - it's still really bad for me - but now it's just 3 days - but usually a bad 3 days (I cry and get angry a lot)
Does she have friends she is allowed to hang out with from time to time? Maybe she just needs to do girl things with another girl her age. Or does she get enough alone time? It sounds like you have other children in the house, maybe she just needs time to unwind and relax. I know as a child and even still as an adult, I am much more happy and able to deal with life better when I have periodic quiet time, especially on the busier days. My heart goes out to you. Raising teenagers and dealing with hormones is challenging. Do you have support with your other children to where you could have a Mommy-Daughter day? A day where you go, just the two of you and do something you both think is fun. I incorporated this with my 2 daughters just yesterday in fact. We went to a bigger town and got our hair done and ate lunch together. A Mommy-Daughter day wouldn't have to cost much money. Just find something that you both think is fun. Window shopping and just talking, going for a hike or walk, creating a treasured piece of art together. I know I try and pay attention to my 2 daughters (ages 13 and 8) and see if they are displaying signs of ....needing alone time or needing more one on one time with Mom. Things have a way of working themselves out. It just shows what kind of loving and caring Mom that you are because you recognize something is out of whack and you want to make it better for your DD and for your overall family life. Hang in there.
I picked up on that "no friends" thing too. I would think that would be something I would work on if I were you. Is there some kind of club, karate, arts, debate, sports, whatever that she can join up with?
She sounds alot like my dd in some ways! Mine turned 13 this summer and started her period this past March. One thing I've done is made sure that I mark her start dates on MY calendar so I watch her cycles and that way I can mentally be prepared! It's been funky because when her's started, my went totally off track. I think I've had two since she started! She is my 3rd dd to go through this age and one thing I've learned is to not take things to heart. Part of our problem is money is a huge issue here right now so anything social wise is not an option right now. We do try to get a mile walk in on nice days and that does help both her and I. She is my only one left at home (4 kiddos) so I can gear our school day around what works best for her which right now means we start in the early afternoon. This is a very hard thing for me because I'd much rather be up early and get it done but it seems to be working better this way. I wish I could be of more help but maybe it just helps knowing that others are in the same boat!
Thanks! You all have helped a lot. One of the additional issues on the friends thing is that she is great at math, likes swordsmanship, wants to be a pilot some day. You get the idea. So she just keeps finding boys in what she does do. We recently stopped doing stuff with our church, otherwise there would be a teen group. Maybe I should look around at other churches for a new teen group.
