I have homeschooled my dd from 1st through 4th grade, she went to public school last year, and is presently homeschooling again. The reason the kids went to school last year was that my youngest child had never gone to school (even preschool) and wanted to "try it." He was making my life miserable so I decided to send both kids and then I got a job at the school as well. We had a crazy year, my son got mono and was sick most of the year. They both did well but we all decided that we like homeschooling better. This year has gone really well and we have been content. The problem? Now my dd wants to return to public school next year. She says she misses her friends and has no friends with being homeschooled. We joined a co-op but that isn't really helping. We live in a small town and the majority of activities are based around the school. Am I a meany if I tell her that she can't go back to public school? I really wanted her to wait until 9th grade if she DID go back. Putting her back in middle school wouldn't be my first choice. I can understand her wanting to be a part of things but worry about her being part of things! Has anyone else been through this, and if so, how did you deal with it?
why can't your dd still homeschool as well as see her friends after they're out of school and int he summer?
I know it sounds simple to say they can see their friends outside of school, but my youngest has been out of school since she finished second grade and now is in fifth. The girls from her class have all formed little groups and she is seldom included. Even at church the girls leave her out now. I feel bad about it, but don't know how to get her included. My older daughter, 10th grade, has a best friend who is in public school and they are still very close. Her other school friends have drifted away. I am considering letting her go to public school for her last two years, but I just can't decide. If we do let her go back I think it will be at a school in the next town. We would have to pay tuition but it is a smaller school and I think she would do better than at the large county school we would normally send her to.
It seams to me that you have a few months to decide right......... play it up....... we went bowling last tuesday...... had practicly the whole place to our selves........ I mentioned that we were actually still learning things and how nice it was to be homeschooled so we could go. Every time you do something public school kids wouldn't be doing make sure you point it out.
I think my problem is that I can see both sides. I wish she was happy and content at home but I can see why she would be missing her friends. As "sloan127" said, when the girls get to a certain age ~ others are not included. They don't mean it, but the girls in school socialize all day and don't think about someone outside their world. I knew that was going to happen because it happened to my older son too. One of my daughter's friends lives just next door but is involved with all kinds of school activities. The times that they are able to get together are few and far between.
It is very hard to see our kids suffering from loneliness. My dd has circle of friends since there are girls on the block and at church. HOwever, my ds has only one friend and he is kinda young for him. There is only one boy on the block and my son is starting to play with him a bit...but the kid is 3 years older. There are no boys but one in church..the one a bit young for him. I have thought about sending him to school solely to get friends and be more social. He is an awesome kid but I see the toll being isolated is taking on him. He doesn't complain though. It's a tough decision. Bottem line though...it's not HIS decision. My dh and I will decide how he will be educated based on how we feel the Lord is leading us. Since, we are Christians and believe the Lord loves our child and has a plan for him...we follow the Lord's lead. Very tough situation. However, you cannot base this decision solely on your child's feelings...as hard as it is to see your child unhappy or lonely. Access why you decided to homeschool...how your child is growing acedemically in your homeschooling environment. See if there are ways you can accomodate your child socially before making the decision to send her back. I feel I am in the same situation with my ds. However, my dh doesn't want him going to school next year. He feels he is being led to have him stay home again. So, I will do my best to alleviate my ds's isolation and trust in the decision to keep him home.
Have you thought of coordinating fellowship activities through your co-op? I know some co-ops already have such things and others don't. I started a homeschool group in my area that is strictly for fellowship/field trips. Many of our members are also members of large co-op groups. Almost all of them say what you are saying: their kids don't really make friends there. I'd think if there are girls your daughter's age in the co-op, you could see about really becoming pro-active in reaching out to invite a few to something fun that's just a fellowship activity [e.g. putt putt or a crafting party or lunch & movie]. Invite a family out to lunch or out for ice cream after co-op.
I can see the social aspect of it and feeling excluded (because girls are so clique-ish) BUT, just because your child is in school doesn't mean they will automatically be included. If anything it will be very hard at first being the "new kid" and maybe the "homeschool freak." On top of that you have social pressure to look and act a certain way. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side! It has been rough helping my stepdaughter to make friends now that we HS. When she was in school she had requests for playdates and the kids were SO MEAN! She was constantly getting in trouble and to my horror her "best friend" decided she wanted to help "improve" this other little girl. So my stepdaughter and her friends would pick on this other girl so that she could "improve" so she could be their friend. In first grade they were doing this. She is much better off with the 3-4 friends she made outside of school (in her activities) than the mean kids at PS. She has fewer friends, but is a better person.
okay, I had to deal with this and chose to send my ds out to school at 9, actually Iprayed about it and God gave me the clear answer to send him out then... Things have worked well for him. My other two have had no desire to go out except next year dd wants to go to a school with more options than I can give her.. like Drama, as a class not just being in teh church one.. so I am searching now, and finding out that we have to fill out the forms for applying to one to have in by Monday.. we can always canel but we just found that out today! And we are just thinking of this one school cause two other home scholed friends from our co op are attending if they can get in too... I can see both sides but I really encourage you to wait unti 9th grade, I kept telling my son that he had to show me he could work on his own and get his grades up and treat me as a TEACHER not MOM... I had him practice things for going out to school. Doing schoolin differnt rooms for instance, having a strict schedule , things that trained him for HIgh school as best as I could.. then he went out and loved it, he graduates this year and he has thrived! He is a leader in his class and his teacher says he is delighted that we chose that school for him to be in, its really cool! Wait, give her a when she can, IF----- then go with it!
I agree that the grass always looks greener! Girls can be so mean to each other at those ages! I was just talking with someone else yesterday. Her children are in the school my dd would be in if she was in school. She said the little girls are mean to each other--little mean games: One day they like you and you're best friends, then next day they hate you and call you names, etc. Then the peer pressure to follow the crowd is trememndous. Having friends is possible, but it could just bring more headaches and heartaches because of how she could be treated. The daily dramas just aren't worth it to me. I told my friend that I'm glad I'm homeschooling and my dd (and I!) doesn't have to deal with all that on a daily basis! She's free to be herself, not pressured to follow peers! She has friends through church and other activities. There are fewer, but they are true friends, which is better, imho! It could work out, as it did for TMom's ds. But it could also cause more problems and daily dramas that you and she would need to deal with. I'd do a lot of research into homeschool groups, even to starting my own and seeing if people are interested, before sending her to school just for the social aspect. Remember, going to school every day is hard! It's a more recent thing in history. Kids used to ALWAYS be home with the family. They found ways to be occupied and get chores and work done. It's the more recent mindset that makes everyone think kids need to go to school for socialization! I'd also check the school out well. Are they allowed to talk during lunch and actually play during recess and interact with each other? Some schools are so afraid of lawsuits that kids can't run or jump on or off of things, they can't talk during lunch cuz they have a schedule to keep to......to me, that'd NOT be where I'd want my child to go!!! Just some random thoughts....
Thanks. I'm getting closer and closer to telling my daughter that she won't be able to go until (maybe) 9th grade. My husband and I talked about it this afternoon and he said that if the Lord is providing for our family to homeschool, that we should continue. He doesn't trust the schools and doesn't think it is a place for her. I really don't have total peace about sending her. I guess it just boils down to trusting God even if she cries and has a fit about it.
I, too, have self-doubts about HSing, particularly when it comes to social time. We do make extra effort to have purely play/social time each week with other HSers, as well as getting with other friends and cousins during the week. My oldest is in a martial arts class 2x a week, too. However, unless there was absolutely no social time for him, and I mean NONE, there isn't a choice for him to go to school or not. And until God leads us otherwise, there never will be. This decision is just as important as any other, and more so than most, so I do not leave it up to him. Now, having said that, as he gets older if he begins to talk about going to PS I will listen to him and consider his feelings, but ultimately the choice is ours as his parents. I don't think you're being mean, you're doing what you think is best for her. Stay with what God and your heart tells you is best, and everything will work out the way it should.
It has taken me almost all year to find boys for my son to play with. It seems every time he finds a friend - they move. Stinks as the last 2 were in walking distance of our house now that they are a little older. We have finally found some friends that are good to play with that I don't have to worry - but it took a lot of time and digging. I wish you the best - I know its tough. My kids loved being able to just run around with their "friends" however it's funny none of those "friends" talk to them now.
I was never worried about whether or not my boys would have a bunch of friends. I/we felt led to home school and we felt He would provide my ds' with what He felt they needed with regard to friends. I put it in God's hands and He took care of the rest. I guess what I am saying is, have faith and follow what you are led to do. (((( ))))
I don't know if this is an option for you, but some schools do allow homeschoolers to participate in extr-curricular activities, like sports or different clubs. See if your school is one of those and see if there is anything she would like to participate in. Just a thought.
