My dd the 7th grader has a science test today. I told her Friday that it is her responsiblity to study for it this weekend. I did not tell her anything until yesterday after noon, she got upset with me and told me that she can't study and does not know what to study. I gave her Friday a review sheet and told her that this is a list of things that may or may not be on her test. hubby told me that I was being too hard and I need to remind her everyday that she needed to study. I think that she is old enough that I should not remind her everytime she has a test that she should study for it. She has a list of every thing that she will be doing for the week, she knew that today she would have a test, I told her that everyday last week. :wink: so whats your opinon, am i being too hard on her. (I also told her that even though she is finished with school work for the day, does not mean that she does not need to study in the evenings.) just need someone besides hubby:wink: to tell me if i need to be a little easier on my dd.
I don't think you're being too hard. I do think she's old enough to do it....I'd be afraid if I did remind her everyday...she may think you'll remind her of everything....It's up to you though, obviously....I'm sure there are people here that will give you reasons behind both sides.
To me a review sheet is help studying. As far as the reminding, I would have her in the future make a big sign that she can stick where she will see it often "Test on Monday-Study!". Let her get used to reminding herself what needs to get done and take responsibility for it.
I think the sticky note is a good idea. I think "responsibility" is learned rather than just becoming responsible at a particular age. I realize that at every age there are more responsibilities given, but she is most certainly capable of this. The more she can take action, the better she will feel about herself, too. I can relate with you on this! It seems that the lesson of the day was not Science, but Responsibility.lol
Based on her age I don't think you should have to remind her. But if she doesn't know how to study I would make sure I teach that first. I know I didn't know how to study at that age and my attempts at studying took hours longer than they should have.
I'm also in the "not too hard" catagory! She's in 7th grade, she should be able to study on her own. I agree that a study sheet is a help. Better than, "Here's the book; know everything in it!" Perhaps you can help her help herself by sitting down with her and telling her, "OK, I know you want to do xxxxx tonight, but you really need to study for this test. If you do xxxxx, when will you be able to do the studying?" Get her to look realistically at her schedule, and commit to a SPECIFIC time to do the studying.
I agree that she is plenty old enough to start learning responsibility, even if she's learning from her mistakes. I also wanted to echo the "does she know how to study" question. Colleges devote entire courses for Freshmen to teaching them how to study. It's not something we all are born knowing how to do. It's a skill that needs to be taught. I think giving her a study guide was a great first step. Perhaps this week you could discuss ways that she thinks would work for her to study in the future. Just to make sure she even has a clue. But as far as reminding her? No way.
Maybe making a calendar for her would help out. That way she would know in advance she will have a test on Monday or whatever day.
I do not think you are being too hard on her, at all. If she were in public or private school would it be your responsibility to remind her to study for her classes? No. To ensure she does her homework, yes. I do think a calendar would be a good idea. OR maybe, if it falls on a weekend again, let her know as you did "You have a test on Monday....lets make sure NOW to pick a time that you will study for it over the weekend. YOU will be responsible for remembering to do that...the test will be Monday whether or not you study.". As much as we hate to let them fail, sometimes failing is part of learning a lesson. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound too harsh.
I agree with everyone. You are not being too hard. My dd is in 8th grade at ps and she has to keep a planner with dates of tests, projects and assigments. The planner is a lot of help. I do have say that when I hs'ed her last year she would try and pull that crap too - acting like I needed to hold her hand and walk her through everything and remind her of everything. Now that she is in ps she is totally responsible and is doing great.
Another vote for "not being too hard" My son started 7th grade this year and I decided this is the year I will teach him organizational skills. I don't expect him to be really great at it yet -but I want him to start thinking in that direction because there will be a time when he will have to organize his own studies, papers, books, etc. and I will not be there. The only question I have is I'm trying to teach my son organizational skills according to how I organize things..but I wonder if I need to let him do it his way? and then it would make more sense to him and it would "click" in his brain -rather than me telling him "OK this is how your folder should look , this is where this paper should go? I don't know it's a work in progress as with most things. Jane
Not hard at all. DS is only in 4th and I do the same thing to him. I refuse to do worksheets and stuff with him for spelling. I write his words on the board on Monday. It is his responsibilty to study them and know them by Friday. I never give any reminders at all. The words are there, If he chooses not to take notice and learn them then that is on him. I get told all the time by DH that I am beng mean, but I feel that this teaches and encourages responsibility. In life no one is going to hold your hand. You have to take responsiblity for yourself and do what needs to be done.
I don't think your being to hard at all. Just for instance if she were in ps they would give her the same type of list and the same kind of you are responsible speech. I do the same thing when it comes to spelling tests for my girls. My oldest is in 9th and my youngest dd is in 7th. I still give them spelling tests because the oldest is dyslexic and it actually helps her remember how to spell words when she practices them all week and my younger dd is an atrocious speller as well as she likes to use abbreviated words or text language as I call it and it drives me insane. So, since I've now thread jacked you..your fine, and we can't baby them forever it's a lesson learned in personal responsibility.
Oh, the abbreviated words!!! My dss at age 17 had to send a thank you note to an adult. ("WHY? I mean I TOLD him thank you at the time, so there's no need for me to write it, too!!!") That was bad enough, but I made him re-do it because I wouldn't accept it saying "Thx U" or some such gibberish!
I don't hate things or anyone in general, it's bad karma. But I'm close to hating abbreviated words. It drives me nuts to have to see that and have to figure out what someone is writing me. So, if she tries to turn in papers that way I immediately mark it wrong and she has to fix it all.
No, it's not being too hard. It sounds like you DID have the assignments written out, and she knew she was having a test on Monday. So give it, and she will have to reap the consequences this time. I'd probably say something like this, "Since we're starting anew year, let's work together so this doesn't happen again. It is NOT my job to remind you every day, that's something you need to work out--when and how much to study. But what other things might help you remember when tests and papers are due, and when/how to study?" That way you're working with her on it, and it won't seem to her like she's being "thrown to the wolves"! Once she starts getting that, she'll do better on her tests. Then maybe you can choose, at the end of the semester or whenever, to throw out 1 test, and it can be whichever one she chooses. Just ideas.........
She needs to be taught how to study, the specifics of it. That is something we are working on right now...various study tactics. HTH
That could be helpful (Momofafew)....like, do index cards w/ snippets of info work better than the text book? Is she allowed to highlight the textbook for future information? Should she outline as she's reading and study from the outlines? It does sound like you gave her a framework of ideas of what MIGHT be on the test, but she might not have known WHERE to find them in her textbook?
I think it is also important to help her discover the way she learns best. Try out different study techniques and see which one suits her best.
I think it would probably be reasonable to teach her specifically a method for study. For example, the SQ3R method. S is for Survey. Look over the chapter and see what it's about. Check out the pictures if any, read the captions. Take a look at the bold headings if any. Q is for Question. Turn the bold headings into written questions, use the questions at the end of each section if any, create your own questions based on the topic sentences of each paragraph. Think of what might make good test questions. You might use a notebook, or some index cards -- whatever works best for you. R is for Read. Read the chapter thoroughly. Not like a novel, but really well, looking for answers to the questions you've asked. Write the answers down as you find them. Pay special attention to any words in bold print or italics. R is for Recite. Say your questions and answers out loud, if you have to, or at least speaking "aloud" in your head. Don't just pass over stuff saying to yourself, "Oh, I know this already" -- actually recite the material. R is for Review. Go over everything. Quiz yourself. By now you've been over it many times, so you should know it, but don't neglect this important step. This is just one method. There are other methods. I think a seventh grader is certainly old enough to find out what method works for her, and should be expected to use that method independently when she's been advised that there is a test coming up.
