I need some ideas! We've been HSing my stepdaughter 3 days a week for 2nd grade. We will be going year-round, but my husband and I don't feel that 3 days is moving her fast enough. We only have her 3 days a week (4 days every other week). To help this we've been giving her homework to take to her mom's. This worked for about 2 weeks, then she started forgetting to do it. (We had the agreement of the mom that she would do homework over there instead of us keeping her an extra day.) Because she is only 7 we feel that it's partly the mom's responsibility to make sure she does the homework. We always give her stuff she can do with minimal or no help. Mostly drilling math, crossword puzzles, word finds, coloring, etc. Part of the reason we give her homework is she spends her time at her mom's watching TV or playing video games. The homework was helping, she started moving faster in math with the help of extra drilling. How can we motivate her to do her homework? We were giving her stamps for every page she completes during homeschool. At first we were giving her a dollar for every page of stamps but now money is so tight that we changed it for playing a family game of her choice (which she actually likes better!) We were giving her stamps for homework with a fun game or movie as a result, but now she doesn't seem to care about the reward. We don't have the money (or the desire) to offer toys as a reward. When we talked to Mom about it she keeps saying "oh, it's DD's fault, she forgot." She refuses to help out or realize that her daughter is only 7, and not quite capable of tearing herself away from the TV to do homework unless told to. Ideas? Edited to add: When my DSD was in PS her mom didn't help or make sure she did that homework either. She doesn't think it's her responsibility, and there's not much we can do to change that.
My first instinct is to say smack the mother in the head and say "Be a parent.". But...I imagine you have that same instinct (LOL>>>>not trying to be mean, but I so hate when parents arent' parents!!!) I have no suggestions, but if I think of something I"ll come back. Is it POSSIBLE for you to get an extra day with her? Does she have access to computer time? To play online learning games (like, for example, cleverisland.com - it's educational and not too expensive at least the last time we had it - and there's a parent acct/child account so you can see what/when/etc that she accessed and did. maybe that would make it feel less like homework? Hoping you find what works, you ARE doing what's best for her. Krista
Can you call her and remind her? Obviously, at some point, it'll be her responsibility but at 7 (with no parental help as you've stated)....if you or your hubby can call and "chat" and mention.."how did the homework go, did you have any questions, etc"...maybe that would remind her.
If positive reinforcement alone isn't working, maybe some negative consequences need to be added to the equation. You can't get her mom to help, so you're just going to have to focus on getting DSD to focus on her own. If she does the work, let her earn something toward a reward; if she doesn't, not only does she not earn something toward the reward, but she loses something--- an item or a privilege--- or she has to do something [e.g. clean the toilet - something not fun, not pleasant].
My thought was to call also. Maybe you can even offer to stay on the phone with her while she does it. My other thought was to just add the extra work to one of her home days. If she complains then tell her that it's because she didn't do it on the day she was supposed to. Adding an extra couple of pages to day 3 SHOULD only add an extra couple of hours. All the best with it, hope it all works out for you all.
The mom isn't going to help, and nothing you can do will change that. The child is too young to independently do her school work at her mother's house. Those seem to be two facts that, like it or not, you can't do anything about. You can try rewarding her for doing work at her mom's, but that doesn't seem to be working. Another choice would be to double-up when she's at your place. "Well, we can't go to the park until we finish our work, and we can't start that until you you finish what you DIDN'T do at your mother's...." Personally, I don't like that idea, as it will make your place look like nothing but a boring, drudgery-type place. The other choice would be to just let it go, do what you can when you have her, and not worry about it. The down-side of this is that, as she gets older and she needs to do more work, she will feel that she "shouldn't have to" work at her mom's. Similar to kids who fuss about doing any work on Saturday, because it's "suppose to be" an "off" day. And I'm not sure that's the best mind-set to establish. Sorry I can't help!
Free Spirit, If she is 7 now, how old was she when she went to ps? And she had HOMEWORK??? This will probably be hard for you to give up, but perhaps you could schedule more of the reading when she is at her Moms. Like the books she REALLY likes and would be likely to beg her Mom to cuddle up at bedtime and read with her. Even kids who do not like books love this with their parents especially when reading about favorite subjects. or...is she mature enough to understand that your cover school requires she go to school 180 days (or whatever your requirement is) and if she only wants to work 3 days a week, she will have to go in the summer, or stay in the 2nd grade until she finishes the 2nd grade work? Just remember, no matter how hard you have to bite your tongue, to stay ..umm...optimistic when talking about Mom. Your dsd needs to believe in her Mom. You are doing a great job with her!!! Hang in there. Miller
I feel ike negative consequences isn't fair. This child is caught up in a custody/visitation arrangement that's not her fault.
We are going to try to change her reward system. So far it's just an ongoing chart where she stamps in her pages that we give her and when the page is full she gets a reward. She just does whatever we give her to do. We are going to make a graph of all the pages she needs to do for the week and set a goal (e.g. 10 pages). Then she can keep track of how close she is to her goal. If she makes her goal for the week she gets a reward. If she doesn't make her goal, no reward. Hopefully then she can see that doing homework at her mom's will bring her closer to her goal. We can then talk to her if she doesn't do it about how she can choose to do it at our house and lose playtime. She can't be expected to do her homework on her own at her mom's so if this doesn't work we'll just have to add it on to the days we have her. Thanks for the support and suggestions!
That sounds good. And since it's a WEEKLY goal, she can, in a sense, set her own schedule. If she chooses to do it all at your place, she can. Or she can spread it out and actually work at her mom's, too. My only concern is that people are going to see her sitting around watching TV at Mom's during "school time", and report it.
