My dh hates doctors beyond any level of reasoning. He hates medicine, he hates the whole medical society. Fine, I don't like them either. But he is to an extreme of wanting no medical care or testing for anything. After pushing him to go to the doctor on Monday, his blood test results came back. Dh's cholesterol is high, his thyroid is way high, his blood sugars are high. There are additional tests the doctor wants to run. DH already has a pre-existing heart problem (VSD for those of you who know what it is, hole in the valve) and prostate problem. DH right off gets angry when he finds out and does not want to hear about it. Later, I approached him again, and he listened, but then said he will do his own thing. The doctor called in synthroid and Lipitor. I agree with not taking the Lipitor (his chol was not that far off and diet would be a good first line there) but his thyroid was way off so he really needs the thyroid meds, in my opinion. He says he will not take any medication, not even the thyroid med. I hate to be arrogant. I mean, 100 years ago, they would have just bled him and they were wrong then. DH is very clueless over diet and exercise, so this is not like he is taking natural methods to care for himself. He LOVES fast food. He loves burgers and onion rings. He has eggs for breakfast most days, except when he gets fast food. He always has fastfood for lunch. For dinner, it is fast food, pizza, or something with redmeat. Even if I cook a healthy meal, like grilled chicken breast, he will run for fastfood later. DH does not want to see a nutritionist. We belonged to a health club for several years, but he never would go. He thinks the way to exercise is to sprint every so often. He is going to keel over and die doing that. He thinks walking is not a valid form of exercise. IF I step back and just say dh needs to decide and pray about it, nothing is likely to get better. I think he will likely die if I do not push him to get help. He has not even heard what the doctor wants him to do for treatment. Part of me feels like if I don't push and push and push it and force him to listen, then I am "withholding information" as it was me the doctor called and gave the information too. DH signed papers at their office and told them to just relay the results to me if I am the one to answer the phone. Then he refused to answer the phone when they called and refused to call them back. So what should I be doing? Am I the better wife to push and push him when he yells back and says he doesn't want to hear it, even when he needs to? Or am I the better wife when I step back and wait for him, even though I know he could die while I pray and wait? I am starting to think I just need to pray. But then I have this guilt like I should do more.
Wow, that's a tough one. You've probably done this, but I'd try to have a sit-down with him, and show hime pictures of your wedding, kids, vacations, happy family things. I'd tell him how much you and the kids love him, and want to be with him always. Then I'd show him some easy to see/read info. of what the problems he has can do if not taken care of. Just a quick overview. Then I'd say something about how he is making choices that do not only affect him. They affect you. They affect your children. They affect the rest of his family and friends. None of you wants to be without him! Then I'd ask him to think it over and pray about it, and make a choice for everyone, not just himself. Then you need to pray that he takes it seriously. I know others will give good advice. This is just off the top of my head after I read your message. Sometimes they don't see the big picture---that others are also affected by his decisions. Best wishes! I will be praying for him, and for you and your family!
Well... you're not his mom. I'd tell him to take the most life insurance he can get at work, so you and the kids will be okay, then leave it alone. Are you supposed to worry yourself sick because he won't do things for himself? I speak from experience, because my husband is like this, too. I think most men are, for whatever reason. My husband smokes, so I feel like he's creating real trouble for himself down the road, but he won't quit. I won't sit around beating a dead horse. I'm his wife, not his mother. He's a grown man that will make choices for himself- good or bad.
As sad as it is, I have to agree with Becky here. Hubby was never one to take care of himself. I can cook healthy meals, and he eats them and takes them to work with him for lunch, but while at work he likes to hit the wheel of death for horrible foods, and the candy machine and the soda machine and the ice cream machine... get the picture. I admit I do enjoy foods that are not the best for me, but I try hard to eat them in moderation. Anyway, got off track there. When I was pregnant with Rylee, his first bio baby, the nurse at my OBs office got on him about taking care of himself. He has a family history of heart problems and diabetes. He has a heart murmer (but it isn't too bad, as he was fine enough to spend his 6 years in the Army), and high blood pressure. He did get into the dr, and is now on BP meds, and goes every 6 months to a year for a check up. He has made great strides in caring for himself since the little ones came along. Also I have learned, if I make him the appt and say you have an appt with so and so at so and so time at so and so date, he will go.
It definately is a hard situation. My DH is tough to get to go to the Dr too. I think most men are. I would let him know your thoughts and then pray about it. It sounds like you have done all you can and some things are better left to God to deal with.
Yep! we're in a similar situation here, but (hopefully) not as extreme. I've given up bugging him about diet and exercise, and he actually has a doctor's appointment scheduled. The bottom line is that you CAN'T force him to take care of himself. Yes, you can cook healthy, but you can't control his eating fast food. You can not keep pop around the house, but you can't control what he drinks at work. And nagging doesn't help, but makes it worse. So the only solution left is to pray that God changes his heart over this.....
Sommer, I wonder if your husband picks out all the vegetables he can, like mine does?? It's true that all you can do is put good things in front of them, and the rest is up to them.
No.. he actually eats veggies. He does eat the good things for him... but he also devours the bad He grew up on a farm, and veggies were a staple... so he is quite used to them, but he also grew up with a farm wife grandma who baked a pie every single day, made cookies 2 or 3 times a week among many other goodies... so he has a love for the sweet things in life as well.
Here is an idea. This totally came from the Dr. Laura show, and I know everyone doesn't agree with her, but I think she's probably right on this one. She advised that the wife say, "Sorry I've been treating you like I'm your mom. I'm just going to be your wife and enjoy whatever time I have left with you." At first that sounds kind of harsh, but the lady she told that to acted a little relieved, and thought that the wording of that would at least be enough to get him to think about things.
Is there anyway you can make some of his favorite foods healthier? I know pizza can actually be very good for you...Just make it at home use a thin crust, less cheese (and 2%) less meat and more veggies..... You can make calzones the same way.... bake them then he can take them to work and just warm it up in the microwave. I'm not sure how to make onion rings better for you but there may some way --those are one of my guilty pleasures---but maybe he could compromise and get them less often. Homemade fries done in the oven are also a good substitute, either with reg. potatoes or sweet, and you control the oil and salt. If salt intake is an issue try sea salts----you get the flavor with out the sodium. You can also make him an omlette with egg beaters or somthing similar, add a touch of cheese some peppers and onions and chop up one lean sausage link to throw in. Add some whole grain toast and fresh fruit or yogurt and you have a huge meal that should satisfy him. As far as sweets, there are several great cookbooks out there that have healthier versions of almost anything you can think of. Even if you made homemade oatmeal cookies and cut back on the sugar (usually you can cut it in half or more without noticing much of a difference) you can add ground flax, extra fiber (I use benefiber), and dried fruit. Try altering some recipes without telling him and see if he notices. If he says it tastes different tell him you got a new recipe and were trying it out. I also make cream pies with low-fat grahm crusts, sugar free pudding and fat free whipped topping. Sure it doesn't cut out everything that is bad for you but it does give you a better option. I'm sure there are other folks on here that can give you some more ideas......... I think for most people, men and women, the problem isn't that they don't want to be healthy but rather they feel like they are going to have to give up all their favorite things. If you can show him were he can get the same flavors but in a healthier way maybe he will be more flexable. Also a 15 minute walk after dinner is a great way to get him moving and it helps with digestion. And since he doesn't consider it exercise there shouldn't be an issue with it! LOL!
tagfan..great idea...would likely work with others. My dh's real mom died when he was a baby. But I did tell him I did not want to be his boss and he is in charge of his own life, and death, not me. And that he needs to think about whether he is ready to face his maker. But regardless of that, to make sure his life insurance is at the max. I told him I will use it to find myself a new hubby once he is dead and the new hubby and I will live well on his life insurance. He made faces at me and then.... He decided to fill his prescription, LOL.
Well I have a few things to say about this topic, I am sure the tomtoes will be flying but thats ok, I want to make chilli this week anyway, so send them my way.... First of all I say it depends on how important your man is to you and you are to him and how much you love each other. I been with my dh for over 30 years he is my lover, best friend, father of my children. He knows I love him more then anything and I tell him 50 to 100 times a day how much I love him, need him and think he is important, yes he does the same to me. My DH has given me a few gray hairs in our 30 years together, he had two rounds of cancer and he was very sick.. He knows he had to fight and doing things he didn't like to stay here with us because we needed him. One time I told him when he was tired of the treatments I said I know they aren't fun and I don't like seeing this being done to you, but I know it's helping and we need you, if you give up now and die I will come and pick you up and beat the shit out of you for leaving me alone in this big scary world. I tell him I can't do it with out him. Sometime people have to have a big scare in there life to sit back and say hay life is short, I need to slow down, smell the roses, enjoy my family, and eat better. Listen to my wife and do what she is asking of me. So, what I am trying to say, is sit down, explain to him how much you love him, need him and why you are asking him to do this. Let him know it's out of love, you understand you are not his mother, but you are his wife and you need him....
Men just plain see things differently than women. We're worriers, nurturers, analyzers. Men are more black and white. Wouldn't it be easier if we girls were like that??
