As each of our children approached their mid to late teens, I've had the pleasure of taking them somewhere. Since we have a large family, it's not often that a child gets all the attention. While my wife mans the fort, I let the child choose where they want to go, and we spend a few days away together. Our older daughter wanted to visit Mt. Rushmore, so we flew to Rapid City, visited Mt. Rushmore, and then spent time in the Badlands National Park. Our oldest son wanted to visit Washington DC, so we stayed in a downtown hotel (they upgraded us to a really nice room) and visited all the sites. Our second son wanted to visit California, so we went to the Sequoia and Yosemite National Parks and visited San Francisco. I still have trips to make with the other three. I can't say enough about how valuable these experiences have been for me. Even though I see and interact with the children each day, it's so easy to overlook the essence of their personality. When driving alone with them for several hours, they really open up and reveal their very personal hopes and dreams and fears. In each case, it changed the very nature of our relationship - from parent-child to adult-adult. I'll treasure each of these times. I know many of you have younger children, so maybe it doesn't apply yet, but I'm passing this along simply because these trips have meant so much in our family - and it takes time to save for them. It's almost become a rite of passage, an opportunity for each child to accept and grasp their own adulthood. As they look forward to graduating school, they are also graduating as adults.
What a wonderful tradition! How fortunate your children are! I had a similar, but much smaller tradition with my children. When each of them turned 16, I took them out for a very special, fancy dinner where they received a special present from me. Something very meaningful for their passage into adulthood. My two girls received a promise ring and my boy received a very nice pocket watch with an eagle on it and an inscription in it. I know that it was a very special time for them! I'd love to hear about other people's special celebrations as well!
What a cool idea. I am sure that is a memory that you and your children treasure. My guys are still along ways from that, but even at their ages I have been encouraging DH to spend some one on one time with each of them when he can.
Do you leave your wife at home and take each child by themselves? Just makes me wonder if she ever gets to spend time with each child alone.
On these occasions, she volunteers to stay at home - yes. She gets to spend time with them alone too, more frequently but in less "formal" ways. The two approaches probably reflect our circumstances as much as anything (because I work long hours and travel a lot). She has a little more flexibility and can do more things "on the spur of the moment".
that is neat, but I do agree with the others the wife should be able to do the same thing. Or something along that line. oops sorry read she does something, but do they go on trips too.
I'm OK with her staying at home. Personally, in my home, I'm with my kids 24/7. Carl really needs to LOOK for the opportunity to spend time with the children. So the opportunity for HIM to spend on-on-one time with the kids is very important to me. And, with Steve on the road a lot, it must be more so for him. When Phillip was too young to go to camp the same week as the girls, Carl took him to the Wright-Patterson Airforce Museum in Dayton. They spent the night in a hotel. They took Nerf Guns, and spent the night shooting each other in the dark. Another time they were at home along, turned off all the lights, and played hide-and-seek with Nerf guns. Sigh.... But I just love to see them enjoying their daddy. When each girl started her period, he took them out to a fancy dress-up restaurant to acknowlege their "grown up" status.
Steve, I think what you are doing here is absolutely AWESOME and I don't see a THING wrong with it!!!! As a wife and mother of two young sons I would not feel one bit bad if my husband did something like this when our boys were older. My husband also works long hours and travels, so there have been numerous times that I've done something with the kids and he had to miss out. Including many fun day trips. I do not buy into the feminist mentality that everything has to be "fair" (well if YOU get to do that then so do I!). That is hogwash! Not everything in marriage or parenting is exactly fair...if it were then I've got some 60-80 hour workweeks to make up for! Again, bravo to you and I hope my hubby has the wonderful opportunity to do exactly the same thing...in fact I will mention it to him when he comes home tonight! Have a great day!
Wow, what a great idea I'm definitely going to pass this one on to my husband. Your post was also a great reminder for me to start spending one on one time with the girls again. I used to rotate each week and take one girl wherever she wanted to go within a $20 budget... clothes shopping, movies, bookstore... whatever was important to them that week. We stopped about 6 months ago and I think it's about time to start that back up again.
On the trip to Washington that I mentioned, my son and I had a very intense pillow fight. I know we should have stopped, but feathers started leaking from one of the pillows, which made it all the funnier. As I remember, the hotel staff were really nice about it - because I stay a lot at their brand.
PLEASE make sure you and your son(s) NEVER spend the night in a hotel with Carl and Phillip next door!!!
I think it's great for both parents to have to some one-on-one time with each of the kids. With only 2 kids, it's pretty easy for us. Though we do small things, not big trips. We usually all go to the library & grocery shopping together, but sometimes one of us will go taking just one child. When one of us is working on something around the house or yard, we generally have one of the kids with us. We alternate who takes dd to her therapy sessions, and the other stays home with ds. We also try to do something more special with each of them every few months. One of us will take one child & go do something - go to the park, go wander around the mall, hang out at a book store (the kids love book stores), etc. Those usually last most of the day. A few months ago, I took dd out. I got her a Frapaccino (her 1st ever), and we hung out by the river. This was when we did our most recent 'talk'. We start talking with the kids when they're young - explaining how boys & girls are different, where babies come from, etc. Each year or so, we add a little more info, at their level. This year was the year I talked to dd about s*x. We discussed why she should wait until marriage, how to be safe, possible consequences of doing it (pregnancy, diseases, etc). I figured being away from her dad & brother, being out with just me, would make it more comfortable for her & hopefully help keep lines of communication open between us. I'm encouraging dh to do something similar with ds when he gets older. We'll probably also do something special with them when they turn 16 & 18.
We only have one left in the house so one on one time is a lot easier for us. Ems rarely leaves her dads side when he is home. They go walking together, biking together, gardening together, etc... They are very close. I love listening to them while they watch a movie and eat popcorn together. It is a riot!!! They constantly pause the movie and start analyzing what the people are talking about or they speculate what the characters life is like off the screen. LOL Some of the stuff they come up with is hilarious. Needless to say, when we all watch a movie together I hold the remote control. With all the stopping and rewinding they do, I would never see a whole movie in a desired time frame if I didn't. LOL
I have taken each of the kids one on one for at least a weekend. But often more than that. The best thing about these trips is that they get to do what they want, but I get to direct. we spent 45 min. digging dinosaur bones out of the sand in 107 degree weather, and ds was flabbergasted that I "let" him. (his brother would have been bored in 5 min and wanted to leave and see the next thing.) And we went to a Thai resteraunt to eat. (he requested Chinese, but we don't have Thai in our town so I encouraged him to try.) He LOVED it. The other ds wanted only fast food, which I nixed...but we went to steakhouses and local diners...and that was ok too. We blew through the museums and went to a movie. different kids.
