criticism first starting out homeschooling from family and friends. DO you still have to defend it against them or has it been accepted. I am starting this coming year and for some reason im fearing the comments that will be made and how ppl react to it. there are not hardly any hsers around here to my knowledge and im having a hard time finding out if their is or not. also if your child attend public school at first and than went to home school....do they still play with their old friends and keep in contact? sorry for the windy posting.
I think that the most noticeable change to me was by the public school parents. When my son first started playing football they acted very strange but then after three years are friendly now, but only during football. It still is awkward - I think for them because they don't understand it. I know that what I am doing is best for my children and it doesn't bother me what they think. When my kids were little I was all worried too, what will people say, how can I keep them involved, will they have any friends, will they be socialized. After 10 years - I just don't care. We do what works for us and people don't seem to mind. Most of my kids friends are church friends. My son would like more friends his age that enjoy things he does but I don't think that ps would help that. You'll do fine, don't worry and just enjoy it.
At first I was nervous about telling people we homeschooled becasue you just never know what their reaction will be. I have had both very positive and beyond horribly negative. After three years I just dont care anymore at all. These people who judge probably drop their kids off at school in the morning and don't see them again till they pick them up from daycare after dark. So to them being with my children all day is ludicris. People tend to negate what they do not understand. Now that my attitude has changed from worried to not carring what others think or may say I have seen a huge improvement in others reactions and get a lot more positive than negative comments. As far as keeping friends.......my dd12 was in ps for 4 years. In that time she didn't really make any friends at school she wanted to keep. All of her friends are kids she met at dance or church. There are two girls she met in ps that still call to get together with her but she doesn't really want to keep a friendship with them.
The same way I handle all the other nonconformities in my life. Let's talk about social get-togethers, nearly all which center around food! You see, my family eats mostly organic foods. In addition, I fast one day a week, fast for a week or more a couple of times a year, and do other kinds of detoxifying cleanses throughout the year. Now I know even some people here are rolling their eyes as they read this. No big deal, because they don't know that I have not been sick in years. My daughter has only had two stomach flus in her 7-1/2 years of life and both times from directly kissing sick friends on the mouth, otherwise her immune system has been strong against the usual casual contact with other sick children. I know that nonconformity makes people uncomfortable and how I handle it is that I know I am doing the best I know to do with the knowledge I have at that time and I believe the same about them. So, I try to pass on knowledge to those who are receptive and smile politely to those who are not. I don't defend my lifestyle, I just live it and the results are proof enough for me, if not for them. Besides all that, I am really only interested in pleasing my Lord. If I have His favor, then other people's opinions do not really matter to me. Oh, about the child having friends, it depends on the child. My daughter is very social and outgoing. That is just her personality. She has never been to public school, but she has public school friends.
I used to be nervous, too, and I am still hesitant about sharing when we met someone new. However, I have gotten LOTS of questions, especially from former co-workers (I used to teach school). I find that when I address their concerns, they're satisfied. They may have further reservations, but they don't share them and liek the pp's, I have to say, the more you see something working well for your family, the less open you are to criticism. I think this goes for everything - not just homeschooling.
I actually got the most negative comments from a few people who had hs. (maybe a "I couldn't do it so I don't want to see you do it") But in general everyone has been pretty positive. I have gotten ignorant questions...(not rude ignorant but just ignorant) ex. "So the school gives you the curriculum to do at home?" "Does the councillor see him to make sure he is on track" questions about testing. People are pretty shocked that there are not a lot of rules. I usually say, "well, I feed him without gov. interferance...I suppose I can educate him without gov. interferance." The middle school principal is a friend of my husbands. (it is a small town that dh grew up in) and he has been very helpful. (ds goes to ms for band) The band teacher hs his children so he is pretty supportive. I think the principal is hoping to "nice" us back into school. On the other hand, we have discussed ds's difficulties and maybe they don't really want him. He isn't going to raise the test scores. And when he gets frustrated he can be a behavior problem. (although that is getting sooooo much better with maturity)
We homeschool because we feel it is what God wants for our family. So that's how I handle it. "We feel this is what God wants us doing right now. When He tells us to change, we will." That's the bottom line, and NO ONE can argue with that. If they want to argue about it, I tell them to discuss it with my husband. And I won't argue with them.
I don't see why others' comments should even bother any of us! Honest questions are easily answered, but anything beyond that you don't have to deal with. Like Ann Landers used to advise- look at them with surprise and say 'Now why would you want to know THAT?'
I was also very worried about defending my choice to homeschool. It took me 1.5 years to decide its the right thing to do. I know its the best thing for my children and thats what matters the most. 10,20,30 years from now you wont even care or remember what those people said or did. What you will remember is your child as a young student, what an amazing experience he's had, what benefits he's reaping and how much more advanced and accomplished he is from all your dedication and hard work. Whenever I get nervous or upset talking to someone who doesn understand or support me and my homeschooling, I remind myself exactly why I chose this path and how much I believe in it and my ability to do it. At the end of the day, everyone goes their seperate ways and people get consumed in their own life. What really matters is that you are happy with your decision and believe in the outcome it will give provide. Trust me, Im still telling myself all of these things on a constant basis! Believe in yourself and no one else will matter!!!
We haven't even started the homeschooling yet (my son is finishing his last week this week) and I have gotten positive and negative reactions. Most people say "why not just do private school?" well we looked into it and we can't afford it. I have just been telling people I am doing what is best for our family and usually they just drop it at that. I told my son's teacher what we were doing and she pretty much gave me a guilt trip since my sweet boy is her errand boy and she said "who will run my errands and who can I trust with my keys to unlock the door after recess and who will be my class monitor?" She was a big part of the problem calling him one of her "good" ones all the time no wonder the other kids call him a goody-goody! Plus I am room mother and no one else will even help me so no telling IF she can find someone else to take over
I deal with criticism all the time from my in laws. I just let them talk and don't really respond to it anymore. When I homeschooled my oldest they were really on me about the socialization. It was an every week conversation to the point that my hubby told his mom to drop it because this is what we were doing right now. Well oldest wanted to go to ps full time and was just fighting me daily about schoolwork so now he's full time. Of course now i get the "the public school just is a terrible place" That is until i took my daughter out of ps a month ago. I now get the :"She needs to be in a school so she can be around other kids and learn to talk" ugh!!!!!!! She has a speech delay. How are the other kids supposed to teach her to talk please!! I let it go in one ear and out the other but i do fume about it sometimes with hubby. He lets me vent and then it's another day. It's what i do to handle it because I have tried to explain to them why and what for but they don't care and are in their own little world where they are right and no one else is.
I've had both the good and bad comments and you never know what will come from who. With the grandparents, the grandmothers were pro, and 1 grandfather just didn't understand at all. The other grandfather (and his girlfriend especially) didn't like it, they are convinced that ds will never play sports and they'll never be around other kids. But by now, they know that we're serious (we're coming up on 2 years next month). The other ps parents kind of stopped talking to me in public, but it doesn't bother me. I figure that they thought we moved at first, then thought that we hs for some drastic reason so they don't talk to me, lol. I think it's funny. My ds only went to 1/2 a year of kinder. so he didn't have a lot of friends. Only 1 really and he moved during his Christmas break. We just play with pe group kids and family members.
HER problem, not yours!!! YOU are not responsible for finding another room mother for her, nor are you responsible for finding another "good kid" to do all that stuff for her! She will manage, and if she doesn't , well, it's not your problem! You have to do what is best for YOURS.
My in-laws, especially my sil, were against us homeschooling. Handsome finally had a chat with them and told them that their comments needed to stop or they wouldn't be hearing from us anymore. They have come around, except for my sil. She keeps her questions to herself, for the most part, but I can tell she still thinks that Ems should be in a public school.
Usually I get I wish I could do that or God bless you for being that brave, because I couldn't do it. I feel I'm lucky and our family is lucky that we can hs. Only from one parent have I ever had un called for comments. And that was at a county wide school function that all the schools were invited to. This is also a parent that is from the school we use to go to. She couldn't understand why I'd take my oldest out of school when she's doing better, she doesn't have to deal with the daily drama and she's happy. She told me to tell my daughter that she should just tell them off and send her to ps.She went on some more but it was pointless and uninformed Well, she did that in front of several of us hmsing parents. None of us we're thrilled and to this day, but let her say her ignorant piece and go on. She had no idea what was going on with my dd, nor the upset it caused our household. I just figure she's just not real intelligent and to make herself feel better about her inadequacies as a person she ranted at us.
well I been there and done that with my family I just don't talk to them, it's there lost not mine, I have a gain a lot without them. You have to do what is best for you and your family and if they don't like it oh well, theres a kite and they can fly it and keep flying. Really it's none of there business what you do with your children, but tell them that, right they wouldn't listen. I know. Any way good luck just remember you are doing what is right for you and your family and they will either get over it or fly the kite who knows.
The only comments I get that bug me are the sad kind - "Oh, I just couldn't handle not having the kids at school, it's my down time/'me' time." Which, frankly, was one of my struggles starting HSing. But I don't want to be in-your-face with my friends, who really are considering what is best for me-just-me (not so much me-as-a-mom) from their perspective, and say, "Well, I love my kids, and of course I want them with me all day" because I don't want to make THEM feel bad or guilty for wanting to get rid of their kids! Argh! I had a woman at my church engage in a discussion with another woman in front of me, knowing I HS. She used to HS, and was standing there wondering why "people" HS when we live in such an excellent school district, one of the best in the state, etc. (You know, all about those standardized test scores.) Since she decided to "wonder" in front of me and bash HS in front of me - and she used to HS! - I decided to not answer, because after all she wasn't talking to me (and I was a bit irritated that she would be so rude). <shrug> Someone once told me that you can really only be upset or offended by something if you feel insecure about it. I've noticed that is true in my life - when I am feeling like a lousy mom or teacher, the comments bother me more, especially if I think someone else is judging me to be a "bad" or inadequate mom. But since I've heard that, I've targeted that as the reason for being bugged and let them roll off me easier. After all, most people have no clue what kind of mom or teacher I am when it's just me and my kids. SG
We encountered a lot of negativity when we decided to homeschool, mostly from a few members of our immediate family (particularly MIL & BIL's wife). From some others (like my parents) we encountered initial concern (re. ensuring they wouldn't be behind ps kids, socialization...). Strangely, strangers/casual aquaintences are generally the ones we get the best response from when they find out we homeschool. A lot of genuine curiosity questions, a lot of "I wish I could do that" type comments. We've just always made it clear that we are doing what we feel is best for our children. We don't deliberately put down the public schools, but we're honest about why we decided not to send our kids there if we're specifically asked. I honestly believe, that in most cases, when a person is outright negative about a choice we make for our family... it's all about THEM and not really about our choice. THEY perceive that by making a choice that's not "mainstream", we're somehow saying/implying/thinking that we're better parents/making better parenting decisions than they are/were. I've learned to accept that there's nothing I can do to correct that line of thinking, it's something they're going to have to get over... or not. Either way, it's their problem, not mine.
VERY wise words, SG! It is so true. I think we all have times of doubt and insecurity about homeschooling or just parenting. However, the only way other opinions about homeschooling--or about ourselves, for that matter--can hurt is when we, at some level, believe them. Whenever someone says something that hurts me, I take time to examine why it hurts. Did I have an hidden expectation of that person that caused me disappointment? Does it hurt because I believe it is true? Is it really true? What can I change so that it does not hurt next time? Most of the time, I simply need to change my perspective on it and/or my expectations of the person, but there are times I need to change more than that as well. Insecurity comes from unfamiliarity, so I got real familiar with homeschooling before I actually did it. The worse part is that homeschooling parents usually feel they cannot share certain things with people who do not homeschool--even ones who are supportive of it in general. We don't want "outsiders" to know the downsides or anything negative, but the truth is that there are downsides--again, IF you perceive them as downsides; perspective is a very powerful thing. I remember one woman said something like she could never have the patience to homeschool her kids, so teaching her own children would be a con for her, but it is a pro for me. It is all in your own perspective.
I have come across it a bit. I remember the looks when I first said I was homeschooling. My stepmother was the worst...and she was very vocal about it. She got to eat her words when my daughter took her standardized tests when she was 8 (a third grader NOT a 2nd grader)....and she tested no lower than 5th grade in everything. Now my stepmother is trying to convince my siblings that homeschooling is the way to go. I get it a lot...but more what I hear is "Wow, you must have a lot of patience" or the "I could NEVER do that" comments than all out negative ones. Of course socialization comes up...I just laugh, my kids are the most social I know b/c they are not stuck in school for 8 hours! LOL. Truly, like water off the ducks back. The scoffers don't live your life...and until they do, they'll never get it.
