At what age did you expect your child to sit quietly through church? Was it the same for all of your kids?
This question is one of the old favorites that is asked me at church. For one you can't expect young childern (1-3 maybe4) to sit still for very long. But around the time they start school you can start expecting them to sit quietly. when my girls were small, i would let them bring a "purse" (mostly a tote bag) with a coloring book are paper notebook and maybe a baby. during our song service I would let them move around in our pew, and sing and play with there baby, but once it was time for preaching we would get out the coloring book and they would sit my me or daddy (if daddy was not preaching) and color or draw during that time, sure i would have to tell them to use a quiet voice sometime but they were little. (which did not matter too much, bc we went to a lively church) Now mine are 8 and 12, do you think they are quiet now. Not always, the 8 yr old always wants to move around, but for the most part she is quiet and still. If they are not disrupting the service than you should not worry to much, some people it is hard for them to stay still, my hubby shakes his leg when he is setting in church,bc he has a hard time being still, (good thing he is the pastor now!! he don't have to be still ) For the most part I would say trainning them to be quiet in church is just part of the mom and dads job ,just like every thing else.
My kids have always sat out in the service with me. I used to let them bring small toys or something to keep them busy but that seems to make them more active. Occasionally I still let them bring a book. My older two do pretty good now unless they have a friend sitting with us. My youngest I still make sit in my lap if he's moving around to much. We also go to a fairly lively church and about a 1/3 of the congregation is young children, so it's not a big deal if they're a little wiggly. And our services usually run 2-3 hours so to me it's unrealistic to expect them to be perfectly still and quiet that long.
Ours sat in a service when they were two. The service is one hour long. The first part is singing songs, prayer and offering, the second half is the sermon. We taught ours, it took time, but they did learn. Consitentency is big. If you allow your little one to have a toy pipe cleaners work well and they are quiet if they drop.
So the question is actually dependent on how long the service is, and how long they are actually expected to SIT. I mean, our church has kids singing during the praise and worship time, which involves them singing, clapping, or even "wandering" up to the front where the teens are standing. Our young ones will go up there, the teens will make room for them, or hold them, or stand the child in front of them, whatever. Of course, the little one is free to return to their seat whenever they wish. I am one who believes that if you start when they're teenie, they "learn" to sit quietly. But at the same time, if the sermon is going on exceptionally long, there's nothing wrong with taking a restless little one out to the foyer.
I personally don't like that every activity at church separating children from the parents, so even in churches where they have "children's church," she was in with us during the first part of services, which is the music and prayer. I think when my daughter was a toddler, I placed her in the nursery part of the time because she was just too distracting for the other members. She was quiet, but she just had to show off looking at everyone behind us and it is difficult for a pastor to compete with that. I think she has been in the full church service with us since she was four to five years old. We brought crayons and paper for her to draw and color. Our present church actually has bags with name tags made up with a clip board, crayons, and activity pages that are somewhat related to the sermon whenever possible, which she is allowed to get out during collections before the sermon. Now that she is eight, I rarely need to remind her of how she is to behave during services and even though she colors and draws still, she often remarks or asks about the things she heard during the sermon--and our pastor is careful about using certain terms or discussing certain subjects because the children are in the services, including her own.
There was a time when our church expected children to sit through the main sermon once they reached about 8 years old. While I quite understood the rationale - it was unfair to take adults out of the main service to teach other classes - I didn't agree. Our boys could never sit still, and they were soon rather bored. So I took it upon myself to start another class for the older children. We'd listen to about 10 minutes of the sermon over a loudspeaker in the room, and then we'd discuss some of the words in the message. For example, one week I had them march to and fro in military style, occasionally shouting out 'Re----pent' for them to do a 180 degree turn. In other words, there was no planned lesson, just an impromptu learning session based on how the preacher happened to begin the sermon that week. After a few weeks, other parents began to join in and the class became more permanent. Now, while some in the church prefer 8th graders and up to attend the sermon, there's no strict rule. Some older children can remain in that class if they so choose. Actually, for quite a while, my 15-year-old son preferred not to sit through the sermon. I didn't mind because he worked in the kitchen preparing the church lunch we have each week. The sermon is piped through to the kitchen so he could still hear - and I'm pleased he chooses to do something to serve others. Recently, he has joined us in the main sanctuary, but I really don't mind either way.
What a good idea to listen and discuss! I know the thing that makes a difference with Faythe even at 13 is to have the sermon outline with blanks to fill in. The first time, I told her that if she listened really well and got all the words correct, she'd have a "surprise". I took her to Starbucks for one of those FANTASTIC strawberry creams. Even though I only did that once, she still listens carefully and fills in her outline!
At my church any child in 5th grade and up are required to sit in the service. Younger than that we provide nursery, toddlers or junior church. Of course, you can have your child in the service at any age. My four year old is perfectly capable of sitting through the service, although I do allow her to go to junior church. We have a small church and I know the people VERY well...so I am very comfortable with the teachers. Since some of them are kinda young...20s...whatever...it has been nice for my dd and ds to have excellent examples of young Christians around them. Now, when to expect a child to sit....honestly I don't know. I think it depends on the child, length of service, and now tolerant the membership is of child noise. At my church it always seem the noise is more worrisome to the parent than anyone else. But...I suppose that's not always the case..LOL.
I personally like that my children have the option of going to children's church or Sunday school while the church service in going on. This is just my perspective, but I want my kids to be in an atmosphere where they can retain and learn information that is appropriate for their age...and usually it's not in the service because small children do not learn at the same level as adults do. Again, JMO. I'm not saying kids can't learn in the service, but from my personal experiences kids learn "more" in an atmosphere that is geared towards their age group when they are younger. Looking back on my church days as a child also solidifies my view on this. I HATED sitting in church when I was very young and loved going to church a lot more when I was able to be in a class where I could actually learn at my level of understanding. I think I started sitting in church when I was in 6th grade. Tanner is 7 and can sit quite well. The 5th Sunday's of every month the kids are expected to sit in service (no children's church those weeks). Does he pay attention to what is being taught though? No. His mind wanders, as a lot of kids do. Personally, I would rather my kids learn something than 'practice sitting still'. In our church they have to sit in service starting in 6th grade, I think. No more children's church at that age, but there is a Sunday School group that meets after service which is an extention of the message that day. There is also a Bible study group that meets so us adults have somewhere to go...that is also an extenstion of the message. So, in answer to your question, I really think it depends on the child and the length of service. Usually around 5-6 years old I think they have a good grasp of sitting nicely and being patient. Tanner did ok by 4, but he also had things to occupy himself with. JMO, but I would rather have my child somewhere else learning about a message than coloring in a coloring book. Other people might put a higher priority on their kids sitting in service at a younger age, and that's ok...but I don't...because once they reach the age where they HAVE to and don't have the option anymore, they know to sit still by then anyways. Just to add...we have volunteers that take turns on a rotating basis once a month or every 6 weeks teaching our children's church and Sunday School classes. I don't think that is too much to ask and they are not missing a lot of church services because we have so many people rotating.
I just want to clarify, we attend 3 services a week. So when I say my kids have always sat in the service with me I'm thinking of the Sabbath evening and Wed. night services. On Sabbath morning they have their own classes that they go to while the adults are in church. Kids go to class until they are around 16, there's no set rule it's just up to the child and their parents. And of course, they don't have to go to class at all if they would rather stay with their parents. I agree that kids need that time of being taught on their level.
