Ladies, I haven't been on in awhile. Been enjoying the summer. Anyway, all summer I have been getting more concerned about my daughter not being in school. This hasn't bothered me before but I think that she is starting to get at an age (7) where you start to make "best" friends and have sleep overs and I'm starting to worry that she may not have a good enough outlet to make friends. It's been driving me crazy all summer. I need some words of encouragement. Help me remember why I homeschool!
I taught school for 4 years, then did a lot of subbing for another few years, and based on what I have seen and experienced, I was very happy NOT to ever have my dd in school! Do you remember how little girls can be? They're clique-ish, snitty, snotty, and downright mean sometimes. They'll be friends with you for a few days, but then suddenly they're off to be friends with someone else, and you're not cool anymore. I dealt with so many crying little girls because of being teased or turned against, and stuff. They were so hurt, and I felt so sorry for them having to go through stuff like that at such young ages! These same girls ended up starting to treat others that way because that's the example they had every single day. They learned to follow the peer pressure, to do what needed to be done to make friends. Friendships came and went quickly, though, and there were lots of tears and hurts and frustrations. Peers became very important in their lives, more important than schoolwork, parents, God (doing what God wants you to do), and other things that should've held a higher priority for little girls! I honestly we have a closer-knit family than we would have otherwise because of homeschooling! My kids relate to and get along with people of all ages very well, and love and appreciate us as parents. They make choices based on what they feel is right, and what would please God and family, not whatever the peers were doing/saying. I have a pre-teen and two teenages, and they're great! We haven't had rebellion here, cuz they didn't learn that they were "supposed to" rebel, as many of their friends that go to school have learned (peer pressure). They've done very well with schoolwork, cuz they didn't learn that it's weird or geeky to do well in school. Do you have other outlests for her---homeschool groups, church and church activities, Girl Scouts, 4-H Club, etc.? I've been so happy to have my children home for homeschooling, and learning our values and God's values, and doing other activities now and then to get social and other benefits. These are just my experiences. I do know that some kids do fine in school. I just prefer not to gamble with my child, and seeing things happen at the Christian school, where my children would have gone, over the years, I am VERY glad I homeschooled them! YOU HOMESCHOOL YOUR DAUGHTER BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER AND WANT THE BEST FOR HER! Have you made a list of the pros and cons? If not, you should! Look into positive outlets for social activities. Research statistics on homeschooling and public schooling. Your love and one-on-one attention to your dd gives her a strong base to draw from. She is loved unconditionally by you, and you can encourage her positives and work with things she struggles with. This helps make a stronger, more confident individual, who, without constant peer pressure, is able to make good decisions based on fact and moral reasoning! Okay, enough already. You know I am biased towards homeschooling! But I've experienced what it's like in schools too, so it's not a one-sided argument! But take what you can glean from it, and toss what you can't, and research for answers that will make sense for you and your dd! Best wishes!
We all have those concerns...you are not alone. Your child will not be friendless! lol. My kids go to a small church and live in a neighborhood with a few kids but they each have found friends. My dd has a best friend in the neighborhood and at church. My ds isn't so lucky as there are very few boys. So, I totally understand you..I think all the time that I need to send him to school. Thankfully, there are a few boys around for him but sadly one is moving. Whenever I have doubts I mentally list why I decided to homeschool and realize all those reasons are still valid. I also see how my kids behave as opposed to kids in school. Now, some kids in school...many...are wonderful children! However, I see how kids in school have no idea how to interact with kids younger then themselves or older or teens, parents or the elderly. Also alot of parents seem to have a huge to slight disconnect with their kids...NOT ALL though. I don't want my kids to be strangers to me. I want them to still talk to me. My dd tells me everything that goes on in the neighborhood with her friends. I bet her friends would just die! lol. I get to see my kids form a relationship with each other and get to see their baby sister grow up. I also know they are safe. I know what they are learning. We all have our doubts. There is good and bad in every decision and that is not comforting for a parent as one who wants to only make good decisions for her children. Friends are important. However, what will be you sacrificing in order for her to develop friends? Why not sacrifice nothing and just get her involved in activities or sports and still homeschool?
I think your concers are valid. We are starting our 5th year, and still Jeannie has no close friends. She's in at least one class everyday, I have her in two camps each month this summer, two VBS's, plus we are at the pool everyday. Where are all the friends?? And it does matter. Her Brownie troop mates were playing at each other's houses, sleeping over, doing things together. I've done all I can to help her. I've invited moms and daughters places, I've tried having activities where hs and ps friends could mix, but nothing works out. I feel genuinely sorry for Jeannie, but don't know what else to do.
Thanks so much for the great support and advice! I think the summer has got me down because we are just hanging around the house and there is no schedule. Once we get back into the swing of things, I'm sure that my concerns will melt away. She's in dancing which we don't do in the summer and she does soccer and this year she will be starting religion once a week. So once the school year starts, I'll remember why I chose this path for us. I would never send her to school. I just needed to remember why! LOL And you are right, Ava Rose, she'll make friends in other ways. It's not worth the sacrifice for her to make a few friends!
She'll make friends in other ways. I was concerned about this also but DS has made friends not only in our homeschool group but also in baseball. In fact he made his new best friend through baseball. They were inseperatable Friday and Saturday and DH said today at the game they were up each others' bottoms. J had DH take him out the game so he could sit on the bench and be by DS who was catcher. LOL
My son (7) has been in ps up until now. I know girls and boys are different little creatures, but I can tell you that the 3 boys he does things with most often are not school friends. One is a family friend we met when both boys were about 3. The other two are little boys on our block. One of them does go to the same school as Adam, but they are in different grades and don't really do anything with each other at school. Keep providing her outlets to meet girls around her age, if you have kids in your neighborhood make sure she gets a chance to play outside in the afternoons/evenings when they are home from school so they can be exposed to each other. If you go to church, keep an eye out for families with girls her age with nice parents. Invite them over for lunch some time. Kids can hit it off (or not) pretty quick.
you ladies are amazing! I am thanking the Lord that I have found this site. I like that you have such great advice and all. I have had some of the same concerns, thanks
I'm sorry Becky. I know how one aches for your child when you see them left out. I went to Public School all my life and never made a good friend. It wasn't until I was an adult that I actually made a real friend. So it's not just homeschoolers that have this problem. My daughter is really quiet and tends to be a wallflower in social situations. We have been blessed that this past year she has started American Heritage Girls and she is finally making some friends although I tend to do all the inviting. No one has invited us to anything outside the group but I keep pushing on. She is finally getting comfortable with these girls so I'm not giving up and they are good about including her when they are together at camp or other activities. Honestly she usually separates herself because she is not interested in whatever they are doing. They are a good group of girls too otherwise I would drop it like a hot coal. I think some children need a long time to warm up with people so maybe next year. I can at least say they seem to enjoy each others company at this point. Keep on looking for opportunities and being discerning about who you encourage her to hang out with. Maybe she will find someone she clicks with.
Call me weird but I despise the "best friend" mentality and we don't do sleepovers. Think back to your childhood days. "Best friend" labels usually just resulted in hurt feelings and exclusion. It was a trophy term of sorts that girls held over eachothers heads when it suited them. We encourage our kids to have best FRIENDS meaning make good choices and you'll have the best friends a person could ask for. My kids are blessed with many best friends and they don't all live nearby. That is a blessing. Too much friend time cuts into family influence. We also don't do sleepovers because some of the worst conversations and experiences happen in the "innocent" hours of sleepovers. Things kids wouldn't talk about in daylight with parents are around seem to bubble forth in the dark. It isn't a place of protection. That being said, your dd will be missing out on a lot - PRAISE THE LORD!
Public schools (nor private) do not assign best friends. Nor do they make sure the friends your child meets are good, positive relationships. That "best friend" relationship you are thinking she needs does not really exist. Maybe it is an exception to the rule if it does. It is just an idea we have in our heads, many many years after having been there, because we do not truely remember what it was like. Plus, even if she made a new "best friend" there, would you really want your child's biggest influence to be someone outside the family? I hope this helps.
I get exactly what you are saying! Fellowship is important NOT friends. Yes, friends provide fellowship but so does family and church family. My kids also have many friends of all ages that bless them and reflect our way of life. They also have friends on the fringe...LOL...but my dd has brought them to church and used that friendship to allow Christ to come into their lives. I also agree that too much friend time cuts down on family influence. Preteens start to think of friends as more important than family if you let them. As far as sleepovers....I am not a fan. I have allowed my dd to spend the night before...but RARELY. Things have to be more to my liking than can be expected for a sleepover to happen. lol. I allowed it twice and that's enough for quite sometime.
Does it help to know that 90% of the population doesn't even remember the names of the kids they hung out with when they were 7? LOL I think you've gotten some great answers. Friends will come, that they will be deeper, better, than they'd have in school. I know my daughter has 2 or 3 friends that she will have her entire life. I can tell that no matter where she goes, these girls would be ones she'd go out of her way to hang out with. My son...not so much, yet. WE have more girls than boys around us. But he makes due, and he'll have his pick o the litter when time for girls approaches! LOL Anyway...You can provide opportunities, and trust that the rest will come, it will.
My 9 year old granddaughter went to public school for kindergarten and 1 quarter of first grade. She had a lot of friends in school..but they were mostly just that...school friends, not after-school friends. I was sure she'd hate the idea of leaving her friends when she began homeschool, but she's been so happy homeschooling that she hasn't once complained about the lack of a classroom full of peers! She is in multiple activities...dance, 4-H, church, etc. and she's made friends there. In public school she was ridiculed for being friends with both boys and girls..always teased about having a "boyfriend". Now she's free to have boys and girls for friends...and she enjoys socializing with her sister's friends (11 year olds) and the little 3 year old across the street, and even plays Air Soft and card games with her brother's friends (14 year olds!). She would like to have one BEST FRIEND, but at her age, you can be best friends one minute and worst enemies the next. She's much closer to her sister and brother than she was when they were all in public school. They rely on and share with each other much more than before. I think both she and your little one will find special friends as time goes on, but it'll be without all the hassles that comes with public school!
I have similar concerns at times. There are things that my kids will miss out on not being in school, and some of them would be good, growing experiences for my kids. But thank goodness they also get to miss out on all the negative experiences, too. My oldest doesn't have any friends his age. There aren't any kids his age at our small church. We haven't really found any good fits for us in other activities. But when we are around other kids most of the time he is just as happy entertaining himself as playing with others. As I have watched him in many situations I have come to the conclusion that even if he was surrounded by other kids he would be a bit of a loner and happy with his own company. He is a kid who definately thinks outside the box and in his own way. My DH is an engineer and I have to lovingly say he is a bit of a geek, and our oldest is definately his father's son
