One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb... A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN Q: Why do little boys whine?</FONT> A: They are practicing to be men. Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
I Love These!!! I'm cutting and pasting these into an email right now. I needed a good laugh tonight. Thanks! :lol:
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Jan. 2, 2006 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Class 10 Is It Genetically Imp ossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses,diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Nice addition to the thread OkMom!!! Too bad they aren't real, I'd enroll the hubby in a few of them!
Thanks ladies they are so cool and we all could use a good laugh. OkMom you forgot to list the college. I need to enroll my dh in some of those class. LOL
Here's some more that someone added to my thread at A to Z... Girls, just to let you know... if you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind. The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." Jilly Cooper. "When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." Rita Rudner. Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.." Diana Jordan Men are like ....a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly. Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small. Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright. Men are like.....Bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. Men are like.....Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair. Men are like.....Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs. Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
