Dealing with other's opinions and them taking it too far

All I can say is "wow" it has been a hard last couple of weeks. We are in our 5th year of homeschooling so you think we would know a little about it? Our neighbor came over (84 years old) and informed me he would call the principal at a parochial school to get my son enrolled??:shock: I told him we planned to homeschool again and he told me that it wasn't right and my child needs to be in a school and he would call the school and have the principal call. The neighbor came back 2 more times (last time was yesterday) and dh was home and told him how it would be. DH said if that principal calls I will give him a piece of my mind.

My aunt is so against homeschooling that she not only griped at me every chance she could get she has now brought my mom into it. Mom is in a nursing home with end stage renal disease and end stage diabetes. She fed her a bunch of stuff about how I am not "qualified" to teach my own child. She even went as far as to say she plans on turning me in to the state because I am harming him.:evil: Mom is upset and I told her that I am qualified since I am his parent and what qualifies her sister to say something like that? We sent him to a school for one year and he was harmed far more in that year then we have done in his entire lifetime and then some. I guess even though I have a college degree makes me an idiot when it comes to 5th grade subjects! Right now I am so mad I am not answering my phone--don't know what to even say to her right now! I am waiting to hear from the state. In fact I can't wait for it! What do you say to people like this? Is this common for family to behave this way towards homeschoolers?

 

It's interesting how far people will go to tell anyone how to live their life and how the must do it and how far your expected to live up to someone's expectation of how you should live your life, but if you were to turn the tables on them and tell them how they aren't nice enough, or don't smell great how offended they would get.

In this situation, I don't think you can really take the high road and ignore them instead you'll have to tell both of them that this is your life style that YOUR family chooses. Your NOT asking them for their approval.

 

So sorry you are going through this. Not just with the people who are against homeschooling, but to have your ill mother brought into this when she does NOT need the stress. I think your aunt using that tactic to manipulate you to do what she wants is abominable at best.

Now is the time to lean on your husband more than ever. Being likeminded in a conviction to homeschool had to be the single most important thing to me when coming up against nay sayers, other than knowing our family was called by God to homeschool. When I couldn't be strong because of the conflict hitting close to home (my mom was the worst), I knew that he was made to be my protector. He made sure that everyone was clear that we were homeschooling, end of story. When I tried to talk to my relatives about it, I would try to smooth is over, give excuses, try to find reasons that everyone might understand. But in the end, my family knew how to walk all over me. It drained me until I had nothing left to give my children. But when hubby started fielding the questions, nobody said anything about it again.

I know you will get through this. I'll be praying for your family...and for your aunt to have a change of heart concerning homeschooling, but more importantly for her to let your mother be regarding this topic. Peace be with you and yours.

 

My goodness...that IS a lot to stomach. My first instinct with the neighbor would be to chase him away with a broom, but that's not a very Christian thing to do nor would it help my argument for homeschooling. Obviously you know you are operating within the parameters of the law regarding homeschooling in your state so don't worry too much about the nosy neighbor. Maybe print out some information on the benefits and give it to him. Then politely tell him that you do not want him to approach you on the subject again. You can also call the principal (who is probably as innocent as you are in this situation) and explain that your neighbor in no way represents your family and that you do not want him to be discussing your affairs.

As far as family is concerned...I would tell my aunt to go ahead and call the state. Hanging that threat over your head is really sad. Again, you know you are following the laws and the state will see that. You should have a talk with your aunt and explain that burdening your mother with her concern is not fair at this point in her life. Your mother should be allowed to enjoy her time in peace and to know that she raised a very competent daughter who is a loving mother. She needs that comfort as she prepares to leave you.

My dad was very concerned about me homeschooling this year. I am a few courses shy of my bachelors degree and for some reason he felt that is a basis for being qualified to teach my kids. I basically told him to stuff it and to give me the support I need to keep my kids home. Thankfully he's witnessed our schooling on a visit to their home and seemed very pleased. I showed him our curriculum and he saw for himself that I have everything I need to teach them. He and my mom are also paying a lot of attention in the news and are very grateful my kids are not in public school.

Hope these situations resolve for you quickly!!

 

You need to get yourself a BIG batch of bean dip to pass around to everyone!!! http://www.homeschoolspot.com/showthread.php?t=5712&highlight=bean Seriously, the best response it to not defend yourself, and to pass the buck to your husband. "This is what he feels is best for our family." No debate, no argument. Don't discuss what your "qualifications" are, because no matter what they won't be good enough. If they have a problem with it, they take up with him. If they insist on discussing it in a negative manner around you, walk out or hang up the phone. Your husband needs to let them know in no uncertain terms that they go through HIM.

With the neighbor, he's probably lonely. I'd consider trying to find projects to help him around the house, etc. Mow the yard for free, shovel snow, etc. If he sees first-hand how polite and respectful your children are to their elders, he might change his tune!

 

Next time the neighbour comes over tell him you're going to give the director of the local nursing home a call and see if you can get him in.

 

I believe that there is nothing common when it comes to family whether you homeschool or not.

I just tell people if they feel the need to do the things they are threatening to do, just do them. You really cannot control what other people are going to do anyway, you can only control what you do and how you react to what they do.

Your neighbor is laughable, really! Why in the world would a call from a neighbor get a principal to call you? I would start baking some cookies for him every now and then.

As for your aunt, I would tell her that you are thankful about how concerned she is about your child's education that she is willing to call the state to have it verified that you are doing an excellent job!

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. (They usually don't stay enemies when you do that.)

 

Okay, so "bean dip" is a euphemism for "seriously, get outta my face" and is intended to mean any kind of an action/comment to change the subject??? Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake....

 

I guess the best way to explain bean dip is like when your husband says, "Yes, Dear! Whatever you say...." LOL!!! No matter what, you don't explain or defend. More of, "Yes, I understand what you're telling me, and I'll handle it." And then you "pass the bean dip" and change the subject.

 

In-laws are coming over for dinner on Friday, guess I'll be making me some of that BEAN DIP! LOVE IT!!!! (Thanks for the link, Jackie!)

 

I am so sorry you are going through this.
That is why this site is so nice. It is full of people who you can talk to who are not going to judge you, but instead support you.

I know it must be hard to not have all your family supporting you and on top of that a harassing neighbor. Because what he is doing to you is harassment and I would be quick to point that out to him. If he keeps on bothering you, I would tell him to stop or you will not speak with him anymore. I know the silent treatment sound immature, but it might be your only option. What your aunt is doing is unspeakable, it is NOT her place !! At some point you have to stop justifying your decisions to other people. The only person who's opinion matters is you, your children and your husband. And please the state is not going to bother you. What are they going to do tell DSS that there is a report of a homeschooler :roll:

 

Great advice from everyone already, just wanted to send you some supportive hugs!

 

LOL! Dawn, I love your sense of humor!!!

 

You guys are so nice, and I must be a big jerk. I wouldn't do anything to make your neighbor feel better about YOUR choice to HS. Your neighbor needs to mind his business and I would politely tell him that. I would tell him to go ahead and call who ever he likes. He can't enroll YOUR child in school. Why do you have to defend yourself to this man,your aunt or anyone. These are your children and your family.

Every morning my son rides his bike around the neighborhood. People ask him all the time why aren't you in school. He tells them doesn't talk to strangers and keeps riding.He could tell them he is homeschooled but it really isn't any of their business.

 

My kids aren't allowed to play much in the front during a school day. It started when they were little, because I didn't want them out front by themselves when no one was around. I would let them out in the back, though. Am still that way pretty much. We do have some sahms in the area, and sometimes they'll be out; then I might let mine out for a while.

As far as the neighbor goes, "winning him over" through kindness is something I would suggest, whether he criticized the hs'ing or not. It just makes life a lot easier if it can be done.

 

I would know the law of your state. Maybe check out www.hslda.org and let the neighbor know that you are completely within your legal right to homeschool, and that if he were to call the principal of the school, etc. that he/she would be laughed at b/c you are following the law. (nicely, of course).

As for family, the best way to handle it, is change their minds. My parents were DEAD SET against us homeschooling, and took every opportunity to undermine us, undercut us and make us feel weak. That was until my eldest was in 2nd grade, and took a standardized test and scored 2 to 3 grade levels ahead of where she was supposed to be. And the way my daughter's age falls, she was in 2nd grade when most kids her age would have been 1st grade. The have done a complete 180 and now tout the amazing benefits of homeschooling and they have not once since said a word about my ability as their teacher. It was very validating.

Also, my oldest sister was a silent objector. Her daughter, like mine, is a competitive gymnast (a much higher level, though). She has been talking to me recently about homeschooling. She'd always poo-pooed the idea of it...but is now asking for advice b/c her daughter's in 6th grade and at the gym 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. She's recognizing the benefit of having school over with during the day so that she can pursue her dreams.

Anyway...it has been my experience that by wowing them, you win them over.

 

I agree with Kbabe - and if you don't belong to HSLDA I'd join. In fact, I'll call them up and tell them what is happening and then join while you're on the phone.

 

yep Jackie I was thining of the bean dip too! that and just showing them how good you are doing.. when you see them share what wonderful thing your child did that week and be all excited to the extent that they are amazed at you.. it worked for us!

 

Jackie--I love the bean dip idea!
Thank you all for guidance. The last time I spoke to my aunt I explained that when ds was enrolled in school for 4th grade last year he was tested and was at 9th grade reading comp, 7th grade grammer and 5th grade math. Who was his teacher? She does not have children so I think it makes it worse! (Don't some people who have no children KNOW how to raise kids better than anyone who does?) Don't want to sound braggy, we have been blessed that he is a bright kid who wants to learn for the most part.

The neighbor hopefully will stay quiet since dh talked to him Sunday. I like the idea of calling the nursing home for him. I know he can't do anything but be an irritant.

I do need to stop justifying my actions to others and if someone reports me--oh well. We are following the state rules and if they want proof I have it. We do plan joining HSLDA just to cover ourselves, but what is funny is when we pulled ds from a parochial school at the beginning of the school year I called the state and explained our situation there and they were great. They informed me on what to do to avoid being charged with truancy and that our papers were there so not to worry. I did talk to mom again and she said she was so confused and I reminded her that if her grandson was being "harmed" by being homeschooled he wouldn't be doing so well. Also reminded her since he is being homeschooled he has a lot more opportunities to visit her--made her happy!

 

My parents used to like that one too, becasue we homeschooled we took a couple of trips up to see them for a week long that would not have happened otherwise.