My 8 yr old locked himself in the bathroom yesterday and declared he would not go back to school. DH was angry but I just told ds8 fine, he did not have to go, come out of the bathroom and go to your room. He did. Then, I led the day as if we were homeschooling. He did some spelling and some math and he read a lot. We also did chores. Then, at the end of the day, after 4 pm, he got his computer time. He was told if he pestered me for it prior to 4, or if he broke rules, he would lose computer time. The day went great. So I let him stay home today. I was even stricter. I gave more chores and set the computer times (4 to 5 and again at 7 to 8) and told him he had to earn it again. I told him what was expected of him for the day right off and that if it was done, he gets his computer time. When we sat and had lunch together, yesterday and today we had some interesting and calm discussions. Today, he even told me about his "hypothesis" and he used the word correctly. He has been looking at his 13 yr old sister's school work so he remembered the word. He completed his work and got his computer time and stuck to the rules. He told me a small bit about what was going wrong at the school. It has been pointed out by both my little sister (public school teacher who always tries to convince me to send my children back to school) and my mother (who previously would tell me that homeschooling was close to being child abuse, if not was)...both of them have told me that of all my children, my 8 yr old needs to be homeschooled. My sister even called me back tonight to tell me this again. After having read my last post and seeing how things have been these last 2 days..do you think I should bring him home again? DH says if I do, it is for good, he won't be going back no matter what happens. I am a little worried. What do you think?
I think you should pray about it. The Lord will show you what to do. And also, I'll be praying for you and your family. I'm SO GLAD that you guys have had some great progress these past couple of days that's awesome!!! For what it's worth, I personally don't think that ANYONE can do a better job teaching your son than you Blessings - Carla
Have you prayed about it? If so, do you feel this is God's will for your family? Is this your desire? Have you discussed with your ds what will be expected of him if you do decide to homeschool him again? Is your husband committed and supportive of this if you decide to do it? Are you physically and emotionally prepared to do this? If your answers are yes, then I would do it. (Please note this is only MY opinion) You will have to pray and do what's best for the family. I'll be praying for you. LR
I think you will have some really rough days ahead, but it sounds that if he has boundaries and set rules he does better (never perfect - but better). My 2 cent opinion here - by putting him IN school I would think that he would think about how different he is and you are getting rid of him and not the others. (Just thinking like an 8 year old here)..... I agree with the praying about it and REALLY thinking about it before you committ. I agree - no one will ever know or care about your son like you do, so you will do better teaching him (even if it is just for 2 hours per day). My thoughts are with you on this one..... it has got to be tough....
It sounds like your son will do better at home, but I do think you need to have your husband's full support. You are going to have rough days and you don't want your husband saying - "I told you not to do it". Also, I am concerned about the fact your husband says you have to make up your mind now - for the rest of your son's school career. That is a bit drastic. There may be many good reason you might decide school would be better in later years. I don't think you should keep chopping and changing, but I do think you need to re-evaluate each year. I also think it would be useful for your son to know that if he doesn't co-operate, not only will he lose computer time, but he could also be sent back to school next year. My 9 year old can be very difficult at times and it has helped to remind her that there are alternatives to homeschooling. She hasn't even had a taste of school, but that is enough to get some co-operation from her. Meryl
yes, sounds like your son is telling you he wants to stay home and do school. I know what you mean about everyone saying things bad about hs. I have been through it with my family, still do. They do say its abuse. What do they know? Anyway hand them the bean dip. LOL anyway good luck, remember we are here for you.
It sounds as if he just needs a little more of a rigid schedule from you and that your just going to have to follow through with it and that he did pretty darn good those two days. I think your going to have to follow your heart and find what's going to be best for all involved.
Sounds like some great posts, so I wanted to include my cyber-thoughts and prayers for you and your family, that the right decision will become clear. {{{ }}}} Sher
As usual, my thoughts are different. You made the decision to send him to school, and he's only just getting started. If the decision was right a week ago, what's changed from your perspective? If your son gets his way by locking himself in the bathroom, he'll try it on again when he doesn't like his homeschool lessons or chores. IMHO, you need to act consistently and see through at least one semester. OK - he behaved during the day, but that's not the point. He also needs to behave when he's getting ready for school, and he also must behave in school. You're the one responsible for his education and are doing what you believe is best. You shouldn't be influenced by a single event like this from your child. Personally, I'd explain to him that, no matter what, he will be attending PS for this semester. If he behaves and does well, you'll chat with him at the end of the year to decide what happens next. What are your husband's thoughts on the matter?
I don't think you have given school a chance and you are enabling him to miss school. I think there needs to be a set time period to give it a real try. During that time period, I would not let him miss any school unless he was too sick to go to school. I would take the lock off of the bathroom door and put a doorknob without a lock on it. I would also have a talk with him about how you have to send him to school or you could be in trouble for truency. Here if they miss 5 unexcused absences, you get a letter from the District Attorney's office. You (the parent) can get 30 days in jail and $150 fine for every day missed that isn't excused. It is this way in my home state as well. I would be looking into what kind of trouble I could get into for letting him miss days. It hurts kids to miss days in public school. They get behind fast. They aren't going to slow down b/c your child missed a day b/c they locked themselves in the bathroom. I would have called and gotten his work from school and made him do it at home. I also would have taken him to school the second he came out of the bathroom. He has all the power and is getting rewarded with computer time. When my kids were in public school and faking sick or calling home a lot to be picked up and not really sick or wouldn't get ready and missed school, they had to stay in bed all day and only got chicken soup for lunch. I would take their temperature and they didn't get tv, computer, video games, or anything. They had to stay in bed. I was teaching them that the only reason they should stay out of school was if they were sick. I think you need to get the school handbook and go over what can happen if he misses too many days. I would go over how it can get you (the parents) into big trouble with the school and with the law.
I would make him at least finish the month out and see how he is doing, mostly because he would have to learn that he can't play spoiled brat to get his way. But I would tell him if he returns to school untill ( said date) and does his best to do what he needs to to get along with teachers etc then you would have a parent child conferecnce with daddy and him and you all present to discuss it. This will give him some say, but he will see that he can't order you to do what he wants too. Now for a conflicting thought, I first thougt keep him home if he is that devastated, then I thought on it and realised he was demanding his way. Back when my ds was in Jr high he wanted to go to school outside the home, I had to put up with a lot of garbage from him while I told him no. Then I thought, hey make him prove he can handle someone else teachhing him, being given the way to do something then me being off helping the others and not always there for him. So he could learn what he would be up against, in the same way you could discuss with your ds how things will be if he comes home, and that hehas to complete this said time first. The short time should keep him from being damaged by whatever he is upset about. IF its kids being mean to him, that is another thing of course, but if its jsut cause he 'doesnt want to' I would have to find otu what is exactly going on. It could be Gd decidedhe gets to learn something in this, you too, so do as someone said and pray about it first. Anyway, thats my thoughts on it, glad its not me, what a split decision eh?
I returned him to school more than a week ago, I just did not post about it until a week ago. Part of the reason I posted about it last week is the stress was getting to me from things not going well at school. My older children were homeschooled in the first place due to out of bullying going on there. The administration was awful about it. They would not do anything to stop it. I found out from other parents that often, there was not even a teacher at recess supervising the students. I pulled my children out to homeschool. We have since moved but I seriously do not trust the schools. We have since moved so we are no longer zoned for that school. Since my son has communication issues, he might not even tell me if he has been bullied. When I have looked at the school work he has done and it is just so, for a lack of better word...well, ridiculous. For math, they write papers about how they feel about and what they think about topics. They are not even doing any sort of computation. They have a word wall because they are teaching sight words, but the words are far below grade level. Then he has to write sentence about them every day. In fact, most of the day is writing. It is not so much that I have issues with writing, I think writing skills are important. But considering this school did no handwriting or any writing that was done by hand last year, it is inappropriate to do this all day long. Many of the parents have complained about this. I have heard from a handful of parents about this, I was not the one who brought it up, and I rarely speak to other parents from the school. So it must really be bothering the other parents too. Plus, the assignments are inappropriate. One day for math, they were all given paper and told to write everything they know about place value. How does a 2nd grader, or even a college grad with a math major, put that on paper, in essay format? What do they really expect? Also, my son has been upset because he is a good speller and they do not do spelling at all. By that I mean, if he is writing one of these papers and he asks how to spell a word, they won't tell him. I actually asked them why and they said because spelling is not important and they do not want the children to get hung up on it. I am wondering how they can call themselves education when they refuse to tell the children how to spell words or even how to look the words up to find out for themselves. How can they say spelling does not matter to the extent that when a child wants to know how to spell a word that they would refuse to tell? These are some of the issues that have been going on. It is a frustrating situation because while he can be so difficult to handle at home sometimes, the education he is getting really is subpar. But then again, when he is difficult at home, he makes it difficult for everyone. Even though the last couple days have been great, I worry that once he has been home and is comfy and not worrying about going back, that things will fall apart again at home with him. Anyway, I hope this clarifies things better.
ok, well im a softy i would keep him home, but make the rigid structure a permanent ficture. make a picture schedule, so he can see what comes next, and you can see what comes next for him. i see no prob with rewarding good behavior with computer time. i would not allow him to rule the house, like he was. YOU are in charge. he is begging for you to be there with structure and guidelines. i wish i was close, i could come over and we could visit. i think that his best chance is at home with you, by the way the school sounds, but he doesnt get to make life miserable for you or the rest of the family. what were his reasons for not wanting to go back to school? were they sound reasons, or just excuses? i think only you know what is best for him. but you have to be able to stick to it! it is hard, it is especially hard when things go haywire, like sick kids, or sick mama, or crazy schedules. so you have to know and he has to know that if this is what you do, you cant be walked on. you are too good of a mom to let him disrespect you like he was. you can do it!! all that said, pray, pray, pray! you need God to tackle this job, im telling ya! it is the only way i get through my days! without him i am helplessly flailing my arms and drowning in a sea of chaos, but with im, my days are smoother, calmer, peaceful.
Whatever you decide, be sure to keep the school and your son's teacher informed - otherwise every day becomes another unexcused absence.
with what you clarified I still say make him stay for a set number of days, weeks whatever so he knows YOU are boss not him. Then each day you can go over how his week, day etc will go and make sure he is going to keep up with the program youset .. if he can proove himself at school ( even if its lame work they give him kwim?) then he can come back home and you can see he will put forth the effort.
