This is a question I get. I try to explain in my best words the answer. But, it never seems to get the point across. It is generally about something bad that someone does, and then I will get asked by a child (even teenager) why "they" allow that. I will ask who "they" is. I will explain that people have free will. I will use analogies like..how would a person keep someone from spitting on the side walk. Tonights question was "why do they allow internet stalking?" I asked who "they" was. To that, she just kept saying..the people and then the people who invented the internet. I explained that the internet was like a street. We can put streets in and people know the intended use, but there will still be crimes and bad things that happen and people who spit on the streets and so on. After she argued a bit about how "they" should be able to program the internet so that crimes cannot happen, well, I was a bit tired of it. Nothing I was saying was making her understand. When she said "well, they could really stop people frm spitting on the streets if they wanted" I decided to send her to talk to her dad. (who she did not bother to go ask, even if she had, he would have been equally frustrated). I suspect these questions revolve around an idea of optimism about the world around us. If we do everything right, then all will be right. If something goes wrong, someone is to blame. Is this just a developmental things where my teens need to get older to understand? (they are 13 and 14 and I hear these sorts of questions from both of them). I am starting to suspect that these are just coming from the idea that at their age, they feel like as adults, we should be able to keep control of things and keep them safe and good. Suggestions? Or just accept this as developmentally appropriate reactions and just keep answering when they ask?
Hmm, that is a tough one for me. While I understand the questions and wanting to ensure everything is done "right" because that is what they have been taught since birth ... You learn to use the potty because it is the right thing to do, you learn to clean up after yourself because it is the right thing to do, etc. However, I would expect questions like this from a bit younger crowd - 8 to 10 year old's (this is just based on my own experience, my experience with my children and my experience helping/taking care of other children). Your also getting into the dreaded "Gray Area" where teen's have to learn not only right and wrong but "... for the greater good ..." thinking as well. I think the way you have been answering the questions are right on the money. You could try having them read through some books on Philosophy & Ethics. I know Amazon has some good ones specifically for teens.
This is how we answer questions like this: When asked about something along those lines, I return with a question "Why do you think they did it?" To which a reply is given, it opens up a dialouge which helps with communication skills. After many frustrated tries at explaining these kinds of questions, I decided to try this approach and it works. This approach has helped with many questions that are hard to answer, my youngest didn't like the freewill approach so I had to come up with something more creative...she likes to debate things(except punishment),so this approach is good for that. As for the dreaded "Gray Areas" our approach seems to help with this too...our youngest is a black or white person, she doesn't see things in the "Gray Area"...and she would like to be a lawyer...........
My son (age 12) does stuff like that. I think it's normal because though it has been around he can now understand WHAT some of this "bad" stuff actually IS vs just a word. He is also learn the consequences for some of the larger "crimes" that exisit. He gets it to some degree.... and sometimes I have to give the worst case scenario (death penalty and rest of your life in jail type stuff) to get the point across. For the internet stuff - I explained to him that it's run by tons of people..... it is NOT a single entity. It's actually now a law that you can't misrepresent yourself online on certain sites (even to the extent if you are married and say you are single).... but I explain there is no way for anyone to tell me I'm not 6'4" blonde hair, blue eyed etc (which he thinks is funny since I am 5ft and dark haired)...... so since the actual internet structure itself isn't OWNED by any ONE person - you can't control it.
