I told dd13 months ago that she could be in the delivery room. She is a great person and has been preparing for it for months. Problem is, I am very private and I cannot see being in pain in front of her. I feel awful about this. I think perhaps, because I want to be of good character, I should just deal with it and bring her. I can ask her to leave if I am not comfy. I don't know how I will feel. But then I think, I should leave her home. I don't know. Help!!!! (I am starting to have contractions so please answer soon).
Just answer her honestly. Tell her that you asked her because she is your very close "friend" and you would love to share that with her, but let her know that as the time comes closer, you're thinking twice, let her know you think that this may be something that you'd rather just do on your own with your dh. I would not want my children in the delivery room no matter how old they are because I am a very private person, that's why I understand how you feel about wanting to be private and not show your dd that you are in pain. I would feel too bad watching them watch me suffer. Let her know that you are going to be in too much pain, but that it's "good pain", after all we did go back time after time to do it again. LOL Just be honest!!! She's at an age where she should understand.
well, i hate going back on my word, so i would let her, this could be one of the biggest bonding experiences of your lives. i was in the room when my mom had one of my sisters at home, and it was so awesome, i will never forget that! but you are the mom, only you can decide. would it really hurt her if you changed your mind? do you feel she is really prepared for seeing you in pain? has she seen videos of real births, and know what to expect? i think 13 is plenty old, i was only 7, lol. i wasnt in the room for the exact moment but every other moment before and after the birth. i am private as well, hate people, even dh seeing me cry and in pain, but if i had promised her and she had taken the time to prepare i would allow it. now if things change and there became an emergency situation, she would have to understand she would be out at that time. sorry, not much help! but very excited that it will be soon! good luck!!
I think you should let her. It can be a very special time for her, you already told her she could be there, it could be a special bonding for her and the younger sibling, etc. But I also understand your hesitation. If you decide to not let her come, she'll just need to understand.
you never know she might be a comfort to you, tell her though that delivery is a very emotional time and that your hormones may get out of wack and if you ask her to leave then it is not because you don't love her just that ............ well some people just need to focus and they don't want people around them.
She has watched videos and all. We have discussed it endlessly and she has read a ton on it. One of the main problems is, there is NO ONE to drive her to and from the hospital. This means, she comes when dh and I go and she has to stay until we are done. So, let's say it is like her birth. She will be up and ready to go a little after midnight, likely on very little sleep, and then must stay awake, non-whiney, and the whole bit, until noon the next day. I have been to the labor and delivery and there is no place for her to lay down and sleep. Even the waiting room only has those kinds of chairs where you must stay sitting up. If come 4, 6am, she is too exhausted, she has to deal with it. I am afraid she will start whining and crying and say she is too tired and cannot take it anymore. There will be nothing we can do then as NO ONE will drive her home. There is literally no one to take her home, nothing. She will be stuck at the hospital for the duration of the entire labor, delivery, and whatever time dh is there after the birth. I think while she has energy, this won't be a problem. But once she has gone 24+ hours without even being able to sit back and relax, she will be flipping out.
I'm guessing that, for something that major, she might just surprise you. As much as Faythe is an incredibly whiny kid, I've no doubt that this would be so neat, she wouldn't at all, regardless of how long it took or how tired she got.
thats how my dd is as well, jackie, momma, only you can decide, maybe take her a pillow and lap blanket, and books
I'd hate to go back on my word...I agree with giving her a shot. I would also point out to her again that it could take a long 24 hours. I agree with the prewarning that you may change your mind at the moment of. My SIL was there when my daughter was born. She was 10. Looking back, I wouldn't have done it, but that's only because it was a circus - my MIL, husband's grandmother, sister, mom, SIL...oh and DH. I was just too wimpy to say 'no'. She did an excellent job, we were there for a long time, and she did go in and out (her dad was in the waiting room, but at 13 you may be comfortable with letting her go out to the WR by herself?). My MIL was hoping it would discourage her from an early pregnancy. Um. I'm not totally sure it worked in that respect, not that she got pregnant or had any problems in *that* respect, I just don't think she said to herself, oh yeah, that's not a good idea, KWIM? But I doubt she ever romanticized the idea of giving birth. xD
Wow- I'm surprised at all the many who would be comfortable having their kid in the delivery room. I would not do that. And Scottiegazelle- you should have charged admission! You had quite a crowd!
Lol, Becky! I could have charged admission for Rachael's birth, too! Gosh, was it a zoo!!! I've said myself that every teenage girl should have to witness a baby being born; it would really help reduce teen pregnancy! I do remember the first time I experienced it in college, watching a video in my dorm room for Developmental Psychology. My roommate was in her coat, books in hand, on the way out the door when she caught sight of what I was watching. She just stood there, mouth open, and was late for class. I thought it was the most AWESOME thing ever!!!
I think I came up with a solution. Since I am up with pesky irregular contractions now that seem to have no interest in turning in to anything. I told her to just go to bed. As long as I am not in hideous can't function pain when I leave for the hospital and it is night time, we will assume there is plenty of time. We will just go on to the hospital without her then and she can sleep in. DH will return for her if the chance presents itself when I am maybe 6cm or so, after the epidural is in type thing. I think this will work. No rush hour traffic, the whole round trip should take less than 1 hr. If there is rush hour, it will take longer. If we do not leave for labor and delivery until daytime, then she will be well rested anyway and things like the hospital cafeteria will be open and she can bring school work and the laptop with games and such to keep herself busy so we will take her. It is 3:45am now so I think I will not have any problem making it to daytime. However, sadly, I am fearing that this is just going to be lots of contractions not panning out to be anything. I had lots of other labor signs too (massive bloody show and such, diarhea) but those have tapered off too. I don't want to see my OB later today when not in labor.
I am so excited for you and your family. Sounds like the little one will be here soon. You are in my prayers. Beth
I'm excited for you! Who knows how it will go. I vote for her to be there, but can understanding wanting to be able to change your mind. If the sleeping thing is really the main problem, believe me, when someone is tired at the hospital, they sleep anywhere. My husband and I both (before we ever met) have slept on hospital floors. just the floor. If you take a sleeping bag, it will be that much better for her. you could leave it in the car and she and hubby could take a break to go get it when the fatigue gets that bad. Good luck with labor! Can't wait to hear the results!
Waiting........Let us know!!! FWIW, If I had promised and she had prepared so well, I would've let her go. There are nurse's around who could lead her to a safe place to rest if she needs to. She'd have her laptop and books, she's 13---I can't see a bunch of whining with someone that age, since they're old enough to understand what's going on! I would've been THRILLED to go witness the birth of a sibling at that age! At any rate, hope everyone is doing well!
