Every time I go to the airport, I'm reminded of how very few women (and minorities) are pilots. When our younger daughter recently graduated elementary school (she completed 5th grade at PS), it was obvious that, although girls did much better academically than boys, it was the boys who won most of the awards for science and math. When we homeschooled our older daughter during middle school years, we went out of our way to ensure we didn't stereotype her. Indeed, I would sometimes put it into her mind that she could be one of very few women in this field or that. She ended up obtaining biology and Spanish degrees at university and has almost completed PA school - a field in which there seem to be as many women as men. To be honest, we were probably less diligent in avoiding stereotyping with our two oldest boys. Is stereotyping something you consciously try to avoid? Do you see stereotyping in any of the books you use (because we did sometimes and made a point of correcting it in our daughter's eyes)?
I try to remain unbiased about my kids education in regards to gender. I temper that with a desire to instill in my daughters the potential calling of their lives to be wives and mothers and how God is first, family 2nd, etc. down the line. But that goes for my son too - which is easy for him to watch his Dad (my hubby) put us before the other things in his life. As far as career choices, we are a long way away from that....BUT I try to instill in my kids that they can do/be anything that they want, they just need to do it with honesty, integrity and with their best.
I require the same amount of work in all subjects form both my dd & my ds. Whatever they study beyond my requirements is entirely up to them. We homeschool for academic reasons, so they're both getting a strong education in Science, Math, English, and Social Studies, as well as at least 2 foreign languages (Latin & Spanish), Art, Music, and Logic. They are both going to learn the same stuff for Home Ec./Life Skills. These include things like cooking/baking, sewing, basic car maintenance, basic home maintenance, woodworking, personal finances, cleaning & organizing. I believe that it's equally important for both of them to know those things. It's not that I'm conciously trying to fight against stereotypes. It's just that I feel these things are important for them to learn, and I want to do everything I can to prepare them for the real world (and whatever career choices they make) before they move out. I've known too many people (both male & female) who were not prepared for anything after graduation. They couldn't cook their own meals, fix a torn seam, change a tire, handle their own money, barely knew basic Math, knew virtually no Science or History, had no job skills, etc. I don't want my kids to be like that. For years, my dd wanted to be a Dr. So, we spent extra time studying Anatomy & Physiology. Right now, she wants to be a zoo keeper. So, we'll give her plenty of opportuinities to study animals & Botany. If she still wants to be a zoo keeper in a year or two, we'll look for nearby volunteer opportunities working with animals. They both know that we'll support them in any career choice they make & we're happy to include their interests in their studies. My dd has no idea that girls aren't supposed to be good in Math or Science. My ds has no idea that boys don't cook or sew. They've never been exposed to those stereotypes. So, I don't really have to fight against them, I just have to instill our values & beliefs (the belief that it doesn't matter if you're male or female, you should do what interests you & what you're good at).
Cornish Steve, the observations you described, to me, are not about stereotyping, but the common division of preferences and interests between the genders. For instance, there are far less males studying ballet than females, but there are no barriers in ballet due to one's gender; it is just that fewer males are interested in ballet. Personally, I hope that my daughter will go to college and have a degree in something (or at least pursue her talents or have a home based business) because I think it is prudent for a woman, even one who plans to be a SAHM, to have the potential to make a livable income should something happen to her husband, but I also hope that she would put her family, her children in particular, as a greater priority than her career. I see way too many children being raised by society, schools, neighbors, other children, "the village," or whoever just gives them some attention, rather than the parents, and it would sadden me to see my grandchildren raised that way. I hope that my daughter will see the importance and value in being a wife, homemaker, mother, and even in homeschooling her own children, too, should she be called to do so, and I don't consider that "stereotyping" my daughter's family role, but if it is to others,...well, then it just is to others.
Talking about ballet, the movie 'Billy Elliott' provides a good (albeit fictional) example of a child seeking to break through strong stereotypes imposed by society.
Although the movie is rough around the edges, I really enjoyed it. I will not allow my daughter to watch it yet.
Do you mind if I ask you more about this? I know this is a difficult question, because it's one we faced ourselves, but how would you react if your daughter was very serious about becoming a doctor? The cost of the necessary education would be worth it only if she followed up by later practicing as a doctor. I know parents who effectively stopped their daughter from having this ambition because they believe, as a future mom, she should not commit to a career that would demand so much time away from her future family. I understand the reason for their concern, but I also feel they could have deprived the world of a brilliant doctor who could have saved many lives - as well as shattered the hopes and dreams of an excited young girl. While we may hope and pray for one outcome, it may be that our children are destined for other things.
I always tell my girls they can be whatever they want to be. Whatever there little minds want they can do it. Seterotypes never talk about that.
I have this saying: You find what you seek. I guess I just don't seek stereotypes, therefore I don't find them and I don't see stereotypes being "imposed by society." As I see it, the only way a stereotype can be imposed upon someone is if he himself believes it might be true. As homeschoolers, we are often stereotyped, but I see these merely as opportunities to educate others about something they obviously do not understand.
Problem is, my mom is the one who majored in physics and earned the most money when I was growing up and my dad is the one who was room mom when I was in kinder. I never have done the stereotypes. I don't even have to work at not being sexist. My dad sewed, my mom paid the bills. But my dad fixed the car too. So it just has never been an issue for us. Now my son loves to read and reads tons and my daughter is the one so good at math. They are both expected to cook and clean and fold laundry and so on.
It is not that difficult of a question, but there is usually more involved with the circumstances, like finances, number of years in school, etc., being considered as well. First, I would advise my daughter that no one can have it all. The choices she makes today will affect her family that she does not have yet, so she needs to consider her family in advance and make provisions for it, just as she would her career. What she gives to one can take from the other. With that in mind, I would probably strongly advise her to wait on having children until after she was out of school regardless of her career choice. While most doctors can have very demanding schedules, they also have options. There is no rule that says once a person becomes a doctor that she has to work full time away from home and family. Some types of doctors can have home offices. Those with babies and younger children can use an eager grandmother (me!) and/or live-in nanny and then a private school or home tutor. In my state, anyone who has a diploma or GED can tutor a homeschooled child. Also, it could be that the mother is the bread winner and her husband stays home. There are options, but they are not all easy choices. (Of course, if we go to a national health rationing system--oops, I mean national health care system, I would discourage just about anyone from going into the health care field--although that is another topic.) I personally would not discourage my own daughter from being a doctor, but I would discuss the choices to keep a healthy balance of the priorities in her life. Nor would I fault another parent who chooses to discourage their daughter to become a doctor. Perhaps this girl's parents discouraged her solely on the basis that she is female, but I would have to hear it from them directly. I just try not judge any person based on the perception of another person simply because I would not want the same done to me.
I think this statement is far more important than anything on stereotypes. Neither men nor women can have it all. That is just a fact of life. Something must give and as a single mom believe me I know this is true. I cannot be all things equally. A woman cannot be a top notch doctor AND have a top notch family life. She can have a mediocre career and a mediocre family, she can have a low key career and a great family, she can have no career and all family, she can have all career and no family - but she cannot have a great all consuming carreer and a great all consuming family life. But, neither can a man. It has nothing to do with gender. A man can have a wonderful family and wife and an awesome career - but if he is working 14 hour days he is not part of that wonderful family. So who cares. When I was in grad school I was told to choose (as I was s single mom) between my kids and my career as a scientist. I was LITERALLY TOLD TO CHOOSE. There was no beating around the bush and the person who asked me that question was a woman. I chose family and now I work a job that lets me devote a majority of my time to them instead of working 15-20 hours days in the lab. That was my trade off and it was totally worth it. I don't buy into stereotypes or political correct crap - I have no time for that. I do what I want with what I have, and I could care less what other people think about it.
But isn't the important thing that you chose what you did? If, as parents, we dissuade a child from pursuing a particular dream or course of study, aren't we making the decision for them? That's not quite the same. Even if we reason with them, at what age does a child fully understand the full import of their decision? This has little to do with stereotyping at this point and more to do with how strongly we guide our children's choices of study. Yes, we are to be guides and role models and a whole lot else, but should we be the decision-maker when it comes to a child's future career and life goals?
We often are whether we mean to be or not and I believe that we should be...but there is a distinction that I would make here. I cannot speak for others and this is where I might differ: I have faith that my Lord is guiding me and that my daughter's life is also being guided to prepare her for exactly what the Lord has for her to do and she will love it. I have seen that with my own life and others. I am continually seeking the Lord and surrendering myself and my daughter to Him, so on such matters I am following His leading, not mine and not the whims of a child either. I just do not have the concerns about who is making the decisions for her. I know Who is and I am far more concerned about following His guidance than I am in worrying about the incidentals. In other words, if the Lord has prepared the way for my daughter to be a doctor, we will know without a doubt and the rest will be taken care of as well, even if I had been discouraging her. However, even if I were not a Christian, it would impractical to ignore that our income will have some influence on my daughter's decisions about college, if not what she chooses to be, where she chooses to go. I had a small art scholarship to one of the top art colleges in the US and a very poor family, which qualified me for lots of grants and loans, but even with all that and the work study program, I still could not afford the materials and supplies I would need just for the first year. (One of my rich friends went to that school and the cost of supplies matched her tuition the first year.) Did it stop me from being artistic? No. I have used and develop my abilities even so and have tutored children in art. Just homeschooling my daughter, I have made a choice that could limit her choices of colleges. Yet, I felt led to homeschool and looking back I can honestly say I can see how the Lord was preparing me for it years before I had the child so why would He not also prepare her way for what He has for her?
I'm not so sure you've limited her choices there. More and more colleges actively try to recruit homeschooled students because so many have had an excellent education. It is important, though, to know what they look for because some little things can make a big difference. By the way, I often wonder how much the early apostles wrestled with the issue of family. The same is true of leading Christians through the ages. Not every vocation in life is compatible with family life, and these famous figures must have often wondered whether they were following the right path. Their legacies reveal that they were.
True, but we really don't know how it will be in ten more years. It may be better or worse for homeschoolers. I do know the State University in my area is not homeschool friendly.
