My ds who is 16 suffers from agoraphobia. In case you don't know what this is, here is a run down of what it consists of..... Two major characteristics are associated with agoraphobia: **People develop anxiety when thinking about being in a situation out of their comfort zone. They fear feeling trapped in a situation where they judge it would be difficult or embarrassing for them to leave the situation. **People avoid those situations which bring them anxiety or panic. It is the fear of the anxiety that leads to the agoraphobia. What is agoraphobia? Agoraphobia is the fear of being in a situation where one might experience anxiety or panic and where escape from the situation might be difficult or embarrassing. People with agoraphobia may feel anxious about such things as loss of bladder or bowel control or choking on food in the presence of others. They also might feel anxious about being home alone, leaving home, or being in a crowded place, such as on public transportation or in an elevator, where it might be difficult or embarrassing to find a way out. To avoid the anxiety associated with these situations they refrain from putting themselves into such situations. The severity of agoraphobia is quite variable. Some people with agoraphobia live essentially normal lives as they avoid potentially anxiety-provoking situations. However, in severe cases of agoraphobia, people are homebound. These people work very hard to avoid any and all situations that might cause them to become anxious. My son didn't always suffer with this. He started when he became a victim of bullying at school. Which lasted about 3 years, until we decided to pull him from PS last year, because we couldn't get the PS to take a stand on it, or to help us out. The 3 boys would catch him in the bathroom and bully him. I think this is where the fear of being trapped and not being able to escape rooted from. He has seen counselors in the past. But, when the counselor wants him to face his fears, he doesn't want to go anymore. How do you get a kiddo who is 16, 5'10, 203 lbs in the car?? LOL I have tried to discuss with him about the fact that I CANNOT want this for him, he has to want to change. HE and HE only can work through this. And that it's going to mean being in some very uncomfortable situations. We did take him to see a psychiatrist one time. On the first (30 minute) visit she put him on Zoloft. He was having some suicidal thoughts, so on our 2nd, 30 minute visit, she had him on Xanax. Needless to say, after that, we never returned. Sitting on a couch for 30 minutes 2x a month, is not going to help someone who has agoraphobia!!!(ummm...he doesn't have an issue with sitting on a couch!) He recently received his drivers license, and he won't go get himself a coke, or go hang out on the parking lot with friends, he just won't. The counselor tries to tell me that HS'ing is the worst thing I could do for him, because it's not making him face his fears. I've voiced my concerns about this with him, and I refuse to back down off of this one. PS kids are the reason he suffers with this......so don't bring that up with me. Does anyone have any advice for me on this one? How do I get him to want to continue with the counselor and face his fears? I prefer not to treat him with medication. His counselor says "If you had high blood pressure I'd expect you to take medication to treat it. If your ds needs medication to help him, give it some thought." I get what he's saying........I would rather he does some behavior therapy with him. TEACH him how to "talk" his way out of a fearful situation, or however you want to put it. His counselor does take him into some stores, or across the street to the mall or Target. That's when my ds stops wanting to go. Because he knows on the next visit, he may have to face a fear. It's a vicious cycle with him. Sorry this post was so long....I just needed to get this out, and hopefully get some advice. He has a counselor meeting next week, and I'm bracing myself for the ugly side of him. He gets a fight or flight mentality. If I manage to get him there, it's a fight. If he can, he results to flight(not going at all). Thanks so much
I don't have any helpful comments for you. I just want to tell you I will be thinking about your son and your family and praying for things to get better. I will say that I would not take a chance on putting him back in public school no matter what the counselor says. Bullies look for someone they know is vulnerable and then never let up.
Sloan...you're so right about bullies, they don't let up. No matter how you handle them. If you walk away, they keep coming at you. If you fight, you're reducing yourself to their level (and usually end up being the one that gets punished). If you talk to your teacher, they bully you even worse. It's a never ending thing. I moved around alot as a kiddo and I've been on both sides, the victim and the bully. I was picked on alot, because I was always the new kid, and I hated it. So when I got into high school I had just moved to a new town, and decided the tables would turn. I was going to get in on them, before they got in on me. And I became the bully. I ended up suspended alot, and in detention most of the time. I'm sure I was the reason some girls didn't want to come to school, because they knew I was waiting on them. It was fight or flight.....I had tried the flight and it didn't work.....so I decided FIGHT!! Then I got to where I enjoyed the chaos. I enjoyed being feared. I became known as "Little Tyson". It wasn't until I met my dh that my life changed. That's why I call him my soul mate. God definently sent him to me to change my life. I have friends that know how I was in high school, and they cannot believe that I was ever that way, because of the complete difference in me now. I have often thought back to some of the kids in school that I got into fights with or threatened/bullied, and wonder if the way I treated them had an impact on their life. I'm sure it did, and I've done alot of praying for forgiveness over it. When you know better, you do better.
(((HUGS))) to you and your son. I have little panic attacks once in a while and dh and ds have a bit of anxiety too. My hubby has a book that has helped him. Dh told me it tells you how to stop the anxious thoughts and explains some things. I think it is called Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-B...r_1_12?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249679560&sr=1-12 I've also been told by a psychologist at church to do some calm breathing techniques (deep cleansing breaths). Studying up on other calming activities might also help. I've heard thought stopping is one major way to help too. I suppose that's easier said than done.
I think you need a different counselor. From your account, it really sounds like this one is not a fit for you or your son. Would empowering him to deal with the situations that triggered his phobia help? I'm thinking of karate lessons where he would learn to defend himself and escape harm. He may gain some all around confidence in such a class. Just a thought.
Could you find a behavioral psychologist in your area? From what I know about them (and it's not much), they focus more on helping people deal with their behaviors and cope with life rather then handing out drugs.
HI My son has bipolar and other underline dx's. 2 Years ago he developed a sever case of anxiety after his last hospitalization. For 2 years he hardly left the house. Only to go to doctor appointments. And if he did decide to go with me to the store or someplace it was a quick in and out, with major panic attacks. He does take meds for his bipolar, he could not function or live out of the hospital without them, but will not take anything for the anxiety. He says he takes enough and will not try anything. He doctor wanted to put him on Zoloft and I am glad he refused because we have had bad experiences with antidepressants in the past. So her only suggestion for him was to ask himself what he was afraid of when he felt the fear. She also talked about life and making choices and the choices were up to him. Which he is working on. This summer has been his best summer. He was able to stay at my parents a couple of days this summer, which he use to do all the time but hadn't done is years. He also spent the night at a friends a couple nights this summer. He seems to be isolating himself more lately, praying he is not getting ready to cycle again. I don't really have any suggestions for you but wanted you to know you are not alone in this and I understand how you feel. It is hard to see your child suffer. And not know what to do about it. Here I do a lot of praying and when my son wants to go out and do something we jump on it and go. I feel if I can get him out when he wants to then we are a least getting out. Hugs and prayers going out to you and your son.
Hi - My guess is that your son is believing lies that make him feel afraid. Is he open to the idea of examining his thoughts and bringing them captive to the truth? If he's able and willing to keep doing that, I believe he would break free from those panicked feelings. This is how I usually do it - First I write down my thoughts, and then number each sentence - it might look like this for your son: 1. I can't go out. 2. Someone might hurt me. 3. That would be terrible. 4. It would be safer to stay home. 5. There's nothing wrong with staying home. Then you look at each sentence one at a time (this works much better than looking at the whole pix). Write down the complete truth for each sentence - if it's already true, just put true. This is how I would write down the truth for those sentences: 1. I can't go out easily, I can't go out comfortably, I can't go out without fear - but I can go out. 2. True 3. That would be hard, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Nothing will happen to me that God doesn't allow to happen. He will help me through whatever happens. 4. True 5. God doesn't want me to spend the rest of my life at home - yes, it would be safer, but safe isn't the most important thing in life. Doing this (I call it truth journaling) often brings peace in the midst of journaling. Often one more step is required to find peace, though, and that is to submit to the possibility of being beaten up - to be willing to live any sort of life that God allows us to live. I just realized I don't know if you're a Christian - although, i think this would work even if you aren't. If you're interested in knowing more about this technique I think my signature lists a website where I apply it to emotional eating (I've already published a Bible study using these methods for ee) - If it doesn't list it, and you'd like to find out more, please post and I'll put the web address up if the site allows me to do it. Good luck with your son - I can just imagine how painful this must be for both of you. I know God can bring good things out of it - but you still have to work through all those painful things to get to the good things - I'll pray for you today.
I have never been diagnosed with this but I really don't like going out in public. I always avoid doing anything that I may be embarassed about. My family suffers a little bit because of this but I haven't found the magic answer. It mainly boils down to something my therapist told me once when we were having a conversation about me panicing and not wanting to work out because i thought I would look stupid and she said Who cares what they think, most of them won't even notice you. I still can't do it. If he is having suicidal or even some self-harming thoughts being on medication isn't a bad thing. The whole reason you get medicated so your mind can calm down and unwind so you are able to rationally work on your issues. It's not like throwing duct tape on a gunshot wound and saying good to go. Medication and therapy go hand in hand. Meds give your brain coping abilities and the therapist gives you coping tools to deal with everyday situations. Mental issues like this make your mind almost like a prison sometimes. It's too hard to work on your issues when you have all these paranoia or anxieties or depression to deal with. Now some medication is horrible but some are good. Its all trial and error. You have to find one that works for you. Therapy isn't just about sitting on a couch for a half hour and having someone says "How does that make you feel" Its learning body ques so you can tell what emotions you feel before you get into full blown panic mode. You should ask your son's doctor for a recomendation on a good therapist for teens. Again trial and error. Keep doing it till you get it right. See a therapist not a psychologist. Therapists are not doctors, they can't give drugs. They tend to be better on the actual therapy aspect. I hate my psychologist. But he gives me the meds. The doctors tend to be less compassionate and understanding. My Dr tells me how I feel and what I do and never listens to me. Huge difference in the care there. I am bipolar/borderline personality disorder. I have been in and out of doctors and on so many meds I couldn't name them all. I take Zoloft and I like it. It works for me. My brain is like a rollercoaster ride most of the time. I don't like who I am off the meds. I will be a lifelong medicated person but your son probably won't be. How long has he been in therapy? If he doesn't want to go to the mall or target or out in public don't make him. That is the one thing that will make him dig in his heels. He can do it when he is ready. Making him do it when he isn't ready is like one step forward two steps back. One thing that really helped me was group therapy. I was hospitalized when I was 16 for 10 days and I hated therapy. At the hospital the Dr. there did group psycho therapy for the teens. That doctor saved my life. I will always be greatful to him. Learning about other peoples problems in a group setting kind of puts your own into perspective. I hope some of this helped. Poke me if you wanna talk more. I have gobs of experience in this area.
