My ds and I are dealing with a teammate and his parents who are constantly making ugly remarks about my son and other teammates. The sport they play just isn't competitive like soccer, football, etc. Everyone else on the team and other teams do not behave like this. It is reall starting to get to me. The coach doesnt' see it, or if he does, he doesn't do anything. What would you do? Confronting the parent isn't an option due to the small size of our homeschool group and the lack of opportunities to go else where to play the sport.
I think I would just say we are doing our best with what we got, and we all are having fun doing it. Thats the main part. Or say yea, but at least they all are having fun. short simple and to the point.
Kris, I have used some of those exact remarks. It just bothers me when other parents here the remarks too. We all know the problem but it is a very fragile world we live in as homeschoolers. I'm not the best one for being tactful or knowing when to keep my mouth shut. It has been really hard.
Talk to your kids and make sure THEY know this guy is full of it. As long as their esteem isn't being hurt just let it go.
My grandmother always said, "consider the source". Sounds like you are dealing with some people who need help learning to play nice.
We ran into this a few years back in our church/homeschooling group. Not with sports, but with absolutely anything that required someone to perform (youth group games, dinner theater, Awana). I know what you mean by "fragile" when it comes to small groups like that. What we did was follow the Biblical model for dealing with offenses, because no matter what we tried to teach our kids about "considering the source", their self-esteem and ours was being impacted. 1) We went to the parents ourselves to talk about their behavior (parents and children). When that went horribly wrong in the way of them not seeing they were doing anything wrong by standing by and watching their children verbally and physically abuse others we.... 2) Took a couple other "witnesses" with us to talk to the parents with us. This approach worked in the end. They were extremely offended, but their behavior had to stop because it was effecting our entire group by sowing discord if nothing else. They eventually got over their pride being hurt...well, not sure if they did or not, really, but life at least got better for our kids for a while. Eventually the offenders went on being mean and assertive and we left the group. But at least for a while it was tolerable. LOL All that to say, in our experience, if the group as a whole is being affected in a negative way, something needs to be done or eventually there will be damage done to you and your family through your association with those people. Sometimes we let things go and there is damage done before we are even aware of it. Our kids needed us to step in for them since they were being bullied. I'm so glad we took the opportunity to show them how to handle conflict in a mature manner. Today they are able to approach tough issues and get them dealt with because of it. Hope this helps.
This would be the ideal way I love to deal with the situation, however I know the parents don't see their child's behavior as a problem. I mean why would they, they act just like him. His parents have also been in the current homeschooling group a lot longer than we have. So that means a lot to most of these parents. Finally, I hate to say it but from talking to many of the parents about small issues with this boy and others it seems that many of their children don't even mention these kids of issues to them. My child has had to deal with bullying in school so it is not new to him. Plus, we are a talking and sharing family, sometimes too much, lol.:wink: I wouldn't say it hurts his self-esteem, but it sure doesn't help it. It is just hard to constantly have to be in situations with this child and deal with it. It just gets old. But I will keep your suggestions in mind ladies, it has definately given me something to think about.
A few weeks ago, the team Rachael was playing soccer against had one player who decided toward the end of he game to challenge a ref. I guess the player felt that the ref should have called some kind of foul against one of our players. He said something to one ref, who responded with, "I didn't see it." So then the player started fussing to the other ref. He eventually got a Yellow Card, and even then continued fussing, until he got a Red Card. The interesting thing, however, was the reaction of his teammates. When he started in, the just kind of rolled their eyes, and one commented to Rachael, "He does this all the time...." When he was carded with the yellow card, his teammates actually CLAPPED! (Oh, I might add that HIS team was ahead by two goals at that time, so he wasn't being a poor loser!) But the point is, everyone on his own team knew this kid and how inappropriate his behavior was. They were tired of it, but there was nothing they could do about it. And there was really nothing the coach could do, either. I'm guessing it's the same in your situation. I doubt the coach, or anyone else, talking with the parents would make any difference. No one on this kid's team took him seriously, and I doubt anyone is taking these parents seriously, either. The sad thing is that the kid is learning his bad behavior FROM his parents. HE is the one who will ultimately suffer for it!
That sort of thing gets my fire started. My children played soccer for one season, but after seeing the behavior of a few parents, I decided that it wasn't that important an activity. If I spent too much time in their presence, I might have been arrested for assault. Honestly, what is wrong with people like that? They are CHILDREN for cryin' out loud! You'd think some of the parents were betting on the games with the way the veins on their neck would protrude when the screamed at the kids. Letting it go is probably the right thing to do, but I’m telling you it would be the hardest thing for me to do. Maybe some covert sabotage – bugs in their drinks, Ex-lax brownies, itching powder, rigged lawn chairs, Vasoline on their car door handles, deer scent in their shoes… Ok, it would be wrong to actually do those things, BUT it might be thearaputic to just daydream about it.
