I was wondering if any of you feel guilty for the "time" you spend with your children. I am a pro at having "mother-guilt" about EVERYTHING! One of the things I have been struggling with lately is the feeling that the only "quality" time I spend with the kids is usually school time. Once I am finished with lessons, I tend to be so busy cleaning or working on something that I seldom "just play" with the kids. I was wondering if any of you feel this way - and if so, how do you deal with it?
sure, I think its a Just think though that quality time is just that. I try to take each of my kids out with me to either grocery shop or just for a coffee break, now through the week. I have one help me with a chore too! That way we are getting things done while visitn... then whhe I have time we play board games or now we got a new video game that even MOm can play! HA!
I am the opposite. I am grateful for homeschooling, because that way I know I will get some one-on-one time with my older two (the toddler takes care of ensuring one-on-one time LOL). If they were in school, even if I cleaned & cooked all day, it would still be the four of us when they were home. Yeah, I could set up things to do with each, but with schoolwork, they don't have the alternative of wanting to do something else. School lessons are something they have to do, and they do (or some of it, at least) with me.
I guess that is true too. I never have had the kids away from me (daycare or school) -- other than the occasional day out. So, I don't realize the small amount of time a full time working parent gets to spend with their kids. I know that with my first son I did sit down and play with him alot during the day (when he was little age 1-3) -- then with the 2nd one it seems I played less..and now he is 3 and I am even less able to sit for hours and play. PLUS - it is difficult for me to be "fully present" even when I am playing with them. KWIM?
I never feel guilty,I feel so blessed to be able to stay at home and HS him, I know what he is learning, and I know who he is around when he is off with kids he goes to Church with
That is the problem I have, x 4. My oldest is 7, followed by a DS who will be 6 in two weeks, a DS who will be 4 in four weeks, and a 20 mos old. On the one hand, I feel bad because I don't get as much sit-down-and-play time with the baby as I did with my oldest. (Although, come to think of it, the oldest was 18 mos when my second was born, so at this point she got much less one-on-one time with a new baby in the house...) On the flip side, my 20 mos old gets significantly more one-on-one time with her siblings than she would if those same siblings were in public school, and so on, up the ladder. With four little ones, I have to consciously plan and take advantage of one-on-one time with the kids (my 3 11/12 yo and I still cuddle and read together at naptime while the others are resting/napping). I actually have been thinking about this since you OPed, but I had to process, and the reminder that I would get MUCH less one-on-one time with them if they were in school was of great benefit. But also - when I play(ed) with my kids while they were toddlers, they were learning. Maybe we were sorting, counting, playing peek-a-boo, reading together, or talking about colors, but they were learning. So learning together at an older stage is a natural continuation of that, especially if you as a parent are modeling learning. <shrug> SG
Yeah, I struggle with this, too. Especially since my boys are very vocal about the topic. They say things like, "How come you never do anything FUN with us?" and "You never spend any time with us!" and that one really stings because from MY perspective, I am WITH them all the time! :lol: I guess the guilt stems from the fact that after several hours of teaching them (with many one-on-one moments), and more time before and after spent on lesson planning, prep, etc. spending more time with them is not usually the first thing on my mind. :roll: I'm wanting to get things done around the house, or I have a writing deadline to meet, or I just want a few minutes of quiet. I have been feeling like I need to incorporate more fun into our daily routine, though. During the holidays everything was hectic and it seemed like we were just doing the necessary bookwork to stay on track. Maybe making more schooltime for games, recess, crafts, etc. will make them feel like mom's less of a taskmaster and more fun to be around. Then again, sometimes I think that no matter what we do, they're always going to think it's not enough! :lol:
I get this a lot. "Mom - you're no fun anymore"..... So we do try and take breaks from school. Now that we have guitar hero - LOL - all 3 of us can play. I'm trying to get my husband to losen up some as well - and he's trying. We stress so much about the farm and then I stress about schooling them - sometimes I forget to have fun. What's sad is I told my husband in a tearful argument that he's no fun anymore..... it was a PMS thing but still.
As a parent of an only child, I feel that I have to be sure to schedule fun time with her now and then. On the other hand, I have been in awe of her talents--my daughter is quite creative and highly imaginative, which she exercises the most when I am not spending time with her, so to speak, as she is nearly always within earshot if not within my sight. I have prayed about this and I feel the Lord has given me peace that He will provide for her the experiences He wishes for her to have. That does not mean that I should ignore her when we are done with lessons, but that I don't need to feel guilty when that does happen. She needs time with me, time to be on her own alone, and time with friends too--the Lord has provided the opportunities for all of it. If she complains about not having fun during lessons, I try to do something a bit different so that at least one part is fun or have something to look forward to each day. That way homeschooling does not become a drudgery for either of us.
Not too bad. But this is our first year of HSing after 7 years of PS. So I'm still feeling like I get TONS of time with them compared to when they were in PS. I can understand the guilt though. I had the same feelings when mine were very small. I felt like my oldest dd got cheated out of mommy time once the twins came along.
I have felt the mommy guilt thing now and then. But I have to remind myself that I do have fun with the kids. I plan fun outtings . Of course I think of the learning aspect of the outting but I make sure they are fun and don't focus on that too much. My oldest was only child until he was 6yrs old. I did what I was supposed to put him in daycare at 4yrs old and worked full time. I took him out of daycare when they lost him. But with the family preassure from inlaws I still worked full time. My oldest got to do a different type of daycare. My hubby drove a log truck so my oldest rode with him during the week. I was so jealous of the alone time they spent. Of course when oldest was 5 off to Kindy he went with me bawling the whole time. We had our daughter when the oldest was 6 and in kindy. I had been without a job for awhile so I got to spend a lot of time with her. When she was 18mths old our youngest came along. The oldest was still in ps which I hated and I had 2 babies at home. Finally when the oldest was in 2d grade we pulled him out of ps. I was absolutely thrilled to have all my babies home. But then I got so focused on what he should be learning at first it was stressfull. It took awhile but I had to learn to make time for fun stuff. Recess was a fun time.
Well, at least I know I'm not alone! *grin* I was beginning to think that I have got to be crazy! Because realistically I am NEVER away from the kids! So, how can I not be spending time with them?! I think I will try what one of you said -- incorporate more games and crafts..fun things. Looking back - towards the holiday time - I did tend to just get the lessons done (mainly reading and math) and then I was "done". I think I will try to make more time to plan out the things that may take a little more prep time - but will be worth it to the kids (crafts and science experiments for example). Also, I guess I never looked at reading with them as "quality" time...as it is just something we do alot of. My kids are also the kind that no matter how many hours you play with them, they still say "Mommy, why do you never play with us?!" Prayer wouldn't hurt me either - maybe I will be given that peace one of you spoke of. My mom is always telling me that it is good for the boys to learn to entertain themselves...but I still feel guilty. Thanks once again for all of your ideas.
I do not feel guilty but blessed. Our older two graduated from public school and we didn't spend half the amount of quality time with them that we spend with Ems. They came home from school, did their homework, I made dinner while they did chores, we spent some time together, then we went to bed. The only full days we had were weekends and vacation. Although we did the best we could, it isn't half the amount of time that we share everyday doing school and daily activities.
Every day! I am hoping that starting this week when we restart, we're going to spend some "fun" time together before school. And get chores done before school (some of mine, but obviously not all). Also...I am thinking that one day of the week for each kid, they get to pick the game and providing we're done school by "X" time...we get to do that game. Hoping that will keep the dillydallying to a minimum, so that they can get the "reward" of gametime with Mom before she focuses on her afternoon chores. I'll let you know if it ends up working!
Our time homeschooling is a time of study and learning interlaced with light conversation, giggling, and discussing ideas. The kids really open up and ask candid questions when we school. This is quality time I would not have with my kids if they were in a school all day. In order for our school days to be this way, I have had to fight the temptation to seek out entirely self directed curriculums. The fact that we homeschool means that we are on a tighter budget then we would be otherwise. This limits the amount of expensive "fun" stuff we can do but it does not limit the quality of time spent. My kids are still easily pleased and a trip to a park to walk a hiking trail and an Ice Cream and Soda stop at a McD or Chik Fil A is still a big deal.
Crafts and Science and History projects are very important to my dd's in terms of them being happily engaged in school overall. As far as reading to them goes, we save reading until bed time. This way school gets over sooner and we can have a separate quality time at night before bed, when other stresses are not there. DD reads some from one book then I read to them from another. We o ften play a little board game or something similar for a few minutes also. Total time usually 30 mins some times as long as 45.
