He wants to go back

I have 2 in Catholic school and 3 at home. 2 are school age.One is a kinder and has never been in school. The other has been in and out of school. He is 10 and wants to go back to school.

He is really not happy at home. He hates doing work with me and refuses to do anything unless I sit next to him. Here is the unusual situation we have. I do daycare in my house, so there are around 5 EXTRA kids in my house from 6:30am-6:15pm! They are all 3 and under. I can't sit next to him. I have to give him work and have him come to me when he needs help. He won't. He will just play around.

He would go into a very difficult class in school. We had this teacher before and she is TOUGH. He has many reading and auditory problems. He will struggle in school.

He wants to be with the friends he knows in school. He is bored at home with no friends. He is already on the school swim team, but he still wants to go to school.

Then in the same breath he will say no he can't go to school, because there is too much work.:? I am tired of fighting with him. I can't be one of those great hs moms. I can't go on field trips. I HAVE to do daycare. Should I send him? Let him him see how hard it is? Let him suffer through the year?
HELP

 

Well, tough decision. One of mine went back to school for high school because she wanted to go to dances. She came home the next year because dances got old, as did all the rules.

Maybe your son needs to go back for now so you can get a grip on life and give him the time to make HIS decision to come home. :wink:

It's that old reverse psychology thing.

Tell him he can go back after Christmas, then expect him to have a VERY tough remainder of the year. Don't give in, make him stay until summer and then ask him again if he would like to try homeschool.

Who knows, maybe traditional school will fit him this time around and he will exceed all expectations.

Also, don't lsiten to the teachers when they tell you that you should not be putting him in and taking himout...blah blah and blah. He's YOUR kid and you can teach him things any way you want. That includes whether or not going back to school is the right decision for him.

 

You said he has been in and out of school.....what were the reasons for those decisions? Is any of it relevant now?

 

Lets see. He has always been a difficult hser. Last year he was in the school, and doing O.k. It was only the 4th week or so. We went in for meet the teacher night and Noah's teacher was awful. She started off saying all these negative things about the class and how they needed to be prepared to take the 4th grade state test. When we questioned her in front of all the other parents she just did not give us good answers. For example we said that it sounded like she was only being negative when the kids were bad and not doing anything positive when the kids were good. She said, "Why should i reward the kids for doing something they are supposed to do." So anyway, their were 31 kids in the class and we could not imagine Noah doing well, so we pulled him.

He was mad at us/me for a long time. The reason he is in and out of school, is because school is NOT the right place for him. He does not enjoy it. They can't give him the extra help he needs. Home is best, but at this point I need to work to make ends meet. I work from home, so i am here for my kids. No it is not perfect, but at least no one else is watching MY kids. :wink:

I want him to be happy, but that is not the personality he has. He has always been argumentative and angry, but sweet and loving.

 

I think you are expecting alot of him, personally. He has to work alone because you are caring for other's children. These kids are so young they need your constant attention. It must end up being frustrating for everyone! Plus, the in and out of school must be hard on him, as well. He sounds very mixed up, probably from being uprooted so much. Just my opinion.

 

I hear this is pretty normal behavior out of Catholic school teachers, at least most. My sil went to Catholic school, and she was really put upon by her teachers. She forgot one book one afternoon. That next day, she had to carry home every school book in her desk, and this continued for about a week.

 

Sounds like your son is suffering from a "the grass is greener" kind of attitude. When the going gets tough, he just imagines how much nicer it would be somewhere else.

You're his mom, and he's too young to make his own decisions. If you think HSing is best for him then HS is best for him.

Sometimes you just have to get tough. My DD gets argumentative and sullen when she has to do her work and she doesn't want to. I don't care if she's "upset" she needs to take responsibility for her mind and I tell her so. I tell her "take responsibility for your mind. Sit down in that chair" and "pick up your pencil and start." I may say this 50 times but you know, she does it. And we ALWAYS end in smiles when she finishes her work and is proud of herself.

We also started a reward system, she gets stickers on a card for every page she completes. She gets extra stickers if she finishes correctly and under the two-hour limit (for all her worksheets). Each completed sticker page is worth $1. That has helped a LOT with motivation.

Do what you think is best for him, not what will make him happy this moment. Happy kid in school learning nothing will not equal a happy adult. True happiness will come when he can be proud of what he learned.

 

It sounds like he is very torn about going back, and so are you. I would ask him what it is about traditional school that he wants. What does he like about it? What does he like about hs? Can you strike a balance? If he is craving more social interaction, maybe there are ways (even beyond swim team) you can provide that. See what he feels is missing, and then see if there's a way to fill that void short of going back. There may not be, and it might be that it's better for him to go back, even if for a season. Something else you might look into is what his particular learning style is. A lot of boys are kinesthetic, so bringing that into their learning environment helps with the boredom issue.

Jennifer

 

Is there a block of time during the day when all of the little children are napping or possibly watching a movie? He could get a good hour or two of one-on-one time with you. Is that a possibility. I would also try rewards with him too. I liked the sticker page idea.

I would never let my kids decide when to go back to school. You are the adult and if you feel like hs is best, then it is. I know it's hard because we don't want them to be unhappy, but life can be hard sometimes, we just have to stick it out and make the best of tough situations. Good luck whatever you decide.
mckinsey

 

Suggestions

Maybe you and he can work together first thing, like before the others wake up or while they are eating? If they have nap time you can schedule some of his more difficult subjects during that time so you can focus on helping him if he needs it. Ultimately it is your choice as the parent. If you know he needs to be HS'd and that's what best for him, then follow through with it. Remind him of the ups and downs he's had while in school and let him know this is what needs to be done. Then give him a chance to give some input on how he would like things to go. If he feels he has some say in the structure he may be more prone to improving his attitude about it.

 

I don't have any words of wisdom for you because my kids fluctuate between wanting to go back or not, but I feel for you. Are you sure you are actually making enough from babysitting to make it worth the stress it places on your family? How much does it COST you to babysit (in food, etc)? How much is left over after you take away your costs?

I quit working as a surgical technologist when my 2nd was born because the amount I was going to bring home after taxes, gas, childcare, etc. wasn't worth it.

Is there some other way you can make money that doesn't affect your family like this? Any kind of crafts? Or services you can offer in the evening? Or maybe you should have school in the evening instead of when there are a bunch of little ones running around requiring your attention.

 

Cyper School? It's public school, but its done in your home. Do you have a K-12 or similar program available in your area? It's not a fit for a lot of homeschoolers because it is an inflexible schedule and they pick the curriculum, but since you have a strict schedule already, it might work for you. You might get a little extra support from the staff so you wouldn't be all alone in this. Just a thought...

 

You state that your son has "many reading and auditory problems." Could it be that he is having a hard time with reading and understanding his assignments. Some children "act out" because they do not understand what they have read. You may want to address his reading problem before he gets behind, and starts to hate school even more.

I know you have a lot on your plate, but is there anyone else who can help you? I am homeschooling my 12 year old son who had reading problems, due to speech difficulties. Homeschooling him has helped a lot, because of the individual attention he is now receiving.

Also, your son could be yearning for your attention. I know you have to make a living, but children don't understand that. His desire to return to school could stem from not wanting to compete with the other kids for your attention. Just a thought. Only you know your child. I hope everything works out for the best.

Good Luck!:angel:

 

I feel for you honey. I can imagine what it's like for a child to want to go back (although I'm sure that day will come). I personally would say no, unless they were completely failing at home and we'd tried EVERY option available. It doesn't sound like you're failing at all. It sounds like you just haven't found what works best for you all.

I agree that nap time is probably the best to one on one with him. I know that doing childcare you probably have at least an hour where you make all the kids lay down. If not, it would be the perfect time to start....anyone under 5 has to lay down for 1 solid hour, no talking. It's quiet/rest time.

If this extra time isn't enough, perhaps you can switch some of the work that he needs more to the evenings when the kids leave?
Does he have something he's really interested in? Video games? T.v.? etc, You could use this as an incentive for getting work done in the time frame you set. Like give a realistic time (I want your math done in 1 hour) and if he sits and goofs off he loses those privileges.

If none of that helps, maybe the curriculum just doesn't match him?? Maybe you could try switching gears up a bit to find something more suitable.

<<<<<hugs>>>>> and support to you! It'll get better soon!

 

What type of stuff IS he doing? I agree with the nap-time thing. Maybe include videos in his work - take an evening trip to the library or a weekend and let him pick out science or other types of videos for "break time" but have them be educational.

Does he have computer access? maybe he can do some computer work?

 

My sister did day care for a million years. She ALWAYS had naptime. For 1 hour they WOULD lie down, and they WOULD NOT talk. It was the rule, and they quickly learned to do that. Some of the biggest resisters of naptime were actually the kids that needed the sleep and DID sleep once they got used to the routine! She had a routine set up so the children knew what came next and what to expect. Maybe you can try (or maybe you already do) that, so you can spend that time with your son.

The other ideas are good too--rewards and praise for postive, doing schoolwork in the evenings, etc. Does he help you with the children? My kids help me, and have learned a lot from it. We get a lot of their work done during naptime, or they go to a different room during the noisier play time.....

Have a sit-down talk with him as was mentioned. Find out what he would like, and try to implement his suggestions/ideas.

One person said not to worry about teachers saying it's not good for him to go in and out..... I agree to a certain degree--that teachers shouldn't dictate to you how to run your family and homeschool. But, in reality, it's NOT good for him to keep going in and out. He needs to learn stick-to-itiveness. YES, it's hard when you don't feel like it, son, but if you learn to buckle down now and work through the hard times, you will be a more successful adult. Life is not easy, jobs are not easy, and if they learn to "run" when the going gets tough, it won't ever be a good thing!

Once you talk together and figure out a plan you can live with STICK WITH IT for the rest of the year! You can tweak it along the way to help it work, but don't keep tossing in the towel and switching things up--it's confusing--for him AND you! At the end of the year re-evaluate. See how things went and see what the possibilities of continuing the same thing are.

Again: Stick with the program, find a schedule, have a quiet time to work with him, get his opinions.....That's the advice I'd give

 

I just got back from vacation - well, sort of - and was reading back threads, and I had a thought.

There is no rule that says you have to do school in the morning. Can you do school in the afternoon, once the kids are gone? And in the evening? You could then provide him with your undivided attention. So what if he winds up staying up "working" until 12 or 1, if he can sleep late the next day? Just let him know you will be available until "x time" (where x=your bedtime) to help him. Let him sleep late and play in the mornings, and maybe do some playing or art projects. Yes, this will be more difficult on you - I can imagine how tired you are at the end of the day - but it may be just what he needs.

As for field trips - what about a co-op of sorts? What if you found an HS family in your area that had a child his age (preferably son) and a young child that would be hard to manage on a field trip? Said family could take your son with them on the field trip, and you could keep their infant/toddler while they went? Or, your son is old enough that you might be able to find someone who is just flat out willing to take him with them as well, and willing to do it for nothing. Then your son gets some interaction during the day, and gets out of the house. Then you can be an "active listener" when he gets home. Not as "ideal" as taking him yourself, but still better than him struggling at home maybe?

Those are the two biggies that popped into my head. Hope this helps. It sounds like his two biggest concerns are socialization and not getting enough attention/help. Good luck!

SG

 

I agree with the evening thing. I started homeschool this school year and tried the morning schedule. It wasn't working because I also do daycare and couldn't always pull away to help my son. A month ago we switched to after dinner and the schedule is going great. I let him sleep in, then he helps me throughout the day with the kids so he's learning the other side of things too. His work only takes a couple hours a day but that's because we do Saturdays and less major holidays too. I'm not giving him a 2 week Chirstmas break or spring break like in regular school. Starting in the evening could be too much if you spend more time to where it would be really late but maybe he could do the things he understands better during the day and then the more troublesome areas in the evening with you there to help more. As far as going back to public school, that's not an option for my son. I have weighed the pros and cons and even if he complained every day I wouldn't let him back in that atmosphere. He's always had great teachers but last year his teacher told me flat out that they don't have time to teach anything but the state test so they can get funding. There's a lot that parents don't know that goes on too. For instance, my son's school never made it aware to anyone that I know of, that they have a closet they put kids in when they get out of control. My son told me this last year and there was an incident where another student got violent with the teacher, and this was 3rd grade. That's when I decided I wasn't putting my son through the stress of it all when he's only 9, I'll spend the extra time and do the work to make sure he gets a better education and is safe.