My 7 yr old has been awful. We have tried the whole Santa is watching bit, but he is still being awful. I just spanked him too. He is rarely spanked, but he won't stop jumping on our couches. They are both only 1 yr old and we never had nice furniture before and they were given as gifts to us. We told him if he did not stop jumping, he would be spanked. This was after finding a tear on one. I showed him the tear and explained why he had to stop. When he still would not stop, I told him I would have to spank him the next time. He ripped all the videos off the video shelf today, tore in to things, pulled the drawers out of his dresser. He does have some special needs, but this really seems pretty much willful behavior. His older sister was trying to explain to him that Santa does not come when you are naughty. He just told her he could do whatever he wanted because he was naughty last year and he still got presents. Now I am trying to figure out what to do. I don't want to just leave him empty handed on Christmas. But, I also feel like it would be wrong to just give him everything on Christmas. I was thinking of giving him 1 thing and then a note telling him he will get nothing next year if he keeps this up and that Santa is watching. I don't know. I have never ever run in to this before. Help!!!!
well I am sure you will get alot of replies on this one. But, my opinon and believe me it's not much at times, but I would do that give him one thing and a note. Have you thought about taking other things away from him, like TV and thinks. I dunno I am sure you have tryed alot of things. What about some chores maybe he is bored? Just ideas.
I have been packing things up and putting them up. He will be banned from the computer too up through Christmas. But, my parents are giving a Wii to all the kids this Christmas. But at least it will be a couple things. Most the Legos are up...the rest will be up by the end of tonight. I am making him help or do the work on the cleaning up his messes. He already picked up the videos. I told him Santa emailed and said he won't be coming if things do not shape up around here.
One thing that works for me with my willful child (My newly 6 yr old DD) is to play "I don't wanna play with you like this" game with her... Here is how it works... She does something outrageous, or like, jumping on sofa after KOWING better... I act REALLY disappointed... I cary on, with a shocked face about how I cannot believe a smart kid like you would do that....and recall when she was FUN to be around, like that time she helped load the dishwasher and how PROUD we were when she showed what a big kid she is... I will drag it out, my disappointment, into adult conversations on the phone, KNOWING the child can hear me... And I talk about just how much fun the child is to be around when she is sweet, and how smart she is and delightful... and just how sad it is that she is choosing to be so nasty, it is really sad that no one wants to play with her, but hopefully she will be sweet again, because hsie is much more fun that way.... etc... Now, depending on the child and the age... you can change it up a bit, but it might work... Don't let him know you are kidding... Because deep down you are NOT kidding.... He IS more fun when he is sweet... And he IS more fun when he is helpful.. Ok, just an idea... Then again, absolute ignoring the child and the activity, to the point of ignoring a screamer who is screaming just for a reaction, can be enough to get it to stop. (ie: they get no Pay Off from me)
This speaks volumes!!! He doesn't have to listen because even if he doesn't, he will still get at least one gift from Santa. He has no reason to listen and from his words, he knows it very well. Smart kid!
Santa brings stuff to the living room right???........ put the stuff from Santa somewhere else....... around in the kitchen or somewhere out of sight when he runs to see what he got......... leave a note from santa........ that he saw him be naughty but how santa still loves all children, however this is the last chance, he must listen to his parents or no presents at all next year.
I haven't the heart to do this, but a friend of mine had a son who was ten years younger than her twins and he was a holy terror. One Christmas, after he just would not behave, he got gifts from his parents and older sisters but none from Santa. He did a lot better the next year. I don't know if he shaped up from getting a year older or if being skipped over by Santa worked. (He is the same kid who dumped 10 pounds of sugar onto the carpet, took off his clothes and rolled in it when he was only four!)
Ok - this is what I told my kids yesterday. If they don't shape up (I was shopping at Sam's Club for last minute presents and food stuff for the wonderful 11 people showing up)..... everything they get from Santa will be donated to kids who would appreciate it and I meant it. Considering what Santa is bringing this year to my spoiled children (ok I want to play Guitar Hero as well)..... they would be mightly upset
This makes a very good point - he got presents from others - just not from Santa. One year my brother was a holy terror. He got presents from Santa, but somewhere, my parents got their hands on REAL coal and he had a BIG chunk tucked into the top of his stocking. He did have gifts beneath it (our stocking we always filled with things like chapstick and toothbrushes), but to this day, I remember how he stopped dead, staring at that coal in his hand. Honestly, this is why I have never tied behavior to Santa. I know I'm the odd one out, but that's a threat I don't want to have to make good on. My DH said it for the first time in exasperation this year - ouch!
You know, my dog does not have a clue who Santa is, but she sure does know that she should obey me. As I see it, the parents should always be the ones to give praise and discipline all the year around. If my daughter has no regard for my authority, then, of course, she is going to think that Santa will override me and give her presents anyway, but my daughter knows better because there is a difference between getting and really having. As I see it, presents should be given without strings attached. (I say this because I believe that is how the Lord gives to us. We are far from deserving, and yet He gives to us.) However, the privilege to have access to the toys and such, even those that were given as presents, is another thing. To me, it sends a stronger message about the parents being in authority when a child is given a present, opens it, but later is taken away by the parents and told he cannot have them until the behavior is acceptable. Being direct works better on both children and pets; talking about my disappointment with my dog to a friend does not discipline the dog at all. However, embarrassment is where dogs and children really differ. I try not to use embarrassment as I have seen how it backfires--wait for those teen years! Just some thoughts....
I was wondering about this yesterday. My son and the boy next door were actually fighting about Santa, telling each other that they were too bad to get presents. It ended up with my son head-butting the little boy. He is two years older and knows better than that. He had to stay home the rest of the day. Here is the deal: He had already gotten to open a present (a Lego set) because we had Christmas on Sunday with my FIL and SIL because we won't see them Christmas Day. He had already planned to spend the afternoon building his Lego set. I told him to forget it, he wasn't going to spend the day doing something new and fun if he was going to be a bully and head-butt another kid. So he was grounded from the Legos and his already limited computer time was taken away. He was SO mad about that, but it has to be drastic to make him notice. Anyway, all that to say that having a wonderful Christmas present, but not getting to play with it, is worse (for a while) than not getting anything at all, so that's something to think about.
This reminded me of a funny story...... We were at the dentist the other day and the dental hygentist asked my ds5 "Have you been a good boy, is Santa going to come see you?" to which he replied with a very emphatic "NO"!! Shocked her.... until I explained that we don't do santa. Personally I wouldn't have the heart to not give my children any presents, I'll admit to being a pushover! I would however take presents away for bad behavior and not let them play with them. I don't remember how old your ds is, mine are 7, 5, and 3 so most of the time for us each day starts fresh. I don't hold yesterdays behavior against you today, I punish today for what you're doing today. So Christmas morning I would let him have his presents, then if he started misbehaving I would take them away. Another thought, it IS right at Christmas and I know our schedule is way off and we have a lot more junk food in the house, this can really affect how my kids act. For instance, when they eat those colored yogurts for kids they go INSANE......running around like crazy people and they really seem like they can't help it. I don't know if it's the food coloring or what, but I don't allow any go-gurt or dora yogurt or anything like that in the house, regular yogurt is fine it's just the stuff made for kids that does it.
Simply stated, kids should respect their parents every day of the year. I would not use an imaginary person "santa" to make my child mind. My children should mind because that is called respect. Just the other day my ds was talking about a lady at work who threatened her kids with santa if they did not mind her. My ds said, "I am glad you never told us the santa lie". When I found out as a child there wasn't a santa I was crushed, I felt like I was mourning the loss of someone who had passed away, that is why we never told our kids about santa. I mourned the loss of an imaginary person who peeked in windows and watched us when we were sleeping or awake to be sure we were good. In real life that person would be arrested is what my ds said. LOL Just my opinion, mine alone. I respect everyone else who believes in Santa. Bless you! Good luck!
I do agree that Santa isn't the reason children should behave, they should do it because they are expected to. That being said, presents are REWARDS. No child NEEDS presents to live, and they should not be expected to receive presents just because they are your kids. A child should not be rewarded for bad behavior, it just produces more bad behavior. I would sit him down NOW and talk with him. Tell him he will not be rewarded for bad behavior on Christmas with gifts from you, and certainly not Santa. I would not threaten or yell. Then, also lay out your expectations very clearly and if he does all those things as expected, he will receive gifts. Let him know he will not receive gifts from YOU, as if yours are more important than Santa. Let him know gifts are not his right, they are a priviledge (something we had to make very clear to our 7-year old). If his behavior doesn't change on Christmas, fill his stocking with coal (or rocks) and give him ONE gift from you (none from Santa). Tell him he must earn the rest of his gifts with good behavior. This way he has a chance to get his gifts (so all is not lost), but must earn them. And Santa passed him by. Also, check and make sure he's not getting too much sugar. Around the holidays kids get so much more sugar...at Grandma's my stepdaughter started acting like a brat and then I realized they had given her pop, cookies and candy all day! Good luck! (and those are just my suggestions, by no means am I an expert!)
I'm hearing all the kids-hs'd, ps'd- are nuts right now. Please don't withhold Christmas presents. I'm a strict, mean mom when I want to get a point across, and even I wouldn't do this.- Instead, try this- do you know any men your child doesn't? Could one of them call your house, posing as Santa, and tell your son to behave? It might work. We did this with Kevin when he was around 7, and it was my fil. My fil has a very deep voice on the phone, and he -as Santa- told Kevin he's been noticing Kevin's behavior at school, and if he doesn't start behaving, he'll skip over our house! Fil named off some instances of bad behavior we clued him in on beforehand, to make it seem like he really was Santa. If you don't have any males that could do it, I'll ask my husband or son for you, if you'd like.
I don't agree that presents are rewards UNLESS you tell a child that he needs to earn the presents, thus making them rewards. Presents, in my home, are not rewards for bad or good behavior; they are simply gifts out of love from the other person. A reward is something earned when a child has achieved set goals or done something outstanding. I think a child at 7yo can understand the difference, if the parent is consistent--at least, mine does.
Jennifer, this "fact" you've been using in your signatures is simply not true. A simple google search will reveal that it's an urban legend. http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_zero_gravity_pen.htm
This depends so much on the child's development stage! We can't assume that because one child knows or does something at a certain time or age that all other children should be able to do the same. If you had a couple more children, they'd all be different and understand, comprehend, talk, read, and do other things at different ages and rates. Which is fine! I agree with the point you're making, but I don't agree with saying that because my child did this, your child should too! That does not make my child any better or worse, and isn't the point. The point is finding the best way to approach this child with the problems he is having. I don't mean this to come across as rude, I just am not that great with words. I'm just saying this as thoughts in general, not as an attack at all!!!
