Need lots of help for a 3rd birthday....lots of problems

You really need to distance yourself from your mother, and distance your daughter. Are you moving away? That might be just perfect and what you need.

 

We are moving into an RV and traveling around the country. So in a way we are moving away. I've tried to distance myself from her but as soon as I do I'm needed back. I'm an only child so there is no one else to help with her except my dad. Who has good intentions but has learned to stay out of her way.


I'm doing cupcakes so it is not that expensive.



The animal shelter is a cute idea but in our area we have lots of fund raisers for pets but not that many for Children's Hospital.

 

I know its your mother, but it's your dh MIL

 

He isn't very happy about the situation and would prefer to stay out of it because he does have a bit of a temper. I'm going to let my dad know he needs to put her on a shorter rope and get her off my back some. If that doesn't work then I will smile and wave good bye.

 

Well it sounds like you already have it figured out. Good luck!

 

I have tried to do the no presents things for adult parties. We had folks bring pet food for the human society. SOme will always just bring a gift then others will feel ackward.

I think I would just let them bring gifts. I always suggest thigns like bubble bath or bubbles or water paints. This way the stuff will go to good use even if we get too many of the same things. And we have even made up baskets for charity from surplus items later in the year.

I came to the conclusing that I will teach my kids not to be materialistic the other 364 days of the year. It is just not worth the trouble to change birthday traditions if I am inviting other people over.

How far are you moving? Perhaps some problems will clear up on there own. LOL

 

We are going to be living in an RV traveling around the Country. I don't feel right having people buy something specifically for my daughter just to give it away. I want them to know my intentions up front.

I think I'm going to write something like this in the invitations.


Come Join Us To Celebrate Sophie's 3rd Birthday!
Date
Time
Place
RSVP

We would like to share the love with those who could really use it in lieu of a gift for Sophie we request a gift to the children at Columbus Children's Hospital. The hospital has provided a list of approved donation items.

We hope to hear from you soon. Please feel free to call with any questions.

 

my mother and mother in law are constantly trying to upstage everything my husband and i do for our girls and eachother. it almost feels like they have to be the better grandparent. i know exactly where you are coming from. i have tried asking for passes to museums and what not but both feel it is not enough and tend to do even more and then it's generally a bunch of crap that they don't need. For my daughter who just turned 9, we saved up the money to buy her an american girl doll, both grandmothers instantly threw cash at her and promised her a shopping spree at the american girl doll store, so now it's a daily question as to when she is going. it is so hard and both grandparents see my girls almost daily cause we live so close and bring gifts even then. i feel the same as you so i feel your pain. i wish i could give you some useful info but I'm in your shoes...just wanted you to know you're not alone

 

My mother has announced that for her birthday she is getting a drum set and dance lessons. I don't mind the dance lessons and I've informed my mother that she can give Sophie her drum set on the friday before her birthday. So when Soph spends the night she will have all night and day to play with it. It will be staying at my mother's house. I told her I don't even want to see it at my house.
I've also seen my mother's already bought list and it is well extensive.

 

You need to do that weeding of toys while the child sleeps! Don't do it in front of her. No wonder the child whines!

I go through Jeannie's stuff while she's asleep, at camp, or anywhere but here on this property!

 

It seems to me like at some point you're going to have to get really firm with your mom and tell her you're the child's mom- not her.

 

Sigh.

I know Mom's like this one. My real Mom was a Mom like this one. She'd shop for birthdays and Christmas all year long, and by the time the event came my kids would have WAY too much stuff. One year she came to visit us and she took my kids to Walmart, and while I was grocery shopping, she was off spoiling my kids. I could say nothing. AAAAHHHH!

Firm. Be firm. Very firm. You NEED to stand up for yourself. NEED TO. I would let your mother know up front that any toys you cannot take with you will either be stored at her place, at her expense OR that you will be selling them. Flat out. FIRM!

My stepmother tries hard to parent our kids much differently than I like. But when I am present, we follow MY rules. MY WAY, no highway option. she doesn't like it. BUT, she's finally relenting. My siblings cannot believe I stand up to her and not let her let my kids do as they whilst! It's taken 3 years. The funniest thing is, that behind my back she's always telling everyone how well behaved, and helpful that my kids are...so I know she lets them do things "my" way when we're not there anymore too. AND at Grandma & Grandpa camp, the kids follow our rules too! LOL FUNNY!

My stepmom has the "What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's" attitude. LOL. Of course, my kids tell me EVERYTHING.

I'm hoping you find a way to stand up to her....Sophie won't understand now.

I love the wording of your invitation, leave it at that. If people disregard your request and bring a gift for your daughter, well...unfortunately, you'll have to sell it at a yard sale before you leave on your RV trip.

We have moved three times. Twice across country. Each time we narrowed each kid to 10 toys each (or sets i.e. my son had a Brio train set, that counted as one toy). And for the most part had to fit in a rubbermaid tub - a good sized one. We also narrowed each kid to 10 outfits per season. It made moving across country so much easier - unpacking too. The first time it was hard b/c my oldest was 2+. The 2nd time she was 6 and it was much easier. She found out we were moving, and she went to her room (almost immediately) and made a stack of her 10 favorite toys and brought me in her room and said "These are the ones I HAVE to take." and that was it. My son was 4, and it was harder, but even now he takes pride in the toys he's given away. If you work hard to raise Sophie in a mindset that stuff is just stuff, then she'll get that. She's not at an age yet where she can really comprehend others, and that's okay, that doesn't mean you change your game plan! Stick with it. I'm so glad we did. Each year we prep for Christmas by going through our toys, and we give them away on Freecycle. This last year, my kids started begging to do it in October. My oldest got rid of soooo much stuff. Honestly, the only real "toy" she has left is her American Girl doll and all the accesories to the doll. Even my youngest got in on the act, happily.

You're doing a GOOD thing my trying to raise your daughter without attachments to material things. A material world will fight against that with every fiber of it's being. Just because it's a battle doesn't mean it's not worth fighting.

I hope this make sense, I haven't had any caffeine yet.

 

Oooh, if you are RVing and children's museum membership with reciprocal agreement would be a wonderful gift from grandma! You could visit museums all across America for free! We have a reciprocal agreement membership with our museum and we hit about 8-10 museums on our trip across country in May. It was so much fun! Every city we stopped in my youngest dd would say "and what kind of museum are we going to today?" I believe they have similar memberships for zoos. Oh what fun!

 

If it only it were that easy. Aside from what she already bought two christmas's ago. She said she is getting her a drum set for her house and dance lessons for six weeks. Which is okay. We requested no more. I guess we will see. If she shows up with anything I will direct her to the trunk of the car where she can store it until the proper time. My dad has said he is 100% behind me and will make sure everything goes fine.

 

I've decided what we are taking for her. She will have her own laptop for games. our old one. We are getting a bunkhouse trailer so there will be a bunk bed at top and play room under. So we are letting her take a play kitchen and a storage unit the one with the tubs you can buy at kmart for $20, Some little pople. Her brio/thomas set, her trike, and two CPK dolls (nate and nanette) and clothing. She has a good chunk of CPK and clothing to go with them. I'm narrowing it down pretty good and I'm trying to take things she will not grow out of. We are also going to take a reserve tote for switching out every few weeks. It will have some different types of playsets in it.

DH is transfering to Florida hopefully sometime this year and so we may put off our trip for a few years. I'm not giving in on the no gift rule. Just because we aren't RVing doesn't mean she still needs all those things. Especially if we have to move from Ohio to Florida.