My 8 yr old is very advanced, but has special needs. He has pdd-nos (autism spectrum disorder, the least severe one). The problem is, his behavior is so unpredictable and difficult to control that he makes it impossible for anyone to do anything or go anywhere. An entire day can be devoted to trying to get him to do one thing. Plus, he is obsessed with the computer and I have to pull him off there all day long. Forget assigning him much, if he did not pick to do it, he won't. Last night, we went out to eat. When the server brought his food, she forgot his spoon. She went to get his spoon, but he ended up under the table flipped out, flailing his arms about. I managed to pull him out from under the table and carry him out of the restaurant. But I forgot the car keys at the table and did not dare try to return to get them. DH was still at the table with the rest of the children. DS just continued his flip out in front of Olive Garden. At some points, he was punching me, when I tried to turn him toward me to talk to him. I tried what the behavior specialist told us to do. I tried to make him put his hands together and count, he would not do it. The Behavioral person told us that ds8 is capable of obeying, he is chosing not to. DS8 has a high IQ. His problems are very real, but when DS8 really wants to, he will behave. Problem is, he generally does not want to. So I sent him back to school. I could not even leave the house with him really. Even the school has a lot of problems with him, but they seem to making some progress. DS8 says he really wants to homeschool again, but I cannot function as 95% of my attention and efforts go in to dealing with him. He is so out of control at school that they are talking about transferring him to an inclusive program. But reality is, I think he is just as poorly behaved here. I feel like homeschooling him was not making anything better. It might have made things worse as every single time I had to turn away from him, such as to go to the bathroom, breastfeed, or change a diaper, he used that time to get away with things. Is it cruel for me to not homeschool him when I homeschool his siblings? He really wants to and begs to, but, if he is home, then we cannot go out,we cannot leave the house, I have to have the rest of the children be 100% independent so I can focus on just him. I even have to move toward getting my 5 week old baby more independent so that I an focus on him. We cannot do field trips, co-ops, outside classes, nothing when he is home. We have been able to go to the park. As long as it is 100% fun and what he wants to do, he will go along with it and be fine. Anything else, we cannot do. So please tell me, is it cruel to not allow him to homeschool when he wants to so badly?
Not at all! You have to do what is best for ALL your family, not just one or two, and that includes yourself. Maybe if he wants to come home, and you keep that possibility before him, he will learn to behave as you wish (or closer to it) so he can make that happen. You say that school seems to be making some progress where you could not at home. Not all families homeschool all their children, with or without learning/behavioral differences/difficulties. Some will go to college, some will go to vocational school, and some will go directly to work. Some will "do school" at school, while others will do it at home. Whatever the need is.
Not at all. We've used homeschooling, public schools, and private schools. It really depended on what worked best for each child. We've never believed in "one size fits all".
NO , you have to do what is best for him and your family. If you did hmshl him, you would not beable to focus on the other children, who need you too.
You are in a tough situation and sometimes tough situations require us to make choices that may not always suit everybody involved. You are doing what you think is best for the family. Don't beat yourself up. As time goes by, you can always go back to homeschooling your son.
We currently have ds13 at home and dd10 at public. It is what worked best for us right now. We keep an open mind and reevlauate at least on a yearly basis so that each person is getting their needs met--and that is the definition of 'fair'.
DS13 has Asperger's Syndrome and we are homeschooling for the first time in 5 years. It can be a challenge and we have days where he is having an "off" day and we just skip school. But he knows that he has to make that time up. Either with extra work on other days, a weekend, or one of the "vacation" weeks. I have a week set up in after Christmas that anything we are behind in gets made up. If we aren't behind....he gets the week off school! My suggestion....your behavioral therapist says he can behave but he CHOOSES not to. So explain to him that since he CHOOSES to not behave at home so that everyone can learn then he CHOOSES to not homeschool. Tell him that if he CHOOSES to behave at school and makes progress then you will reconsider bringing him home to homeschool. I stress chooses because DS is like this sometimes. He dislikes certain subjects so it is horrible trying to get him to do them. What I have found with my DS is that he prefers to work independently. So I make a syllabus for the week and he has to get the work done. I then gather everything and grade over the weekend. I am pregnant so this will definitely help when the baby comes in a few weeks. From the research that I did, these kids prefer to school over the computer. Have you looked into a CD based curriculum? That may fit his personality better. They are expensive but worth the lack of stress. Just keep in mind that you have to do what is right for the whole family and not just him. I know that that is hard when we have special needs kids. But his welfare/wants cannot come before everyone elses. Where does that leave the other kids?
Our younger boys graduated from public school and our girls are homeschooled. That is what worked best for our family. One of our boys is mentally handicapped and loved public school. He would have driven us nuts at home because he was so attached to his teachers and friends in his classes.
Hi, I understand your frustration, I have a 10 yr old with Asperger's Syndrome and an 18 month old baby. It's really hard dealing with their behavior sometimes, but I would say, try homeschooling him again, just try less time each time; in other words, give him many breaks, let him use the computer, during his breaks, take him outside if you can. Try a tutor that specializes in Special needs kids, maybe once a week or so. My son is very visual so I try to do things based on that. Also, I talk to my son alot, when he misbehaves like that and has outbursts, I talk to him, I tell him to calm down and when he is calm we're going to have a talk. Then I talk to him and explain that his behavior is inappropriate. In other words I help him understand that he needs to work on the outbursts, and understand the difference between right and wrong behavior. This took a long time to work for my son, but it's worked for me, and today, when he has an outburst, he understands and listens to me....he's improved so much. I hope this helps!
While i was reading your post i was thinking that you sound just like my sister-in-law. he son was diagnosed with the same last year in preschool. He loves the compter, his leapster, and memorizes all the songs on one cd (including the order they are played in). He is an only child and she tries to work with him with motor skills (which she says he has dificulity with) but he throws fits and hits her. If i work with him (i am more sturn than her shes very passive) we do fine. My sis also started the gluten free diet and makes all his food and his temper has subsided alot. SO........ it is in no way cruel. SOme kids do better with other outside help. Things can change and the chance may present itself again. Things are not set in stone.
One of my best friends has a son who is autistic. He is on a gluten/wheat/soy-free diet (and other things I can't think of) and it has completely changed his life! Some people poo-poo the notion that diet has any effect, but there are just too many people with amazing results to not believe it works. Her ds went from almost non-verbal to in a classroom with no aide! Incredible results worth looking into.
