Hi ladies, I would like your thoughts. How many friends do you think a child (5-10 yrs) should have. I know quality is over quantity but in order for a child to have varied exposure to children, how many kids do you think is a good number? It seems like a odd question, I know, but im trying to guage how many friendships I should spend time fostering for my 7 and 5 yr old.
I wouldn't worry about focusing on x# at a time. Keep the ones you think have the best fit for your kids in sight and work on 1-2 at a time. Get to know them and their parents well and then add on as you can/find good fits. If you want to expose them to a variety of personalities etc... we go to our local library reading time. We know just about everyone there, been going a couple years. But are only close to a few. Working on a couple to add. Just remember it takes time
Here's what we do My kids all have their birthdays in the next few weeks - one will be 6 andone will be 4. We see weekly a family who has children nearly the same ages. This family also has similar values and behavior expectations, so I make a real effort to see them regularly. We see another family maybe 2-3 times a month. Not-so-similar values, very dissimilar behavior expectations. My older two love the older child in this family, and the people are nice enough. While the differences in family rules can grate on my sometimes, it has proven to be a good learning opportunity about how not everyone/every family is alike. Beyond that, we take the boys (weekly) to gatherings like Sunday School or Wed. nite club at church (which just ended, so we're switching to tae kwan do after the holidays). These events give them chances to be exposed to a wider variety of children in a semi-structured activity based environment. They learn about other people as they work along side. When we can, we go to homeschool park days/field trips. Honestly, these are my favorite. I see such a difference in the disposition of homeschooled children, and I really enjoy watching these kids interact with my own. My children have learned to see each other as their first playmates because they've had to. At our last home, there were no neighbors with kids who stayed home - a playdate was a day-long trip. Here it's not the same, but I am happy to see them enjoy each other's company. Don't get me wrong, they still bicker, but they're generally very quick to bury the hatchet. I find this is enough for us. It's not what I grew up with, but my kids are forming friendships as well as making acquaintances. Beyond that, they're busy the rest of the time - with school lessons or family activities.
My 9 year old has 1 close friend. My 11 year old - ehhh - doesn't have too many that are close right now. But we try and spend 1 day per week at the park with other kids so they can expand their circle. Then they do 4-H and other things that have tons of kids. They are exposed to different kids - but I personally find it funny that they have gotten pickier over the last 2 years. We went for Halloween to our old neighborhood (50 kids on the court).... my son told me that all they did was act stupid and disrespectful so he was ready to come home. Go figure - he was DYING to go
I think that's the hard part about homeschooling when the kids get older (middle school - high school). My kids have been homeschooled for the majority of their lives but went to school for 8 months last year. They met lots of friends who have fallen by the wayside this year. Consequently, my dd who is 11 years old, has about three good friends - none of the friends she met in school. My ds 8 years old kept none of his either. He has about three friends too. We do participate in a weekly bowling league, a homeschool co-op, Sunday School and music lessons. My son will take "Saturday Basketball" in December for 4 weeks. That gives them enough activities to expose them to all kinds of kids.
Assuming that your children meet other children throughout the week, then they are being exposed to different children. As adults we are also exposed to many people, but we are not close with all of them. The same goes for our kids. Ems has three very dear friends and then she has others who she plays with from time to time at gatherings, church, and parties. So basically foster the friends that you see are dear to them.
My kids had some friends from ps before we started hsing (2nd year this year) and they still keep in contact. Not as much as either side would like but because of different school schedules it's kinda hard. My oldest dd, she has no desire to hang out with friends, she's rather stay at home and play with her 3 year old brother or practice riding her bike. My 11 yr old dd, she's more social so she'll find the other kids at the charter school and hang out with them. One of their closest friends happens to be my good friends boys and we ride share to the school and the kids get along.
I agree that it's best to create opportunities for your children to socialize with others in group settings, but I don't think that you really need to worry about fostering friendships. If you are a healthy family with healthy relationships with other families and take your children out to group events like field trips and library reading time, etc, those relationships will happen. I don't think that little children in the 5-10 year-old range need a lot of friends outside of their extended family.
